a lil bit of sparks in my life..

havent had the time to blog these few days becoz of stupid ctw assignment 2~! finally sort of finished it. yea.. hee :) hm... sch's getting boring.. mug , mug n more mugging... sigh... when are pru activities gonna start?

oo.. ya... lil sparks in my life.. i had my very first bike ride last fri... so cool~! hee.. weixian came to fetch me to sch on his motorbike.. i was realli scared in the beginning... felt so unprotected out on the road beside all the cars.. speeding n flying thru the road.. kinda held onto him pretty tightly in the beginning.. lol.. so pai seh.. but after while, i sorta got used to it.. onli realli felt the adrenaline rush when he went faster than 90km/h on my 2nd ride.. haha.. yea.. got default chauffer... lol... exploit or not? muahaha..

hm.. havent seen weixian for a long time.. since wad.. erm.. was it mid j2? yup... he still love wearing his singlets.. not bad.. he always look gd in them.. o n his new haircut.. kinda funky.. made him look like a boi boi.. lol.. n i almost forgot tt he's wad.. 4 years older than me.. haha.. feels great to catch up with old frens.. shud do it more often after my mid term.. or may be in dec...

a few strangers have been msging me in frenster ever since i changed my status.. y so? y r pple like tt? u're onli interested in a gal when u think u have the chance to get her? wont take initiative to make frens with someone who's attached?

let's see wad's frenster's forecast is like for today..

It's time to do a little cutting and pasting when it comes to your recent situation. Blazing a new trail isn't always easy, but the effort will be worth it in the end. Once this is over, people will know you're a force to be reckoned with.

wad does it mean?

some blog sites realli sux u noe.. u type a lot.. post.. n gone.. damn it.. wth~! waste my time..

i'm so PISSED~!

argh...~!

ah.. for short, i didnt imply anything.. i'm confident n yet insecure.. yup.. tt's all. some things come naturally. dun feel obligued to do anything.. i never meant it tt way.. i onli tot i could share it with a gd fren...

stress.. ya.. everyone's feeling it since mid term is coming up.. u have catching up to do.. so do i.. everyone is starting to mug too.. wad's new? even if i was unhappy about anything, i wouldnt have said anything.. becoz it would be selfish.. anyway i have to clarify.. no i am not unhappy despite the regrets.. i just wondered how things would be like if everything happened later.. tt's all.. i might not fully understand the stress u feel.. wad about mine?

u're sad becoz it is impt to u..

i m not complaining.. i m just sharing my tots.. perhaps u're wrong tt we can share everything with one another.. it doesnt seem so to me anymore.. u dun make me feel so.. well, tt's too bad.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. wad can i do alone?

ha... havent blog for some time already... i'm shagged.. tired.. but just cant sleep when i get home.. i dunno y...

went for PRU elections yesterday night.. sigh.. n again, i didnt run for any position.. i dunno.. i just dun like to take up sth tt i'm unsure of.. this sem is suppose to be a slack one.. but.. i'm not quite sure wad's happening for some like physics.. worried about my studies.. which is definitely my first priority... so.. running for events head or vice might be too xiong for me.. after all, u have to oversee all the 4 os issit 5 events, host overseas students and organise gatherings for the entire PRU.. alamak..i mean i like to doing such stuff.. but do i have the time? can i commit? i'm not quite sure wad i'll be getting myself into.. so.. ya tt's me.. if i decided to do it, i'll go all out for it.. if not, might as well dun touch.. so yea.. decided not to run in the end... tot competition was tough.. gim song is a very gd candidate.. seems steady n pro.. but ya.. after hearing their speeches, i felt some regrets.. felt tt i might have had a "pt of difference" (frm mkt text) to compete with the rest... not tt they arent gd.. but i have a lot more personal experiences tt i have been able to bring up in my speech to prove my capabilities.. well, then again, it all comes down to whether i can commit.. i'm not sure.. so o well..

just sms arvind to confirm with him tt i've decided to join fwc comm.. no recognition or wad so ever.. i dun realli care.. just wanna make fwc a special meaningful n unforgettable experience for the freshies next year, just like how the seniors have done it.. or may be even better.. since i havent got any pos in PRU, well, shall keep myself well balanced with preparations for fwc perhaps.. hm.. i am actually looking forward to PRU's SLC too.. been a vice cap for 4 years but never been to any SLCs unlike my bro... hm.. will be an interesting experience.. i hope to make SP night a romantic and unforgettable one.. ya.. it was a hit to me.. fwc wouldnt be the same without tt night.. tt night tt i bonded closer with a few pple.. ya..

anyway, back to elections.. ended onli at about 1.25am.. goodness.. ya this morning... some cock up grp of frens were to lazy to write their own votes.. all handed in with the same handwritting n we have to revote again.. argh.. it was getting into my nerves.. felt like scolding them.. i felt bad.. becoz the rest were waiting for me in hall.. ya.. stayed in hall for the first time.. in paulene's.. hee.. quite fun.. but of coz.. i was too tired.. ran back to hall to wash up n then met the rest for supper at feng song.. oops.. is tt place call feng song? ah nvm.. ya..feel guilty.. needa go exercise one of these days.. it was wad.. 3am? n i had one cheese prata, one banana prata with honey.. n dinosaur... wahahaha... i'm such a pig!!

perhaps i ate too much... or may be i'm just not used to not sleeping on my own queen size bed with my dear boster.. haha.. didnt realli sleep well.. n argh.. thanks but.. u noe.. my parents came at 7.40am to pick me up.. it's like so early!! i had to drag myself out from the bed seah.. it was comfy.. n i felt too nua to move.. o well.. it's quite a gd experience.. looking forward to physco my mum to let me stay in hall in sem 3.. i wan play buaya week too.. i'm sure i m gd at it.. lol... anyone wanna try? lol..

ahh damn.. mid term coming.. so much to do.. so much to catch up with.. i have got no idea wad's happening for mid term seah.. sianz.. time to start some serious work... hee.. no choice must start to be mugger le.. i feel stupid ard all the chem engineers.. they're like how smart.. ahahaha... die.. i'm onli looking forward to all the fun part.. like next fri.. got shang yue hui with lunatics.. hee... fun fun~!!!

carefree shirley

yup.. free of worries.. but work has been piling up.. wasted too much time crying over tt stupid relationship.. ah.. heck.. free from it... pls dun appear in my life again.. i dun wanna hear a word from u..

i'm happy now.. free to do wad i wan.. time for reflections.. move on gal..

needa start mugging or sth... i dun understand a thing for phy.. n i m super lagigng behind for mkt.. ahhh.. diee...

was with him.. n things turn real sour... i promised him tt i will try to lose my hate for him.. and treat him as a fren at least.. i tried.. i realli tried..

but he kept talking about our past.. reminding me of all those moments.. well, i had more unhappy ones in my mind.. so i got realli sick of it.. he doesnt understand.. so i started being a little harsh...

when we were on our way back, we quarreled... he was so frustrated tt he actually threw the newspaper he was holding onto, at me.. whack.. hard at my back... i m so angry.. so disapointed.. no one has ever done tt to me.. it shows how much respect he has for me..

realli cant tolerate him anymore.. i ran.. i tried to run away from him.. i cant face him anymore.. everything about him pisses me off.. well with my fna txt bk in my bag, how fast could i run.. ?

he caught up and stopped me.. pestered me all the way back for another chance.. how mnay chances have i gave him? tt's it.. nth more to say about him.. i told him off.. i told him to get out of my life.. y do i have to take all this shit? i'm selfish.. i wanna be happy.. tt's y i left him.. i m never comfortable ard him.. argh.. f***

-this is a repeat post -

ya nvm.. brief one.. i just hate him to the core... out of my life.. i dun wan to shed another tear for u... STOP PESTERING ME!!!

the carefree shirley has relived~!!

see.. friendster never knows me so well... it never disappoints me..

Today's Forecast
Roll up your sleeves and concentrate on clearing away the clutter. There's nothing so satisfying as getting all those deadlines and paperwork out of the way, so tackle them before those stacks in your in tray topple over.

ya.. as u can see... i got lots to do.. had 5 tutorials to complete.. just finished maths so far.. 1 down, 4 more to go... ahh!! i'm going crazy.. i'm to blame.. slacked too much last week.. didnt touch any work for 3 days!!! wahaha

no more big problems for me.. i'm free! i'm finally free from all these tiring n frustrating problems~! ahh.. i can finally be me n live life the way i wan.. it's about me here... it's about shirley... u, u, u and u who wans to make my life difficult.. shoo~! i'll kick ur ass if u dare come near me..

mum's asking.. even granny is.. how shud i tell them? they will noe.. soon enuff.. when i return the hp.. o gosh.. i gotta settle with the stupid ericsson until my bro get his new one.. n poor me gotta settle with his old fone.. sob sob.. who ask tt jack ass to steal my fone~! ah.. tt's an old story anyway..

sigh.. will be meeting him tml.. i asked him not to tag along but he insist.. he said tt he may never get to see me rebond my hair again.. wad crap.. sigh.. feel so pressurized with him ard.. cant be myself.. tt's y i say we're not meant to be.. i dun feel comfortable ard him.. but it's gd i guess.. i can return the fone to him.. n let him see the new me.. the happy me without him.. hm.. or may be not exactly happy.. hm.. carefree? but he's still hopeful... wad must i do to convince him tt we're over? ah o well.. i'm supposed to try not to hate him as before.. shirley try be nice tml..

need some time to recover... it wouldnt be fair to whoever who's gonna come into my life again if i cnt recover in time.. i'm scared u noe.. tt it will turn out to be the same.. this is the 2nd time my heart died.. w/o any 3rd party... not at all.. i think i changed... may be tt's y... n i didnt have the chance to noe them well enuff before i stepped in.. i shud hold back a bit next time.. a step at a time... before i give my all...

okie... going back to do my tutorials.. sigh...

i m happy yet sad...

i got alot to write.. typed n erased.. again n again... dunno wad to write about.. it's complicated... the end of sth.. n begin of sth.. suddenly i m afraid of stepping in again... i think i realli need time off.. i dun like to hate anyone.. it's a pain to hate someone.. so ya.. gimme some time..

n i think i lost a fren again... sigh... m i too selfish? i dunno... just couldnt take it anymore.. pushed to the edge... breaking down... sorry my buddy.. i never meant to make things so difficult for u.. i dunno who's selfish here.. but sorry... just couldnt take it any longer...

i just wanna slack..

