o crap... got dc just now.. typed so much rubbish and it's all gone now... argh.. may be it's telling me tt i shouldnt be posting all tt up... ya.. cursed too much... any way.. pals... yes... my blog is very personal... i'm more like talking to myself when i write my blog... so pls dun be offended by wad i post k... they are probably tots that just cross my mind.. sometimes when i'm so overwhelmed.. i'll just write wadever tt comes to my mind.. i may not mean wad i have said... anyway.. wanna thank all my frens who goe to noe all that have happened, be it from this blog or thru pple... thanks for consoling me.. i'm glad that i have gd frens like u.... :)

ya.. so how bad can my life be huh? when i have frens like tt.... ya well, as expected... i'm still not back to myself yet... still get sad and all. but i'm trying hard to keep myself busy... revise my work... go out with frens... just never idle alone.. becoz i'll start to think of him.. tears will start to roll.... i'll soon flood the place.... sigh...

guess wad.. i went to watch Sky Captain after yesterday's chem paper... it's one of the worst movies i have ever watched... it's realli stupid... typical superhero movie... gosh... better not catch it pals! anyway, the surprising event was that i got 4 missed calls from him... wo.. realli... i never expected it... so i returned his call and guess wad... he started asking me about my whereabouts... who i was with and bla bla... i'm like WTF... we're not related anymore! why didnt u show more concern and love when we were together? now tt u have lost me, u're regreting? it's too late my pal... i'm so god damn pissed and hurt when ur words cut into my heart tt nite... " there's no point in commiting.." bla bla... shouldnt u let me noe about this earlier so that i wont have to go thru tt shit?! argh.. or r u too free? nth better to do so u call me for fun la? rite? as usual, when u're bored u'll ask for my company... when u're busy, u'll just throw me to a corner rite?! wad a bastard... i'm not gonna give u another chance to treat me like dirt... no no no way....

argh.. enuff of complaining.. sorry i cursed too much.... i just think tt i'm treated so unfairly... wad is this man...

fuck... i broke up again! had enuff of those crap from tt bastard... i dunno if i should be complaining in this blog... but it;s late and... there isnt realli anyone i can complain to.. well, except my dear didi la.. irvin.. proud to have a didi like him man... hm... and wei xian... :)

hm.. tell me.... if u cant commit urself into the relationship, y do u wanna keep me by ur side? isnt it fucking selfish?! fuck man.... i did so much for tt bastard.. and get nth out of it.. ya true.. tt's wad love is about... ah.... wadever la.... i dun care.... gonna mug.., put all my energy into revision.... funny.. i dun feel like complaing anymore... just repeating all those sad words from him.... all those words that tore my heart apart... i so need a shoulder to cry on now...

hi ya! i feel sooo guilty after two days of slacking! oh my... havent mug for two days! which means i'll be completing two lesser papers.... tml gotta start bucking up again....

ok.... well, let's start reflecting about yesterday... yesterday, 15th oct... it was our farewell day... had lots of funny and entertaining performances for the first one hour plus in school... it was great.. sort of healed my wound for a while... i was so upset becoz of the way keith's been neglecting me... den.. we went for our special CT session... guess wad... Ms Rajan actually wrote us each a card and bought the gals each a pendant from Perlinin Silver! it must have cost her a bomb! den we started tecaking lots of pictures.. o ya... i've uploaded them... just in case, some of u wants a copy of them or wanna see them, i've added the link in my blog.. check out the "Pics" section... o ya.. candice... our pic in open house is on the last 4 slides of the VJC softball album...
Hm... O! and i never expected the juniors to be so nice... must be the gals' idea.. muahaha... tehy bought lots of snacks and goodies for us to munch on.. o man.. thinking of it.. makes me feel so guilty.. should be on a diet... i ended up drink packets of soft drinks and ate a chocolate cone icecream! muahaha! yum yum... :P~

