welcoming the new academic year...

it's my last day at work today.. FINALLY~!!
couldnt wait to get my ass out of the office..
hehehe...
held on onli becoz of my mum..
haiz....
bought curry puff for everyone...
but there were so few data entry staff tt most of them were given to the senior staff ard..
sigh...
i wonder if anyone's jealous..
coz i seem to have some kinda priviledge becoz of my mum...
ms moria, the media manager actually initiated to give me a lunch treat..
n she asked everyone else in the office including all the senior staff ard whom i didnt work with along..
hahaha.. like some big shot in office...
feel weird..
i appreciate it.. but dun realli feel good tt pple r treating me differently becoz my mum is " someone" in the department...

right.. i need to up my caps..
actually tot of quitting everything n just concentrate on my school work..
may be go swim or jog whenever i am free..
just go back to sch n sports kinda lifestyle..
hmm.. been approached to join the forces...
dunno if it's worth it...
it;s nice to be able to do sth, improve the system for ur course mates n all..
n organise events, lead the team n all..
i;ve had my share n i noe it's fun n like it...
but.. i guess we still have to balance a bit..
studies is still one of the most impt thing for a student...
especially for chem engineers...
sigh.. i am quite torn apart... shud i?

time to do some research perhaps...
time to plan my year ahead..
time to set targets for the new year..
it's quite a gd way to mark the end of my 1st year in uni..
hahaha 20 here i come...
to grow to a real woman~!

welcoming the new academic year...

it's my last day at work today.. FINALLY~!!
couldnt wait to get my ass out of the office..
hehehe...
held on onli becoz of my mum..
haiz....
bought curry puff for everyone...
but there were so few data entry staff tt most of them were given to the senior staff ard..
sigh...
i wonder if anyone's jealous..
coz i seem to have some kinda priviledge becoz of my mum...
ms moria, the media manager actually initiated to give me a lunch treat..
n she asked everyone else in the office including all the senior staff ard whom i didnt work with along..
hahaha.. like some big shot in office...
feel weird..
i appreciate it.. but dun realli feel good tt pple r treating me differently becoz my mum is " someone" in the department...

right.. i need to up my caps..
actually tot of quitting everything n just concentrate on my school work..
may be go swim or jog whenever i am free..
just go back to sch n sports kinda lifestyle..
hmm.. been approached to join the forces...
dunno if it's worth it...
it;s nice to be able to do sth, improve the system for ur course mates n all..
n organise events, lead the team n all..
i;ve had my share n i noe it's fun n like it...
but.. i guess we still have to balance a bit..
studies is still one of the most impt thing for a student...
especially for chem engineers...
sigh.. i am quite torn apart... shud i?

time to do some research perhaps...
time to plan my year ahead..
time to set targets for the new year..
it's quite a gd way to mark the end of my 1st year in uni..
hahaha 20 here i come...
to grow to a real woman~!

when her man is busy...

it is likely tt a woman will feel unloved, ditched, unwanted, taken for granted when her man is busy and he cannot give her the attention she needs, the quality time she needs... full attention i mean...

here's some advices from my personal experiences and wad i've read so far:
1. stay strong
2. throw ur neagtive tots n feelings aside
3. try physco urself tt he's busy and stressed up
4. understand tt u r always in his mind n heart
5. he onli needs u to be there for him.. to listen to him complain, to give him the tightest n biggest hug u can give even if u cant wrap ur arms ard him.. :P
6. if u cant do the above very well, start keeping urself busy..
7. be patient n wait for ur man..

he'll be back.. at least tt's wad i experienced.. with even more than u expected.. he;ll appreciate it.. n he'll be sweeter than before... tt's my boy...

lalalalala....

hello.. i am back~!!

back from my lil getaway with dearie... hehehe..
well, we didnt realli do much..
everything else the same..
but i guess we realli have time to slack together since we got a chalet...
dun have to worry so much about time n all..
heheheh..

n i got a lil birthday surprise celebration from dear..
hehehe.. simple yet difficult to plan i guess...
he made sparkles to compensate for the fireworks we didnt get to see on the first day..
so sweet.... haha didnt get to see the words "happy birthday" but it's realli pretty..
realli appreciate it coz he was so busy..
wasnt easy for him to go for this chalet already..

i guess wad we do isnt realli impt..
wad matters is the quality..
quality time is impt...
even lazing ard n not doing anything constructive feels gd... :P

Counting down to the day i turn 20~!!!

