fear?

i wonder if fate is fooling with us...
wad is it supposed to mean?
time for us to come back to reality and face our fears?
i was there.. kinda freaked out when i see tt familiar back..
wasnt prepared... never tot tt would happen..
ya.. i was hoping tt we could look at each other face to face, eye to eye...
it would have ended everything nicely..

but we didnt have the chance to..
or rather i didnt have the chance to..

so went to the lib with dear..
and there he was..
sitting just opp..
anything more coincident?
they have a common fren..
ha...
i was wondering y those big eyes were staring at me when we came in..
now i noe..
i tried not to run away..
aint a coward...

my heart did race when i first saw tt face opp...
i was like "what the..."
perhaps it's all fated..
so ya..
i tried to look him in the eye..
but he didnt dare to look back..
dear said they were exhanging stares..
even jason was involved..

ha.. so weird..
thankfully dear was understanding enuff...
thanks sweetie for being there for me..

i noe y there's a diff in our responses...
i havent done wrong..
he did..
guilt stole away his courage to look at the gal he hurt so badly..
did it?
or has he always been trying to escape from all his problems?
somehow it was expected...

may be i did do wrong..
dear tot me...
he said this.. which hit me right at the head...
"a couple shud grow together and solve all problems together. if the r/s is worthy and u try hard enuff and work together, nth is impossible to solve. if u do treasure the r/s so much, you wouldnt let go of it so easily."
sth like tt...
ya... i made an impulsive decision then..
not tt it's wrong..
it's probably the right one considering wad's happening now...
but if i did loved him so much then, how could i have initiated a break up so easily?
the onli excuses i can find for myself is tt i was shaken, utterly dissapointed becoz it meant so much to me.. impulsive....
bad excuse huh?

this is for me.. wad about him?
may be it was just an excuse to get himself out of the r/s..
aries likes adventure and try new things..
may be i was just too boring..
was i?
too sweet? too understanding? too forgiving for you?

sigh... no pt brooding over wad has happened..
but ya.. lesson learnt..
ha.. n it came from dear..
who supposedly... ahahaha.. shall not disclose...

o well.. at least i tried.. n i wasnt afraid..
thank god dear was there...
muackz~!!!
love u...

stressed and yet happy?

sigh.. been having a hard time catching up..
dun even have time to blog..
i'm almost there.. almost...
still hanging there..

went to watch final destination 3 with dear on saturday..
it's not for the weak heart..
totally gross..
ha.. we were like covering our mouth most of the time..
dear was even covering my face when the 2 naked babes were burning in the tanning machines..
lol...

ooo.. then the best destressing way of the year..
indulge in jap buffet in sukisushi.. hehehe :P
not very satisfied coz i didnt get to eat the lil red octopus.. :P
but it's still damn shiok...
our next spot shall be kushinbo after my mid terms or after final papers..

haiz.. so much happened..
cried again..
cant wait for exams to be over..
i need my holidays..
unwind..
and leave everything bad behind..

breathless under the books

tiredz.. having headaches man..
just finished one pathetic maths webcast..
one down.. three more to go~!
o no.. victor tan finished chapter 3 already..
i just started webcasting onli.. sianz..
so demoralising...

dun feel like doing any work.. realli..
just wanna slack n have fun..
hm... may be i can work in events company..
i think i enjoy organising events more than wad i am studying..
ha..

anyone wanna come for shiseido beauty talk?
i need 50 pple to come.. again... lol...

physically and mentally tired...

flv has finally ended.. had my 5h of sleep finally yesterday...
feels so good.. miss sleeping so much..
but it was interrupted.. every 30min..
wa.. was getting damn irritated coz i was realli very tired..
realli need the rest n...
but then again, i guess i didnt realli mind..
coz dear needed me..
pardon me for my complaints.. hehehe..

sometimes i still think about him...
wonder how's he getting on..
sigh.. pple ard me reminds me of him..
val.. paulene.. zai hao (if i didnt get his name wrong).. and ziyi..
sometimes i wish tt he would just appear in front of me..
sometimes i wish tt we can still talk like before..
at least i would be able to face reality,
find out and learn how to face my ex...
at least i would noe if we can still be frens...

well then again, he doesnt seem to be willing..
so.. it;s just too bad..
it takes two hands to clap, doesnt it?
to mend those wounds...

sigh.. problems never stop coming...
life sucks... feeling so stressed and tired about everything..
i failed cs... pathetic marks..
then again, how much do i deserve for studying for just one day?
partially was flv's fault... learnt a new lesson..
not gg to take tt next year... too close to my mid terms..
n well, i have 7 careless mistakes.. need more practice.. need to be more careful..
ponned so many lectures and tutorials..
got so much to catch up this mid term break..
cannot pon anymore.. or else i'll become like him..
cant let my studies suffer anymore.. i need a 4.2 this sem...

then, i've family problems..
mom is emotionally unstable recently..
she blew up just on fri..
slammed the door, screamed at everyone, including dad..
did all sorts of childish and unrespectful things..
who am i to judge her..
but it was wrong.. isnt it?
over stress? no anger management?
a correct example for ur kids?
thankfully we've all grown up..
at least we noe tt;s wrong n will not repeat tt..
was damn stressed up.. coz my parents were quarreling, mom was crying like shit..
worried for them.. couldnt study at all..
may be i can blame them for flunking cs...
i cried.. freakin stressed up man..

n dear lost...
so sad about it..
had high hopes n fell hard i suppose..
havent been home the whole of last week..
i feel obliged to be home..
to show tt i am not treating my home as a hotel..
missed daph's bdae party.. will be missing wha's too..
i'm sorry.. just cant come out to accompany u n console u..
dun wan to upset my mum or start another fire...

feeling guilty over so many things..
studies is already in a hay-wire state...
no time for myself..
not driven..
not motivated to study at all after getting 3.13 cap last sem becoz of the infection..
who to blame? me? for making the wrong decisions right from the start?
may be i shud just quit sch..
fucked up...