k.. den this morning... went to our school's open house... i was surprised to see the big crowd... much more crowded than last year.. and ya.. bong reminded me that VJ have started our integrated programme.. no wonder there were kiddies with their parents... time realli flew when i was stoning with my juniors..... haha... played a little softball today.. yeah...so happy.. i miss softball so much... threw a bit with bong.. my oh my.. i lost touch... when i start using a bit mroe strength, the ball went everywhere... sorry bong... made u catch lots of once bounce perhaps... and made ms lady bird jump a lot too.. hehe :P u noe wad.. i realli think i've gained much self- confidence over the years... talk to this guy in the softball booth today.. i like just talk to him like tt.... like out of no where.. haha... dun think i'll be able to do if it was a few years back... o and smiling realli helps... when i was just about to leave, accidentally stepped on this yandao's foot.. muahaha... so paiseh... didnt even dare to turn back.. just apologised... but i bet his younger than me.. so who cares.. muahaha... no his fren is more of my type... :P

den met up with xinglong in Taka.. and yes... i ate a lot again.. Seoul Garden! wad do u think?! and it's freaking expensive! for some reason, i'm realli very comfortable around my this buddy... and he smiled a lot today.... i caught him smiling quite a lot of times today... weird... tot he onli know how to niao me all the time.. gotta admit that he has a cute smile.... haha... it's constagious... hm.. it's probably his super highly skilled "niaoing" skills which made us bond so well... and also y i never feel bored with him around.... it's interesting.. becoz i always have to think of some ways to fight back.. but i always lose out in our verbal battle of coz... ya tt's wad keeps us going...

and yes, lastly, Keith... this jack ass... i realli dunno wad to say... just love and hate him so much... i realli felt like giving up hope on this relationship... it's like i have someone by name.. but he's never there for me... he always tells me that he'll call me back.. but he never fulfills his promises... NEVER.... he's so bo chup... how can u not call someone u love and therfore will miss for 5 bloody days?! he says he's tired... he's always tired.. every sat he'll get "sick" dne at noon or nite, he'll be healthy enough to go out with his frens for some reasons... ahh.. i dunno wad to say... perhaps he's realli tired when i'm looking for him... tt's wad i've been telling myself... to make myself feel better.... i'm a leo u see.... when i lose trust, i withdraw my feelings from the relationship.... i dun jump into something i'm not sure of.... it's sad... when u have to retreat like this... hopefully, after this week, when he's not as busy as last week, he'll start to realise tt he have neglected me a lot... and willing to take intiative to spend some quality time with me... i told myself not to give in so much anymore... told myself to be less dependent on him.. told myself that it's alright to be alone.... and if he doesnt look for u, den fine... dun have to look for him... if he doesnt care, he doesnt miss u... why should u?

my oh my... havent blog for so long... sigh... 2 more weeks to alevels... getting pretty scared... and ya.. stress... pimples INFESTING on my poor cheeks... ARGH... i'm freaking ugly now.... if onli i can change my skin like a snake or sth.... just wanna get rid of those read scars... yuck yuck!
just had GP remedial with ms rajan.. hm.. i hope it's good.. better improve my gp a bit more... dun wanna fail in As.... i gotta do two intros.. it better help... well, at least she's willing to spend that few minutes with us...
sigh i'm so bored.... wanna ctahc a movie with keith... but he's so busy... didnt call me for the past 2 days again... but it seems like he's been reaching home very late for the past 2 days... so i guess he has his excuses.. i'm just worried.. wondering y he has to stay out so late.... why are they so mean to my poor Keith...? and me... all becoz of the stupid camp.. whoever who's in charge... i havent been able to see him often.... it sux missing and waiting for someone like tt... but i guess i'm getting used to it.. so it's not that bad.. and i have revision for As to occupy me... in fact, it's chocking me!
i'm realli bored and down these days.. mugging all the time.... but of coz, i always find time to slack whenever i can.... let me see....

ways of destressing which i have tried:
1. one free hair styling for my dog by none other than me!
2. my own hair cut in Fingerworks
3. swimming.. too bad that i was alone.. :(
4. locking myself up and dancing along with the hot music 98.7fm is playing in my bed room
5. doing sit ups oli when i feel like it
6. going online, checking mails and frenster

any better ideas? i dunno wad to do...