it's a slacking week.. with no maths, phy n mkt tutorial.. haha... i tried catching up with my readings.. my 2 sartors.. read a lot..

surprise surprise.. i wonder if i chose a wrong course.. i always like sci.. i enjoy doing maths whether i flunk it or ace it.. but i've been enjoying taking my 2 sartors even though i have quite a lot to do for them.. or shud i say it's realli up to u...

fna is very academic.. many many theorys n steps to remember.. i think they'll be tested even thiugh final exam is open book.. but i doubt it helps la..

mkt on the other hand is like so duh.. too gd to be true.. but it's realli interesting.. lectures r never boring.. even though i havent been to one so far.. haha.. power of webcast...

ya.. i think i like biz.. i didnt becoz i felt tt u dun have to study it in order to be in biz industry.. it's like so vague.. wad's there to study.. then again, i think i'm wrong..

am i mugging too much? uni life is becoming a routine.. no excitement at all.. so diff from sec sch n jc when i devoted myself to sch n softball.. everyday after sch is softball training.. 3 days a week field training, 1 day gym, 1 day track... i was so fit.. power gal... so hyper then, so healthy then.. tt i dun tire easily.. i could still do my hw when i come back from training.. but now is like.. sigh... finish sch at 4, come back.. nap.. wahaha... dunno y it's so tiring.. becoz of the long journey back?

anyway, tt brings me back to softball.. i miss softball so so much.. sometimes i wonder how it will be like if i m studying in ntu.. i'll be in hall.. freedom! independence! n my dear softballers tt i miss so much.. they're all there... daph, junjia, ching, jan, cheryl!! omg.. i am so jealous.. uni life will not be so boring with them.. i mean i made gd fun frens in nus.. but it's diff.. the bond tt we have after wad.. 6 years? n i miss coach.. i miss my juniors tt i helped to coach.. i miss training.. giving signals and doing all the shouting during training n game... i miss going thru all the shit with my team mates... the whole process.. the 6 years... sigh...

joined pru... hope things will turn out better if i can get into comm... i hate mugging alone.. tt's not the kinda education i wan... i needa have fun.. tok to pple... i noe it will be tiring organising those events.. but it's a gd experience... it's about team work too.. i dun like to be alone... unless of coz when i have to..

o elections is on 9 sept.. sigh.. granny's bdae.. how how? i wanna spend it with her.. but i wanna run for comm too..ahh better ask the president.. see wad i can do... it's compulsory lor.. and an overnite event.. sianz.. ooo.. did i mention tt i might be staying over at paulene's hall room.. wahaha... so fun! looking forward to it... it's a fri anyway.. i think we can just taun overnite.. wahahaha

one down, one more to go..

yea problem finally solved.. things arent tt bad actually.. it's just the matter of whether u wan it to be solved.. like wad val said.. hm.. i'm glad tt so many of my frens cared.. yong quan, val, sipei, weng hong, peisheng are the few seniors who have talked to me.. showed their concern... thanks pple... well, it takes two hands to clap.. i wanted to solve it.. n i got pple involved to settle it together with me.. yup.. great.. feel so much better now..

but there's still one.. the one tt has been dragging on for months... i dun have to take this shit... i realli dun have to.. y am i still holding on? becoz i m too soft? becoz i feel responsible for certain things? wtf seah... i badly wan to be free from this shit.. seriously.. i deserve much better.. y shud i give u anymore chances? ahhh fuck... fuck off... u piss me off.. u spoil my day.. u ruin my life..

i feel better but i still dunno wad i shud do

i'm alright i guess.. i m much better..
i commented as he asked.. i dunno if it's right to do so..
i hope it's for the better..
i couldnt realli express myself properly..
some things close to ur heart cannot be clearly explained..
it's there to be felt..
do u noe? can u feel it?
perhaps he didnt understand me well enuff as i tot he did..
sigh.. o well...
i've said my piece..
i hope he realise tt it's all up to wad he wan now..
i always felt the same way..
he's the one being fickle n unsure of wad he wan..
wad we will become, wad we r... it all lies in his hands..
i'm willing to be at ur side.. do u wan me to?
i'll support u.. i always did.. but wad do u wan me to support u in?
i gave u ur space.. let me noe if u need anything else..
there's phy lecture tml.. time to worry again..
i have to run.. i have to try to avoid appearing in front of him..
i dun wan to ruin his day.. i dun wan to make him sad..
but sch's so big.. i think i can hide..

helpless & useless

i read it. i wanted to comment.. but i tot i shouldnt.. u onli want me to read it... i dun have the right to say anything.. i dun wan to say anything wrong.. tt will make u feel worse.. i post n i deleted..

i'm sad becoz i cant be there to remove all the pain.. i feel useless.. i wan to do so so badly.. but i shouldnt.. i may make things worse.. STOP SHIRLEY. u need ur space.. i gotta shut myself up for this one time..

wait... wait... if he needs u, he will come to u when he's ready.. i'm as confused as u r...

positive way of looking at it..

i teared a little when i realise i have lost sth special in my life.. it's getting worse.. i dunno if i am being over sensitive.. but it seems so.. i dunno y it has to come to this stage... i regret being so honest... perhaps i never shud have been so straightforward... it's my bad... tot so much.. so much tt i wasnt able to sleep well.. i was kinda moody n sleepy the whole day... paulene was tired too.. so we pon half way thru fna lecture.. haha feeling guilty now.. n there's no webcast.. -.-"
i came back early to take nap.. nua for a while n tot if tt's how i wanna live my life until i can let go of everything.. then i realise no.. y not be happy n be proud tt i m sad becoz i lost someone impt to me? at least i realise how impt he is.. i hope nth drastic has changed.. but it seems a little too late now. sigh... i decided not to bury all tt has happened.. i'll frame it up.. lock it in a corner of my heart... n i simplay cant help it.. but to wish tt someone will one day find the key to open it.. perhaps it's just my wishful thinking.. i m dreaming again.. hoping for sth tt will not happen...

anyway.. i went to jog.. yea.. i managed to drag myself to the stadium n ran 2.4km.. haha.. think it's gd.. a way to destress myself.. sweat out all my sorrows.. o sad sad.. tml will be a boring day... biaoshu went for lazer... cant go rebond my hair tml.. sigh... nth to do.. i shall come for maths lecture.. n may be go swim? hehe... shall start to exercise more... keep myself busy.. so tt i cant stop myself from thinking about pple n things tt i shouldnt be thinking of so much...
i cant help it.. y do tt face keep appearing in my head?

i'm a bad bad gal..

i'm such a bitch.. i said the wrong things i think.. i made someone sad.. tt someone is down.. n i dare not tok to him.. i'm afriad tt i will make things worse.. he's down all becoz of me.. sigh... i'm a heartbreaker.. bad bad gal..

pls guys.. stay away from me.. i dun wanan hurt anyone.. i never wanted to.. let me be ice queen.. i realli wan to... i dun wan to noe.. i dun wan to feel.. nth as bad as this would have happened then.. let it go boi.. give it up..

i'm too selfish for u... all u see is my good.. i shall break away...

jus another day..

stayed up real late yesterday... chiong my ctw, discuss about ctw.. discuss about this n tt on the fone... n ended up weeping to sleep again... it wasnt tt bad somehow.. becoz i saw it coming... it's sad to face the reality... the sad truth... how nice it will be if everything happened at the right time..

it's too bad.. i dun feel enuff to risk anything.. convince me.. i need to noe how it will be like.. if u wan it to happen they way we all wish it to be.. tt's me... tt's leo... i wont allow myself to step into it until i believe tt it is worth it...

i dunno if it'd gd or bad to say out all these.. i dunno how pple will take it.. i wan it badly but i just cant have it... regrets... ya.. lots...

wad m toking about here? i'm not making any sense.. i'm just toking to myself again... i hope things change for the better... i just wan to be happy.. n i wan u to be happy too... wad do i base my decisions on? i try to find the best way out so tt u can be happy n i'll be alright with it... so tell me... wad makes u happy?

i'm a heartbreaker. i'm a bad gal. i'm as imperfect as u r.. if letting it all go, makes life better for u, n may be hence for me, i'll do it.. or perhaps we shud.. i cant commit anyway... not in sth i'm still so unsure of... it's unfair to ask u to stay... i shud leave.. i think i shud.... fine.. i will...

wad do i exactly wan?

tt's the qn ringing in my head... i wan sth i shouldnt have right now.. at least for now... i'm not sure if anything will change in future... i wished everything happened my way.. i wished i was irresponsible. i wished i was selfish.. selfish to make me myself happy... heck wad pple might say.. heck how pple will look at me.. heck the consequences... i wished i didnt noe wad i m supposed to do..

i left msn at 12 midnite... onli to find myself stoning in front of my lappie.. thinking.. or more like stoning.. becoz i m reluctant to face the fact.. reluctant to face the truth.. reluctant to accept n physco myself to do the right thing.. i chose not to think when the saddening reality appears in front of me.. y? y must it be like tt? is this how my life should be like? full of dramas... unhappy dramas..

havent been able to sleep well.. i noe wad i have to do. but i dunno wad i should do. i dunno wad i will do. i dunno if i can... have been thinking over n over again.. not my first time.. but.. wad exactly do u wan BITCH?

it's so addictive. felt so gd.. i dunno wanna let it go.. i cant bear to.. but it's happening all at the wrong time.. blame it on fate... heaven's fooling me... weijin told me to cry it out if i have to.. will i? shirley... r u tt weak? i dunno... should i just let it all out? let go.. dun appear to be so strong all the time.. cry it out.. cry it all out... perhaps i'll feel better after all tt crying..

but y? i find no tears from these cold eyes of mine.. have i cried too much? have i given up hope? i begin to lose faith on wad we all call LOVE... i dunno wad's love. i dun understand wad's love.. all i noe is wad i feel inside.. i noe when my heart is stolen.. i noe when my heart is broken.. tt's all i noe.. tt's all i m sure of.. for the right reasons or not? i'm not very sure of tt myself..

it''s so hard to be me.. it's so hard to be happy...

2 songs tt speaks off wad's in my mind..

Over
by Lindsay Lohan
album: Speak (2004)

I watched the walls around me crumble
But it's not like I won't build them up again
So here's your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts, cause it will end
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you
But at the same time
You're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I’m dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it’s over
Cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I’ll be the first to go, yeah, I’ll be the first to go
Don’t want to be the last to know (over, over, over)

My tears are turning into time I’ve wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I’m dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it’s over
Cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
Tell me that it's over, over
Honestly tell me, honestly tell me
Don't tell me that it's over
Don't tell me that it's over

____________________________________________

Jojo
Get out

Verse 1.