Friendster knows me best:

The Bottom Line
You have an intuitive sense of potential problems, but don't act until you have to.

In Detail
You're fiery, passionate and always game for a new experience -- and that means that keeping secrets can be a bit of a challenge for you. Not the secrets of others, mind you (those are safe forever). It's your own that give you problems, possibly due to the fact that you do so love drama -- okay, and even melodrama. So when you say something that isn't in the Miss Manners book of etiquette, ignore their eyebrows. Or, better yet, wink and move on.

after almost 3 months...

here i am again..

Happy valentine's day to all...

it's been a great day for both giving and recieving...
made flowers for my luna pals and a few other frens...
even though some of the flowers were falling out, i hope you still like them..
did until 3am lor~!!! after coming home from flv meeting.. sigh..

and for my dear... so smart right? i got him wad he need just in time...
quicksilver belt... his pants were dropping.. lol...

o yesh.. even though we both didnt have time to realli make today a very romantic one,
think it was sweet enuff.. at least for me..
i dunno if i was touched.. moved to tears..
but ya.. i cried.. haha.. in the middle of suntec city...
finally gave him the answer he wanted after 1 mth?
ha.. if it's not for wad he said, if it;s not for the way he looked at me when he said those things..
i wouldn't have.. i would have waited a lil longer...

it was so comical and things werent going as well as planned..
firstly, the next casanoma movie slot was at 7pm when we were there at 3 plus, 4.
so we ended up watching fun with dick and jane instead..
2ndly, roses were sold at $120++. after all the flowers and gifts and treats tt he has been getting for me the past 2 weeks, he's officially dried like dried sotong.. and they werent even tt pretty..
by the end of the day, i got 2 from him - one white, one blue... thanks thanks.. muackz..
3rdly, suki sushi was freaking packed~!!!
went to kovan to eat thai express instead..

thanks for all ur prezzies dear.. especially the ee-hor tt looks like u..
hahaha.. n i wasnt angry then la.. not so petty.. :P

n thanks to the rest who gave me prezzies too..
ks.. keep up the good work.. nice chocolate strawberries u made..

will post up some pictures with my angel soon...
finally i found my angell..
i noe u'll be there whenever i need u..
i noe u'll be there to protect me...
n sorry to make u wait every nite for me to finish with my meeting..
thanks for sending me home so late..
if it's not for u, i wont have as much rest as i could for the past few days...
mauckz~!

finding some time for myself...

posting up some not-so old pics...

- 6G YZPS (pri sch) gathering -

- 4 out of the 5 musketeers -

- candid -

been so freaking busy.. no time to blog.. sigh... falling sick already.. had 3 meetings this week.. sigh.. no time to mug.. mid terms are in a week's time and i havent started.. next week, i'll be staying out late, mostly in sch almost every day.. except thu..

mon - flv meeting

tue - simple v day celebration since i am so busy

wed - flv prep, back goodie bags

thu - fest la vie, maths mid term

fri - clear up forum after flv..

gosh.. i wont be home for dinner everyday.. feel so guilty... may be i got no choice but to miss daph n wha's birthday celebration.. cant choose to go for either onli.. it's either both or neither.. i should spend time with them..so sorry...

so much to do, so lil time... 2 maths webcasts to watch.. tonnes of tutorial to do... sucks...

we will miss ya siang...

met my pri sch buddies yesterday night for siang's bdae gathering.. unfortunately tt blur siang forgot to tell suwen.. so she didnt come.. sigh.. hmm.. we met up at hougang.. lol.. wad a weird place to meet for gathering.. went to suki to have jap buffet~!!! yum yum~! not bad.. we're still as crappy as before.. laughed so much.. i think we were laffing at siang most of the time.. still so aunty.. haha..

we did so many things in tt short 5 h.. after dinner, we went to play pool.. just opp the restaurant.. not bad.. even though i havent played for ages.. my lousy skill is still there.. hee.. :p hmm.. played onli for an hour plus.. later, siang suggested to go over to the community centre to ktv.. wa so many aunty uncles there.. but it was surprisingly not bad.. they do have new songs... $22 for 2h for a room.. 4 of us shared.. so quite cheap ah.. haha.. i'm picking up slowly.. listening to more chi songs.. so now i can still sing a few in ktv.. getting addicted.. ahhhh...

hm.. siang mentioned tt she has gotten over the excitment phase.. now she's getting worried n afraid to leave singapore.. could realli feel it when she said, "i know that many things are going to change after i left." her voice was shaking... sigh.. i cant imagine myself alone in an alien country too... u gotta be so independent.. but then again, it's realli a gd experience.. let's just hope tt she dun come back with an angmo boyfren.. ahahaha...

we'll miss u siang...

so true, so very true..

new song my fren intro to me..
haha.. wad r u trying to hint seah?
i noe wad i shud do..
thanks anyway..
here's it.. dunno if it can be shown on my blog though..