hm... i'm slacking again.. feel guilty.. but haiz.. not in the mood... and... hm.. i bought 15 bucks worth of prelims papers just now! crap.. so freaking broke! it better help me get my 3As...

it's hard not to be able to meet him often... but i guess it aint tt bad.. considering tt he still makes an effort to call me evey nite.. even thoguh somtimes it's just for a few minutes... haiz... o well, i've got my As too... so it wont be tt bad... i'm so overwhlemed by all those work already...

alamak.. we dun have a nice photo together... well, we id take some on my birthday.. just realised that i look so ugly in all of them... for him... well, he's cute no matter wad... :P after as, i wanna tke lots of pics with him... flood my imagestation albums with them.. muhaha...

o guess wad... i dun think i'll ba having much fun even after As... i'll be finishing it on 25th nov... but i'll have to go extract 2 teeth on the next morning.. crap! bo guey for one week! no... actualy it's two.. coz i'll have to extract another 2 on the consecutive week... den the following well will be bonding... not sure wad it is yet... but i heard it's like getting my braces on or sth... yucks! it's just pain and mroe pain... wont be having much fun this way... and hopefully i'll feel alright by 13th dec... got softball chalet in sentosa!! yippee!!! tt reminds me... i better have had slimmed down by then.. i'm stagnant!! how?! not losing weight... seems like i'm gaining weight... and my waist.. and thighs are still as fat!! argh!! gross!!! am i fated to look this way forever? well, i feel ok with my present look.. bu i guess everyone is vain huh... i'm sure i'll feel more confident and stuff if i succeed... anyone got good tips? and pls... money saving ones too... hehe :P

I am 28% evil.

I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

alright... time to blog.... got back all my papers... well, it's pretty sad... didnt reach my target... onli got BBC... and guess wad.... my weakest subject, chem is my best this time. WTH! think i just screwed up the other two.... i noe i could have done a whole lot better... anyway... i think tan was rite... dun think i can handle 4 subjects well... it's like scarificing a bit more time for chem = deproving for maths and physics. i was proud of myself for getting gd results for chem. believe me, i tot i screwed that up too... well, i did here and there.. but it's still a lot better than wad i have expected... better chiong maths and physics too.. especially maths man... how the hell can it be my worst subject?! i screwed up the entire paper.. REALLI... if u're me, u'll understand y.. when u see my paper, u'll faint like how how i felt when i saw those silly careless mistakes i've made... hopefully, A's will be like wad everyone have been saying.. easy enough for u to have time to check thru them... in this way, hopefully i'll onli lose marks becoz i dunno the answers, not becoz of some stupid careless mistakes! it realli sux... especially when u already knew that u have reached a particular standard.. may be not the highest, may be not ur best... but this time round, i've definitely done a lot worse than i could have... TIME TO MUG!!! but screw it... still not in the mood man... i still wanna have fun.. slacked thru today.. it's bad... i need to do something...

hm... next.... settled things between the two of us finally... haiz... just minutes before he called to meet, i tot it was all over.... now i understand.... found out sth new about him... never ever tok to him about anything serious when he's half alseep... he realli ahve no idea wad he said just now... hehe... and he's probabaly very touched to recieve tt book.. muahaha... he said he was speechless... hehe.... i'm glad everything is alright now... just hopes that he can open himself up more... communicate more.... so i can understand him better.... so that things will go smoother from now on....