11 days to 20!!

pple say tt when u turn 20, time will start to pass by realli fast...
ha.. i wonder...
ever since i stepped in uni..
time have already sped up..
dun have to wait till 20..
or... o gosh.. will it speed up even faster?

coz i have so many things tt i wanna do unaccomplished...
no time for everything..
hai...
i noe wad to wish for this year.. hehehe..

BoYs ArE StUPiD, thROW rOCKs AT tHEM~!!!

this is the picture efei sent me last time when i was down becoz of someone who wasnt worth my tears.. ha.. it's so cute... n so true... my guy frens tell me tt it's very provocative.. well.. so wad? i believe many gals wud agree withi this picture..

i've been relating with a lot of things tt happened in my life to the book i am reading.. n i have identified so many common problems everyone face... it says tt when men are stressed up, when they have problems to solve, they go to their caves.. tt's Martians.. n well of coz when they go to their cave, they are untouchable. they get so focused in solving tt big problem of theirs tt they become oblivious of their surrounding... probably tt's y sometimes women regard them as the most insensitive creatures in the planet.. n the books says tt men n women shud understand their differences so tt they wud not take these "difference in expectations" personally. for example, when a man goes to his cave, he is powerless to give his partner quality attention she deserves. The man tend to forget tt his friends and other pple have their problems too. In this case, the book suggests tt a women shud understand tt his action does not show he loves her any less or she is unimportant to him... ha.. true.. it helps.. but was happens if the gal also have problems n she needs him? is it a good excuse for the man for not being able to be there for his gal? is it a good excuse for the gal for failing to be understanding and supportive instead? who shud be the one making the sacrifice, to throw away his/her problem aside for a while to be there for the partner? how do we know whu's problem is bigger? everyone values it differently.. the book does not say how.. n i wonder wad shud be done..

perhaps we shud all be more independent..
sometimes i wonder...
men claim tt it is very difficult to understand women..
so wad about men? r they any better?
men likes to feel needed.. it is the way to motivate men..
men ask women to feel free to show her weaknesses to him..
if not he feels unworthy of her love..
so women becomes more dependent on men..

n when u r needed, but u have ur own "bigger"problems, u hide in ur cave n leave ur poor gal outside crying n doing lots of nonsense to get ur attention..
she may claim tt u r not giving her enuff attention
she may say things like u dun love her enuff..
she may say tt she can find better guys outside, y is she still sticking with u..
she may pick on everything tt u do...
she'll just do all sorts of nonsense... unreasonable or not...
she probably wudn't make any sense at all..

so u have a good excuse for not being able to be there for her..
helplessly, she decides tt she has to understand wad u r gg thru.. n assumes some reason to console herself.. so wad's the onli way out? i feel it's still best tt women can be independent as far as possible.. in times like these, u r the onli one who can help urself.. u cant expect others to be there for u.. becoz they may also be gg thru some rough time.. may be if u r lucky, some gd fren of urs who's free n cheerful for the day will pop by n pull u up from the quick sand.. moral of the stroy is.. when u feel helpless.. u tried to crawl out of tt shit but u fail.. when u did all sorts of nonsense n call for help but to no avail.. stop struggling.. becoz u will just fall in faster.. just wait... i like to be in control.. but perhaps hk is right... no one can be in total control of their lives... just do wad u can.. when u cant, may be losing control is the way to the problem..

am i making sense? coz it seems like i am just typing wadever tt comes to my mind..
~ but i am onli human... ~ or rather woman...

i wish....

feeling very irritable today..
so here's my 2nd post of the day...
i have a new batch to key in.. but i am so sick of doing this nonsense...
i just keep falling alseep when i see the same stuff over n over again..
i realli dun like this holiday...
my mum said tt i onli tot of having fun.. keep playing all day...
like since when?
for fwc, i was one of the organisers.. when did i realli have time to slacken, relax n play?
i tried.. but the comm was so small.. n pple were starting to get sick of preparing for the activities... once they feel tt they r done with their prog, they start to bug off.. have to plead them to help.. keep calling n calling.. until we all started to get a lil pissed off..
i am happy tt we did a relatively gd job.. n it ended successfully.. but where is the real fun?
the playing kinda fun? when did i ever get tt?
my entire holiday is about studying, planning, working n nth else..
i occasionally find time to spice up my life with dear.. but they r so lil as compared to wad i have done with the bulk of my time... tt's the onli lil fun i had this holiday n it's not enuff...
i am seriously deprived of the fun factor here...
n i am so afriad tt i have not slacked enuff to prepare to mug all the way next sem..

