LoVe Is A gAmBLe..

discussed about this again..
i sound so pro when i explained my rationale..
we man, cannot predict the future...
but yes.. wadever choices u make now, will affect ur future eventually...
y do some pple hold back so much when they r deciding whether or not to commit, whether or not to give their all?
becoz they care..
n it's not wrong..
but it's not entirely right either..
at least in my opinion...
it's gd tt u r thinking about the consequences..
wad if it fails?
can we still be frens?
will he/she hate me?
will i hurt him/her?
will i get myself hurt? bla bla bla...

u have matured if u consider the other party's feelings..
it's perfectly right to do so..
but wad u think it's best for the 2 of u, might not be the case in his/her opinion...
wad gives u the right to decided sth tt will affect not just u, but the both of u?

ok i am digressing.. so y my title?
becoz.. when u come to a cross road..
when u have to make decisions.. to do it or not, pple tend to hesitate..
whether to step into a r/s or not..
it's just like gambling.. f
or instance, in the game of roulette....
the smallest bet is 10 bucks..
if u choose not to place any bet, u dun take any risk..
yes u wont lose anything..
but u wont gain anything..

if u place ur bet, if u tried, there's a possiblity tt u will lose tt 10 bucks..
but there's also a possibility of gaining..
strictly speaking.. min 10, max 350 bucks of winnings..
so.. would u place ur bet?

i would in most cases..
how would i place my bets?
tt will depend on how much i have with me..
if u never try, u will never find ur answers..
one of my fav quotations, wad lived with me thru my 6 years of softball:

"I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying" ~ Micheal Jordan

bored...

so bored... nth to do now..

hai.. dunno how i am gonna slim down seah.. i get hungry at ard this time every night.. indulding in my orange cheesecake again.. wahaha.. it's just super nice can... solution is to sleep early? hoho. it's impossible for a chem engineer.. especially when sch starts.. may be... all thanks to him.. ya..

anyway... i sms him yesterday.. just forwarded a msg.. sth tt yimin sent me.. i wonder y.. but tt's not the pt... hm.. dunno.. may be i am over sensitive.. somehow i sense tt he is either stressed up, tired or just unhappy.. how do i noe? from his nicks perhaps.. ah it was hardly anything positive anyway.. yesh.. tt topman t shirt tt says "i'm grumpy"certainly suits him.. may be if we can be frens by his bdae.. i can get him one, provided topman is still selling it.. or.. may be i'll just design sth similar n print one for him.. wahaha.. hm.. not realli bothered about us.. just worried about him.. siyong said tt it's normal to wonder how the other party is doing.. so.. i guess it's alright.. atually i think so too..

hmm.. looks like i m taking it well.. y? all thanks to my distraction(s).. haha... m i prettier now? becoz.. pple say woman in love r.. think the ants r gonna bite me.. coz i'm just simply blessed... so sweet... my last week of this holiday is just great.. i hope this doesnt stop just there... not when u noe u r doing it well.. if u get wad i mean...

still a softee.. i still melt easily.. but.. no... i shall be stronger.. colder..

nuaing day...

been out the entire day... showhand 500 general points for general bio.. n guess wad~! i onli got it for 1 pt~!!! yea yea.. must study hard for it.. even thouhg it may be easy... never ever underestimate the mods.. tt's wad i learnt from last sem.. 6 mods to do.. gonna be damn xiong.. i shall be a chao mugger apart from my other commitments, FLV, engine o week and CHESS FWC.. not easy.. with all the meetings.. plus i dun think i have tt much self discipline.. hee.. cannot push myself too hard.. i'll burn out easily.. from experience..

hm... day 1 of sch isnt easy already.. gotta reach sch at 10am to do mkting for flv.. 12 lunch.. 2-4 teach seth rock n roll.. 4-6 lectures.. ha.. busy busy day...
i'm like coming to sch on alt days.. wahaha... thu is lecture day.. long long day... n after tt, i have flv meeting.. wa.. gonna be tiring seah.. sat fwc gathering, sun engine o week dry run.. fwah~! how m i gonna make time for the new excited bees in my life? lol...

ok here's announcing.. i need chem engineering principles and programming text book.. who's gonna sell or give them to me? dun dare to get it from him.. he may not be ready.. considering the fact tt he hasnt msged me even when we;re both online... on i have fna n mkting text books for sale.. mkting.. i still have notes.. yea... anyone wan it, let me noe...

today.. been a pretty nice day.. good n bad happened.. aiya.. sensored.. heee.. sicne when do i do tt ya? but.. ya.. my life is just so exciting..

Guardian angel.. ha... whose angel.. i've no one to be there for... yea.. gave too much... i must live for myself.. n pamper myself..

goals for this sem
1. up my cap, 5.0~! wahaha
2. let go of him
3. make flv a success
4. strengthen bondings with my uni frens...

eh... tt's all i can think of now...

realise i have a lot of frens.. i dun wanna be a roamer anymore... shall make more buddies instead of just frens.. haha.. they r so mnay potenial buddies ard me.. i just never made the effort to strengthen our frenship.. i'm so sorry.. i've negleted all of u...

hm.. patrick asked me to take up the role of chief councillor for engine o week.. wondering if it's too much for me... i've got flv, fwc.. i gotta retake ctw somemore... haiz.. hectic sem...

where's my angel?

wondering.. worried...

bored.. waiting for 1pm to come..

The Passion Predictor
Shirley, you're a Guardian Angel!

Chances are you've kicked around the idea of settling down on some shady lane with your honey and maybe even thought about having a kid or a couple of pets. Even if you've never cooked a pot roast or picked out fabric for curtains, we'll bet you've got solid nurturing instincts nestled within. That's why, when it comes to your partner, you're the Mother Teresa of romantic relationships. Doing little things like planning cool vacations and jotting a quick love note, tells your partner daily how much you care. This A+ quality not only makes you a compassionate lover, but also a trusted friend.Here's the rub: You're ready to give and give, but sometimes you might get resentful when your significant other doesn't return the favor. It can be difficult for you to let people fend for themselves, but try to focus on maintaining balance. Be sure to look out for number one, and try to indulge yourself as often as you indulge those you care about.

http://web.tickle.com/passion/result.jsp

Almost 100% true...

It would appear that you are experiencing one problem after another. When one problem is resolved, another seems to immediately take its place. It could well be that you are trying too desperately to evade or to escape from your present situation and it is 'you' that is causing the problems to manifest themselves. You need to slow down a little.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

Being afraid that you may be prevented from achieving your hopes and dreams is making you anxious and nervous. As a dreamer your ideas can at times move into the realm of fantasy and you could be following that so called illusive dream.

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

Blading.. wheeee~!!!!

yea yea.. i learnt how to stop.. with a turn.. ah wadever u call tt stunt.. hahaha.. all thanks to mark~! didnt realli get to skate along ecp... spent most of my time at the beginner's corner learning tt stunt n falling of coz.. haha..

hm... my orange cake was a lil watery this morning.. added gelatine.. now it's alright already.. yum yum..

the person i made my first cake for... not my dad... to be honest..

haiz..

My 2nd trial - Orange cheesecake

hehehe.. i just made my 2nd cheesecake.. hope it tastes good.. pretty cool.. squeezed fresh orange juice... graded some orange skin.. added some real fresh orange... yipeee~!

fresh orange cheesecake~! any fresher, u will have to peel it urself~!!!

from http://web.tickle.com/tests/superiq/result.jsp

The Super IQ Test
How Smart Are You Really?

Shirley, your Super IQ score is 120

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.The way you think about things makes you a Creative Theorist. This means you are a highly intelligent, complex person. You are able to process information of nearly every kind with ease, using both creativity and analysis to make sense of the world. Compared to others you also have a very rich imagination.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Creative Theorist? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Creative Theorist. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.


The Emotional IQ Test
How People-Smart Are You?

Shirley, your Emotional IQ is 126.
So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is empathy — your ability to see things from someone else's point of view.

Shirley, your Casanova is the Rebel

Hey there, party girl! Always on the lookout for the bad boy in the crowd, you like your Casanova complete with imagination, heart, humor, and lots of attitude. Cool and confident, you're attracted to people who aren't afraid to speak their minds and stir up a little trouble here and there. It keeps things interesting — that's for sure.Pay attention to rules? Not a hot tamale like you! You're way too busy trying new things, meeting people, and having a good time to follow in someone else's footsteps. Good thing your sexy rebel can blaze his own path, too!

> haha.. i did these when i was kinda bored... hmm not bad eh? quite fun... but the casanova thingy.. not so sure about tt..

HaPpY NeW YeAr~!!!

O yea.. i'm back from cruise~! yipee~! had lots of fun.. hahaha... hm... let me recall..

1st night - 30th dec 2006

by the time we were onboard, it was dinner time..granny was so kanchiong, she rushed to the restaurant and booked the table for us, even before we could chek out our rooms.. it wasnt our first time, so we're all not very excited i guess.. the last few times when we were here, there wasnt much for us to do...

after dinner, the usual.. arcade... sigh.. star cruise should realli do sth about their arcade.. all the games r like so old.. even my bros didnt noe wad to play after a game or two.. ohh~! n i spot one yandao.. hehehe... one onli~! so sad.. there was another... but.. think he's younger than me... anyway.. nth much to say about them anyway.. er...

after arcade, granny jio us to watch the performance at lido... it was pretty spectacular... but one thing i realli needa comment on.. it's kinda weird to see shaolin wushu performance with techno music.. haha.. n the supposedly shaolin monks fighting with european acrobats and south american dancers... wth~!!! but there're good.. i mean their separate performances.. not when they fight together.. so comical to put them all together.. i cant see how they are linked..

i actually turned in earlier than when i am at home.. after supper, tt;s it.. end of day 1..