hm... went out just now... i think i'm beginning to become some kind of a "uncle killer" haha.. realli... those uncles.... they keep looking at me... i dun understand why.... i tot my hair was in a mess.. or may be there's sth wrong with my clothes.. but NO.... everything seems normal when i look into the mirror... weird.... but i dun like the feeling... after all, they are UNCLES... probabaly giving me dirty looks.... yucks!!! walked past a coffee shop just now... u got no idea how much unwanted attention i got! they were looking at me from the time i walk past them till i reached the park opp. even keith noticed it.... den when we went to the coffee shop later for some drinks, those uncles were staring at me again.... WTH! not as if i was wearing anything revealing... not even a spag.. just a hang ten tee and a denim skirt? and it's not short ok! like knee length onli.. if they were my age, i probably wont feel that uncomfortable... better still, if they were good looking.. bleah :P

taht reminds me... i'm happy to be growing up... seems like pple are giving more good comments about me... especially on looks... i used to feel like some ugly duckling... if u noe me since pri sch u would no... those "exploded" curly frizzy hair... dull eyes circled with nerdy spectacles.... totally uncool, quiet and shy type.... almost felt like an outcast.... ya... cant imagine huh? i've changed so much... now to a party animal.... someone who will voice my opinions on almost everything... so straightforward that i'm trying to hold back a little so that i wont be disliked for saying nasty stuff... i've never been son confident about myself... i'm not some pretty gal with an angels's face and a guy-to-die-for body... but i'm certain that i've found somthing unique in me.. my own identity... something that people can see, can feel and like me for... and that makes me unique...

cant wait to club... cant wait to get rid of those fats so i can get a hot bikini and show off in sentosa... muahaha! cant wait to go for my softball chalet in sentosa! cant wait to meet my pri sch frens again... cant wait to get a job... experience and learn new stuff.... cant wait to go overseas.... have fun and have a change of environment... and most of all, cant wait to escape from exams... i like school... except for the examinations...

hiaz... got back bloody maths paper 1 today... sux man... onli got a B a freaking low B! alamak.. i could have gotten more than 10 more marks. and they are not becoz of some freaking careless mistake. it's just that i did 2 bloody questions in a wrong way even though i know how to do the way the teachers wanted them. ARGH!!! WTF! could have gotten A* for it!!! Won't let this happen for A'levels. Man.. this shouldnt happen!!!

hm... looked thru dao's and cc's chem paper3 today.. seems like they realli gotta work a lot harder.. not getting some of the facts right yet... same for me...especially for Group 2 and 7... i sux at that 2 topics. goota do more maths and physics.. think i'm not realli that good in them after all! cant take any risks! I WAN MY 3 As!

O and this reminds me... had a talk on scholarships today... sux man... so unfair. how would i noe that my chances of getting a scholarship is this low when i have onli 3 A levels sub! ARGH.. not as if i havent been doing well in school.... cant be a vet... seems to tough to achieve this goal.... how bout being one of the Charlie's angels? ya u guessed it rite.. policewoman... cool seah! or a teacher... following my mum's footsteps will be cool too.... i like going to her "office". all the sophisicated chemical equipment... well, these are the few careers which i have in mind temporarily... dunno wad to do actually... i dunno wad courses to take in uni too... sigh... guess i should just mug hard now and see wad happens....

hey wad's up with blogger... this is weird.... i couldnt make any new posts at home with my brother's lap top.... after complaining so much to blogger, it seems t be working now.. but i'm in sch comp lab... issit sth wrong with blogger itself or issit just my brother's lap top? weird!
anyway, days without my blog realli sux... so much happened... so much tots.. and i couldnt write all of them down.... ARGH....

anyway, a lot happened... cleared up the mess with dao.. and i'm glad that we're talking in the canteen just now... he looks sad... wonder if i'm over sensitive... but i'm sure he's down.. his eyes... they look teary.... and chunchen... seems like she didnt do well... not tt i did very well, but i guess mine was still ok.... hm.. felt like i should try to do sth to help them... especially since they're my close frens... wonder how i can do tt... becoz in the first place, i'm not very good in chem yet... havent got an A before... i'm not confident enuf to like tutor them.. but i realli wanna help... so wad should i do?

hm.... and tt idiot... o sigh.... i duno... hopefully we'll meet soon.. and clear up all tt mess... he said, "there's no problem".. ya to me... but he dunno how upset i was....have this evil tot.. may be i should let him have a taste of his own medicine huh.... then he'll understand... so frustrating... i'm like how soft hearted! hearing his voice over the phone soften my heart.. wanted to scream into the fone and give him a gd scolding... but... sigh.... almost wanted to end everything... but i couldnt do it...