多爱我一秒钟

不必再说些故事和眼泪的废话
反正你就是不再爱我了
好聚好散应该是我的回答
可是我就是不能那么潇洒
你尽管放心,我会原谅
你虽然我开始越来越恨你
过去点滴难道都不值得珍惜
该怎么爱你你才会满意
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实我一直都在等一直在等
等你爱我爱得多一些
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实根本就不必等等吧不必等
如果你轻易就会离开我
又何必忙得一场空
你尽管放心,我会原谅你
虽然我开始越来越恨你
过去点滴难道都不值得珍惜
该怎么爱你 你才会满意
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实我一直都在等一直在等
等你爱我爱得多一些
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实根本就不必等等吧不必等
如果你轻易就会离开我
又何必忙得一场空

the end...

was there..
wanted to see how i would feel..
the fence blocked too much..
i onli saw the familiar jersey no...

the gals were gonna play first...
couldnt wait longer..
no pt..
perhaps a lil suprisingly, missing it didnt feel bad at all...
becoz i just wanted to prove myself...
not to see him..

may be it's like sth to wrap up everything..
when i got to noe tt he won champs,
my onli response was a sigh, followed by a smile..
thankful tt his hardwork paid off..
thankful tt all he sacrificed for was worth it..

now tt it's all over...
think it's sth off my shoulder...

headed for dinner with my angel later...
thanks angel.. for being so understanding..
u were always there for me..
it was a hot night...
so much said...
i'm blessed...
n i shud be happy and contented with wad i have..
i shud cherish wad i have..

the day will come...
it will...

it's been 43 days...

been talking to a few pple lately...
val woke me up..
been decieving myself..
been trying so hard to get over him..
been telling myself tt he's not worth it and i have to get over him by hook or by crook..
been telling myself so often tt i realli tot i havent gotten over it..
sadness i feel no more..
but when val asked me if i am confident tt i will definitely not patch up with him if he ever ask me to go back to him, i couldnt answer..
i wasnt sure...
i knew it is the right thing to do..
he isnt ready.. he will never be in the months to come..
y am i waiting?
y shud i be waiting?
he was so heartless.. he left u alone..
may be i was just a fling..
may be it wasnt as deep to him, as it was for me..
i commited, i closed all doors..
may be he didnt..
o no.. i am digressing again..
but ya.. i havent gotten over him..
i still like u just a lil bit..
nth wrong with admiting i hope..
wanna face it..
run away no more..
it's not going anywhere..
sth has to be done..
someone's waiting for me..
someone sweet n nice...
someone who has always been there for me..
when i'm so down..
when i fell so hard becoz u let go of me just like tt...
it's not for this special someone onli..
it's for me, just me...

he's not worth it shirley... move on~!!!

n to u.. my special someone..
so sorry tt i have to make u wait..
not gonna get into another r/s when i havent gotten over the past..
tt terrible heart ache...
wanna start everything right..
i hope u understand

from colorgenics.com.. it realli changes..

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Most people are conditioned by their environment and you are no exception. You are an extremely emotional person - so much so that 'the wrong word' can lead you to tears. You feel other people's pain. You feel the need of sympathetic relationships and a pleasant work environment in order to develop and grow. You are an impulsive, loving individual with a great deal of inherent feeling.You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.

ahh crap.. i have to chnage blog skin.. keep getting this error message with the last one... realli liked the last one.. it's like some kinda journal.. haha.. n lately, i have a thing for hot pink n purple... lol...

ha.. did a lot today... like some kinda maid.. washed the toilet, wash dishes for both meals, mopped the floor.. gosh.. any lucky guy wan me? hahaha...

it'sbeen 39 days.. how long more do i need? come on, shirley... was it realli tt deep? so difficult to let go and recover from?

waiting waiting.. i noe tt sucks... i noe how it feels.. so sorry... but it is the right thing to do.. the right way to start everything..

ah.. haven't been doing any serious work except for replying to the flv outside vendors... i love to slack.. hahaha.. feel guilty.. but so wad? hehehe...

moody moody... waititng for everyone to get ready to start mahjong.. sianz.. i am itching.. anyone wanna play?

joke of the day:
lobster poot poot...

haha it's a family joke.. i almost made my lil bro merlion.. everyone laughed.. haha i think i was kinda high.... said a lot of silly and lame stuff.. joked and played with my food.. hehe.. o ya.. my reunion dinner was realli... wad's the word.. i had sharkfin with lots of crab meat.. i had abalone.. i had lobster.. i had scallops.. but i dun realli noe hoe to appreciate all these expensive food... is there realli a need for such stuff? but i am still thankful and contented with wad i have..

looking forward for v day... hehehe... ;p

Finally had time to post these pics up...

the incomplete W xams present...

On seth's birthday...