day 2 - 31st December 2005
last day of 2005 was pretty happening for me... it was the day tt made this whole cruise experience different... i found out from granny tt ktv there was free if u dare sing in the pub.. as in not in ur own private room u noe.. all u have to do, is to order a drink.. it's pretty cheap if u r gonna spend a few hours there.. n yea.. i realli sang a lot~!!! i spent most of my day there actually.. when i have nth to do.. i'll just go sing withmy lil bro.. hee...
o... after lunch, i went to the casino to look for my granny.. i guess she was losing quite a lot.. she looked at me like i was some angel from heaven when she spot me.. all the aunties n uncles ard me shared the same expression.. i wonder y.. becoz i am too young? becoz i am a newbie? they were like all excited to see me play when my granny passed me her chips to play with.. i placed a bet of 30 bucks.. 10 on 3 different no for roulette.. n guess wad~! i won again.. just like my first time to casino last year.. one shot... 360 bucks~! wahaha... minus the 30.. 330 bucks of winnings... hehehe.. so i decided to stop playing n walk away with my winnings.. hehehe... well, granny was realli losing quite a bit.. so she asked me to play for her.. i think i won a total of 600+ but it wasnt enuff to cover her loses.. her bets were 3 times more than mine... sigh... so... i had to part with most of my winnings... she looked so sad...couldnt help it...

i think i have a few casino fans after my second time there.. haha... so lucky eh?

hmm... after dinner, my family participated in the karaoke competition.. my parents n my bro stanley.. ha.. not bad.. i dun have the courage.. not gd enuff yet... didnt expect all of them to be so onz... went to play mahjong as we wait for 11.30pm to come..

there's a countdown party at the galaxy of stars.. i was expecting sth better.. realli.. it started alright.. with music played from the cd.. when the band played, i started getting bored.. the music is ok.. just not for dancing i guess.. not for youngsters.. lol.. my granny.. so happening.. more happening than my mum.. she was having a fun time dancing ard with the crews and other passengers.. i drank quite a lil so called sparkling wine... fwah... so red n hot in no time... shud train up soon.. get ready for pru bash.. lol... these are some of our pics.. taken with my camera fone..

i convinced my bros to sneak to celebrity disco with me at 13th floor..hehehe.. it was quite fun.. our kind of music was blasting.. disco inferno, my milkshake.. etc... but unfortunately, this waitress came to check our access card n found out tt my lil bro is 18 yet.. haiz.. so we had to leave tog.. went for supper then...

was quite disappointed.. tot my 1st so called clubbing experience gonna turn out like last year's again.. was sharing it with my granny.. n she suggested to accompany me.. ha~~! my granny~! can u believe it?! lol... n so we did~! danced non stop for like an hour.. wa damn tiring.. may be tt's y pple who dance n club often all have gd bods.. shagged off all the excess fat.. hahahaha.... o guess wad.. the cute guy was there too.. so guai.. sitting on the couch with his grp of frens.. prob just chilling out.. or may be there were too many indians on the dance floor.. weijie will never go in if he was there.. hahaha...

hmm... returned just this afternoon... not tired.. since i slept so much.. hehe..

tot thru a lot when i was on board.... since it is a new year, wadever happened last year stays in the year.. let bygones by bygones i told myself.. i no longer hate u.. or anyone.. haiz.. well.. let's be brave n accept the fact tt i still love u very much... i still care for u.. n i do realli wanna stay as frens with u.. i dunno if i am ready yet.... but right now, i am sorry, u r definitely not just a fren to me.. for obvious reasons, the present n the past... since u have let go everything, it;s my turn to do so too.. if not, i'll just be digging my own grave.. for no reason.. perhaps i was too compromising.. too understanding.. gave u too much space when u needed them.. may be seth is right.. we didnt have enuff time to understand each other better.. i mistaken wad u meant by independent n being too sticky.. may be...may be it was my fault in thr first place to allow myself to give u all tt.. time will heal my wounds.. time will fade it all.. hopefully, we can be frens again.. just frens.. photos gone.. smses gone... everything empty... starting new afresh... let time fill up these empty spaces with sweet happy memories...

oops.. i have a stupid qn to ask suddenly.. so... r u still gonna pass me ur books? wahahaha :P

need a hug... need a smooch.. who's gonna give it to me? ok i am crazy.. nvm me...

Counting down to 2006 on cruise~~! - an escape for me perhaps

hm.. had a long chat with mark yesterday..
yea.. i shud realli stop reading it..
i have a week b4 sch starts...
b4 i face my greatest fear...
i have to stand up..
recover by then...
i have my CAP to up..
u r not gonna ruin my life again..

hm... suddenly the cruise seems to be helpful..
i always dread gg to cruise..
becoz i do nth but rot on cruise..
eat n sleep.. n play lousy arcade..
but this time it;s different..
it''s a chance for me to get away from everything..
to plan my sem ahead...
prioritise, so tt i will not make the same mistakes again..

u noe.. i wonder y..
i am rather confused..
this i must clear up..
i tot i''ve let go everything..
somehow.. i still care..
after all the pain u brought to me..
the very moment i learnt tt u r sick,
i felt the urge to be there for u,
to take care of u, be sure tt u r alright..
is it just as a fren?
or have i not let go everything?

wadever it is, it is now just a passing tot...
it will not happen..
i will not allow it to happen...
it never will...
there''s no "till then"..
becoz there isnt any story of us in the future..
not in my books...

all erased...
my tears washed them away...
my blood stained n buried with them..
the old heart u crushed with tt cold hands of urs died with them..

the new one reborn..
i can feel it..
i see hope..
but it is locked..
someone hold the key..
anyone else but u..

SuRpRiSe SuRpRiSe~!!

r guys fan qian or wad? he msged...
yea wad a surprise..
i felt almost nth...
just didnt expect him to do so..
coz he's always running away from his problems..
didnt expect him to have the courage to contact me at all..
after all tt he has done to me..

somehow i can still hack into his brain..
he posted..
no this is the last time i m gonna read tt blog of urs..
mark is right..
leave everyhting behind.. y shud i read?
it doesnt mean anything to me anymore..
perhaps it was never anyone's fault tt ur feelings diminished..
i've been thru tt myself..
it just happpened.. ya.. it just did..
still... i cant accept they way u reacted to it..
how u told me tt u were ready before i agreed to start sth with u..

good move there..
ur sms made me feel good..
becoz i am not much bothered by u anymore..
it feels good to be able to let go..
wad a pity.. realli..
i tot it was sth..

but nvm.. u r right..
so is mark.. so is edmund..
so is everyone who have been listening n consoling me..
i certainly deserve better..

life has never been so exciting..
i fell so badly this holiday..
probably caught so much attention,
pple started showing their care a bit more..
feeling pampered..
made a gd fren..
wahaha.. being driven here n there feels gd..
wahaha.. o no.. becoming a lil.. materialistic?
hehe.. i am just plain lazy la..
n tt siao kia mark has proven me right once again..
i shall not disclose all the crazy things u said n done..
haha.. shall not ruin ur reputation..

ooo.. someone baked a cake for me to test tml~!
so sweet eh?
am i lucky or wad?

thanks my angels...
for being there for me when i am weak...
whoever never there dun deserve my tears, care and concern right?
i;ve learnt tt... thanks once again..

off to curise tml~!
yipee.. shall win more money back from casino..
practice ktv..
n may be meet new pple?
hehehehe...

i think i m realli confused..

haha... frens been telling me not to post up my tots n feelings about him on my blog.. not to show him my weaknesses.. is tt a weakness i wonder? y would it be? it''s my blog.. it;s where i trash out everything.. it''s not meant for any of u to read in the first place.. it''s for me.. onli me.. to say wadvere i wan to say.. to complain.. so y do i have a counter? contradicting isnt it? becoz i found tt i have quite a few regulars... so.. y not? just to find out how mnay pple read my posts.. not like was u think about my posts matter much to me...

n no.. i see it as a strength.. to be able to be honest with myself n everyone else.. even towards him.. it''s natural.. it;s was i feel... if u knew me well enuff, i wouldnt have to say it out... u would noe tt i was having troubling getting over it... yes WAS... not tt i have succeeded in letting go everything... but.. i am almost there..

thanks to all my frens, my angels who have me there for me all these while.. keeping me busy... all so sweet n nice... ha... n may be the bees.. it''s not a bad time to have bees ard u at this time.. but i must be careful not to let anyone get too close to my heart... becoz i might make a wrong decision again..

once bitten twice shy.. stay away from me...

i''m happy with the angels ard me... enjoying my singlehood as much as i can.. life will onli get better... becoz i am me.. i am shirley~~! :)

moody day...

he's back.. or he will be today...
sigh.. cant help it...
perhaps i'm not to be blamed..
it's natural to still hold on to sth now right?
it'll take time to let go everything..
i noe i will..
i have to...

ponned meetings today..
quite drained from the chalet n my crazy outings...
slept all the way till 12 before siyong woke me up..
just dun feel like gg out...
may be i just wanna nua with someone...
suddenly, i feel weak..
thinking of u, makes me feel weak...
wan to be hugged tightly,
protected from all evils..
i need someone to pull me up..
confused i am...

serves me right...
i might not be thinking of all these things now
if i went for flv meeting.. n pru meeting after tt...
i'll be off to cruise soon...
would u wanna tok to me before i leave?
would i wan to tok to u?
would i allow myself to?

my eventful post christmas days

hee... dun remember if i talked about how i spent my christmas.. so here's it..

hm... went to ecp to blade with edmund.. haha... so scary... exciting n all... i mena the last time i blade was when i was like in pri 4 or 5? realli cant remember how to blade seah.. when i stood up, i tried moving, but i slided backwards... hahaha... but later, i figured it out.. we both had much fun i guess...

anyway, just realised tt ecp is quite a cool spot for frens and couples to hang out.. we didnt have the chance.. wad a pity.. but may be u wont like it either.. i nuaed with edmund on the beach, under this coconut tree for some time when we both got tired with all the (walking) blading.. ya.. it;s quite cool.. with the brezze blowing gently on ur face.. watch the tides come in n out... just nua n enjoy the scenery... tok cock with ur buddy...

edmund gave me a diary for a christmas present.. feel so bad.. coz i havent got time to get him one.. :P next time ok? hee... erm... yea.. o did i mention tt mark gave me this la bi xiao xin vcd? it's so... diao.. but funny.. hahaha... a cartoon version of himself...