first day of sch wasnt so bad so far.... met familar faces.. patched up some stuff... and chem is quite ok till now... hopefully my other 2 papers will be better than wad i have gotten back... chua said maths was terrible... sigh... i hope i did ok... i dun wan to be in the "terrible" group... well, maths has always been my stronger subject... so... hm.... if can onli get one A for this prelims, maths should be the onli one....

dad and mom are thinking of going to seattle in late nov to visit aunty.... dad asked me if i wanna go.. think i should go? i wanna travel... but the idea of having them out of town and leaving me home alone seems cool! (evil laughters) ;p u noe wad i'm thinking dun u? if u have read my blog in june, u would understand wad i mean... those two days were proabably oen of the most fun days of my year so far. chiong like siao! muahaha... but if tt's gonna happen in nov, it'll eb after As. i'll be even more carefree by then... will probably try clubbing.. see if i like it... or just chilling out with frens late and nite.. looking forward to feel the nite breeze brushing past my face... if i can spend it with my special someone, tt'll be realli cool!

yippeee!!! main papers are finally over... wad a relief... hm... actually no... it was a nightmare... screwed up every single paper... my oh my.... there goes all my As... if i can get one... think tt's realli good already..... it's like WTH... why set such tough papers?! it's prelims! why? wanna show off to other schools that VJC have very high standard huh? Wad crap... and tt ms tay? cant trust her judgement? u call tt easy?! (roll eyes) easy for u i guess! i'm dead... tt's it...

i dun care... just gonna slack the whole of today and onli start my reviosn for my last 4 papers tml... it doesnt seem to make much a diff anyway! i'm so frustrated...so pissed! hm... so to destress and cheer myself up a little...went to post centre just now.. right after the stupid physics paper... wen to reshape my eye brows... muahah.. the lady called me hairy gal... haha... my eye brows too a bit..erm... i dunno.. too used to my bushy eye brows.. lolz... anyway... then i went 2 storeys doen to singapore's biggest This Fashion!!! woohoo! my eyes must have glowed when i saw those pretty skirts! feel like buying all of them back! ya.. spent at least 1h plus in there... tried at least 8 pieces of skirts and tops! wa all so nice! but i'm so broke! too bad. spent all i had in the end... just bought two skirts... one bubbly greenie and one white, the sweet kind... yeah.... getting more girly nowadays.. i actually like to at dresses too.... quite a few pretty ones... but...eh... i find myself a little mismatch with dresses... haha... not satisfied though.... where's my money?! need more money. need to strike lottery... muahaha.. when i dun even buy any... wan change my wardrobe! byebye old clothes!!!

hey blog.. taking a break from mugging for tml's chem paper3... hm.. freaking out... veryu worried about my chem paper... today's maths... well...ok ba... i would say not as tough as i tot it would be... couldnt do a few qn... but as long as i dun make too mnay careless mistakes, it should be alright.... anyway i still have paper 2 to score with! hehe... hopefully.. :P
hm.. i'm going crazy... he lost his fone and seems to be out of house the whole afternoon. i'm just worried,,, so called him like every few min the whole afternoon... and i dunno wad the hell happen.. my call was diverted? tt was wad was showing on my hp... wad the hell does that mean? anyway, i couldnt reach him the whole afternoon.. tot he say he would call back... i shouldnt take wad he said so seriously huh? i tot he would be very sad and feel lost since he lost his fone. wanted to console him and accompany him.. but.. hm... he seems to be having fun outside... god noes wad he's doing.. never even bother to call me... too overwhelmed by all the fun he's getting probably... wth! i'm freaking out here!!!