My new creation - chocolate cheesecake~!

ah.... tiredz tiredz... this week i'm so busy with meetings.. meetings meetings and more meetings~~!! mon flv, tue engine o week, thru flv.. now may be fri there'll be fwc... ahhh.. y all this week? thank goodness i was disciplined enought to finish my tutorials for this week on sunday.. if not, i would have died..

kinda pissed with everything.. not with pple.. just the way things are now... ahhh have to complain.. perhaps becoz somethings are beyond my control.. cant realli manage time the way i wan... all tut due next week, ctw ass 1 due next week... must ctahc up with cep and maths webcast.. yup.. this is crazy... i better do sth this weekend.. o~!!! it;s cny~!!! shall i mug on tue? wahaha...

looking forward to sat... reunion dinner n mahjong~!! wahaha.. my MJ0000 module... must ace it to be a tai tai.. hehehe...

yea gg out on wed to celebrate bdae.. free day to relax myself.. no books~~!!! yuck yuck~!!!

ha.. so many complaints.. but i am still kinda happy with my life right now... enjoying the freedom, getting to noe more pple, learning new things everyday...
so much for complaints.. i realli learnt a lot from slc, flv so n so forth...

hm... miss softball... I WANNA PLAY SOFTBALL~!!!!

V Bash - my first bash after 19+ years

did i mention tt all 1000 tickets were sold out for the bash?!
fwah.. it;s a great success...
on the fri night, there were still pple asking me for tickets..
i counted.. i could have easily hit 80 or even 90 ticket sales if the comm still had tickets for my frens..
haha.. all so last min.. sorry peeps..

so how was my first bash?
hm.. it's as expected.. nth more than jus drinking n dancing..
think i was kinda high already by the time mark came..
one vodka.. omg.. i m so lousy..
shall train up.. wahaha...
luna was shy.. just standing ard in the beginning..
then guideng n me physcoed the rest to go to the central dance floor..
hehehe... not bad.. all newbies.. dunno how to realli dance..
MOS is realli big.. but.. think the music isnt realli tt gd..
even r n b.. music was slow man..
i think retro was the better one.. not the kind tt i like..
but it was easier to dance with i guess..

we went to every room to dance..
haha.. gd exercise.. burnt quite a lot of carbo i think..
no wonder pple who clubs often are so slim..
thanks kahsin for treating us to tt "lime juice"..
wahaha.. couldnt taste the alcohol at all..

went over to check out the PRU pple..
lionel was drunk.. hahaha...
his eyes were like sooo small~!
couldnt even stand up straight..
n he was complaining tt his head was spinning..
i tot he's a chiongster seah..

think i drank a lil too fast, too much at a time..
by the time i was leaving,
think i was kinda floating already...
i could still walk straight thankfully..
thankfully there was my ahmad..
lol... safely driven home..

in conclusion, i will not waste money on clubbing..
i will not go clubbing on my own if i have to spend money..
alcohol is so expensive there..
ooo but the view was gd..
so many yandaos~!
n yes mark.. there were pretty gals ok...

i actually like programming.. i think...
paid attention throughout the lecture.. haha..
,ay be becoz we all have no experience.. all worried n kanchiong..
tt's how kiasu chem engineers are.. lol...
anyway it;s quite fun... especially when the prog works.. lol..
sense of achievement.. lol...

o yea.. my sales for bash tickets is pretty good..
havent reached my personal goal..
but good enuff..
yes yes.. dun count the main comm pple in...
shirley needs to change her hp..
or any sugar daddy wanna buy me one?

haha.. one probably down the drain already..
no chance of revival perhaps.. wad a pity...
i did believed in it.. realli.. think i still do.. but o well...
one dropped out... so sad.. y cant we be as close as before? i mean as frens..
so wad.. no bgr = no frens too?
n one... aggressive i would say...
love is in the air...

tt's all i can disclose now..
not sure if i am ready yet...
dun think so..
coz i still do think about him now n then..
disappointed yet relieved not to see him in canteen today..
it's just a passing stage i noe..
hm.. we'll wait for all tt to go away first..

next thu.. will be the test..
i hope i will be tested...

cant wait for bash~!
i need someone to take me in for the night.. any takers? wahahaha
ahmad is down.. so sad...

sigh.. freaking tired.. reached home onli at 10.30pm.. met jennwei at serangoon to sell him one more ticket.. haha he is my biggest buyer.. 17 tickets plus 1 complemetary ticket... had flv meeting till 9 plus...fwah... tiring man... it was raining when the meeting ended.. couldnt get my ahmad to drive me home.. his phone was off i guess.. so sad... oops m i taking it for granted? lol.. o well.. luckily it stopped raining when i stepped out.. just drizzling a little.. stupid lappie is so heavy... i was gonna die off or sth when i walked all the way from yih to EA with my heavy bag.. i have an ahmad now.. i need another bellboy.. wahaha..

freak.. my headache is realli bad... think i shud exercise more.. realli unfit.. onli realised so when i went to jog this morning.. 2.4km.. almost died.. was panting onli after 800m... tt's pathetic...

need someone to shou1 liu2 me on sat.. coz i m going for V Bash~! hehehe... my first bash.. first clubbing experience... hehehe... shud be fun.. especially when most luantics r coming too~!! yuppie~!!!

opened up my blog n listening to my fav song now.. fav.. at least till now..
i came across this song when i went for campus concert with him..
we did nth... but i melted then..
n wished the moment could last forever..
ahhh... sweet memories..
but they shall onli stay as memories...