I've been waitin' all day here for ya babe,
So won't ya come and sit and talk to me,
and tell me how we're gonna be together always,
hope ya know that when it's late at night,
i hold on to my pillow tight,
and think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone)
mmmm
Could make me feel this way
(Now that your here boy all I want)
Is just a chance to say

Chorus

Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies, you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)

Verse 2.

Tell me why your lookin' so confused,
When i'm the one who didn't know the truth,
How could you ever be so cold
To go behind my back and call my friend,
Boy you must have gone and bumped your head,
Because you left her number on your phone,
(So now after all that's said and done)
Maybe i'm the one to blame buuut
(To think that you could be the one)
Well it didn't work out that way

(Chorus)

Get out (Leave), right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
(You to be gone)
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies,(All the lies that you)
you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)

Verse 3.

I wanted you right here with me,
But I have no choice you've gotta leave,
Because my heart is breakin', with every word im sayin',
I gave up everything I had,
On somethin' that just wouldn't last,
But I refuse to cry,
No tears will fall from these,
Eyeee-eyeee-eyeees
Ohhhh ohhhhh

GEEEEEEEEET OUT!!!!

(Chorus)
Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies (How did I bought all those lies) , you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)

(Chorus)
Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me (Hey yeah)
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies, you said that you would treat me right (treat me right) but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)
Get Out (Leave)
You and me
It's Too Late (too late)
You
bout her (who, why)
You said that you would treat me right buy you was just a waste of time

it's a sad day...

sigh... when do i mind toking about personal stuff here? right now i do.. so... let me tok about it generally... i think i made a choice.. i gotta do the right thing so for the benefit of everyone.. no doubt.. it's the right thing to do.. but can i? i realli dunno.. can i bear to? definitely not.. i m so depressed right now.. like i've lost sth very impt in my life? was it ever tt impt? was it tt deep? i'm not sure too.. sigh..

knowing wad to do n doing the right thing is completely diff case.. y issit so hard? come on shirley... u can do it.. u just gotta get over urself... physco urself! put it to a test! it will give u the answer u wan.. but how long will it take? issit worth it? can i take it? or m i too weak to go thru all tt? next week isnt gd.. i have too much time for myself.. may be i should go rebond my hair on tue.. keep myself busy.. life will be better... it will be... yes it will..

here's my new skin

have been wanting to tok about this skin for a long time.. yup.. it;s simple.. the way i wan my life to be right now.. there's been to many dramas.. too much for me to take tt i m gonna break down soon.. thankfully there r nice frens ard me to pull me up, brighten my day when i m falling.. ya.. it's white.. i have a thing for the colour lately.. anything tt's white is nice.. lol.. n the shattered glass.. very impt.. tt feels like my life.. all the pieces of me.. broken... n red.. tt red ink.. reminds me of blood.. wounds... yup...

n surprise surprise.. i dunno y suddenly so many pple r leaving comments.. n they r not even my frens.. most of them... weird weird...

i've been wearing a mask recently.. tt sucks.. i have no choice.. n i hate it.. it's realli tough.. becoz tt;s not me.. sigh...

i've been thinking quite a lot.. but i always let my heart rule over my mind.. i dunno if wad i m doing is right.. may be the pace is too quick for me.. things should slow down... let me do more research before i decide... think gal think!

blogger cocks up

sigh.. i had so much to write this morning n blogger failed me.. i had problems getting into this page... where i post so tt u my dear readers can know a tiny bit of my life..

i'm kinda lost right now.. i am not sure where my heart belongs.. my problems with chris have always been there... we cant seem to understand each other.. cant put ourselves in each other's shoes.. n.. i simply get very irritated by lil' things he say.. it's not as bad compared to wad jimmy got from me.. but... i feel lousy... i feel bad being so harsh.. too straightfoward will be a nicer to way to put it.. aka too blunt.. but i cant help it.. i dun like to wear a mask.. especially not when i'm with my bf.. since he's supposed to be the love of my life? is he? i wonder.. i seem to be avoiding him nowadays.. all the tension in this relatipnship is breaking me down.. i'm not a saint.. i'm selfish in fact... i wan the best for myself.. i dunno if it;s best for him.. but somtimes i feel tt he may be better off without me.. i'm a meanie.. i'm a bad gal.. i'm a heartbreaker.. guys.. dun come near me.. dun come too close or ur heart will shatter..

if i were to get into another relationship, perhaps i should be more careful.. get to noe the person much better first.. convinced tt we realli have sth... sth ahead of us too.. before i make my first step into the coffin of love.. yea.. coffin of love.. n be stronger.. not melt too easily.. play hard to get? wahaha...

tutorials r gonna start soon... i;ve got lots to do.. but i cant seem to get myself settled down.. discipline myself to do wad i should do first.. o no.. i havent wash toilet yet... ahh.. see.. so much to do... i need motivation... cant seem to find it from anywhere, from anyone.. i'm not a mugger.. i just need to get things donw when i have to.. n i seem to be slacking too much.. half a day has passed n i havent done much... i cant study at home in the afternoon.. my bed is just too inviting.. my lappie is too tempting.. haha..

i'm not making sense again.. am i? i dunno wad i'm toking about.. just crapping.. ahh... sianz... i'm losing control of myself again.. n tt sux... i'm a bitch.. yes i am.. but i'm not a bitch in control of herself anymore.. i'm plain weak.. plain weak right now.. who's willing to carry me? where's my angel?

it has sth to do with wad i am feeling now..

Black Eyed Peas - Don't Phunk With My Heart

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart (Yeah)
No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

Girl, you know you got me, got me
With your pistol shot me, shot me
And I'm here helplessly
In love and nothing can stop me
You can't stop me cause once I start it
Can't return me cause once you bought it
I'm coming baby, don’t got it (don’t make me wait)
So let’s be about it

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Baby, have some trustin', trustin'
When I come in lustin', lustin'
Cause I bring you that comfort
I ain’t only here cause I want ya body
I want your mind too
Interestin’s what I find you
And I'm interested in the long haul
Come on girl (yee-haw)

(come on)

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Girl, you had me, once you kissed me
My love for you is not iffy
I always want you with me
I'll play Bobby and you’ll play Whitney
If you smoke, I'll smoke too
That’s how much I'm in love with you
Crazy is what crazy do
Crazy in love, I'm a crazy fool

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Why are you so insecure
When you got passion and love her
You always claimin’ I'm a cheater
Think I'd up and go leave ya
For another señorita
You forgot that I need ya
You must’ve caught amnesia
That’s why you don’t believe

(uh, yeah, check it out)

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Baby girl, you make me feel
You know you make me feel so real
I love you more than sex appeal
(Cause you’re)
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [6x]

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart [2x]
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [2x]

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby) [4x]

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Cai Yi Lin ( Jolin Tsai )
Album: Kan Wo 72 Bian
shuo ai ni

wo de shi jie bian de qi miao geng nan yi yan yu
huan yi wei shi cong tian er jiang de meng jing
zhi dao que ding shou de wen du lai zi ni xin li
zhe yi ke wo zhong yu yong gan shuo ai ni

yi kai shi wo zhi gu zhao kan ni
zhuang zuo bu jing yi xin que piao guo qu
huan qie xi ni mei fa xian wo duo zai jiao luo
mang zhao kuai le mang zhao gan dong
cong bi ci mo sheng dao shou hui shi wo men cong mei xiang guo
zhen ai dao xian zai bu gan qi dai

yao zheng ming zi ji
ceng bei ni xiang qi Really
wo hu si luan xiang jiu cong jin tian qi I wish
xiang yi ge xian jing
que cong wei you yu xiang xin
ni zhen de yuan yi jiu qing gei wo jing xi
guan yu ai qing guo qu mei you yi xiang de jie ju
na tian qi que dian fu le zi ji luo ji
wo de huai yi suo you da an yin ni er ming bai
zhuan a zhuan jiu zhen de yu jian Mr.right

wo de shi jie bian de qi miao geng nan yi yan yu
huan yi wei shi cong tian er jiang de meng jing
zhi dao que ding shou de wen du lai zi ni xin li
zhe yi ke ye zhong yu yong gan shuo ai ni

Liang Jing Ru ( Fish Leong )
Album: Yan Wei Die (Xia Ding Ai De Jue Xin)
Jie Shou
fang fu shang yi fen zhong
ni hai pei zai wo zuo you
hai yi wei wo men hui kai hua jie guo
wo hai ji de mei kui se tian kong
que mo hu le wo men de lian kong
hn guo de ge dao di you shen me nei rong

* fang fu yi jing zi you
xia yi ke wo bian cheng feng
chui guo ni de ling kong
cha dian shi kong
hui yi de ye li nao de hen xiong
wo xiang wo ke yi ming bai ni suo you de tong
xiang rang ni zhi dao wo dong
que dan xin yan bu you zhong

# wo men dou jie shou
yi ding shi bi ci bu gao cheng shou
zai ai qing yi fen bu liao qing zhong
cheng shi de guo le tou
bu neng tui hou
ye wu fa xiang qian zou
ai shi yi ge zi si de nian tou
ba ji mo xiao chu de li you
sheng xia de na xie gan dong
neng ji de duo jiu

Repeat * #

Wang Guang Liang ( Michael Wong )
Album: Tong Hua
Tong Hua Mandrin lyrics
wang le you duo jiu
zai mei ting dao ni
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi
wo xiang le hen jiuwo kai shi huang le
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me

#ni ku zhao dui wo shuo
tong hua li du shi pian ren de
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi
ye xu ni bu hui dong
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le

*wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Repeat # and *

wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

wo hui bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju

hee.. i just watched my mkt webcast.. 2h of crap... intro n all.. n covered like 2 pages of the notes onli.. lol.. how pathetic.. loren say tt she didnt cover much anyway.. so.. haha.. n ya.. y did i pon? paulene came back to hall realli "early".. 8 or 9am? so she was realli tired.. n i didnt bring my notes.. so ya.. gd excuses to pon..

ya i nua at shears most of the time.. after all, it;s near biz... where i am supposed to have my mkt lecture.. and wait for dear paulene to go lecture with me.. haha.. eh... the room is surprisingly small.. it's onli like half the size of my bedroom or may be smaller? ya.. but they have a real big table n sheleves.. paulene's one is super big.. weijie's one smaller since he has a window at the side.. ya.. actually i was wondering how i would decor my room if i was staying in hall.. haha.. all the weird ideas.. i'll make it real nice n comfy.. shirley's style.. if i so stay one of these days.. hehe...

serene stays in kr.. i shall go bug her one of these days.. haha.. anyway 4h of nuaing was kinda fast in shears.. all the reading n napping i had.. lol...o n chatting.. paulene says tt shears is a slacker hall.. so yup... i might wanna stay there if i ca convince my mum..