"Two rules for stress management: "Rule one: Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule two: It's all small stuff"~ Robert Elliot

"Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." ~ Ben Franklin

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." ~Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." ~Bertrand Russell

"Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency." ~Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind


"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you." ~John De Paola

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." ~Chinese Proverb

it seems like i havent blogged for ages... gosh... spend hous doing the maths paper today... sad sad.. onli got a B.. actually i just have too mnay careless mistakes... i'm surprised by the no of questions i cant do too... sigh.. this is not good... i must get a A for maths!!! coz it seems like my best sub so far.... hm... mug more later....

time flies... just a few more days to prelims... panicky!! oops... how do u spell it? muahaha... i'm kinda dead.... feels like i'm not confident enuff to go for prelims yet... dead... i hope i improve like an expotential curve for the next few days... hehe... realli hope so.. o sigh ... i think i'm realli stressed... i've noticed signs of it... emotionally unstable... i can cry whenever i think of sad stuff.. as in realli whenever i wan.. o no.. actually i cant realli control my tears now... and my face? my gosh... i'm so UGLY! all the pimples and scar! this is bad!! anyone have good advice or ideas on how to get rid of them and smoothen my skin? i dun wanna look like an orange! o ya..one more thing... i've been doing sit ups and crunches every nite or morning... start running once a week... but my tummy is still the same... onli the upper adominum seems pretty toned up... anyone? HELP?! went to watsons tt day... there's this slimming product tt cost a bomb.. like $150+... the salesgal says that i can slim off 2 inches in 2 weeks! sounds attractive but... wonder if it's true...and it cost a bit too much for me to try the product...

hm... havent seen him for quite some time... wonder when we'll meet again... i miss u...

hihi blog... sianz.. this is bad.. i'm always staying up this early..lolz... hm.. today's chem prac realli sux... sigh.. i lost a lot of marks... judt did wad i could... and ya forgot to write wad i could have written down too... sigh sigh... better mug hard for the main papers...

hm... a few days ago..some guy call dennis popped out from no where.... he just sms me and said he got my no from the net a few mths ago.. wad crap... so weird.. now den sms me... i've completely forgotten about it... but then again, he must have sth special or said sth tt was close to my heart...i wouldnt have given my no to a stranger for no reasons... o well, we'll see how things go....

hm... tml keith says he's free in the morning... may be meeting for break fast or sth.. after all, we stay so near.. haha can go jalan kayu to have delicious roti prata! hehe... we'll see how tml... who noes.. may be he'll give me some kinda bad news again.... always like tt.. getting used to it.. but still feel very irratted every time.. the feelings of kana pang seh is realli not nice...

anyway, i'm gonna meet cc in compasspoint tml for mugging.. hehe.... sounds cool..cant wait... never realli mugged with her outside before... i hope tml will be a productive day... gotta finihs 4 chem topics in order to catch up! JIA YOU!

hihi bloggie...computer is crazy again.. now gotta use my bro's lap top again... o well..it sux... hm.. spents hours toking to jasper on the fone... searching for help... didnt mug much today again.. just two siple topics..thermo and AC... feel quite guilty....
but actually it was kidna a nice day... sweet in a way... met keith in the morning... ever since then...he seems to be very attached to me... i feel needed...and tt's realli cool...... muahaha... tt's me la..cant help it... he whines like a gal... complains about y i never reply his sms like wad i always do.... haha.... and he's so excited when he sees me... like a whiny little puppy.... :P not sure how things will turn out between us in future.. but rite now..it's cool... :)
back to my studies... realli gotta do a lot of mugging tml...if not i'm realli dead.... haha.... supposed to be a "chao mugger" now..

hi blog.. i'm sad... damn it... why r guys like tt? they give u so much hope for a min.. and the nest min, they drop it all down like from a tall building.. all shattered by the time it reaches the floor... this sux man... i'm "reaching the floor".. have enuff stress.. cant handle this.. i need to run away... all sickening guys BUG OFF! why make things so complex? why play hard to get? ARGHHhhh... saty away if u wanna play such silly games.. i can take up the challenge but i dun have enuff strength and time to do tt now... so BUG OFF! ysys.. the same song is playing in my head....