anyway... been realli busy recently...
no tutorials n yet i'm like working till late night everyday...
dun think we have guranteed any sponsors for flv yet... shucks..
siyong's getting panic-y... even the lil secretary me is also getting worried.. ha..
but i found 4 outside vendors so far.. very few.. but better than nth..
so i'm pretty happy when the call me up or email me.. hee..

haiz.. havent had time for myself..
then again, may be it's good..
who's fault is it tt i am so busy now?
MINE... may be his..
i took up so many pos willingly, partly becoz i wanted to keep myself busy..
so tt i will not think too much about the terrible experience..
n was hoping tt time will fade off everything..
well, seems like it's working..
but i just cant stop complaining...

i kinda broke down for a while on mon night..
lil bro wont listen to my parents..
all screaming n stuff..
then even my bro n me got drawn into the war...
ah damn fucked up...
they r concerned i noe..
but i have just found some time to cheong my tutorials..
please be a bit more understanding...
let me finish my work..
take a look at wad i am busy with before u scold me..

after the short crying.. i guess i felt a lot better...
had to let it all out..
my bro was swearing like never before..
haha.. n he's supposed to be a christian..

o well.. shirley's strong..
nth can bring u down, girl~!!!

wHeEe~! HaPpeNinG wEeKenD~!

ha... had fun this weekend..
hm.. my parents n lil bro went to jb on sat morning.. can back onli at midnight..
how can i not go out have fun~!!!! hee ;p met my pri sch classmates.. hee.. but onli like less than 10 pple turn up.. out of 40~!!! quite pathetic... but still, most of my clique turned up... so not bad la.. most pple left early.. too bad.. they didnt get to experience the highlight of the day. MAHJONG at my place~!! ahahaha... damn fun.. played so much.. i forgot about dinner.. went to eat supper at 10pm with them.. hee luckily mum n dad came back late... but quite paiseh la.. coz i asked them over.. n won everything.. guess i was lucky..

today was not bad too.. went for engine o week dry run... got to noe more engine pple.. ha.. hm... the games are pretty gd... like the maze one best... may be we can chnage tt a lil n add it to fwc's games.. i have an idea too~!! hmm... but i think our beach games more zai.. hee :P

ahh tiring day... ha..

ed is out of the game.. one down, one more left standing... too bad.. i'm still not ready...

hmm... so.. he hasnt taken any initiatives to tok to me.. hai.. dun think i can look at him in the eye either.. ahh it doesnt matter... may be we realli cant be frens anymore... not encouraged at all.. but i realli missed those times when we chat.. n of coz.. the sweet memories.. sigh...

my greatest fear....

i met my greatest fear.. finally.. 3rd day of sch.. yesh.. i tot it;s almost over.. but.. everything crumbled.. when i saw tt pair of eyes.. tt was all i could see from my place.. but it was enuff.. those familiar eyes i used to look into so deeply.. the eyes i fell for.. sth tt was my everything... WAS.. yes WAS... i tot it's over.. but i felt weird when i saw those eyes.. tt stare i caught.. the feelings is just undescribable.. i wasnt the usual me.. i wasnt brave enuff to look back.. to look straight at those eyes... they were telling me sth.. i noe so.. but i dun dare to assume... i didnt dare to face them.. i was a coward...

it's a tiring day.. 6h lectures of nonsense.. so draining.. may be i am falling sick.. have i lost my tan or am i getting sick? i looked so pale in the mirror.. feeling uncomfortbale these days... may be i have overworked myself.. all the late nights killin me slowly.. perhaps.. am i in love? y am i not pretty then? i look atrocious.. sth must be done... getting headaches, moody, crazy etc etc...

it's been raining for the past few days.. today is exceptionally cold.. flv ended surprisingly early.. everyone was busy.. i walked alone to the bus stop.. saw someone i didnt expect to see, dunno how to face her too.. thank god i had a cap on, may be she cant recognise me.. board bus c.. went to EA to take 188 to harbour front.. as usual, it took ages to come.. it was pouring.. the cold merciless wind was blowing at me.. chills went thru my body.. i felt so weak then.. i couldnt control my tots n emotions.. it's like some mtv.. the lead actress thinking about tt sad memory.. the sweet old times... in the rain.. dramatic it is... those pair of eyes kept flashing back n forth in my mind.. i was trying to analyse everything.. wad exactly was tt feeling? dun think it's pure sadness.. no urge to cry.. dun think it;s love.. even though my heart beat so fast.. i was probably just afraid..

my ahmad came to mind.. but it didnt help.. wish he was here.. may be he could help me.. felt so weak.. i pretended tt everything was alright.. i tried to smile as usual n be high n crazy like before... may be it;s just me.. i dun like to show this faggot side of me to pple.. tot thru so much at the bus stop.. so afraid tt i am leading ahmad to the wrong way.. blessed to have u ard me now.. i realli appreciate it.. just afraid tt i;ll hurt u.. u;re realli nice.. n u dun deserve it.. hm.. does tt show tt i care? m i ready? or m i just another heartbreaker? iss tt my retribution?

the walk home from mrt was exceptionally long.. the wind was so strong.. so cold.. it was worse the genting.. i wished i could teleport straight home.. ah... was hoping tt a cup of hot ginger tea will pop out of nowhere... ha.. yes seth.. i noe... i'm usualyy bored.. not lonely.. but for tt moment, it was different.. think i am sad.. it;s a shame.. it's a pity... coz i realli believe tt we were sth.. tt it will last a long long time... i felt the loneliness.. the helplessness... i wished the wind could just blow me away...