13th aug 2005 - my worst birthday ever

main activity of the day? crying.. lots n lots of crying... before i left my hse, she flared up... perhaps i was too insensitive.. i should have seen it coming. she's probably stressed up with work.. she is.. according to dad.. her complaints for the past few weeks... should have seen it coming...

have i not done enuff for the family? i'm 19 and i have to be told wad to do.. should i be ashame of it? ya perhaps so.. i admit tt i havent contributed much.. perhaps... i mug, i sleep, i eat at home.. besides being toilet manager every sunday... it seems like tt's all i've been doing... issit not enuff? may be so.. at least to mum.. i know she's tired... but i can never fully understand it until i go to work myself.. alright.. i'll do more.. i always wanted to.. just never knew where to start.. i check them out.. i'm concern.. just never been able to open my stupid gold mouth to ask wad i could help out with... tt's my fault.. perhaps i have to realli show it.. cant assume tt pple will noe.. especially not her since she dun seem to understand me at all.. we dun understand each other at all..right.. we'll start tml.. default dish washer.. sth to begin with..

wad's wrong with going out on weekends? everyone is doing it? i keep one of the days free for the family.. stay at home and be the guai guai ger.. i've never been out late.. not after 10.15pm before.. onli once when i went to catch finals of champions league.. got screwed upside down by her again.. reached home at 12 plus.. got realli screwed.. tt very one time i assumed tt she knew the match will end tt late... it's my fault.. i shouldn't have assumed.. she never watched soccer.. wad can i say? n sat was my birthday.. my special day.. she couldnt excuse me.. not even for tt day..

i tot we agreed tt i'll be back by 10 to cut the cake wthbthe family.. she didnt object at all on fri nite when i told her.. ahh.. i'm angry. i'm disappointed.. may be she didnt mean it.. but i'm still realli upset... realli wished she didnt scold me like tt before i leave the house.. my whole day was ruined... i wept on the mrt.. i was all dressed up.. pretty and happy like how a birthday gal should be.. but i cried my eyes out... they were so swollen.. my nose was so red... i was so ugly.. chris said tt thrice on tt day. how hurting...

i wasnt in the mood.. but i had to try since chris was there to celebrate it with me.. we watched wedding crasher.. n guess wad.. i think it's supposed to be a comedy? n i cried like 3 times? n perhaps i was so carried away by all tt has happened, i was insensitive to him.. i said pretty harsh things to him.. he couldnt take it.. and he walked off, left me alone crying in the middle of PS.. i dunno.. perhaps i expected too much.. i tot he will understand.. i tot he will be there to console me instead of telling me tt i have too many commitments, this n tt... he even started blabbering about our problems.. thanks man.. i am sure tt made me feel much better.. -.-" it made things so much more complicated for me.. i was wrecked.. i was realli sad.. i realise how weak i am.. i was so confused.. felt so frustrated. so terrible tt i had the idea of jumping down some building and end it all just like tt... i m serious..

well, thankfully or may be not.. chris was there for me to cry on.. at least there's someone to hold me.. if not who knows wad will happen.. went to kino to find my organiser.. didnt buy one in the end coz it's super ex! i bought the refill papers.. n yea.. guess wad.. i made one myself.. haha...

i wanted to share it badly with someone, someone mature, a gd listener.. i opened my fone.. n saw dad's msg.. so sweet.. n my instincts told me he was the one.. i probably complained too much.. got carried away.. and again, expressed myself wrongly.. chose the wrong words.. was too straightforward tt i sounded blunt.. never expected mum to read the msgs, especially not before dad did.. n ya.. she got even angrier.. left the house, didnt came back for dinner, didnt came back till 10 plus, 11.. wad's worse? i'm home becoz of her.. n she didnt wan to cut the cake with me coz she was still so angry.. sigh... how much worse can my birthday get?

shirley shirley.. u're strong.. n pls do try to cheer urself up.. i'm relieved, happy tt all my frens r so concerned.. many of them have heard about my bad day.. n sent sweet msgs to console me.. thanks dearies... u guys made me feel much better.. i know u guys care.. tt's y i love luna so much.. they're so sweet... n thanks to all my other frens who showed care n conern... love ya lots..

i love luna~!

yup yup... today's a great day... we had our outing.. n guess wad... it will not be the last this sem... hee... sob sob most of them had lectures, so they came onli later.. yimin, peisheng, weng hong, weijie n moi went to holland v first.. i had my late lunch in bk while the rest watched me.. haha.. so pai seh... den we went to essential brews.. it's a cool place... the drinks are nice.. shall bring chris n other frens there one of these days... hm... food there looks pretty expensive... but the chill out place on the 2nd floor was neat.. we crapped n played cards there... hm kinda fun... it's quite a gd place to relax after school.. or may be mug during exam period? i had scarlet er.. issit scarlet strawberry? it's like ice blended jasmine tea with my fav fruit - STRAWBERRIES!!! the red, romantic, kinky fruit... haha... has this nice strong unique taste of jasmine tt i like a lot, enhanced with the sour of the strawberries... yea-ness.. yum yum...

yimin's realli cute.. she's using her fone to pass secret msgs to everyone except me the whole entire day.. kinda obvious right, gal? haha.. or was i too sensitive? lol... ya when the rest came, weijie came back with a chocolate cake.. it's pretty nice.. has this distinct taste.. issit peanut butter or sth? ah i dunno.. but i like it.. it tastes realli sinful... muahaha... all the cream.. wahaha.. i think i am gonna grow fat! we celebrated for the august babies... me, shan bin, weng hong n weixiang even though his has passed.. yup... hee thanks luna... love ya lots!!

unfortunately, i had to leave early.. since i'll be out the whole day tml.. must be guai guai.. n i was hoping i can have my 2nd celebration with my family tonite so tt nth will clash tml.. mum couldnt fetch me since lil bro had to buy sch u... stanley wasnt ard... so i guess tt's y we didnt go to suki.. settled dinner in serangoon gardens instead... hm... wasnt expecting much i guess.. feel tt as i grow older, the celebration itself becomes less impt... wad's most impt, is tt my love ones are there with me.. i'm just happy n contented tt luna, chris, my family and other frens are there for me.. yea...

looking forward to tml... it's gonna be a busy busy day!!!

maths day even though i ponned sch..

sigh.. no choice.. gotta discipline myself.. sit down n watch web cast... to my horror, n i must have scared seth with my sms, the web cast was on chapter 2! differentiation... which means.. everything from complex roots to er... i dunno wad's part 3 of lecture 1, are all self taught?!!! $#@@#$$#%

there isnt webcast for lecture 1 part 2 n 3 tt i noe of.. so i gotta go thru tt chunk by myself.. sigh... spent my day scaring myself with maths... the pile of notes... n funny numbers n phrases tt failed to register into my brain.. it's just too rusty... even if it goes in, it comes out when the next formula comes in.. ahhhh... stress~! why must they make life so difficult for us? self learning n its advantages... bla bla... for goodness sake~! gimme my webcast n i'll shut up.. i can stay at home n pon all lectures.... which will probably make ur life easier... ya.. n y do i choose to go to sch? to socialise n see my dear frens.. whom i hope our bond to strengthen or else i'll have nth to look forward to... sch will be very sad.. like in pri 3...

ya.. i am weak at this time of the month.. felt my brain swelling up.. so i stopped n went to relax myself.. spot the Love Actually VCD on my bro's table.. so i decided to watch it.. sob sob.. no unhealthy tibits at home at all.. opened the fridge n there were onli breakfast bars, corn flakes, biscuits... n... OATS!! lol... ah... i found TIME OUT! yippee.. dunno whose.. just "stole it".. muahaha... indulge in my chocolate n watched the movie.. shiok!

n i was so tired.. i couldnt bring myself to the stadium for a jog.. n yes.. i failed again... took a nap instead... haha.. i am realli pigging~!

perhaps it;s the lack of exercise.. i'm so weak nowadays... suffered from a terrible headache when i woke up... sigh...

tml's fri! luna outing... so sad.. schs starting.. everyone's so busy... so looking forward to it... i wanan relax n have fun the next few days... coz sat is my special day!!! 13TH AUGUST!!! yea-ness... sat fully booked seah... n mon lunch time.. hehe.. fri.. should i go home early tml? dun feel like it lei... how? how?

my 2nd post for today

suddenly, i just felt like looking for some meaningful quotations.. for myself n u guys who read to enjoy.. n yes, they r pretty close to my heart..

Love is giving someone a chance to destroy you and trusting them not to.

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." - comte debussy-rabutin

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

All love that has not friendship for its base,is like a mansion built upon the sand. ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again.

Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too.

Within you I lose myself...