I've been waiting all day here for you babe
so won't you come sit and talk to me
and tell me how we're gonna be together always
i hope you know that when it's late at night
I hold on to my pillow tight
and think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone) could make me feel this way
(now that you're here boy all I want) is just a chance to say
get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

A human being is only interesting if he's in contact with himself. I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.
Barbra Streisand (1942 - )

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.
Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945), radio address, October 26, 1939

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
Alan Watts

All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, O Magazine, February 2004

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.
Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

havent come online at such a "early time" for pretty long time... man... i hate mugging... but well, i'm kinda on the rite track now... at least i am improving..can sit and mug for 2 hours now...
sianz.. i'm kinda sick of my blog skin already... but it's still SOOO CUTE!!! hehe :P wen to blogskin.com to look at new skins... but nah... there were a few pretty nice ones.. but not impressive enuff..not "me" enuff... perhpas i shall learn how to make my own after Alevels..

read efei's blog again just now... somehow i still think of him sometimes... it's like.. he still holds a place in my heart.. afterall, he's the first guy whom i have mutual feelings for at the same time... i dun like to run away from my problems... dun like to let time "dissolve" them.. it;s still there isnt it? u noe it... when efei told me tt he prefers to stay as frens and isnt sure of his feelings for me anymore, i forgot to ask him why tt happened so suddenly... WHY? it's kinda unfair isnt it? the qn still bothers me now and then.. whenever i think of him... i guess tt's probably the main reason why i still think of him when i already knew it's close to impossible for us to be together....

got a message from jimmy in frenster too... are we still frens? i dunno... actually i'm afriad of seeing him again... i wan to keep a distance... and i realli mean a distance... he's like realli changed... and i onli noe of the bad part...so ya... look at his frens list.. it's like soft porn... my oh my... but i guess he's becoming more concerned of his studies now... asked me how i deal with my studies and stress from it... ya..i gave him some tips..hope it'll help him.. anyway diff study methods work for diff pple..so i'm not sure if it works for him anyway...

hm.. and keith... didnt hear from him tonite... surprisingly realli sad... i could scream and shout into his ears... punch him like a punching bag if he's here now... but well.. he's sad... tt's wad he claims... i wonder y he's sad? screwed up driving test again? try again den... life is full of failures.. we just have to learn from them, learn from our mistakes and come back stronger to fite back even harder... wad's wrong with failing? and sometimes i wonder, if he knows about my blog, do he read it? i hope my previous blog didnt make him sad... well, tt's if he read it... but it's realli wad i feel sometimes... all tt stress... cant handle it soemtimes... i am strong willed, stubborn by nature... softball made me a more determined gal... but ya... soemtimes i still feel weak... feel like i need someone or sth to pull me up and share some of my problems... ya tt's proabably when i feel like i need love... the need to be protected and pampered... o well, keith... if u do read my blog... i meant wad i've been telling u... and there's more to why i havent said yes.... so many doubts... i'm scared...

Oh my.. i just looked at my own blog... jus realised how long i havent blogged! haha.. taking a break from mugging chem now... i'm trying to get up my "mugging mountain"... moutain..coz it's gonna be a high peak , higher than Mt Everest when i take my Alevels... haha... hope so...

hm... cleared my GP Prelims yesterday... i wa so scared.. coz i havent been doing well ever since i step into VJC.. i'm not a language person u see... such stuff doesnt come naturally to me... i spent my whole sunday trying to read about sci & tech... well, i guess it's worth it... i may not score well for laguage.. but i'm pretty sure i have lots of examples to support my arguments.. well, provided the arguments are rite of coz... :P It was a tough paper1 like wad ms rajan said..but i guessed it was "difficult" in a good way.. coz i have onli 1 question that i'm very sure i could write on.. haha...didnt spend much time trying to figure out which to write on... coz i dunno how to write for the other 11... not a single bit on them... muahaha... and the compre? oh my... i'm so dead... i didnt even realli understand some of the questions.. cham cham!!

o... just read yufee's blog too.. my god... he's in his 3rd phase for revision?!!! i just started!! *faint
stress man... i just wish to clear prelims with at least a B for 2 of them and a A for probably maths or physics... must mug hard for physics and chem after prelims... they're still not as stable as maths... especially my chem... alamak... like quadratic curve... up and down.. have max and min.... hm.. probably becoz i just started studying, i still feel like i'm lost... not sure if i can finish everything before prelims itself starts...