so many questions in my head... i noe i cant find answers straight away.. may be time will tell... i wanna get over everything.. let me believe in love again... let me be able to trust guys again... let me move on... i noe there's already someone waiting for me... so sorry.. i have to make u wait..

confused....

dUn bE A MOdEl~!!!!

it was disastrous... hair like x-men storm, hot pink and purple eye shadows.. i looked ridiculous... i agree with janus.. pple prob wont dare to come for the bash after seeing me.. anyone fright night? lol... i'll make a gd ghost if i can prevent myself from smiling... thankgod i did it yesterday... onli went to arts and sci.. i wouldnt wan to go it in engine n see familiar faces in tt terrible make over... the supposedly professional hair stylist sprayed so much hair spray on my hair tt i was practically pulling out my hair when i was showering.. phew.. luckily i havent gone for my hair treatment.. my hair growing realli fast.. wonder if they will break if i go rebond now.. it'll be 5 mths onli since the last time i rebonded...

heee :P pink dress-up day today... AA or wadever.. i enjoy dressing up.. may be if i achieve my ambition of being a tai tai in future, i can go into the fashion industry... or study interior designing... so cool~!

HOT NEWS~!!! yimin's in pink skirt today~!! so surprising... yea.. every thu shall be dress up day.. i shud jio more pple to join the club... :P ok.. back to lecture~!!

rainy rainy days...
ahhh.. so shiok... i love rainy days.. well.. when i am at home of coz.. hahaha...
just nua at home... feel the cool sheets of my bed on my face n the chills thru my body... shhhiiiioook~! where's my special one? if onli there's someone.. i wanna walk down the road with u in the rain barefooted.. hahaha.. so cool.. so romantic... lol.. then get back home, both of us sneezing, take a hot bath, boil some ginger tea.. n we can cuddle tog in the cold.. n laff at each other's red running nose...wahahaha... ok i am dreaming.. but isnt it sweet?

hm.. anyway... i am kinda scared n excited about tml... lionel asked me to help to modeling for V Bash... alamak.. ask me to come in cheong clothes... hello.. missy here never club before lei~!!!! got no idea wad to wear.. so on the first day of sch, i;ve been asking ard... wad to wear n stuff... had nth much to do this morning.. so i combed my cupboard n took out all my possible "cheong clothes" -tubes, spag, skirts, jeans.. alamak.. i got no idea seah... i hope wad i am wearing is considered cheong clothes.. lol.. kahsin said pple normally dress in dark colours.. i tried.. i realli tried.. but.. ever since jc, i revamped my cupboard.. so mnay bright colours now.. wahaha... still think i look gd in red.. so i am coming in red~!!! heck heck~!! n thanks to mengyi.. yes i shall wear a skirt :P dun nose bleed all of u.. wahaha.. like real...

hmm... no boots.. may be if i have boots, it'll be cool... anyway.. i'll look ridciulous la.. coz i have to go for dental appt early in the morning before i come to sch for my make over.. ha.. go see dentist in cheong clothes.. tt is so weird.. after the bash pub, have to go essential brews to meet LUNA.. alamak.. i hope they dun do anything too bizarre to my hair.. if not.. i faint.. hehehe... :P

let's pray hard they dun do any form of spiking.. :P

LoVe Is A gAmBLe..

discussed about this again..
i sound so pro when i explained my rationale..
we man, cannot predict the future...
but yes.. wadever choices u make now, will affect ur future eventually...
y do some pple hold back so much when they r deciding whether or not to commit, whether or not to give their all?
becoz they care..
n it's not wrong..
but it's not entirely right either..
at least in my opinion...
it's gd tt u r thinking about the consequences..
wad if it fails?
can we still be frens?
will he/she hate me?
will i hurt him/her?
will i get myself hurt? bla bla bla...

u have matured if u consider the other party's feelings..
it's perfectly right to do so..
but wad u think it's best for the 2 of u, might not be the case in his/her opinion...
wad gives u the right to decided sth tt will affect not just u, but the both of u?

ok i am digressing.. so y my title?
becoz.. when u come to a cross road..
when u have to make decisions.. to do it or not, pple tend to hesitate..
whether to step into a r/s or not..
it's just like gambling.. f
or instance, in the game of roulette....
the smallest bet is 10 bucks..
if u choose not to place any bet, u dun take any risk..
yes u wont lose anything..
but u wont gain anything..

if u place ur bet, if u tried, there's a possiblity tt u will lose tt 10 bucks..
but there's also a possibility of gaining..
strictly speaking.. min 10, max 350 bucks of winnings..
so.. would u place ur bet?

i would in most cases..
how would i place my bets?
tt will depend on how much i have with me..
if u never try, u will never find ur answers..
one of my fav quotations, wad lived with me thru my 6 years of softball:

"I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying" ~ Micheal Jordan

bored...

so bored... nth to do now..

hai.. dunno how i am gonna slim down seah.. i get hungry at ard this time every night.. indulding in my orange cheesecake again.. wahaha.. it's just super nice can... solution is to sleep early? hoho. it's impossible for a chem engineer.. especially when sch starts.. may be... all thanks to him.. ya..