26th dec... lao yeye n lao nainai came back from shanghai.. met up with them for lunch.. went to grassroot club.. still prefer the buffet we had for dinner last time.. with all the abalones, sharkfin, xue ha... :)~ hehe.. i told u i was tai tai material... training hard to be one.. wahhaaha...

then went for ks bdae chalet... blade with luna again.. quan was so funny... he couldnt blade at all.. at least kahsin could move... he looked like a robot.. serious.. hehehe... anyway... ya... think kahsin did a lot to make his chalet a success... not bad.. food marinated well... even though i would not like to know how he did it exactly after seeing how he prepares his salad.. wahaha...

hm.. half way thru, i'm so sorry kahsin, didnt come back on time to cut the cake with u.. mark called up n asked for a spin.. i knew wad was up.. so couldnt help it.. i'm a gd fren u noe... hehe... so i agreed.. for the very first time, i took a ride in his car.. he drives like mad~! make acute turns... pple slow down when they turn, he speeds up.. i think.. we went to changi airport.. to have ice cream~! hahha.... havign a car is realli convenient huh.. may be i shud include tt in my must-have list for my future bf.. wahahaha... then went back to ecp, to his pub to have a drink.. well.. i was gg for ktv.. n i am not gd at drinking, so i onli took a few sips from his... yea.. we talked a lot.. it was realli fun.. mark's a real nice crazy fren to hang out with.. he piggybacked me back to the car.. hahaha.... siao one...

byt the time i reached the chalet, luna left for k box.. thank goodness mark waited for me... so he drove me over to parkway.. too bad he has an appt.. if not, i could have invited him too... he's a gd singer.. hmm.. i waited realli long for luna... they actually walked over~!!! hm.. think this is one of the few times i realli sang... hehehe... not bad.. improving..

these few days are one of my craziest days of my life i guess.. after chalet, i actually took 31, all the way to toa pa yoh to shop.. alone... haha.. bought 2 basic tops n a black skirt... realised i have onli spags.. wahaha... hmm.. ya.. then makr called again.. jio me for movie.. but we were late la.. wth.. missed the movie.. n he confused perhaps love with the promise... so diao... alamak... so accompained him to eat.. then he took 22 min to drive to pasir ris.. haha.. lu chi like me... went to pet farms.. played with cute puppies n all.. fun day~!

ya... i'm thankful tt my frens are keeping me busy... so much so tt i seem to be leaving all my sorrows behind me effectively.. not thinking about it as much.. but i still read the smses u send me sometimes.. our photos... think i shud keep all our sweet memories.. leave the sad ones behind... haiz...

i'm a stronger person now.. no one can bring me down...

MeRrY cHrIsTMaS~!!!

merry chirstmas to all...
sigh.. i am still bothered by him..
y so? sigh.. wondering how he is spending his christmas..
haiz... even though i do hate him... but.. sigh...

anyway... i pang seh mark today.. wahaha..
so paiseh,.. but i reached home so late on fri...
felt bad if i left hous early mroning again..
yes.. so i stayed at home..
guai guai.. quite a boring christmas eve..
had the usual fmaily dinner..
mahjong with the pros, my dad, granny n aunty..
lost.. but a gd game... coz i never throw any winning tiles at all..

n o~! happy birthday FELIX~!

hee.. decided to go out with edmund tml..
shall not spend my christmas rotting at home alone..
hee.. roller blading.. 2 noobs blading..
think i need some cushions for my butt...
we'll see how tml..
hope it'll be fun...

ya... i shud try n call mark now..
he's mia~!!

PiSsED wItH nUs~! NuS sUcKs~!

sigh.. it's realli bad... stupid nus ask me to either retake CTW of accept a D grade.. wtf~! have u got any idea how much time I wasted on the stupid module? yea.. even though I took my papers in the hospital, as expected I didnt do well, but I am sure I can get at least a B if they grade me according to my assignments like the assured me~! f**K~! wad is this?!!! not as if it's gonna improve my cap.. it's so low.. i onli passed... arghhhh... and physics was my best mod.. can u believe it?!!! I am sure I could have done a hell lot better if it's not for the infection. but nvm... I shall be a full time mugger next sem.. apart from my commitments to the 2 or 3 projects.. I am gonna screw NUS upside down.. they better grade me as promised.. Or I am going all the way to MOE~! I am already affected for all the other modules.. U R SO NOT GONNA BULLY A SICK PATIENT LIKE TT!!!

ah... and thanks felix... for the sunflower.. so sweet of him huh... haha.. never expected him to buy me flowers.. hahaha.. he looks so blur.. with such things... cool... u made my day...

i am not happy with my results of coz.. but it cant be helped.. i wasnt in my best condition.. not even in gd condition.. my brain was so fried.. i couldnt rmemeber anything.. i was so sick.. i couldnt study... so... haiz... who's to blame? the infection... one sem down... i better work hard next sem, need to pull up my cap..

n... about him... well.. i never teared for him anymore.. i guess i feel so numb about it.. i dunno wad to do anymore.. my heart still ache.. i can realli feel the pain, emotionally n physically.. but.. so wad.. not like it will matter to him.. not like it;s gonna chnage anything... selfish he is.. blinded i am... he's away overseas now.. prob having fun... y should I get upset about him, about us? I deserve a hell lot better.. trying hard to move on.. Í have recovered quite well these few days.. have alot of caring and supportive frens ard me.. like felix... have been talking to ruhua... haha... yea.. keeps me occupied at night.. when i think a lot.. influenced by tt jerk i guess.. n edmund... he's been realli sweet too...

y shud i wait for u and expose myself to such uncertainties when there are so many better guys, great guys out there waiting for me to choose? ha.. even till the very second when we break up, u;re still so selfish, still full of urself, still thinking onli about u urself... y do u deserve me care? y shud i remain as gd frens with u? y shud i try and talk to u like before? and exposed myself to the risk of breaking my heart even more if i fall deeper for u instead of letting it go with time, or if i find out tt u fell for someone else when i still have such strong feelings for u? y shud I even consider to remain as frens with u? y shud i? ya.. it's such a pity tt our frenship is flushed down the toilet bowl along with out shitty r/s and memories... but do u realli think u deserve this frenship.. after what u have done to me? y shud i let u off so easily? i dun hold grudges.. i dun usually do.. but it hurts too much... no i wont forgive u.. i dunno wad can be done.. i see no hope n no light to out r/s, to our frenship..

i screwed up my first sem.. it's time to wake up... jerks stay away from me... i am gonna concentrate on my studies and all my projects.. dean's list wannabe coming ur way... i am determined..

Why cant u just get OUT OF MY MIND?!!

i had enuff of this sick shit...
so frustrated with everything..
the more i think of it, the more i feel cheated...
how the heck did i get myself into such a mess?
y did i allow myself to give so much?
Y?!!!! y?!!!!!! Y?!!!!

It's so hard to pull everything back now...
if u onli liked me a lot.. if it;s not enuff to call it love,
y come so close to me?
y bother going through so much drama to win my heart?
y did u allow wad happen tt day to happen?
y did u even try kissing me the very first time?
i had so many flash backs..
from the first time we met..
the first time we had a heart to heart chat..
the first time we watched a movie together..
when u said tt u felt the urge to hold my hands..
u got no idea how touched i was.. i melted..
ok i am s softee.. perhaps tt's y i am so easily cheated..
fell into this miserable trap...
i am such an idiot.. to believe tt u r ready..
to believe tt u might be the one i am looking for..
to believe tt u loved me..

how is everything gonna return to before after all tt has happened?
it's impossible~!
i'm deeply hurt...
by u.. my onli love...
i hope everything will become hate..
i wanna let go of everything now.. badly~!
i wanan forget u..us...
every single word tt u said tt is registered in my stupid brain...
OUT~! OUT U GO..
LEAVE MY MIND..
LEAVE MY LIFE..
LEAVE MY WORLD..
dun appear in front of me..
i dun wan to be reminded of wad we been thru together..

we can never be frens..
dun think we can...
i said tt i dun blame u for losing feelings for me..
yes i dun..
but i cant help it..
i cant forgive u for bringing all these pain to me..
it hurts too much.. becoz i love u too much..
too soon.. too soon...seth's right..

pls stay away from me...
i have no mroe tears to cry for u...
val's right.. u dun deserve my tears...
time to move on..

so afraid of being alone now.. coz i'll keep thinking about us..
thanks edmund... for accompanying me today...
narnia was not bad...
i am glad n blessed with so many angels ard me...
cheong hua was first..

ghim was there..

felix was there..

mengyi was there..

so was arvind..

when i flooded aranda right after our closure on the fone..

thanks to all who asked.. n showed concern...

hongkeat, liang han... cheryl especially...

paulene...

i dunno if i missed out anyone..

but thnaks to all of u..

i'll be stronger..

i'll not cry anymore for tt jerk...

not like he cares.. not like he feels anything..

y would he?

he feels nth for me anyway...

stay away from me.. dun trick me into this dreadful trap again...

i dun wan to fall deeper..

my 2nd post of SORROWS..

i stopped crying.. finally... perhaps i have no more tears...
i dunno if i can talk to u like before..
i dunno how to face u...
becoz we feel differently for one another..
i wan to stay close to u..
as close as possible...
but no, i dun regret breaking off..
it's best for u.. and hence, may be me...
gd luck.. i hope u get ur championship title..
train hard... but do rest well...
pls do not go smoke or do anything to hurt urself..
it'll hurt me further...
i guess it's not ur fault..
feelings do fade... i;ve experienced it myself..
especially when u r so busy...
when i am not ur priority...
i'm not in the pic...
u wan to gain self confidence..
u wan personal glory..
u wan to be treasured n valued more by ur frens..
i guess i failed to make u feel special...
i understand ur goals for urself..
it hurts so badly when i read ur sms again..
when ur last words played back in my head again..
but i've accepted it..
i hope it's worth it..
i hope u'll get wad u wan..
i hope u will be happy..
i love u...

now i understand wad mengyi meant...
now i tt i felt it for myself..
when i think of u..
when my mum just asked about u over dinner..
the breathlessness..
the pain...
it felt almost like my heart was bleeding in pain..
i could almost feel it physically...

here, i present u my heart..
scarred. torn apart.
by my onli love..
any takers?
it cannot take anymore ill treatment..
pls handle it with tender love and care..
how do u mend a broken heart like tt...
a broken heart still beating for just you?