Without you I find myself

Wanting to be lost again.

title-less

yes titleless... i dunno wad to name it.. it has become quite a chore to do so.. another boring day... i agree with loren... spent at least 2h of traveling time to and fro nus just for 2h of phy lecture... n the lecturer realli crapped... he sorta started teaching onli in the last say 15min? ahh waste my time.. o i met mesiang today! wahaha... miss her so much... o n the rest of the 5 MUSKETEERS.. hehe.. we've known each other for like so long... all the way since pri 5... my o my... siang was so formally dressed tt i couldnt recognised her.. tot she was like one of nus's staff.. lol.. haha... n weijin and me were late for phy lecture... couldnt squeeze up the buses.. lol.. so we decided to take A1 instead of C in the end. n we had to walk to the other end of engin fac.. lol.. tiring.. i think i'll slim down soon... may be by end of this sem.. haha.. so much walking to do... nus is full of stairs.. haha.. gd work out.. can keep fit.. hee..

i like to talk about yesterday nite.. i chat with 3 diff guys... hm.. somehow i dunno y it happened n how it happened... was so busy.. haha... first was chris... n yes we quarreled again... i dunno wad to say... he just cant accept me, my opinion n my principles... sigh... is he not the one? chat with weijin during lecture today... n ya... we both agree tt it's mental torment having to go thru all tt quarrels all day long.. when u're so busy, so occupied, all these are downgraded to a waste of time.. xinglong told me to give n take... but how much to give? how much to take? wad's too much? wad's not enuff? it's vague. it;s hard to judge. n it's objective.. one impt thing: when u give, the person may not catch it... sigh... tt's love.. tt's life.. all so complicated... y? y? tell me y?

wad's with skirts? y do gals have to wear skirts? so wad if u think i look better in skirts? must i wear it with u when i meet up with ya just becoz u ask me to? tt's not me? i'm shirley, bitch in total control of herself.. haha.. i dun like n try my very best not to let anyone run my life. i decide wad's best for myself. i like to listen to pple.. diff opinion, suggestions, advices... etc.. but i filter them.. i heed when i agree with ya.. when my beliefs agree with urs... i dun function like a photocopying machine... n i hate pple ordering me to do this n tt, especially when it concerns my life.. ya be concern.. be caring... but dun dictate my life..

did i lose track? ah nvm.. i'm not making sense again..

den it was weijie.. ya poor guy.. locked out of his room... bad day he had.. n so was mine ruined... somehow i didnt talk about myself this time... even though i was sad n frustrated.. i didnt realli pretend.. i just kept it to myself.. becoz he already has enuff to think thru.. i think i managed to be a gd listener... tt's wad guy frens need.. yea... tried to keep him company until dad came down to make noise... i hope he felt better after talking it out..

den i went online n xinglong asked for a chat on the fone coz he was bored? ya... my buddy... coming to 5 years of frenship... made use of my free incoming call line... muahaha... i complained to him.. not as much as before.. not as detailed as before... he's right.. i didnt.. i restrained myself from going into the details becoz they knew each other.. just dun feel right... he told me tt i have changed... he claimed tt i'm not as carefree as before... not so sa3 tuo1... i'm too draggy? am i? perhaps he's right. i've grown older. i;ve experienced more, seen more, heard more.. matured... n things just gets more complicated.. life becomes uglier when u get a better picture of it.. sometimes i just wished tt i am tt inoocent lil' gal.. who's too innocent to understand all tt.. may be then, i will have less worries...

weird weird.. no one called tonite...

1st day of sch = sad + bore

sigh... 1st day of sch wasnt too good for me... sigh... i had at least a fren with me most of the time.. but somehow i felt lonely.. it's not as enjoyable as in jc.. where u have cliques of ur own who can go everywhere with ya.. uni is so much more individual... n i dun like it.. i'm a leo... i like pple..

or may be it's becoz of the lack of sleep.. i havent been able to focus well.. felt letargic all day.. sad.. sianz... bored to death... 5h of nuaing... frst of all, ctw was a waste of my time.. i shoudlnt have come for the lecture.. gosh.. i dun think i learnt anything from it at all.. n becoz of tt, i gotta nua for 5h... n wait for 2pm to come so tt i can attend my fna lecture...

well, i spent 1h in students lounge over at yih with yimin, seth n pengsiang.. haha.. oengsiang have lecture at 6pm! lucky him.. he stays near by so he can go back home.. o how i wiashed i could stay in hall.. den i can go back to get some sleep... o n yimin.. wa her hair's reali short.. but cool~! haha... no more xiao mei mei... lol... anyway ya.. i didnt do anythign there.. i stoned..

wanted to go swim... but it rained... so i tot of using internet.. went to central lib with pengsiang... n guess wad.. all comps taken up.. my god.. i think they r just gonna camp there.. so we went to tt red discussion room to nua again.. i tried to read the godfather.. but i think i feel asleep? peng siang too since he has nth else to do... how boring eh? i was counting down... hoping tt paulene will come asap.. company.. sth else to do... coz i am gonna meet her for lunch..

went to sch of business at 12.. waited for paulene n her seniors to come for 30min.. sigh... had laksa yong tau fu.. god.. the laksa is a little like curry.. haha... i dunno wad la.. n later, we walked ard... found out LT.. n there were quite a lot of happening pple outside... not like engin... i mean their dressing n hair... engin's like t shirt n jeans... FULL STOP... yup...

o i met someone new.. paulene's hall mate? david.. yup... haha he's quite a funny guy... not bad.. mreo company for fna lecture.. n i dunno how paulene started introducing herself.. she was chatting away with this pretty cute guy when i noticed... haha... was his name games or james? ah nvm... but ya.. guess wad.. he's from engin~! how come chem engin dont have guys like him? he look more like a biz or fass student.. ya..

tt's about all for my 1st day in school... dunno wad to say.. it's just plain boring... sigh...

tml's 1st day of school!

hm.. i think i am excited.. but then again, i got 5h of free time!! wad am i gonna do man? sigh... boring.. asked suwen, n she's not free tml.. paulene has driving..n weijie.. er... he's a guy after all.. n he has lecture at 12? too paiseh to ask him to accompany me again.. so i am all alone tml.. nua for 5h.. somewhere.. somewhere in nus.. sleep, internet, read, do tutorials.. ah i dunno...

let's hope tt paulene comes back early n i can bug her to accompany me.. may be i can go to shears hall n take a look at her room.. hee.. *keep my fingers crossed*

n ya.. i went out with chris today.. it's not tt bad.. we didnt quarrel.. n i'm glad.. even though he did make me angry for a while.. sigh... sch's gonna start... dun think we can meet tt often.. anyway, i just hope tt things can stay the way they r.. peacefully like right now... i dun wan another quarrel.. headache headache...

sigh...

lonely...
i'm mr lonely...
i have nobody...
for my own...

seems to be getting better after all..

came back from o week at about 10pm just now.. boring man... i mena my class is not bad.. there's arwind, the fwc pageant king, my dance partner seth.. n the rest were pretty enthu i guess.. it;s just the way the whole thing was ran.. i mean compared to fwc, this is definitely like a pea.. not fun at all.. n bbq on the 1st night? not tt we dun appreaciate.. but wth? wad makes u think tt we will hang out with our new classmates than our og mates whom we know so much better? haha i love luna.. obviously i clique with luna.. but i did try to tok to a few of them.. so not bad la..

ok main part of this post comes.. just yesterday, i talked to weijie... n he was telling me tt chris n i looked ok at the bus stop.. yea we sure did.. after all, we agreed to give the relationship another chance and i am trying my best to show chris tt i am also doing my part.. who wans to let go of a 10 mths relationship just like tt? it's tough.. realli... i am definitely not a hearltess gal.. i dun wanan break anyone's heart... call me selfish.. but i cant and i wont let anything affect my studies.. NO NO~! especially when sch starts, such problems n ever going quarrels thru fone are just redundant to me.. if we have to quarrel during every fone chat, den i rather not tok at all.. it's such a waste of time~! especially when both of us love to argue our way out... it's just never ending..

i still love him.. may be not as much.. after all tt has happened.. i even tot tt i hate him more than i loved him sometimes.. he threathened to commit suicide.. wad can i say? wad kinda guy would do tt seriously? gal, will u marry or wanna be with such a guy? ya.. it's in fairytales.. o so touching.. he loves her more than his own life.. but hello? we're in the real world here... tt act or tt idea simply tells me tt u r weak. n if u r so, how can i depend on u? not tt i will do so all the time.. i am independent.. but after all, i';m still a gal ya noe.. strong n cold outside, but a lil gal inside just like weijie described, btw, did i mention how pro weijie is? he seem to noe me inside out.. he sees the other side of me tt most pple cant or take ages to see... tt's y we clique i guess..

ok side track liao.. anyway ya... y did we look ok? becoz we r both trying.. i am trying very very hard...tried to show tt i realli care, realli concern.. bla bla.. just made it a bit more bovious now.. partially it;s fake becoz i dun normally say out such stuff.. but o well.. he's just like most guys.. not sensitive enuff.. i;ve got too much to settle on my own.. n boi.. i wished i could stay in hall.. the feeling of waiting for the bus to harbour front alone just now, late at night, wasnt realli good... hall will be great... so much nearer.. so many frens... ahh i hate to be alone most of the time.. mummy... I WANNA STAY IN HALL~!

o well... guess wad.. everyone;s bidding for the SS i wanted suddenly.. few pple did in round 2a.. i was too indecisive.. perhpas i shall try my luck.. we'll see how tml.. if i cant get it, den too bad,, i still have 2 sartors anyway...

another new one

wahaha..i guess this looks better... gothic.. but not so bloody? oo gonna go for movie.. bye~!

new blog skin

o man... i am so fickle nowadays... now i feel tt my blog skin is a bit too red n bloody? bloody.. haha.. tt's how wei xiang described it... lol... but i cant find one tt fits my mood yet... so.. mai hiam bei pai la..

o.. i just added links to a few photo albums.. hm kayaking tt we went yesterday, chalet... fwc one coming up soon.. too mnay pics.. too mnay captions to change.. o ya.. yesterday's kayaking was kinda pathetic.. i mena the no of pple who came.. there was seth, yimin, peng siang, guideng, weijie n me... onli~! seth n peng siang joined us onli later.. after our buffet at suki~! yum yum~!

i think i ate a lot of sashimi man... o n oysters~! hehehe.. :)~ u noe.. i still think we should eat the raw one first before the cooked ones? if not will get stomach ache lei.. raw ones r like salads? eat them with warm japanese green tea.. wa... shiok.. i'm in heaven~! o suki chef was so kiam siap.. the 3 slices of tako was soooo thin~! hm.. guideng liked it too.. haha chewy~! ok so it was our first time eating jap buffet together.. not much muo qi huh.. weijie ordered so much tepanyaki.. the table was so full with sushis, sashimi, oysters etc.. n yimin tot tt salmon skin was soft shell crab.. wahaha.. so blur... o ya she;s realli the blur queen yesterday.. she's well known for her lame cold jokes.. but somehow she couldnt catch ours yesterday... damn wols... haha.. we had a gd stomach work out becoz of her while eating... dun need to worry about getting fat already.. n somehow her coordination of her mouth n hands werent very gd.. she kept dropping food.. once on weijie's foot~! lol.. n she used up all the serveits (how do u spell man?) ha..

we met a lot of nus students doing flag yesterday... they were everywhere in bright yellow.. n we spot paulene~! wa i havent seen her since sec sch.. onli chatted online.. my gosh.. i couldnt recognise her.. neither could she recognise me.. hahaha... she had dyed hair.. blonde streaks.. n wearing this cute brown hat.. lol.. sorry but i think she puffed up a little since sec sch.. lol.. ooo she's gonna be my sartors lecture mate~! yea.. finally found company~!