i wish...
to go on a reali holiday.. overseas... away from home.. away from singapore..
to have time to wake up late n hit the pool or go for a jog everyday...
to nua on my bed for the entire day..
tt i dun have to be responsible for anyone else.. it's impossible to allow myself to be so selfish in real life though.. it's just a dream.. n i am just rattling...
to get out of this job immediately...
to have time to experiment some cooking with dear..
i wish tt i can have a happy and fulfiling holiday...

holiday?

it's been more than 2 mths?
i havent realli enjoyed my holidays..
first was special sem..
then i started working in the last 2 weeks of my special sem..
after exams, i was busy with chess fwc..
now tt everything is over, i still cant enjoy it fully..
becoz of this stupid job...
cant blame anyone can i?
my mum helped me to find this job..
so i have to be responsible for her..
i cant quit early or anytime just like everyone else..
even if the employment law allows me to terminate the contract without any reasons with notice, i still cant do it..
ahhhh.. it's such a dread..
n the job is boring... i face the comp and the same survey forms 9.5h a day...
tt's if i have things to do..
if not i rot..
i started to bring the book dear introduced to me to read..
at least sth..
hai.. so irritating....
this pain will onli go off on 11th...
n sch will start on 14th~!!!
3 days~!!! 3 days is not enuff~!! i had 3 months~!!!
no more working next holiday.. tt's it...
AAaaaAAAaAaaaaaarrRrRrRrRgGgGgGgHhHhHhHhH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new trial on colorgenics.. how true...

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.

a Fair WeaTher FreN i AM...

feeling remorseful onli after reading the introduction of "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus". I have identified myself in the introduction story provided by the author of the book. Not going to expose too much about us..
but i have to apologise to my dear for all the pain i have brought to him.. tt's all for now..

The eND of MY 1ST yEAR uNI

fwc has finally ended....

we have all been busy since last year...
working our ass out for our dear juniors..
starting almost from scratch...
meeting so many obstacles n cockups..
finally.. it has ended successfully..

ha... though i didnt get to interact much with the freshies because I was so involved in the programs n helping my frens with their stuff..., but i still enjoyed myself..
iam so glad..
so proud of the fwc organising committee...
we were all busy with our own duties in the different comms..
it felt like we were rather scattered before fwc..
but our bonding showed during fwc..
it;s so easy to get help from everyone...
ah... perhaps it's because this comm are made up of mostly pple who has the passion, who wishes to make this happen... n create great memories for them...
yeah~!!! hip hip hurray~!!!

the end of fwc marks the end of my 1st year in uni..
it has been a great year even though I havent cried as much as I had before ever in my life this year...
I am leaving behind my past and only holding onto the good memories with my friends, family and my dear..
06/07 shall be a great year i promise myself..
dun let anyone hold you back..
dun let yourself down again...
my caps will climb up high~!!

personality test from colourgenics

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophesy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

no where to go..

i decided not to continue my last post.. it's kinda dumb..
and i cant remember wad i wanted to write...

i've finally finished the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle for my dad..
happy belated father's day..
haha.. we're supposed to have completed it on the very day until half of it fell out when we flip the puzzle to glue it on the back of the frame...
sigh.. a test of patience it is...
it's quite addictive actually..
i find myself being able to fix it for 5 straight hours...
now tt it's done, i can get back to my preparations for fwc...

havent been realli happy lately..
getting gross out by my chubby face and fats whenever i look at the mirror...
n things arent gg too well in my life..
i dun quite understand y pple like to quarrel when u already have so lil time to interact..
it's draining...
it's so tiring getting panaroid and picking on every lil things in life..
i wonder y pple like to indulge in so..
n when u choose to indulge, u start to let ur mind wonder...
wonder into the darkest side of man..
even white snow turns to charcoal....
den u get so unhappy with these lil things..
u bring the darkness to the pple ard u...