Destroyed Once Again..

happening strat of the week.. so much happened.. to much for me to take.. i feel so weak.. i lost another gd fren... i lost my support... i gave it up.. i hope it's best for u.. n may be us... i dun wan to be a burden to u.. a r/s shud never be tiring... y come so close to me if u onli like me? is there realli no love? tt's how shocking.. how disappointing.. yes u r right.. u r selfish, irresponsible and heartless... but i cant help it.. i love u... i still love u so much.. n it is y i decided to let u go... i told u before.. i'll do anything for the man i love.. as long as he is happy...i figured out tt u have too many commitments.. perhaps u cant handle them well yet.. it's time for u to learn.. n honestly, before u master tt, u r not ready for me.. not ready for any other gal.. not ready for any commitment to such r/s.. u broke yiyou's heart... now u broke mine.. dun break another... no i dun think i hate u... i love u more than wad i am blaming u for all the pain u brought to me.. it's short.. it's realli short.. but i never cried so much before.. perhaps in my life.. 2d1n in aranda... i prob cried half my time there... so AA... everyone prob saw me.. damn... i cant help it.. i tried to stop.. but it wouldnt.. perhaps it did... when my tears were all dried up... i teared.. invisible ones... i cried in my heart.. i am sure it bled... yes there's a wound.. i wonder who can heal it... no there's no gap.. becoz there isnt anyone who can replace u yet.. yes tt's how much i love u... i hate u for the way u mistreated me... but i still love u for u...i'm a stupid gal... blinded by love... no one to blame perhaps.. i brought this upon myself... i knew u well enuff to predict this.. i asked.. n believed tt u were ready... then again, i was wrong.. u were wrong... once is enough... i am sorry... we cant be frens... u can never be just a fren to me.. at least not now... i very much wan to stay close to u... but.. i dunno if i can... can i still hug u tight? i so wanted to do so when i saw u yesterday... even though i was so angry at u... for avoiding me, leaving me alone.. i knew tt it was coming.. when u didnt hold my hands... when u didnt kiss me... how can we be frens when i still love u so much?

i'm sick...

i'm sick .. down with flu
have fever... had sore throat.. lost my voice..
but do u noe? u never will... becoz u locked urself in ur own world..
where is "we"? where is "us"?

i'm sick of taking initiative everytime something goes wrong between us...
whether it's my fault or urs...
i;m sick of being left alone for days..
no sms, no calls, no msn chat.. no nths.. no form of contacts at all...
how can u be so selfish?
how can u leave someone so dear to ur heart alone like tt worrying?
getting panaroid.. thinking of all sorts of possibilities to y I am treated like tt?
perhaps it's my own wishing..
perhaps i was never so impt to u..
perhaps i was just somebody...
i cried so much.. u got no idea at all..
u ran away.. avoided me n the problem...

thanks for all the pain u brought to me...
i;ve seen another side of u.. and our relationship...
i am angry.. sick.. n frustrated with u.. for wad u have done...
pls do sth about it.. solve the problem.. or prevent me from such sufferings in future...if not.. it'll be too tiring for me to take...

a r/s shud not be tiring...

perhaps u were confused n upset with urself becoz u cant spend as much time with me as u wanted to... tt's very sweet of u..
but instead of brooding over it, shouldnt we try to make the best of wad we have?
instead u choose to avoid me, leave me alone..
wondering wth i did wrong tt i deserve such a cold shoulder from u...
i figured out tt i didnt do anything wrong..
so wad's the reason..
we havent talked about it..
i still dun understand wad is happening..
perhaps one day if u ever see this post, u will like to explain to me..

dun mind my hurtful words... becoz i am realli angry with u for treating me like tt...

i lost the battle.. i lost it all...

went to sentosa to recce today with my programms comm and the 2 fwc heads..
we got a lot of things done.. the rough programmes for the 4days.. all the games tot thru... yea... hehehehe... we practiclaly combed the entire sentosa... time flew.. spent like almost 7-8 hrs there... but i guess it's worth it when u see ur freshies enjoy the camp.. it';s gonna be pretty diff from the last camp we had.. more intense, more competitive, more packed...

n i am right.. u didnt reply my sms... no contact for 2 days already... i wonder when u will break the silence... i was getting mroe and more panaroid as i complained to my frens.. came up with all sorts os possibilities of y u r doing this to me... i'm not so much upset becoz we arent spending time together... i'm upset becoz u claimed to be so busy n tired.. so busy tt u dun even have time to drop me a single sms to say hi? ormay be u r relali not concerned.. may be i never crossed ur mind... dunno... but i am sure.. i;ve said things i dun realli mean... i'm just realli frustrated... y apologise to me? y not make things best as u can? waiting for me to pull us back together? me again? no.. sorry.. it doesnt work this way all the time... if u r sick of me, let me noe.. i didnt do anything wrong.. i dun deserve this...

sigh.. perhaps u need time off.. perhaps u needa think thru how to face me again.. perhaps u r disappointed with urself too becoz u cant give me wad u wanted to... so r u making this any easier for the both of us by doing wad u r doing now? r u making me any happier like tt? i dunno wad u r thinking... u r driving me crazy...

i decided to stop guessing.. to make my life easier... i'll let others take over.. let everything else take control... i need more distraction... from this problem tt is causing me all these pain... n at the same time, i am falling sick.. so sick.. i dun feel like moving anymore... so weak... someone save me... i'll cry in ur arms now if u r here...

here i pour out my tots

no more hiding...

sick n tired of being the one pulling us back when we stray off from each other..
dun understand y it is onli my responsibility..
wad can i do alone?

perhaps i shud realli keep myself busy...
tire myself out.. at least during the camp, i have my campers..
i have so many things to do..
time flew.. n i didnt have so much time to think about us..
to worry.. to be sad.. to cry like i did when we started talking about it..
like when pple ask me y i look so sad...

i'm realli drained..
i have no drive to do anything more..
n i cant do anything since u arent gg to put in any effort to do sth about it..
issit not worth it?
is everything else so impt?
u have responsibilities and commitments u cannot let go of..
so i am the sacrifice?

damn it.. i am so disappointed..
wad m i to u?
perhaps u r busy.. but so busy tt u cant even drop me a sms now n then?
not even one a day? issit too much to ask for?
i gave u all the space n time u need..
i never stick to u like wad ur ex did..
n u complain tt i compromise too much?
hello~!!!! wth do u wan from me?
u're not even talking to me..
u're not finding time to talk to me..
u dunno wad to say, u dunno wad to do,
u dun reply my sms, u dun call me..
u r just avoiding me..
u dun miss me at all..
u r just gonna leave it there right?
let us both stray away.. n we will have nth to announce to anyone..
ARGH~! so pissed..

if it's so.. let me noe.. i dun wan to be the last to noe..
i onli remember when u said u were ready...
when i took the risk...

have i made a silly mistake again?

or may be u dun love me anymore...
or is there someone better?
o shit i am getting panaroid..
fuck.. think i said too much nonsense..
whether i mean wad i say here or not.. it doesnt matter..
may be u wont get to read it.. u wont noe.. becoz may be u dun care...
may be i onli mean it now.. or then..
ah this is stupid..

MaRs MaRs MaRs~!!!

yeap.. just came back from slc.. slept less than 6h in tt 2 days.. shagged man... but it is worth it.. realli fun.. n got to noe a bunch of realli fun n cool pple.. i guess student leaders do they more initiative. they made work so much easier for me.. i felt more like a camper becoz there were pathetically few gals.. so few tt i had to play most of the games.. well, the onli diff is tt i had to go for brefings n ensure tt they r punctual, well n all having fun.. i guess we kinda clique well as a group.. everyone prob thinks tt we r crazy. on the very first night, after all our activities, we took cab to marine parade n k boxed~!!! patrick, ru hua, joann n wei cheng had their combined singing competiiton.. lol.. until 3 am la.. back at H4, 4 of us, wei cheng, joann and benjamin played mahjong till 5.30am~!!! slept about 3h and started day 2..

day 2 is beach games.. n we showed off the power of the MARTIANS~!! hahahaha... we won 5 straight games out of 6.. how cool is tt... well, unfortunately we didnt win best group.. spent too much eating gd food during food link.. wahahaha..

hmm...realli looking forward to meet them again...
uploaded some pics i took with my camera... gonna kop from the rest..

moody moody... :(

sigh... i'm not happy today... anticipation isnt always gd.. when it doesnt happen, u'll be disappointed.. sigh.. cant complain.. not in the position to...

spent my whole day making name tags for my slc campers... i hope they like it.. becoz it took us a lot of time and effort... i hope they r enthu n fun pple.. if not.. sigh.... it'll be so depressing... not realli looking forward to it anymore...

the right things arent happening.. the wrong things keep coming... argh... tt's my life...

new skin.. i dun realli love it... becoz the grey part is so small.. so small tt u cant realli see my pictures.. cant find any better ones anyway... the last one was too pink.. n no.. i dun feel like a princess anymore..

o man.. i;m a leo.. such an attention seeker.. wth...i shud be more independent... let me get used to this loneliness.. or in a more positive light, independence...

packed my bags for slc... hmm.. now to think of it, it'll be quite silly to wear red everyday.. shall repack it again later.. look for some other clothes to wear.. ha.. i threw in my black vj shorts.. if it gets too dirty, i can just wear n throw... :ppp

hai...bad bad mood...

ToO mAnY beEs ArD...

yea.. tt was up on my nick... havent realli gotten over the cold shoulder i got from dao.. now comes another.. well no.. it's not realli a problem.. but i wonder.. perhaps i am too... nice? am i?

i'm not ms world.. i'm not even tt pretty... i'm just any a gal.. i'm just me, shirley... i wonder y... i wonder y pple will.. u noe.. like me? i shud be glad right? tt pple like me? like i dun have to worry tt i will not be able to get married in future.. ha.. but still.. i rejected one this holiday already.. wad's up man? i feel realli bad doing it.. i never fail to break pple's heart.. may be i shud be a lil bit low profile.. keep things to myself.. damn...

wad's worse? i am so busy.. so is everyone else.. so much to do.. no time to meet up.. it's so sad.. i tot we'll ne able to spend more time n bond n get closer this holiday.. unfortunately, tt's not gonna happen.. i dunno how to make it happen.. i shud add tt to my xmas wishlist...

suddenly i am not so excited about slc.. onli tt i will be hanging out late at night with my new frens.. n siyong shud be treating flv comm to some drinks.. wahaha... 2 weeks to dateline for fwc proframmes draft.. n we havent done anything since last meeting.. great...

i'm falling again...