yup.. later we went to ecp, leaving weijie n his uni frens.. i was tired.. not in the mood to kayak.. so i volunteered to take care of their belongings while they carried on with their wet fun.. took a few photos for them.. haha.. they seemed to enjoy a lot.. ooo weijie was realli sweet.. or may be he was bored like me? haha.. he came to look for me after a while.. yea.. guess he was realli tired.. he actually slept on the stone chair. n i was reading my "the godfather".. o man.. i still cant finish it... o did i mention tt there were many mosquitoes? i got 6 bites all over... weijie got 6 onli on his.. erm.. was it arms or legs? lol.. mine grew realli big becoz i was busy scratching.. haha.. cant help it... so disgusting~!

hm... think i'll try kayaking again next time.. when i am fit n well..

a few of my frens have been asking me about my msn nick.. hm.. ya i have to agree with weijie.. the nick says it all.. y do we put up suck nicks? becoz we want attention. we wan others to probe even though we may not wanna tell it all.. we want to know tt there r pple who care for us.. it's a subconcious thing for me.. just like blogging... my blog is a channel for me to tok about anything i wan, to pour out my feelings, my inner thoughts.. knowing tt others may be reading, i might have said things i wan them to noe but wouldnt say it out face to face? or i may not be bothered about wad others might say.. i just whack~! it;s my blog after all... am i side tracking? i am toking nonsense.. making any sense at all? i dunno.. haha... waiting for time to come.. den i can go watch charlie n the chocolate factory~! yeaness~!

this week is chalet week

yup yup.. mon to wed luna chalet... n i just came back from family chalet to celebrate granny's birthday... hee :P i still enjoy company of my new uni frens more.. i guess it;s becoz of our age.. more crazy fun and sleep checks? lol... family chalet wasnt too bad but u noe.. all the adults.. parents = restrictions.. sigh.. i played mahjong most of the time.. hm... and time seem to pass realli fast...for both chalets...

we quarreled again this afternoon.. was playing mahjong.. he called. and i lost focus, lost 10 bucks on one hand.. damn.. i wasnt angry at him at all.. jokingly, i complained.. n he took it seriously.. in the very beginning, his tone was so hostile already... he pissed me off again.. n everyone was looking at me.. since i cant multi task especially when he's complaining for no gd reasons, i hanged up.
felt tt there's no pt arguing with him.. i'm just gonna irritate myself again.. so.. once again.. breaking up comes to my mind again.. it's been appearing in my head far too often.. not healthy for out relatipnship.. but i cant help it.. i've been balming him all the while.. but perhaps it might just be me... i jumped into the relationship too fast, too early.. i have the responsibility if it fails too.. may be i am too straight forward for him.. i dunno la... feels like we cant realli tok, not compatible as he once said...

den at nite, he called.. i tried my very best to calm down n discuss about us peacefully.. yes we did.. he's trying his best to compomise.. i can see tt.. i told him my stand.. it's very firm.. weijie is right.. i noe very well wad i wan.. if he cant give it to me, den let's not waste time.. i tried.. but it's affecting me way too much.. school's gonna start soon.. i'm not gonna let those long hours arguments over the fone happen.. i dun have time for tt nonsense.. it;s just ridiculous.. u see.. i;m so tired of it.. so stressed up.. i am strong at the outside yet soft in the inside... cant take all these alone like tt... i just felt like breaking down sometimes.. let go it all.. and feel no more pain... we worked it out somehow... may be meeting tml.. funny... i;m not realli looking forwrda to it.. perhaps we've quarrled so much.. i'm losing it..

anyway, we just celebrated granny's birthday.. the exact date is on mon 1st aug... she has aged so much... yet i can still see her beauty.. she was constantly smiling... must have felt blessed with so many love ones, children n grandchildren by her side... when she wished before she blew the candle, i noticed tears in her eyes... i felt for her. i wondered y.. i felt sadness.. like wad mum said in the car back home.. think granny knows her health.. it;s deteoriating.. i am worried for her... or perhaps she's touched tt we're all there to cleberate tt special day for her.. hm... the feeling i got when i saw tt look on her face was undescribable.. sigh... i hope she stays healthy..

so much going on... so much to do.. gd news.. i got both sartors tt i bid for. acc n mkt.. n yea.. paulene takign with me.. even though she;s in biz, at least we have soemone we know... great man.. i hope we can go for same tutorial too.. den mkt project wont be a prob.. sch is starting soon.. shall make use of the time to have more craxy fun or nua at home.. yea...

i'm stuck in a shit hole

ok damn.. wtf... i just quarreled with him.. he always spoil our conversation... he's always picking on me.. he was telling me about xiaxue n her blog... so ya.. i was listening.. i didnt comment.. since he has so much to say.. n he claims tt i am not interested and tt our conversation is always one sided... hello.. how many of u have experienced tt when u tok to me? my mum even say tt i am not a gd listener becoz i like to comment, criticise and differ... sigh.. it;s so hard to tok to him nowadays.. wad's wrong man? until now, he still dun understand me well.. i was just trying to be considerate here.. i wan to be a good listening ear.. sigh... was i wrong to not interupt him?

n he's forever praising other gals and telling me tt i should be like them.. wth.. i am shirley. i am unique becoz i am me.. love me for who i am. if u dun, if u cant accept me for who i am, den shut up and fuck off~! stop telling me to cut tt stupid dolly hair style.. i dun look cute. i am not the innocent type.. n if u wan me to dress like some ah lian, dye my hair red or blond like those cmi drop outs, forget it man... it's as gd as teaching pigs how to fly... not tt i look down on the sch leavers.. just tt i agree with my mum tt u dun look very decent and u cant find a gd job with striking dyed hair.. i'm ME~! I'm just ME~!

y? i took all ur complaints about how i look. bad pts of things i do for u or buy or make for u.. cant u take my critics? felt bad, felt disappointed when i say tt u look the same whether u gel ur hair or not? wad bout u complaining tt i dun look gd with my centre parting rebonded hair? n u were the one who pestered me to rebond my hair~! u noe.. u dun appreciate me for who i am.. u just keep picking on me... if i am not who u wish for, fo look for someone else n stop asking me to change..

betting is a sin for goodness sake. how mnay times must i repeat it.. y do i keep telling u tt i will break up with u, leave u for gd if u ever bet again? am i tt heartless? does the relationship mean anything to me at all? y can i give it up just like tt? it's simple... isnt it? ask urself... perhaps u cant see the light yet... becoz all u r dreaming of is winning a million dollars bet right? i swear i noe i will cry blood instead of tears if i ever leave u.. i swear my heart will shatter and it will take a long time to heal.. but it's all for ur sake.. ur own good.. y am i so persistent? sigh.. i dunno wad to say...

sometimes u make me doubt myself and the relationship... i lose faith becoz of u.. see.. u;re affecting me again.. this cant go on... especially not when uni start.. i will not let my studies suffer.. so we better get this right once n for all.. i must have been blinded to step into this shit hole.. wad have i gotten myself into?

looking forward to tml's bbq~!

hee.. it rained just now.. i hope tt's a gd sign.. coz it means tml there wont be any rain... hehe... keep my fingers crossed... yea.. i'm so excited.. love chalets.. can bbq n chit chat.. eat lots of sinful food... play mahjong n bridge n daidee throughout the night.. lol... i'm still considering if i should bring my ugly specs.. lol.. no they r not ugly.. just tt i look extra nerdy n hence ugly with the specs on... haha..

n ya... i bought a lot of stuff yesterday.. went orchard with dear.. hee.. shop till i drop.. pocket's a little tight now.. i spent hm... 70 bucks yesterday.. bought 2 bikinis at sheer romance.. hehe.. my first bikini.. sexy white.. but it's a halter.. so it has a rather sporty look on me.. and the other is erm.. generally pink.. a diff look i guess.. hee.. i likt the texture though.. a little glossy kind.. yup yup.. shall motivate myself to lose tt few inches off my waist.. hm.. i guess i am not tt fat after all.. but my broad shoulders n rib cage makes me look big.. so hm..i dunno... must lose tt extra inches man... not sure if i dare wear it out to swim though.. feel so bare~! muahaha... o and i bought this blue metallic belt.. looks cool... hm.. y blue? coz dear say it's nice.. so hee..

o n dear gave me a bag yesterday.. yea.. a big big one.. so i can put all my studd inside.. it;s realli deep.. n yesh it';s blue.. same colour as my wallet... baby blue.. it's a real sweet colour.. but it's realli plain.. especially when it;s so wide n big.. i mean it looks like one big piece of i dunno wad on me.. i am gonna add stuff to it.. make it mine.. shirley's style... anyone any gd suggestions? shall walk ard a bit more.. hunt for ideas... yup yup... ok i shall go online n look for ideas now... chao~!

2nd LUNA outing yesterday- ecp

yup.. i'm alone at home with my bro.. havent had breakfast nor lunch.. since i hev so much time for myself today, i shall first continue my story about fwc, before i tok about our 2nd outing..

where was i? hm.. the dance... yup... our skit was not bad... applause for chang-er aka kah sin pls... he's realli very confident about himself.. i dunno if he;s crazy or he just doesn't bother about how others look at him.. he's so funny up on the stage.. so onz.. if it's me, i'll be stunned up there... admire seah... and commando act gu niang... wa... *clap clap.. 3 cheers for the LUNA guys

we were pretty disappointment with the results of the competitions.. not tt i am bragging.. i'm not arrogant.. but i felt tt LUNA had a great chance in winning the dance one.. at least we remembered our steps.. i tot tt alone was gd enuff... all our grps forgot theirs.. why? why like tt? anyway, the outcome isnt tt important becoz i'm sure seth and i had much fun during the dance... sp nite ended with the same mass dance.. this time, twice.. first with felix. 2nd with yimin's SP.. i think he was the pageant king.. could see tt felix was as enthu as usual... i didnt noe my steps as well without seth... but it went well becoz everyone was dancing ard us.. haha can peep~! then, we took grp photos and went back to our rooms to change..