issit necessary?
was it wrong to be honest?
perhaps it's better to tell a lil white lie when necessary...
wad was the key topic of the conversation?
y choose to eye these insignificant words?

sliding down the rainbow..
i onli see the ground...

sick & tired...

bye bye ssb...
it's finally over... hopefully i'll do well...

i'm back at work.. using johhny's comp since he sneaked away to orientation camp..
just finished my 2nd batch..
n slackign away.. waiting for 6pm to come..
it's probably the time when i post this up.. wahaha...

been feeling very lethargic lately...
issit becoz tt i grew much fatter?
or issit becoz of my low carbo intake due to efforts to slim down?

kind of fell sick yesterday...
so tired tt my eye lids felt so heavy while i was typing...
i think i fell asleep twice... once for 1/2h..
wonder if my boss noes..
oops..

slept all the way home...

-to be continued-

dull & boring...

ha.. i didnt realise tt i havent blog for sooo long...
i m working in biopolis now.. while taking special sem..
busy gal i am..
but it's realli boring... as in work wise..
i've been working since 1st june and i havent got my personal computer.
how am i suppose to do data entry w/o one????
so.. i've been hopping ard.. using pple's comp when they r away..
n i have onli completed 1 batch so far...
sigh... well according to wad i learn from labour law, employers have no obligations to provide work for employees. Even though I am not sure if I am an employee since I havent recieved my appointment letter until now, i guess i shoudnt be companing when they arent giving me anything to do... haha..
they are tt ineffective...
n i dun think they realli give a damn on wad i am doing...
i basically slack, online, and enjoy life...
been doing saigang... so monotonous.. tt i actually fell asleep just now..
thank god boss wasnt ard...
i have been looking through950 survey forms to find photocopied forms..
and i've onli found 2 so far~!!!!
-.-"
another interesting thing about this workplace..
they dun mind their employees chatting on msn during working hours..
u noe y? coz the supervisors (bosses) themselves, are guilty of it too..
ha... wad nonsense...
is this wad u call working life?

hardwork doesnt equate to gd results

somehow... after all the work i;ve done...
i still didnt reach my aim...
no more excuses to give myself this sem..
it wasnt tt bad...
just dun understand y i didnt do as well as i tot i would have for maths..
kana killed by cs n cn as expected...
how can i do better?
4.35 for next 4 sems...
man.... how am i gonna achieve tt...

perhaps i am a sore loser...
realli doubt the accuracy of the results...
i deserve better...
we shall see...

my lil get away

yeah.. i'm back~!!!
even though i have been fahtima for 4 days, i still enjoyed my time over at the chalet...
hehehe....
it was quite happening even though we didnt follow the original plan closely because of a pig...
quenched my thirst for ktv on the first day..
dear took some videos.. but i dun think they shud be disclosed.. haha...
u dun wan to spoil ur ear drums..
i shall train harder so tt i can sing the duet with dear...
my voice is just too low.. n he refuses to swap roles with me.. :P
then we played pool.. think dear fang shui one.. let me win so many times..
n on 3rd day, he won everything back... diao diao.. -.-"
o 2nd day was the best.. coz we couldnt wake up in time for lecture, we decided to go for food hunt before we head for the 2nd lecture..
went ard singapore with me, the navigator and dear the driver...
now i noe how to use the map... hehe...
o the best place of all.. tong shi restaurant in zion road..
gonna bring my family there on mother's day...
after resting back at the chalet, we head out looking for cool clubs...
unfortunately being noob-clubbers we didnt noe that most of them are closed..
then, we decided to head for makasutra food bay beside esplanade for supper..
had a romatic walk along singapore river...
had some emotional moments...
jus wish i could be there for dear whenever he needs me..
fulfilling but a tiring day..
the 3rd day was jus a slacking day...
went to watch vj vs rj gals...
yeah vj won again after a tough fight...
so proud of them...
yes my love for softball is still burning...
kinda glad tt rj was able to put on a close fight.. no wonder they won hc..
the standards of singapore softball is rising..
hopefully we'll be able to compete internationally soon...
looking forward for hc vs vj match... watch out, hc...
we spent the rest of the night slacking away...
the activities dun matter as long as u're with ur love one...