Ms Rajan's wedding

14 of us went to attend Ms Rajan's wedding.. well there were so many people, she didnt realli have the chance to talk to us.. she was wearing this white sari prob of normal wedding gowns material.. gd combi... here are some pics i took.. ha... ms rajan is MRS now.. time flies man..






ok.. the pics are not in order... lol... well the pic we took with the couple is with the main photographer.. boo hoo.. when can i have it?

after tt, most of us went to bugis.. had a lunch cum dinner at sketchers.. i designed my pasta.. well, i guess it;s better than wad my frens had.. coz they still feel pasta mania is better... haha...
perhaps it;s becoz i havent seen them for so long.. n the fact tt i am a roamer.. i chat with everyone, except for the same 2.. dao n bang... i said bye to bang... tt's all.. i wonder y u noe...

when j1 1st started, i tot i was quite close to bang.. when he called me to ask about work.. suddenly he stopped n we drifted apart.. well of coz.. there's yq.. n all the other chiobus.. i was realli a low profiler unlike them.. ever since then, we never realli talked.. in class, outside sch, during gatherings.. somehow.. i dunno y... we just never talk..

n dao... we were in the pool gang.. i was the onli gal in the gang.. quite extra sometimes... but they're nice people.. dunno when it realli started.. in j2, dao suddenly developed feelings for me.. he was super sweet.. did i tell u all tt? even though i am a real softee.. but ya.. no one has ever been so sweet to me before.. as in the wooing period.. he realli touched my heart.. perhaps we were not fated to be together.. becoz he was onli a gd fren to me... no chemistry...i realli treasured our frenship.. but ever since i rejected him, n made a stupid decision to choose tt idiot.. nth was ever same again...

we drifted apart.. WORLDS APART.. tt is so sad.. becoz i realli like him a lot.. just not enuff to be more than frens.. sigh.. sometimes i wondered how it would be like if we had the chemistry then.. if i felt sth then.. then may be.. we'll still be as close.. or even closer... he's still as cute as ever.. or may be even cuter.. ahh i told eugene tt i missed him some time ago.. i realli do... when can we talk like before?

i wouldnt say tt i regreted.. becoz.. i realli dun feel the same way towards him... i just couldnt say yes.. sigh sigh.. how many frens must i lose becoz of wad we all call LOVE?

had enuff.. pls.. someone save me~!!! sigh.. where r all my angels? someone help me~!!

Happy birthday Daddy~!!

here's my second challenge for this holiday.. the first cake i made.. oreo cheesecake~!! n it's a success~!! wahaha... made it for dad as his birthday present.. n of coz shared with a few close frens..

look at the way he eats~!! wahahaha....

hmm..anyway time realli flies.. had a lot of fun yesterday... so much tt i was so tired.. i kinda slept n nua thru the entire day... hee...

o~! i'm o gonna grow fat.. went for chinese buffet dinner just now.. sharkfin, abalones, both big n small.. my family of 6 ordered and finished 19 different dishes.. serving of 6 each.. fwah~! can u believe it?!!

ah lots to do... slc stuff.. flv meeting... busy busy~!!!

Haha.. this is the pic we took in k box.. y am i in the shadow?!! cant see my face~!!! ahha class gathering.. of 5.. well.. junhao onli contacted 9... so.. not bad..

5h of ktv.. shagged...

yOyOYo.. the start of my busy week.. ha damn shagged today... slept realli late this morning n woke up at 9am.. nua until 10 plus when daph called me up for job lobang.. unfortunately, i have a meeting and class gathering.. so ya.. cant take it up...

hmm.. we're flooded with info for events.. date line is 21st.. i wonder how we're gonna draft out everything by then... ha.. busy busy busy~!!! let's make fwc 2006 a smashing gd one~!!! ok i am super excited.. over sth tt will onli happen half a year later.. lol..

n.. 5 of us met up at suntec k box to sing.. well.. junhao had his personal concert most of the time.. n i decided to open my golden mouth.. hahaha... sang quite a lot actually.. n the funny thing is tt junhao was singing the female songs n i was singing the male ones.. wahaha.. i cant reach the high notes man.. lol..not bad.. i got no more ktv phobia.. shall train up more.. hee..

after tt arvind met us for dinner.. went to kenny rogers.. ate a lot~! growing fat man~! n i am super broke.. spent like more than 40 bucks today.. anyone wanan date me? haha treat me.. muahaha~!!! i'm so happy to be a gal.. haha..

hahaha.. it's been a busy day for me.. went to watch Saw 2.. not bad.. but a short one 1.5h onli.. gd twist.. but it's damn gruesome~!! i was covering my mouth half the time..after tt, went to carrefour to buy stuff for dinner..

guess wad.. i prepared dinner for my whole family~! how fun~! lol.. made pasta, fruit salad, soup, cheese sausage and garlic bread~!! o i bought apple pie back for dessert..

ha.. tt's my lil bro helping me out..










my fruit salad.. well after mixing..







ha... it's quite fun cooking.. i shud do this more often this holiday.. shall try sth new soon.. enuff of pasta~!!!

fully packed week ahead~!

yea!~i'm going out later.. heck.. sneaking out to watch Saw2.. buy stuff to prepare dinner for the family tonite.. haha.. so fun~!

i just relaised how busy I will be from next week onwards.. holiday's gonna pass with a blink of an eye... so peeps, now U have to BOOK ME earlier if u wanna ask me out.. lol.. here's my schedule for next week:

5th Mon - FWC comm meeting, 3A class outing
6th Tue - SLC briefing, dental appointment, hospital follow-up check up
7th Wed - Movie~!
8th Thu - Dad's birthday
9th Fri - FLV comm meeting
10th Sat - Ms Rajan's church wedding, 03s44 class gathering
11th Sun - family day???

busy busy bumble bee eh?? hehe.. i rather be busy than slacking n rotting away..

ok times up~! time to go have early lunch~!! bye~!!!

i'm bored.. i'm so bored.. sigh... woke up at 11.30am today.. lol.. started my role as FLV secretary.. did the minutes for the last meeting.. ha.. relaised i didnt take down certain stuff.. hee.. i smoke a bit.. wont matter tt much right pd? hehe...

spent the rest of the day having my personal ktv session with my lappie.. ibm's pretty gd.. looked for lyrics n started singing along.. ha.. must start to learn some chi songs if i wanna go ktv again.. if not always cant sing.. time flew.. think i sang for like 3h.. haha..

nuaing at home isnt tt bad.. but.. i think i cant take it anymore.. ha.. needa get out~! edmund asked me out again.. cant turn down no more.. hehe.. me gg out tml~!!! yippee.. needa get dad's birthday prezzie reali soon.. it's in a week's time.. ha.. wad to get?

ha.. i seem to be blogging everyday.. ok it's past 12.. so it's 1st dec already... oops.. hee...

nth much realli happened today.. went shopping in town.. walked from one end to the other.. ha... i am such a direction idiot.. if it wasnt for my fren, i would be lost in orchard.. muahaha... bought this pair of bronze shoes.. quite cool... shall take a pic n put it up one of these days.. i just realised i have a lot to buy... dad's prezzie, hong bee n cheryl's prezzie.. n may be some xmas shopping? shud i get felix sth? haha.. my dear sp..

hmm.. met up with les today.. short hair n yet still super cute.. muahaha.. like my lil bro..went to eat bake rice at NYDC.. shiok~!!! i'm so xin fu.. satisfied man... posh spice is gd.. realli... well i was so full i couldnt take my mud pie.. sob sob.. some other time.. hehe... finally found a gd jie mei to shop with.. les's pretty diff... dresses up n dun mind wearing hats out.. tt's cool.. have 2.. n i havent worn them out in singapore before.. would it be weird? sometimes i wished tt i am stuyding in japan or sth.. it would be fun.. engine;s realli boring.. everyone's in t shirt n jeans.. sianz.. i didnt want to be AA.. so i never realli dress up often.. everytime i do, pple stare...

n hey.. i just put up my counter.. wonder how many ppl read my blog.. lol...

yippee~!! 1st day of celebration.. went to watch harry potter... not bad.. went to marina.. i still think tt it's realli big.. o i like the central decor.. the crystal curtains.. so pretty..

had one of my best meals after so long today.. lunch was simply great... well expensive of coz.. nice sharkfin.. it had this sweetness of the crab meat.. slightly diff from the normal ones i've had... o the herbal duck~! it's simply delicious... i'm not realli gd at describing such stuff... so ya.. i highly recommend u to try it if u have the chance.. there's also spicy lime kai lan tt tasted a bit too much like a thai dish.. n pork rib... it's in dian xiao er.. nice decor... like having meal in a ker zhan.. shall bring my family there one of these days... hee..
thankyou powl.. haha..

sigh came home late today... think i shouldnt go out tml.. luna having outing at nite.. sigh... if onli it's in the day.. o well.. some other time.. planning a mahjong session n a shopping session.. anyone keen?

PrInCeSs xUe Is Back~!!!

YoYoyOyO~!!! havent blog for ages~! bcoz of tt supid exams.. n of coz my 1 week holiday stay in NUH~.. lol... i was bombarded my all my dear caring n loving frens when i came online.. lol.. felt like ages..onli had time to blog now..

hm... can u believe it? i think nus realli suck~! i was hospitalised.. fever reached 40.1 degrees celcius n kidney causing my back to hurt most of the time.. n they still insist tt i shud take my exams.. well i was fit enuff to take the exams.. but hello.. how much can i study when i am unwell for so long? n my brain was fried.. couldnt remeber wad i studied.. so there goes maths n mkt.. let's hope i pass n get sth better than a C... o man... worried.. but then again.. mummy understands.. n after taking the 2 papers, i am very sure tt i buang liao.. so not realli looking forward to recieving my results.. junyi said it'll be released on xams day.. how evil can nus be? on xams day?!! spoiler man...

o n nuh young doctors suck.. i have so mnay bruises on my arms.. n the worst one comes from tt guy.. need more experience.. or may be he needa learn from the nurse.. cant even draw blood well.. i think i was his guinea pig.. my mum, an expert in this area was staring at him n shaking her head.. ha..

then again, it wasnt tt bad.. thru this incident, i realised how fortunate i am.. i have great caring parents there for me.. n supportive frens too.. thanks to all tt came to visit me.. ha.. i dun think i'll ever recieve more flowers than tt 1 week.. 5 bouquets~! all my fav sunflowers n roses.. hee.. :P felt like a princess.. i lost 2kg when i was first hospitalised. now i gained another kg back.. sigh.. sob sob.. sianz... whole day eat n sleep in hospital.. i barely left my bed.. well i was on drip.. hmm.. i was awake onli during meal times.. haha.. hibernating the rest of the day.. may be tt's y i recovered so fast.. hee..