i stayed up all nite.. all the way till next morning... after sp nite, we went to 7 eleven.. bought tibits n drinks... chatted outside 7 eleven since we dunno where else to go.. perhaps i drank with an empty stomach.. threw out all tt drank.. omg.. so maluating... tt has never happened to me.. it was just a breezer~! have some phobia already... lol.. next time take carlsberg.. hehe.. but ya.. once again, i felt like a princess.. haha... when i came back from cleaning up in the toilet, everyone started asking me if i was ok... lol.. thanks to all seniors, especially weng hong, weijie, val n sheena.. so much concern.. hee.. =p

then, somehow we stopped by the road, sat in a circle n started chatting away... this time, i got to know weijie a lot better.. basically, i was chatting with him onli.. haha... i guess we're both sportsman.. so i guess we have pretty much the same opinion of many things in life.. cool.. i enjoyed chatting with him.. haha.. the conversation was almost never ending... feel tt he's a sensitive, caring person.. like an elder bro... great...

i guess many pple were getting tired so we headed back to our rooms.. some of us went to the guy's room to continue playing cards.. it was then, loren made his name.. lol... dun quite understand y he like to make things so complicated.. a game of bridge with him was almost like bluff.. he certainly gave us a gs work out for our stomach... all the laughings went on for hours.. all the while till 9 or 10am? which was then, i went back to my room, washed up and packed our things, ready to leave sentosa...

all the fun didnt end for LUNA just like tt... we wentto harbour front for dim sum buffet... the guys ordered so much, we had a hard time finishing up the food.. cant believe steven could eat SOOOO much~! omg.. i felt like puking then.. haha...

ever since then, my holiday has been realli busy.. we chatted on msn... hm.. record was 13 participants.. for me, "earliest" was till 3am.. ha... n yup... tt brings me to our 2nd outing... i guess not many pple play mahjong so the turn out for out first outing - mahjong session at val's place wasnt tt good.. so seth n zhiquan was suggesting to have an outdoor outing.. so we did...

we were supposed to meet up at erm.. 1pm? but ya.. as the seniors have expected... the 1h rule was passed on... becoz of the rain, we met up realli late.. i was early.. so i met up with weijie for lunch.. hm.. he introduced me to the DIY ramen.. it wasnt so much of DIY after all coz the waitress helped us mixed the ingredients.. it;s not bad..but the sesame paste made the ramen so sticky tt i did have quite a hard time biting them.. o how can i forget about the xiao long tang bao~! it's very nice~! i think better than ting tai feng's~! wa shiok seah~!okie relax shirley... omg... thinking about it alone makes me salivate.. hahaha..

anyway by the time, we all gathered at ecp mac it was 3.30pm? while we waited val to finidh her lunch, we played card games again.. illegal gambling den.. lol.. 4 decks for 4 grps.. haha... it was getting pretty late then... i think it was about 4pm when we decided to cycle... most of them were pretty slow... i prefer to cycle fast.. so tt u can feel all the wind brushing past ur face, running thru every strand of ur hair.. so refreshing~! o ya... did i mention tt poor weijin was stuck at home? heard sth like his mom took his keys so he cant get out of the house.. haha.. poor guy... but it sounded pretty silly... keke..

hm.. shan bin n hong bee couldnt cycle... so we got 2 doubles.. macho guideng n weijie volunteered to take the 2 mei nu... ai ya.. see la.. weijin... y u never come? no free rides for me.. kekeke... we returned the bikes 2 h later and played volleyball while steven n weijie taught the 2 gals how to cycle... it was quite fun.. haha.. even though my arms got realli red after it...

we went to macs again for dinner.. i had to leave becoz of my mum again... sigh.. was so pai seh becoz we were waiting for da sao to come.. ya seth's gf... haha.. i didnt speak up until around 8.30pm... mum;s gonna kill me.. haha.. i asked yimin to walk me out becoz i am a road direction idiot... haha... and as usual, the gentlemen LUNA guy, weijie actually, volunteered to walk us out to the bus stop..

i felt stupid when i reached home becoz my parents left for the wake.. i was so envious tt eveyone was still having fun in ecp... so i called weijie.. free incoming call... haha... talked to almost everyone.. i think i was disturbing them.. haha...

o well... i'm looking forward to our next gathering... but i think it;ll be the chalet on next mon... yup... cant wait to win back my 50 cents.... lol.. just kidding...

i LoVe FwC~!

yup yup... i was back from my 4 days camp yesterday afternoon actually.. wa so shag tt i went to sleep right after reaching home... have been pretty busy since yesterday.. now tt almost everyone's offline, i finally found the time to blog about my fantastic 4 days.. it realli spiced up things coz my holiday has been pretty routine like.. and i like making new frens... my og mates r realli nice pple..

okie.. 1st day:
we were all blur and new to the cold dull building of engin fac.. met hong bee at one of the lifts... so coincident.. as we walked to LT6 where we were supposed to meet up, we chatted and found out that we were both from LUNA.. yes LUNA... tt's my og name.. the moon... the power of moon~! it's a pleasant surprise... had this feeling tt camp will be realli fun and exciting.. we were probably quite early.. all the seniors were like staring at us when we reach LT6.. haha.. and surprisingly, some of them whom i've met in engin open house remembered me.. haha.. was it becoz i look like a malay? we got our goodie bags and went in to meet our dear OGLs...
Steven made an impression.. he was realli frenly... introducing everyone to us.. and i didnt realise kelvin and alvin were OGLs until the seniors told us becoz they looked young and quite small for the age.. oopz sorry... i was sitting beside weijin... it;s not quite my habit to start a chat with a guy.. so we were realli quiet while the rest mingled..
to my surprise, there were onli 4 gals in the og..3 before shan bin joined us.. i tot chem engin was called a female engin course becoz there were mroe gals than guys... but i guess we took it positively.. the gals were bonded from that very first time we met... yimin's from vj too.. cool... my tong xiang.. wahaha... o... and the first guy i took notice of was gui deng.. he;s like this big muscular guy with a baby face.. lol.. gd combi though... didnt realli get to know him until the later part of the day... n seth was in red... he realli look familiar.. now i noe y.. coz he;s from vj... he;s 2 years my senior.. feli's batch.. so i wouldnt know him from vj.. but he has this vj look.. most of us were pretty shy pple in the beginning.. we couldnt catch the cheer fast.. i was getting worried that my og's gonna be boring..
pple started opening up when we played the ice breakers.. seth was constantly sabotaged when we played wacko becoz his name was the easiest to call... lol.. melvyn and weijie our senior was forfieted to do pole dance.. lol.. gay pole dance... so funny... they r realli enthu pple... i'll be blushing like some ang bao if i had to do tt... valerie was the leader... she's the one introducing the games and all to us.. another very onz senior...
lunch was not bad... catered buffet.. i love the campus games... the human twist thingy was the best.. it was then we started bonding... trusting each other and listening to each other... the 2 body parts games were fun too.. one of which i had to put my knee on weijin's right ear was hilarious.. it was then i got to interact with him a bit more... the guys r realli very onz... peng siang and zhi quan tried to make use of the railings so tt their legs will not be touching the grounds.. i was shocked.. haha... so enthu~!
we went to sentosa at about 4 or 5pm... the gals had to share a room with another 3 gals from pheugo.. the guys all into another room, councillor had to squeeze into another.. i was excited to meet new pple again.. the three gals are anqi, weili and pretty angela.. nice pple.. but a bit too dainty for me.. haha... cant help it... but we had a hard time squeezing all 6 of us in the room.. costa sands is realli small.. worse than the one in downtown east..
after dinner, it was time for sp interaction... i guess it's more exciting than the letter writting one tt we did in vj.. both blind folded. both got no idea about everything.. haha... i am lucky to have an enthu sp.. he took initiative to chat.. quite paiseh about tt... but i didnt noe how to get it started.. hehe.. it was quite fun... i had to feed him chocolates.. n he;s quite smart to use his hands to direct them to his mouth huh.. if not the chocolates would be everywhere.. lol... i didnt like the climbing stairs part though.. so scary.. doing all tt blind folded...
next was fright nite... cool activity... it's like haunted house.. yea i always like such stuff.. but this was diff from the usual ones that i;ve been to. becoz it;s out it the open.. in a spooky house among the trees... i was grouped with zhi quan, the commando... didnt know him tt well then.. haha when hong bee and weijin entered, we heard a lot of screams.. tt kinda make my heart beat faster.. was excited and wonderinf if it would be better than th vj one.. i got to see the brave macho side of our dear commando during fright nite.. as usual, the ghosts were not scary.. we didnt scream at all.. there were onli 2 times when some of them jumped out suddenly where we got a shock.. lol.. i'm blessed that zhi quan was with me.. he made me feel realli safe and secure.. he's like checking for all the blind spots and all... the house was realli dark... there was this corner where we tot it was a dead end... so dark tt we onli found a door to a room when we realli walk to the corner of the house.. i was realli nervous.. held onto him throughout the experience.. haha.. quite maluating.. shhhh...
the day ended at about 3am... all tired.. but i couldnt sleep... poor me.. had headaches the next day.. twice~!

day 2: beach games
yup.. i was in a daze most of the time becoz of the lack of sleep.. brain was not functioning well already... it was quite a demoralising day for LUNA becoz we lost 6 games in a row... n the natural comedian weijin reminded us that we won the animal game... haha.. the first game of the day.. cool... but i guess we got more bonded becoz of tt.. at least we tried to fite together and give our all to win the game.. it felt great... i guess it;s like playing any other softball game.. when ur team is down and no matter how hard u try, things just doesnt go ur way.. it;s realli tiring and frustrating.. i have to agree with weijie.. the frisbie game is realli pissing.. especially for me... i cant stand MCPs... the guys r like passing to each other.. and the gals r left out when no one else is guarding us.. some guy was guarding me in the beggining.. may be becoz i had the sporty look.. or did i look aggressive? haha... when the opposing team spot our weakness, we were realli like extras.. standing ard... unable to help the grp.. argh... sucks..
time passes realli fast with all of tt going on.. soon, we had dinner, bathed.. and it was sp interaction again... this time, we were asked to eat this candy mix sweet ... the long and realli sour one... we were asked to bite it at the ends.. and my sp, felix.. haha he had to chew it until i could feel his breathe... how scary... haha.. thank god the seniors stop us before anything happens.. haha..
after tt, i had to go to the seniors room for dance practice.. i was chosen for the dance competition with seth... yup.. he;s a fun guy.. vj ogl.. so pro at the dances... n blur me had a hard time trying to catch the dance steps.. but he was quite supportive.. i depended on him a lot.. he was always prompting me.. hm.. nice guy.. n he's quite sensitive.. constantly aksing me if i wan a rest becoz i was having a bad headache.. the practice ended at 3am when we got all the wacky moves in it.. not onli seth.. all the guys in LUNA are realli nice.. when i was having a headache, gui deng offered me panadol and oilment. weijin n gui deng passed me water.. seth would constantly ask if i was ok... so did the seniors... sorta felt like a queen... haha... dunno y i was so weak.. perhaps it's becoz of u noe wad.. gals... but ya... i felt so xin fu.. haha... some of the guys i know in vj arent as gentleman as LUNA guys... so yup... realli think our og pple r very nice...