ya.. den comes stuff tt shouldnt be bothering me now... tt's love... cant help it.. i'm a drama queen, an attention seeker.... cant live without all the attention i need.. and ya.. love... sigh... things get more complex when u grow older... now i understand why my mum wanted me to go to a gal sch and hopefully be free from all the love prob i may get... and may be tt's y... i cant handle this prob now... i've never experienced such a thing before... all my ex or pple who had feelings for me, are not from my sch... they're my outside sch frens.... it's like u dun get to see the person day in day out... some things are simpler that way... and now... i feel like i've lost a good fren... we cant talk like before... he's so cold to me when we chat in msn... or at least i tried... it feels weird when we go out like for lunch in a group... we tok to everyone else in the group except each other... WHY? this sux man... it sux to lose a fren... i hate tt... i should have kept a distance in the first place... to avoid such stuff from happening if i knew it would turn out this way... i would rather keep a life long fren den to lose one this way...

CC told me yesterday about their little chat... Have he ever popped the question? NOT tt i noe of... How do a guy jio a gal? i'm sorry to say this.. but it's a very normal thing for me to go for a movie with a guy fren alone... it can be "no strings attached"... cant' it? Is it realli fair to blame me for not giving u a chance? Is it fair to blame Keith for swaying my heart towards him? How much do u noe about me? about keith? about wad and how much keith has done for me and to win my heart? It's probably becoz it's ur first time... probably becoz u havent gone out with a ger fren alone.... probably becoz u dun understand enough wad a gal needs from her guy and hence how to win her heart... i dun bame u.. but dun blame me for wadever stuff u r disapointed or angry with.. neither should u be blaming Keith... he noes bout u too.. but all he's doing or more like trying to do is to have faith in himself, to do his stuff, do his best to win my heart.. and ya.. i admire tt... and u? sigh... becoz of the way this is going, i'm glad that sch has ended... study break has started... at least we wont see each other so often.. can avoid those weird embarassing moments...

and keith... ya.. he's doing his thing.. getting sweeter day by day... besides all his sweet talking, he's trying to prove himself with actions too... making little scarifices... bla bla... hm.. i like tt... but then again... not onli towards him... ever since i broke up with jimmy... ever since efei wanted to be frens onli after giving me so much hope... i've lost trust in love... plus the upcoming prelims and Alevels, i'm afraid of giving up my heart again, with the risk tt it may be crushed some day... if tt happens, i'll be a goner... i'll lose faith in love again.. lose my self esteem tt took lots of effort and years to build up... lose my confidence... lose my trust for guys out there.. and to worst is to do badly for my A levels... nono.. i wont let tt happen.... sigh... may be i'm better off alone... but... argh...

I've been waiting all day here for you babe
so won't you come sit and talk to me
and tell me how we're gonna be together always
i hope you know that when it's late at night
I hold on to my pillow tight
and think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone) could make me feel this way
(now that you're here boy all I want) is just a chance to say

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

tell me why you're looking so confused
when I'm the one who didn't know the truth
how could you ever be so cold?
to go behind my back and call my friend
boy you must've gone and bumped your head
because you left her number on your phone
(so now after all is said and done)
maybe I'm the one to blame but
(to think that you could be the one)
well it didn't work out that way

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies (all the lies)
you said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time) I

wanted you right here with me
but I have no choice, you've gotta leave
because my heart is breaking with every word I'm saying,
boy I gave up everything I had
on something that just wouldn't last
but I refuse to cry no tears will fall from these eyes (ohh, ohh)
get out!

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me (you and me)
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies (how did buy all your lies?)
you said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me (hey yeah)
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right (treat me right)
but you was just a waste of time (ooh)

get out (leave)
(you and me) it's too late (now)(too late) (you)
about her (move)(why)
you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time(waste of time) (ohh)
Leave!