time to start celebrating~! oo the first thing i did after sicharging from the hospital was shopping~! lol.. i bought a super pretty pink dress.. hot pink.. with a feel of batik or tribe.. i simply love it.. someone convince me to wear it in engin.. lol... so sianz.. i'll wear it if i'm from biz..

ahh no time to make my oreo cheesecake.. anyone wanna try? o mahjong.. looking for makjong kah kees~! anyone? afternoon mahjong at my place one of these days.. got cruise.. got fwc n flv prep to do.. n slc camp.. hee.. so looking forward t the rest of my holidays~! cant wait cant wait~!!!

new blog add~!

haha for those of u who r reading my blog now.. well.. u would have found out tt i have changed my blog add? y? so as to prevent tt guy from reading my post n flooding me with sms again... i'm onli meanie shirley to him.. well to pple in my bad books.. n so far, he's the onli honoured one to be in it.. darh...

i lost a buddy becoz of tt idiot... so sad... miss my buddy xl a lot.. when will he forgive me? sigh... not tt i didnt wan to help u.. but i'm not an actor.. i cant act.. i've always been truthful to everyone.. to everything in my life.. n i cant tolerate another second pretending tt i dunno anything about wad tt idiot has done.. to me n to u... so sorry... not expecting u to forgive me actually.. hence i havent been tried to approach u.. hopefully time will fade all of these...

i'm a selfish bitch...

in his own dreams...

funny.. chris msg me again last nite.. totally spoilt my nite... but of coz i wont let him or tt affect me.. it doesnt realli matter... but i guess... i still gotta say sth.. sorta just expressed it out in some way... he hasnt realli gotten over everything as he claimed... he still thinks tt i might probably have a chance to like him, to fall for him again? o gosh.. please... after tt wacking incident.. OVER MY DEAD BODY~!!! u can do it once, u can do it twice n again n again... i dun wanna be abused~! tt shows how much respect u have for mi~! so F**K OFF~! oops.. wahaha.. i dun normally use vulgar.. but i guess u understand y i am using it now.. he never fails to piss me off.. i laughed at wad he smsed me..

ha o~! he thinks i am lonely n unhappy becoz he;s not ard with me.. or for me... ahahaha... o god... tt's him.. he thinks he;s so great... no one can take his place.. he thinks he loves me most perhaps.. he thinks i need him.. hahhaa.. i tot i already said i dun? he's prob the last person i wan him to appear in front of mi right now.. anyway... i can never feel better than wad i'm feeling now.. away from him... i'm felt lonely bcoz my frens and powl couldnt be there.. or rather bcoz my fone was dead..i couldnt contact them.. i have super lots of frens n getting along pretty well with them.. not a loner :P the loneliness onli meant sth when i sorta couldnt get used to it at tt moment.. bcoz.. i m normally found in a grp? o gosh.. i cant express myself well.. must be the mugging for fna... all messed up now... lol...

how can i be lonely in ur terms, when i have my family, my frens, powl and all the mugging? oops.. wahaha.. haiz.. i noe i sound pretty mean n evil here... but u cant be nice to someone u dun like.. almost to the extent of hate probably.. so to u, whoever reading this, dun get into shirley's bad books.. i can be a real meanie... well tt's if u're still worth my time.. BLEAH~!

n i do need some isolation now i guess.. to concentrate on mugging.. o so y am i here blogging now? to et away from the books~! haha.. can die mugging for hours.. erm.. not tt i mugged for tt long.. er.. like 2h including breakfast? haha.. oops.. time for lunch now... ciao~!

2nd post - WOW friendster knows me best~~!

The Bottom Line
Being able to swallow your pride is key if you want a trusting relationship.
In Detail
Dreams, nostalgia and thoughts of how great things used to be are on your mind now, and they're having a powerful effect on you. Before you get too swept up in all that nostalgia, be sure you're remembering everything correctly -- with your mind, not just your heart. If you're in doubt, talk to a friend who understands you and knows what's really going on in your life. Experience is a great teacher.

So I'm a drama queen? so, Friendster, can I tok to you? U seem to be the onli one who knows..

getting used to the loneliness...

it''s been a long long day for me... time never passed so slowly... it did bcoz i was alone... been pretty independent since like mid of last week.. isolated myself from the rest of the family at nites, trying to mug.. but of coz.. i failed, distracted by several stuff...
about 9 more days to my 1st paper.. sigh... havent done much so far.. onli half way thru more core mods.. just read one topic for mkt.. 10 more to go i guess... tried the sofas of muchie monkeys today.. hmm quite nice.. not a bad place to mug.. could have been more conducive if they have nicer slower songs instead of some rock ones... stayed there from 4 plus to 6.20pm... was so hungry i had wedges... an hour later, i reaslied the chances of wad i've been waiting for will not come.. was handicapped with a dead fone... couldnt call for any subs anyway.. decided to try to enjoy tt loneliness... focused on my work instead of letting tt emptiness overwhelmed me.. n it worked... i managed to finish up the chapter.. cheers~~! perhaps loneliness isnt so bad after all.. i''ve grown up n matured once again... no more as dependent on the pple ard me.. my frens.. my whoever...
perhaps it was obvious tt i was waiting... i found myself looking out the window every few min.. sad tt i am right.. it never came... i sacrificed n gave the space, n find myself drifting away somehow.. it drifted away.. n now it''s my turn... it takes 2 hands to clap.. wad can i say?
not the right time to worry about such stuff... shud i go to sch tml? may be not... no mood for anything right now... feeling weak somehow.. draining me... everything is draining me away... gravity made the precious rain fall from my pretty eyes... i dun realli noe y it happened... perhaps it''s one of my mood swings.. i dunno...
chris just smsed me.. sigh... y does he bother? cant u get it? nth will be the same.. i dumped.. but it doesnt make it much easier to forget everything... u did.. at least u claimed tt u did... well, i''m sorry to say i havent.. i cant forgive n forget after all tt has happened... dun blame me for ignoring u.. i''m not ready.. will i ever be? i dunno... but one thing, i''m sure.. the cruel truth to u, it may be... u dun hold a place in my heart anymore..
let me come to u, loneliness.... i need u....

Happy Birthday Guideng~!!!

just came back from guideng's hse at 12... lol... thankgod mumm's not very angry... hee... i called home anyway.. didnt expect us to take so long to reach the mrt station.. hmm.. next time go out late, must give more time allowance.. see la.. must let me go out more often den i noe mah.. lol.. anyway ya.. it's guideng's 21st birthday party.. hmm.. not bad.. food's great~! wad a pity tt seth n weijin cant come..i bet weijin will finish everything by himself.. haha.. n we met his buddy... where he get his "hey dude"from.. they behave exactly the same way.. super enthu one~!

o well... less than 2 weeks to exam.. went out so much this week.. next weekend cannot go out le.. gonna mug very hard from today onwards~!! haha.. if onli i can.. very san fen chong re du one.. cant settle down n mug for long.. got super lotsa things to do for today.. hopefully i can cover enuff... just enuff for today..

so looking forward to dec holidays... haha... hot news coming up~!

shirley the pirate~!

wahaha... dl ing songs is so easy... hmmm.. hopefully i'll be able to sing in kbox like my frens soon.. wahaha... dl so many nice songs... i love fish leong~! hee..

hm... damn sianz.. cant get down to work.. but i guess i'm not the onli one facing this problem.. so.. hm... trying real hard to mug... well, i started swimming frequently.. rather spent the time to burn some fats than nua and grow fatter.. wahaha.. one stone kill 2 birds...

caught up with jason lately.. sigh.. feels weird.. after all tt has happened between us.. hmm... he just told me tt he broke up with his gf.. y? y are all the couples ard me breaking up? anyway.. i dunno if i shud be happy or sad... he told me tt he still love me... after wad.. 5 years.. since sec3.. the time when we're together... he said he has been treating his last 2 ex as sub for me... he said he loved them as if he's loving me... sigh... he say he cant forget me.. n till this day, no one can take my place... he dunno if he shud wait for me.. but he knows tt things will never be the same again.. after how we ended our r/s.. wad he said to me then.. wad his mom said.. y r guys so 犯贱? i'm deeply touched when he told me y n how he decided to leave me then... well, tt''s if wad he said is true.. i''m touched.. but i'm still doubtful of wad he said... after all tt has happened, after the on n off cryings to sleep for about a year, how can i still trust him? y? y tell me all these now? if u noe nth''s gonna work.. y let me know?

so much to say.. so much to filter... waiting for the day to come... when i can blog about all i wan...

zZZZZzzzZZzz....

sianz~! this sucks... life sucks.. exam sucks.... y do i needa mug? y do we needa take exams?! damn it.. my whole family's relaxing n having fun this week.. n me.. poor me.. have to mug n try not to be distracted by them... sigh...

n mummy just rejected my proposal to stay in hall~! sigh.. boring... nth to look forward to now... this is wad i get.. wad i have to live with..

got into fest la vie comm... secetary...ah.. so confident in my england power? haha.. o well... i wonder if they gave me tt pos becoz they r confident in me since i'll be i/c if both pds are not ard.. or... they dun wanna give me any impt pos becoz they dunno me at all.. :( it's so unfair isnt it.. just becoz i never go for union camp.. sigh.. o well.. slack.. i will.. if tt's the way it has to be...

no motivation, no drive for anything.. sayonara...

x moody x upset x bored x nua x tired x pessimistic x i just wan to die

one full day of slacking~~!

o god... hahaha... less than 3 weeks to final exam.. n i did nth yestreday, went to z chen concert.. n den reached occ chalet at 9 plus, almost 10... slacked, watch tv... since my bros dun dare to play mahjong with me.. went for international breakfast.. n jumped into the pool for a 20 laps swim.. feel so fit.. haha... i miss the sun... got tan lines again~~! haha. i dun realli think they r nice.. but... it means i m getting darker~~! yippee~~!

n i just realise tt my breast stroke is wrong.. or rather in effective... saw how this previous sg swimmmer coach the kids... n tried it myself.. fwah.. much faster... n easier i guess... heee.. :P

hmmm... den headed to jalan kayu for prata lunch~~! muahaha.. i had one prata bom, banana prata n teh chino~~! goodness~~! feel so fat now.. but satisfying.. think it''s definitely better than fong seng's.. anyone wan me bring them there to eat?! eh the banana prata is huge~~! twice my face prob.. n i finished it all by myself~~! lol...

so i think now it's -20 laps again... muahaha...

hm... time to get some work done.. trying real hard.. cant seem to sit down n concentrate... swimming is one big distraction.. strating to luv swimming more... n... i get to tan~~! lol.. just realise.. hmm.. even though i grow fat le.. fats piling up on my obliques.. but heck~~! can still wear my bikini... not sexy.. but not tt bad as well.. lol... how to tan when u wear one piece seah?

okok.. chao~~! gotta d/l songs n do my fna project~~! last one to go~~! wee~~!