yippee~!!! exams are finally over.. phew...
hm.. it;s kinda weird... coz i dun realli feel the difference..
probably been too slack for the past few days..
after maths, i was already in holiday mood.. jus like seth.. ahaha..

didnt go out and celebrate as planned today..
just slacked with dear..
but it was still alright..

my mum's colleague's daughter called me to ask for advices..
yes here we have, a potential junior coming for fwc...
how can i miss the opportunity to publicise it.. hehehe... :P
she seems as excited and worried as me when i first entered NUS..
ha... fwc will be fun...
looking forward to it..

oo.. i shud start planning for my lil getaway with dear.. chao~!!

Some random tots i wrote this morning at 2am..

I am writing this with mircosoft words becoz the internet is off and I cant blog online...
Just need to pen down some tots after having a heart to heart chat with dear...

Wad is love?
Do I really understand wad love is?
Many people think they do.
I am no exception.

I still believe in one of my fav quotes:
"Love is giving someone a chance to destroy you and trusting them not to."
This I picked up during one of the moral education sessions in my secondary school days.

Love is... sweet. Love is also bitter.
Love can bring new life. Love can also bring death.
Love made me smile. Love made me cry.
Love once gave me the confidence I never had before.
Love once took away my soul, my everything.

"Love is not just about two people enjoying each others’ company, go out and have fun. Some people say that love is simple. But there are actually so many complications that come along with love. Love is in fact complicated."

When you feel good, when you feel that that special someone completes your life, when you feel so blissful, you think it's love.

But when you lose that person, everything around you crumbles. You may feel lousy. You may feel cheated. You may feel that all you efforts are wasted. You may lose faith in love and yourself. You doubt if the feeling you once felt then is really love. Have you lost love?

Then again, have you found love again when you find "someone better"? Is that really love? Are you sure this is love? So what was the feeling you felt then?

Am I contradicting myself? Or may be love is just too complicated for me to really understand?

I've said this to a few of my friends before, "No one till this day can tell me why he loves me. Hence my Mr Right will be the one can give me the answer."

But perhaps there isn't an answer in the first place.
Because you just do.
And he/she is special because you do.
He/she is perfect because you love him/her.

You may be a better person because you love him/her.

"Love is such a strong word." How can I use love when I’m not sure what love is?
Perhaps you will only know what love is when you've found "each other".

interesting past events i wanted to blog about..

have been so busy lately..
catching up with work...
havent realli got the chance to find time to mug for finals..
n guess wad.. it's in onli 2 weeks time...
will be putting up photos soon..
when i have the time.. sigh...

1. birthday celebration for yimin and quan:
we went to orchard's sakura for buffet..
this restaurant isnt new to me..
but tust me... this is the best of all their branches...
i was so impressed by the size of the fresh oysters, drunken
prawn soup, herbal duck soup and black chicken soup..
yes i tried all except the duck soup..
shiok~!!!!
took a few videos of us singing the bdae song for the 2 bdae boy n gal..
caught hb scolding weijin~!! ahahaa.. i got proof~!
weijin, if u ever need it, u noe who to look for...
also, i shall present a pize to ym...
smallest lungs award...
she couldnt blow off her candles after 2 tries...
quan had to cover her share...
lol...
it was a fun gathering...
realli hope we get to go for outings again soon..
WITH FULL ATTENDANCE..

2. Dinner treat by dear at a TRADITIONAL KOREAN BBQ restaurant:
hehehe... u got no idea how happy i was tt day...
i've always wanted to try korean bbq again..
just in case, u may not noe...
it's very very diff from Seoul Garden...
i tot i have to go back to Korea to have the chance again...
the restaurant is located just opp Har Par Villa.. so near to NUS...
o.. but remember to bring more money along...
u will need it... a serving of pork is $20... a big serving size though..
we had pork belly, marinated pork and ginseng chicken soup...
cool~!!!!
i was so overwhelmed with all the different side dishes provided...
think there were ard 10, including diff kinds of my fav, kimchi~!!!
yeah... blessed to have dear...
glad tt u're here to share tt moment with me..

hahha... just realised this entry is all about great food i had... which is probably the reason y i am growing sideways at expotential rate~!!! o well... i dun care coz dear dun mind.. wahahaha~!!!!