day 3: beach games & SP nite
scavenger hunt was fun.. pple like me with brains not functioning well are blessed with smarties ard us.. haha.. i didnt realli help much with all the brain cracking word puzzles... better at finding clues i guess... yup.. i realise my physical fitness is still alright.. becoz we ran alot along the beach... i was running with the guys... just realised so when seth told me about it.. haha.. but running felt gd.. wasnt tt tiring... i guess it;s mentally draining when u run in the stadium... may be tt's y it's diff.. we reached there first... so cool~! haha...
LUNA is the best~! Hong dou~! Da hong dou~! i dun see the link.. realli... but it's the fastest cheer tt we caught.. hee..
highlight of the camp and the day for me was SP nite.. so cool and romantic... along the pool, we stood and waited for the guys to guess who their SPs are.. poor beckham aka david... he was dressed in this pink shirt.. haha.. poor him guessed wrongly twice and was forfieted to go on his knees and shout, "wo dui bu qi wo de sp" haha.. the rest got them right at their first guess.. so cool.. my SP was nice.. like chatting with him.. haha... he claimed tt he was pressurised becoz i knew my dance well... haha... dinner was at the beach bar... outdoor, under the stars... how romantic.. i realli love the place... it makes my heart melt, makes my legs wobble... my sp, felix was such a gentleman.. haha... he brought me food.. and as usual, he started the conversation.. haha i feel bad... but i am learning how to crap like everyone else do.. i couldnt concentrate becoz i was so nervous about the dance competition..flashes of the dance routine keep flashing thru my mind.. argh.... i could have torn my dress.. haha.. seth wasnt sitting far from me.. we exchanged looks for a few times.. i think he was nervous too.. he made this heart thumping action.. haha... didnt noe a zai dancer like him would be tt nervous too.. we rehearsed once before we went up for the competitition... i'm glad that we weren't the first 2 grps.. gave us a chance to look at the others and some time for me to physce myself up... somehow, i convinced myself.. and i let it go... kept the seniors words in mind... right seth, just have fun.. so i did.. i probabaly look kinda crazy up on the stage.. the lights were so bright. i couldnt see audience downstairs.. so tt was to my advanatage.. it was like just seth n me.. guess we were not bad la.. haha... it was like sth off my chest when all was done..
~to be continued~

o gosh... i am free today... just realised it aint tt gd after all.. i'm TOO free~! I;ve got nth to do.. been stoning ard since the time i woke up.. tt was erm... 10 or 11? played yahoo mahjong with some losers with lagging comp or lagging brains.. take freaking long to click on the buttons.. the games took forever to finish... o darn... bored to death... sigh... coach doesnt need us for today... so i've got nth to do for the rest of today.... need sth to keep me busy... some excitement in life? sth to look forward to? ya... lacking of it...

think i am getting rather pmsy again... time of the mth coming soon.. i hope it doesnt happen during my chem engin camp... it'll totally spoil everything.. coz i'll feel tired and get realli hot in the head... yup yup.. havent been able to tok to dear much.. everytime we chat on the fone, it's all about betting... i am getting a little irritated by it.. but wad to do... we dun have much to tok about.. or should i say i have nth to tell him since my life is so boring.. my weekends are normally the best.. hanging ard with dear and all... but i still think i owe my current bad mood to the lost of my dear 1 week old hp... havent been feeling too good lately... everything seems lousy right now...

hm... but i guess there's sth i could look forward to... chem engin camp starts on mon... mon to thu, i wont be home.. tt's gd becoz mum;s getting psmy too.. haha... can avoild all the war fare at home... hee... i kinda feel weird about the camp actually.. we werent told much about it.. no schedule.. no nth... i dun like to be in the position when i have no control of wad's gonna happen to me.. all we recieved was a list of things to bring for camp, time and venue to meet up... i realised i've got lots to ask. like wad's the dress code? u noe.. since we'll be meeting in NUS instead of sentosa? and erm.. instead of t shirts, can i bring sleeveless? i dun mind getting tanned since i'm super dark already... t shirts are hot. i dun like round necks too... and shorts... ahhh.. i tot of brining my sec sch pe t shirt so i can wear, dirty it and just throw.. yeah.. dun need to bring it back to wash.. but it's white... cant get wet in it.. or i'll be free show to the guys.. so... help~!

ya emailed them.. hope they reply me soon.. hm... brainstorming for things to do later.. pack my bag... play more mahjong.. and we'll explore for more yahoo games... yup bye~!

My medical checkup in UHWC

hm.. i actually read christine's blog on her medical checkup hm... a few days ago? was it sat or sun? i had mine today... went to NUS early in the morning with my mum.. reached there like 0730.. was too early since it onli opens at 0830.. yup... spent tt 1 hr in mum's office... anyway, later mum showed me how to take the shuttle bus to the place.. it's in yusoft ishak house... the canteen looks best among those that i've seen there...

anyway, i was new there.. so i was kinda blur.. daph told me i didnt have to bring anything.. so i didnt.. checket the freshmen guide too.. it wasnt written in there tt i have to bring some medical sheet thingy, like wad the nurse said... anyway, they had a photocopied one.. so i used it... first station was the wt n ht n eye sight inspection stop... i gained weight.. damn.. 53.6kg... not sure wad my measured ht was though.. didnt have the chance to see... anyway, thanks god i have my contacts on, i could see everything tested quite clearly..

2nd station was the urine test one.. alamak.. i was so nervous, having christine's experience in mind... but yeah... i had it well planned.. ok this sounds a bit disgusting... but i pee a little first.. den put the little cup there to collect it... it wasnt tt difficult after all... hee.. yeah all negative.. perfect...

3rd station.. i had to wait for my turn... wait for my no to be called... the 4 red no blinked on the digital screen and i was supposed to go to room 4.. it was my first time after all.. didnt know where it was.. i was looking ard. n this helpful guy was smiling at me, pointing to the door and saying, "here it is".. ya... was it the way he look? i sensed sneering... or was i too sensitive? yuck i didnt realli like it... had to see this doc... she look more like some chi sinseh... haha... she had grey permed hair and this typical chinese look.. had my blood pressure tested... den she made me loosed my bra and lie on this bed.. aiyo... very embarassing when she was checking my heart beat, stomach and searching for swellings on my boobs... it was ticklish... i was trying very hard not to laugh... i must have looked weird... ah nvm...

last station was the x ray thing.. ya just as wad everyone have experienced.. take a deep breath and copied.. done.. think i made a right decision to come early... so the whole thing took a while onli... didnt have to realli wait at all.. but the journey home was realli long... needa get my disc man and all prepared for uni life... need to find more frens who will be traveling like me... wouldnt be so lonely then...

I'm so unlucky. my 1 week old fone is gone~!

fuck... i lost my fone... it's onli been a week. i havent even realli played with it. nokia 7260... come on, if u picked it up, return it to me~! i know it's super new. it's tempting.. but please put urself in my shoes~!

i lost it yesterday.. my dear dear fone... went to suntec to watch intial d with chris. i was so looking forward to it. all dressed up.. not so after all, but i looked sporty and sexy? i even had heels on... chris always wanted me to wear them.. so i did... i wanted it to be a happy enjoyable date before he book in again.. sigh... i remembered clearly that my fone was still in my bag when i paid for the tickets. i had this bad feeling tt i would lose my fone if i took it out when i search for my wallet in my bag.. chris was right. i didnt want to admit then. my bag is too small. i shouldnt have brought the digi cam. but i wanted to take photos of us... i finally remembered after so many weeks and i had to lose my hp becoz of tt... wtf~!

in 30 min time, the movie would be showing so we decided to stay around the place. there was a vcd shop just right outside eng wah.. so we stayed there to watch some preview of kungfu mahjong.. i might have lost it then. i held my bag close to my legs. it's too small to hang it on my shoulders. it was open becoz it was too full. but my fone was bulging out. it sat well on top of all my other precious. hence, i doubt i dropped it. someone might have stolen it then. i was engrossed at the preview or some time.

we then went to buy pop corns. i cant quite remember if my hp was still in my bag then. it's just not in my memory for some reason. but i have this feeling tt i took out my wallet with much ease. so i might have lost it before then. i onli discovered that it's gone when i wanted to turn it to silent mode in the theatre itself. i ran out frantically to look for it. i panic. i was worried sick. i felt lost, disappointed at myself... chris is right again. i could blame it to my carelessness. even though i out my hp in my bag, i shouldnt have left it right at the top. i shouted at chris when he kept telling me tt we wouldnt be able to find it. we tried calling my no but the fone is off or the person who found it might have thrown my sim card away.. i so wanted to find it back tt i didnt want to admit tt he was right. sigh.... it was a terrible day. we didnt watch the movie in the end.. wasted 20 bucks.. didnt do anything... no mood for any of tt...

no doubt, chris was more calm than me. i should thank him for being there for me. cant imagine how i would react if i was alone. i might have broken down, burst into tears in the middle of the cinema... i was so scared. he held me in his arms as i cried. so sweet of him. thank you my dear... muackz muackz...

i blocked my line temporarily. i tot of covering it up. get a new fone and pretend tt it's the same one. at least mum wont know. she wont get angry nor sad. of coz i am afraid of facing the music. but i didnt want her to lose trust in me. i didnt want her to think that i cant take care of myself and my own things.

mum just brought me around nus since we were too early for the medical check up. sigh... she's so nice... how can i lie to her? she has the right to know.. but i dunno how to bring it up to her. thinking of the incident, the fact tt i lost it, especially when it was in my bag, just makes tears well up in my eyes... so i wrote a letter, left it on her office table. hopes she sees it and wont get angry. i should think of more precautions. perhaps i should hang my fone in front of my chest? would it be safer? wad's the point of bringing a bag then when i could lose it like tt? if i held it in my hands or kept it in my pocket, i wouldnt have complaints losing it. but it was in my bag~! did it have legs to climb out itself? it's still a mystery.. i'm still praying that my hp will come back to me.. please do.. please do...