2nd post

Your Birthdate: August 13

Being born on the 13th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer, but it may also give you a tendency to dominate people a bit. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize. Sincere and honest, you are a serious, hard working individual. Your feeling are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. Your intolerance and insistence on complete accuracy can be irritating to some.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

i fried my diy ice cream~!

yea... jus got back from marina square, sukiyaki n teppankyaki buffet.. hehehe.. believe it or not.. i had 11 favours of ice cream~! muahaha... it's basically similar to seoul garden... meat no seasoned as well as seoul garden's but they had sushis n my fac baby octopus, etc~! ate a lot of tt.. hehehe :P hmmm... unfortunately, no sashimi, if not... wahahaha... but of coz, it wouldnt be so cheap then... i think dinner week end onli about 21? well +++ la..

ooo n it's realli interesting tt u can "fry" ur own ice cream... hm.. they had this flavoured liquid in little cups.. hmm.. n they'll clean up ur table, turn the hot plate to cold one where u can make ur own diy ice cream.. when it';s cold enuff,m the liquid changes to semi solid form realli quickly... they have like 16 flavours.. i had 11... wahahaha~! eat more n grow fat~! how to diet like tt? lol.. hmmm.. orange sherbet n fresh orange r refreshing n nice... champagne's cool.. haha.. next time i shall try the other 5 tt i missed, yam, banana, walnut, grape n one more.. i cant remember.. hee.. :P

sigh.. another wk gone... didnt do much.. tried to mug.. but with so much happening, projects, meetings, lectures, tutorials.. how to seah? sigh... worried worried...

my new blogskin~!

hee changed blog skin again.. lol...
hmm.. isnt it nice?
pink.. the colour my mum used to force me to dress in..
haha.. pple change, dun they?
i'm starting to like purple too..
the hot funky bright purple.. n pink of coz..
hmm.. this skin kinda speaks of where i am right now in my life..
but still dun feel very contented with it..
bcoz sth seems to be missing..
not attitude enuff.. not shirley enuff.. yea..

hmmm... new stage of life..
some old r/s breaks, some new ones are formed..
funny how pple change..
how much pple can change..
n hence how r/s suffers or get affected becoz of so..
but it is inevitable i guess...

if u wan it to last,
make it happen..
do sth..
compromise..
dun let it be the excuse for the failure of ur r/s
if it aint worth it,
den f**k it..
dun waste each others' time..
move on...

it isnt tt difficult to be alone..
single n avaliable has it's pros too..
u can bieo any yandao whenever u wan..
tok about them with ur frens like no one's biz...
get closer to opp sex w/o worrying..
n lots more freedom of coz..

but love is sweet..
hong keat asked me..
n ya.. i prefer to be loved if u let me choose..
i would rather marry someone who loves me more than i love him..
i'm selfish..
cant help it..
gals are more xinfu when they r being loved..
i wanna be one of them.. lol.. :P

read yimin's blog tt day..
it's a fact tt exams are in less than 4 weeks..
but look on the bright side..
it's also a fact tt holidays r in less than 5 weeks.. wahaha..
so looking for dec holidays...
i gg for slc, pru chalet, cruise, fwc prep..
wad's more in for me?!

time to start mugging.. i hope..

yea... went to watch movie today... hehe... happy happy~! i realli hate mugging la... sianz... so unfulfiling.. sigh.. 4 more weeks to final papers... must start mugging.. today shall be my last day for slacking..

o n must start doing sit ups n exercise more.. i m realli growing fat~! o ya.. i ate super lots today... hm.. banana chocolate cake at secret recipe.. n got to taste baked cheese too.. wahah.. hey it's dman cheap~! 1 for 1~! shall go eat more.. wahaha... oops.. no i m supposed to be on diet~! hm... den or fillet burger meal.. with cheese fries... den jumbo fish ball... wahaha... it must be the company...

n like half an hour later, when i met my family, i ate another banito... wahaha... realli growing fat.. n i just had red bean soup.. o no... i am having food therapy..

o well... seems like i dun realli have much to say...

i'm just a happy happy ger today... :)

o man.. exams r like in a mth time.. n just dun have the mood to mug.. sigh... i realli wanna go out chiong.. have some fun... becoz i wont get any for like the next 4, 5 weeks... sianz... sigh... y must we have exams?

been rotting at home the whole day.. did nth constructive.. n man d.e. is tough seah~! i need more practice.. hmmm...

yea.. tml going to watch flightplan.. hehe... at least sth...

shall try to mug hard from mon onwards.. :P

i dunno y i'm here... watching tv... haha cant seem to write anything here... :P

i love you

Yesterday you asked me something
I thought you knew
So i told you with a smile
Its all about you
Then you whispered in my ear
And you told me too
Said you make my life worthwhile
Its all about you

And i would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close
And say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Its all about you, yeah!

The Bottom Line
Your opinions will be challenged when you meet someone who's different.

In Detail
Make your reservations -- and make them without any reservations, if you'll pardon the pun. You're totally overdue for some fun, you're beginning to think that this 'all work and no play' thing isn't doing wonders for your disposition, and you're also wondering if your relationship might not benefit from a bit of time away together -- alone, that is. Sounds like a plan. Now choose your destination -- and please don't forget to ask for the input of your traveling companion.

My opinions of what? friendster knows me well... this is scary...

i'm already looking forward to dec holidays.. planning activities for dec holiday.. fwc planning, pru slc, pru chalet, catching up with softballers, pri sch buddies, jc classmates may be.. n i m hoping tt i can find time to go back coach my tk juniors.. miss softball.. miss them.. miss coach...

been considering if i wanna stay in hall next sem.. unfortunately, i dun have the time to go earn money so tt i can pay everything myself.. cant do it in year 2.. will prob be too busy by then.. n besides, there r so mnay events for pru next sem.. think it makes sense staying in hall since i'll have to go home late pretty often..

talked to weijie, paulene, serene my cousin... shears or kent ridge? the less happening or the more happening? frens' company or cousin's company? which block to stay in?

the main reason y i wanna stay in hall is to experience hall life... an opportuinity to learn how to take care of myself... will be useful if i wanna go for sep...

ahh too much sensoring done.. i am blogging for the sake of blogging.. so no pt.. chao..

what is frenster horoscope saying?

From friendster:

The Bottom Line
You know what you want -- so put your energy into getting it. Be enthusiastic.

In Detail
When it comes to relationships, what you're offering is like gold. What you insist upon is someone who can provide you with nothing that even remotely resembling 'the usual' -- in any department. This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll try to entice someone, who's currently attached, away from their current situation, but if you did -- well, let's hope it would be only because you were sure that you and they would have a long-term relationship that would be better for both of you. Right?

I dun understand seah.. my england too poor.. just got back my critique.. sigh.. didnt do well again.. a lil better than summary.. but it still sucks... sigh... when can i do as well as chong hua and all the smarties? sob.. :( feel unhappy.. n havent tok to anyone about it.. perhaps i should approach ms pang soon.. ask for help to improve my ctw... cant afford to do badly.. it will affect my cap..

ah exams is in wad.. 6 weeks time.. it's freaking everyone out... i shud be studying already.. but i just cant find the time.. 3 projects on hand.. nth much has been done for ctw since chonghua and melissa r both so busy.. i cant accomplish much, for the fact tt my england sucks.. shall look for more info n let them do the writing... argh... how can they expect us to finish mugging eveything in a week's time? o man... this sucks...

i've decided not to run for any project vd.. y? becoz i am pretty certain tt i will be involved in fwc.. n i realli wanna do sth for my juniors.. n hm.. sem 2 will be very xiong for me... so i am not confident of being able to commit so much time for pru events.. sob.. wad a pity... shall take on small roles in all events if possible.. hee... :P after all, i joined pru to enrich my uni life.. not to earn any cca points.. n besides, i had my fair share of 6 years of leadership... not keen to climb up to some impt pos like pres of pru anyway.. :P

sigh... sometimes i wonder if i have made the right choice.. do i think too much? shud i just do wad i want.. risk it all.. n not consider so much about whether i have the time for all tt i wanna do.. cant help it... i've learnt to prioritise in some sense.. my studies is ultimately the most impt thing now.. so.. i will not let it suffer under any circumstances.. well most circumstances.. :P think tt is sth someone needs to understand right now..

i mean ya.. of coz u have ur dreams, ur goals, things u want to accomplish in life.. but.. there r always limitations to wad u can do... life isnt perfect... u cant control time.. so... choose wisely how u wanna spend ur 24h everyday...

if i could, if i had the time, i wanna learn cooking now.. i wanna attenda make up courses now, i wanna learn jap.. i wanna vice head any projects i can get my hands onto.. i wanna play major role in fwc.. i wanna do well for all my exams n be in the dean's list for all sems.. i wanna hang out with my frens every week.. go watch movie.. play pool wadsoever... i wanna spend quality time with my mr right, feel loved n pampered n all.. i wanna make more frens.. i wanna lighten my parents' load by helping out with all the house chores.. i wanna help coach my juniors... n so much more..

there r so many things i wanna do.. but do i have the time? so unfortunately, i realised tt i am not some octopus... cant handle all at a time.. decided to pick out a few.. n leave the rest for the future.. when i have more time to accomplish them.. y hurry? i am onli 19.. always believed in completing wad's most impt first... well dun apply to all cases.. but... realli... there's a limit to wad one can do..

wad makes a gd leader? self motivation i feel is very impt.. it realli aint easy leading a grp, especially when they r all passive slackers waiting to be arrowed.. some pple prob dun like the idea of arrowing pple, like chong hua.. but after all, isnt tt part of the duty of a chairperson or leader? oversee everything, distribute duties n settle all the admin stuff.. leaders work. but wad differentiates them from the "workers" are their ability to distribute the work load... a successsful grp consist of a gd leader and gd followers... one cannot accomplish as much as an effective grp can...