anyway... i sms him yesterday.. just forwarded a msg.. sth tt yimin sent me.. i wonder y.. but tt's not the pt... hm.. dunno.. may be i am over sensitive.. somehow i sense tt he is either stressed up, tired or just unhappy.. how do i noe? from his nicks perhaps.. ah it was hardly anything positive anyway.. yesh.. tt topman t shirt tt says "i'm grumpy"certainly suits him.. may be if we can be frens by his bdae.. i can get him one, provided topman is still selling it.. or.. may be i'll just design sth similar n print one for him.. wahaha.. hm.. not realli bothered about us.. just worried about him.. siyong said tt it's normal to wonder how the other party is doing.. so.. i guess it's alright.. atually i think so too..

hmm.. looks like i m taking it well.. y? all thanks to my distraction(s).. haha... m i prettier now? becoz.. pple say woman in love r.. think the ants r gonna bite me.. coz i'm just simply blessed... so sweet... my last week of this holiday is just great.. i hope this doesnt stop just there... not when u noe u r doing it well.. if u get wad i mean...

still a softee.. i still melt easily.. but.. no... i shall be stronger.. colder..

nuaing day...

been out the entire day... showhand 500 general points for general bio.. n guess wad~! i onli got it for 1 pt~!!! yea yea.. must study hard for it.. even thouhg it may be easy... never ever underestimate the mods.. tt's wad i learnt from last sem.. 6 mods to do.. gonna be damn xiong.. i shall be a chao mugger apart from my other commitments, FLV, engine o week and CHESS FWC.. not easy.. with all the meetings.. plus i dun think i have tt much self discipline.. hee.. cannot push myself too hard.. i'll burn out easily.. from experience..

hm... day 1 of sch isnt easy already.. gotta reach sch at 10am to do mkting for flv.. 12 lunch.. 2-4 teach seth rock n roll.. 4-6 lectures.. ha.. busy busy day...
i'm like coming to sch on alt days.. wahaha... thu is lecture day.. long long day... n after tt, i have flv meeting.. wa.. gonna be tiring seah.. sat fwc gathering, sun engine o week dry run.. fwah~! how m i gonna make time for the new excited bees in my life? lol...

ok here's announcing.. i need chem engineering principles and programming text book.. who's gonna sell or give them to me? dun dare to get it from him.. he may not be ready.. considering the fact tt he hasnt msged me even when we;re both online... on i have fna n mkting text books for sale.. mkting.. i still have notes.. yea... anyone wan it, let me noe...

today.. been a pretty nice day.. good n bad happened.. aiya.. sensored.. heee.. sicne when do i do tt ya? but.. ya.. my life is just so exciting..

Guardian angel.. ha... whose angel.. i've no one to be there for... yea.. gave too much... i must live for myself.. n pamper myself..

goals for this sem
1. up my cap, 5.0~! wahaha
2. let go of him
3. make flv a success
4. strengthen bondings with my uni frens...

eh... tt's all i can think of now...

realise i have a lot of frens.. i dun wanna be a roamer anymore... shall make more buddies instead of just frens.. haha.. they r so mnay potenial buddies ard me.. i just never made the effort to strengthen our frenship.. i'm so sorry.. i've negleted all of u...

hm.. patrick asked me to take up the role of chief councillor for engine o week.. wondering if it's too much for me... i've got flv, fwc.. i gotta retake ctw somemore... haiz.. hectic sem...

where's my angel?

wondering.. worried...

bored.. waiting for 1pm to come..

The Passion Predictor
Shirley, you're a Guardian Angel!

Chances are you've kicked around the idea of settling down on some shady lane with your honey and maybe even thought about having a kid or a couple of pets. Even if you've never cooked a pot roast or picked out fabric for curtains, we'll bet you've got solid nurturing instincts nestled within. That's why, when it comes to your partner, you're the Mother Teresa of romantic relationships. Doing little things like planning cool vacations and jotting a quick love note, tells your partner daily how much you care. This A+ quality not only makes you a compassionate lover, but also a trusted friend.Here's the rub: You're ready to give and give, but sometimes you might get resentful when your significant other doesn't return the favor. It can be difficult for you to let people fend for themselves, but try to focus on maintaining balance. Be sure to look out for number one, and try to indulge yourself as often as you indulge those you care about.

http://web.tickle.com/passion/result.jsp

Almost 100% true...

It would appear that you are experiencing one problem after another. When one problem is resolved, another seems to immediately take its place. It could well be that you are trying too desperately to evade or to escape from your present situation and it is 'you' that is causing the problems to manifest themselves. You need to slow down a little.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

Being afraid that you may be prevented from achieving your hopes and dreams is making you anxious and nervous. As a dreamer your ideas can at times move into the realm of fantasy and you could be following that so called illusive dream.

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

Blading.. wheeee~!!!!

yea yea.. i learnt how to stop.. with a turn.. ah wadever u call tt stunt.. hahaha.. all thanks to mark~! didnt realli get to skate along ecp... spent most of my time at the beginner's corner learning tt stunt n falling of coz.. haha..

hm... my orange cake was a lil watery this morning.. added gelatine.. now it's alright already.. yum yum..

the person i made my first cake for... not my dad... to be honest..

haiz..