ahh i dunno wad i am blabbering about already.. haha.. tt's all for my crap... i am lost for words again... time to sleep.. nitey~! o.. think paulene knows already...

i miss sat~!!

sigh... havent had so much for a long long time.. all the mugging.. not tt i am a mugger.. but it's peer pressure.. everyone's mugging so hard.. u cant stop n slack for too long.. or rather, i just feel tt i have to keep up with the pace.. nah.. cant blame it on peer pressure becoz i do work at my own pace...

took fna mid term test on sat afternoon.. rushed to nus in a cab from harbourfront.. lol.. ya was late again.. gosh cost me 7 plus bucks! can u believe it?! o well.. i like open book test... haha.. i would say tt fna test wasnt exactly tt tough.. it's more of tricky... a test of my ENGLAND.. ya england.. i find myself unable to interpret some of the qn sometimes.. i mean they just seem ambiguous... dnno if i interpret it correctly.. n hence doubtful of my answers... hope i do ok...

hmm.. n after all tt mugging, i decided to reward myself with an evening of slacking n fun!! haha... went to ps.. watch Into The Blue... tt gal.. issit jessica alba? she;s super hot! the guys in front of us were making so much noise.. prob nose bleeding over the kissing scenes and her boobs.. lol..

ahhh.. i am so envious of the couple.. ahaha... just reminds me of me.. lol... i'm touchy too! haha.. onli with my special one of coz.. well tt depends on the extent we're both comfortable with.. anyway, everything went well on sat... better than i expected in every area i suppose...

o had dinner at ichiban.. lol.. i love my ichiban set.. yum yum... but jap food is ex.. haha... still dun feel the pinch yet.. coz i didnt pay... wahaha...

n ya.. didnt do anything until sun morning..

n yes.. fourier series is terrifying!!! so many intergrations to do! yucks! i hate by parts!! spent the whole day doing it.. reading notes, wtahcing webcast tt didnt help... n attempting my tutorial.. thankfully.. i couldnt do onli qn 3... sigh.. not so bad after all..

ahh lots to do in the coming weeks... HELP~!!!

2nd post - from http://rep.astrology.com/free/9050/9559/1.html

Chapter 1: love's astrological profileSun in LeoWhen love was born, the Sun was in the Sign Leo, the Lion. love displays a great capacity for warmth, magnanimousness, generosity and playfulness. The ideal partner is an affectionate, demonstrative soul who helps her enjoy life to the fullest, encourages her inventive spirit, and isn't threatened by her charisma. If a relationship fails to provide sufficient shared joy and healthy mirroring, love may eventually feel undervalued and deprived. However, if the relationship is the sole source of her "strokes," she is courting trouble, because that's too much to ask from any one person. love would do well to have a creative outlet, and/or another source of personal affirmation and satisfaction besides the relationship

some tots about r/s discussed with weijin today..

ha... didnt bring notes to phy lecture today.. ended up reading my fna txt bk n talked about r/s with weijin.. he's so serious when we're on tt topic..

hmm... i guessed i gave it a lil more tot when weijin commented tt it was pretty fast for me to be able to get over chris in a mth plus time.. well.. perhaps so.. it sounds fast.. but i personally feel tt the reason y u broke up is an important factor here..

say if u broke up peacefully becoz u both feel tt u r not as compatible as u tot u were n decided to be frens onli.. the first few weeks or mths after breaking up, u may feel tt u have gained a bit more freedom, but nth much has changed.. u will most likely not have any problem staying as frens.. if u had, u would be patching up again..

but if u broke up becoz u were upset n disappointed with the other becoz of certain reasons, then, things wouldnt be so simple.. u may not be able to reamin as frens.. if u hated the other then, may be not forever.. but for tt period, u will not wan to keep in contact at all.. n perhaps it;s gd.. to give each other time to cool off.. to get over all of these.. n may be after several years.. i dunno.. u may be able to become frens again..

the latter applies to me.. shall not go into the details.. y so n so.. since it has all passed.. but well, i initiated the break up.. i didnt like and agree with quite ano of things about him n wad he did.. several complications were involved which resulted the hate for him building up in me.. n ya.. hence i feel tt it was much easier for me to get over tt r/s... it's like sth off ur shoulder... i'm free again.. i can finally be who i am inside..

i felt tt it was wrong.. the r/s wasnt right becoz i couldnt be who i am.. i couldnt find the comfort in him when i was down.. even when he was physically there for me.. he just wasnt the one.. diff frequency perhaps.. some may argue tt well, at leats he's there for u.. y complain? y not cherish? i appreaciate a lot as i've told him before.. but.. he isnt a soul mate to me.. n tt's wad i need.. it's no more about the lovey dovey things u do for each other.. u may be sweet.. but so wad?

i've gone past the stage where u're all concerned about the sweet little nths u say to each other.. the lovey dovey sweet stuff u do for one another.. things u read in romance comics... it is important of coz.. but perhaps i'm looking for more of the connection.. spiritual love? hmmm.. dunno how to explain it.. just feel tt i have matured a lil more.. understood a lil more about life.. seen a lil bit more.. n expecting a lil more.. amy be not more.. just sth diff... sth tt has never came into my mind.. or wasnt tt significant..

i tried to search for tt missing thing in him.. but i couldnt.. n he disappointed me much more in some other areas.. i wouldnt say tt it's all his fault.. it's mine too.. becoz i changed.. i admit tt.. i moved forward.. perhaps a lil too fast.. hmm.. i wouldnt say tt coming into uni have influenced my decision.. perhaps it did.. but it wasnt significant.. becoz.. i didnt fall for anyone i met in sch so often then.. even if i did, it wouldnt made such a big diff.. becoz we already had problems way before i came to uni.. way before fwc... perhaps even before i got my posting results.. dun quite remember when it all started...

weijin's right.. i would agree tt a lot will change when a couple who dated since sch time, go into the work force.. be it one of them or both.. u're introduced to a new environment, new pple.. n pple tend to get a lil stressed up if they have a hard time adapting to this new environment.. it's so overwhelming.. but if a couple wants to stick on together thru thick n thin, some changes will have to be made.. or rather compromisation.. nth will remain the same forever... it's up to us, it's up to the couple, the individual to change him/herself n adapt to this new environment if he/she cannot change the situation..

i never believed in finding a partner in ur class.. haha.. so my dear classmates, i'm so sorry.. lol.. it's like u see each other everyday.. as weijin has mentioned, it wouldnt matter much becoz u got used to one another.. ur other becomes ur company.. but if u were ever to be separated from each other for a period of time.. or if u cant meet one another as often as before becoz of certain things, then.. problems will arise.. haha sorry cheryl... but u r one gd example.. oops :P

hmm... sch mates r ok.. but the least.. diff class.. every individual needs their own space.. n time for ur own family n frens.. etc.. i'm sticky.. yes i am.. but i dun believe in meeting up everday.. sticking together every min, every sec if possible.. u can meet everyday.. for may be an hour? walk each other home, meet up for meals.. to study... i dunno.. but sticking together all the time is just too much...

haha think evereything may be no link after all, i typed wad my mind's saying.. tt's the way my tots flow.. :P are u lost, my dear reader? hee...

how true would this be i wonder?

Frenster has it all..

The Bottom Line
You two make a good combination. Everyone sees it. Don't take chemistry for granted.

In Detail
It's definitely time to relax, because romance is still very much on your personal agenda. Of course, you'll need to finish up your chores, balance the checkbook and shop -- but once that's over, you'll be free to fully commit yourself to the concept of nothing but recreation. You being the romantic, it won't be difficult to entice that certain companion to join you -- the one who'll be more than happy to pretend not to rush over the moment you call.

Tired of being alone.. the post getting over period is coming.. i can feel it.. especially when everyone;s so stressed up with sch work, tests n projects.. sigh.. 3 projects!! n phy is getting so compliacated by lecture... i feel stupid.. couldnt do a single qn in tutorial 3.. where's my angel? i wanna run in to his wings n hide...

blogger's cock up

i am typing my post here.. with a weird layout.. dunno wad's up with blogger... the icons are taking up such a big space in this page..

have been wanting to blog for the past few days.. was kinda free.. but i dunno y i wasnt able to find time to blog.. hmm.. havent been able to do anything constructive since mon.. after maths test.. omg.. been slacking a lot.. n thu n fri were busy days.. had nussu agm on thu nite .. wasted my 3h there.. n pru meeting on fri evening.. well wasnt tt bad..

wanna sign up to be slc facilitator since i didnt get into the comm.. man.. shall make my dec packed with lots of fun activities.. wondering if i should start giving tuition.... in dec or sth.. dunno if i can cope.. sigh...

hm... time to do some tutorials.. ah die.. i went out the whole day again.. afternoon to bishan.. hee lunch n shopping~!! o there's this new biz idea.. this interesting stall was selling hermit crabs as pets! so cool! n they r realli cute! in their colourful shells.. hahaha... hmm but super ex.. if not i will consider to keep one myself.. like wad.. 45 bucks for one?! goodness.. *hint hint~!!

ooo.. n i realised sth again.. hairstly makes a person look realli diff.. ever since i first rebonded my hair, i've been getting more attention.. ahh not bragging here.. just tt it was so obvious tt i couldnt have not noticed.. was leading ma to surf paradise... den these 2 guys in green were walking towards my direction.. they walked past me at first.. n i found out tt they reversed.. n came into the same shop.. surf paradise... yups.. think i overheard them saying, "norh.. this one looking at tt swimming costume lo"... n ya i was looking at one.. just in front of them.. i onli took noticed of them becoz they were wearing the same shirt.. wonder y.. so brother ah? hahaha...

well, it didnt realli bothered me.. then, i went to the hermit crab stall to take a look.. n they suddenly poped out beside me n started talking to the boss, asking how long they'll be there n all.. n their questions sounded pretty duh.. n i caught them looking at me twice! ahahaha... flattered.. coz one of them's quite cute.. hehehe... :P

o later found out tt they were working in fox.. just a few shops away from the hermit crab stall.. lol.. i think i saw one of them smiling at me when i walked past their shop.. hahaha... wad a day..

my hea'd getting bigger.. anyone wanna help me burst it? lol...