My 2nd trial - Orange cheesecake

hehehe.. i just made my 2nd cheesecake.. hope it tastes good.. pretty cool.. squeezed fresh orange juice... graded some orange skin.. added some real fresh orange... yipeee~!

fresh orange cheesecake~! any fresher, u will have to peel it urself~!!!

from http://web.tickle.com/tests/superiq/result.jsp

The Super IQ Test
How Smart Are You Really?

Shirley, your Super IQ score is 120

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.The way you think about things makes you a Creative Theorist. This means you are a highly intelligent, complex person. You are able to process information of nearly every kind with ease, using both creativity and analysis to make sense of the world. Compared to others you also have a very rich imagination.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Creative Theorist? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Creative Theorist. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.


The Emotional IQ Test
How People-Smart Are You?

Shirley, your Emotional IQ is 126.
So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is empathy — your ability to see things from someone else's point of view.

Shirley, your Casanova is the Rebel

Hey there, party girl! Always on the lookout for the bad boy in the crowd, you like your Casanova complete with imagination, heart, humor, and lots of attitude. Cool and confident, you're attracted to people who aren't afraid to speak their minds and stir up a little trouble here and there. It keeps things interesting — that's for sure.Pay attention to rules? Not a hot tamale like you! You're way too busy trying new things, meeting people, and having a good time to follow in someone else's footsteps. Good thing your sexy rebel can blaze his own path, too!

> haha.. i did these when i was kinda bored... hmm not bad eh? quite fun... but the casanova thingy.. not so sure about tt..

HaPpY NeW YeAr~!!!

O yea.. i'm back from cruise~! yipee~! had lots of fun.. hahaha... hm... let me recall..

1st night - 30th dec 2006

by the time we were onboard, it was dinner time..granny was so kanchiong, she rushed to the restaurant and booked the table for us, even before we could chek out our rooms.. it wasnt our first time, so we're all not very excited i guess.. the last few times when we were here, there wasnt much for us to do...

after dinner, the usual.. arcade... sigh.. star cruise should realli do sth about their arcade.. all the games r like so old.. even my bros didnt noe wad to play after a game or two.. ohh~! n i spot one yandao.. hehehe... one onli~! so sad.. there was another... but.. think he's younger than me... anyway.. nth much to say about them anyway.. er...

after arcade, granny jio us to watch the performance at lido... it was pretty spectacular... but one thing i realli needa comment on.. it's kinda weird to see shaolin wushu performance with techno music.. haha.. n the supposedly shaolin monks fighting with european acrobats and south american dancers... wth~!!! but there're good.. i mean their separate performances.. not when they fight together.. so comical to put them all together.. i cant see how they are linked..

i actually turned in earlier than when i am at home.. after supper, tt;s it.. end of day 1..

day 2 - 31st December 2005
last day of 2005 was pretty happening for me... it was the day tt made this whole cruise experience different... i found out from granny tt ktv there was free if u dare sing in the pub.. as in not in ur own private room u noe.. all u have to do, is to order a drink.. it's pretty cheap if u r gonna spend a few hours there.. n yea.. i realli sang a lot~!!! i spent most of my day there actually.. when i have nth to do.. i'll just go sing withmy lil bro.. hee...
o... after lunch, i went to the casino to look for my granny.. i guess she was losing quite a lot.. she looked at me like i was some angel from heaven when she spot me.. all the aunties n uncles ard me shared the same expression.. i wonder y.. becoz i am too young? becoz i am a newbie? they were like all excited to see me play when my granny passed me her chips to play with.. i placed a bet of 30 bucks.. 10 on 3 different no for roulette.. n guess wad~! i won again.. just like my first time to casino last year.. one shot... 360 bucks~! wahaha... minus the 30.. 330 bucks of winnings... hehehe.. so i decided to stop playing n walk away with my winnings.. hehehe... well, granny was realli losing quite a bit.. so she asked me to play for her.. i think i won a total of 600+ but it wasnt enuff to cover her loses.. her bets were 3 times more than mine... sigh... so... i had to part with most of my winnings... she looked so sad...couldnt help it...

i think i have a few casino fans after my second time there.. haha... so lucky eh?

hmm... after dinner, my family participated in the karaoke competition.. my parents n my bro stanley.. ha.. not bad.. i dun have the courage.. not gd enuff yet... didnt expect all of them to be so onz... went to play mahjong as we wait for 11.30pm to come..

there's a countdown party at the galaxy of stars.. i was expecting sth better.. realli.. it started alright.. with music played from the cd.. when the band played, i started getting bored.. the music is ok.. just not for dancing i guess.. not for youngsters.. lol.. my granny.. so happening.. more happening than my mum.. she was having a fun time dancing ard with the crews and other passengers.. i drank quite a lil so called sparkling wine... fwah... so red n hot in no time... shud train up soon.. get ready for pru bash.. lol... these are some of our pics.. taken with my camera fone..

i convinced my bros to sneak to celebrity disco with me at 13th floor..hehehe.. it was quite fun.. our kind of music was blasting.. disco inferno, my milkshake.. etc... but unfortunately, this waitress came to check our access card n found out tt my lil bro is 18 yet.. haiz.. so we had to leave tog.. went for supper then...

was quite disappointed.. tot my 1st so called clubbing experience gonna turn out like last year's again.. was sharing it with my granny.. n she suggested to accompany me.. ha~~! my granny~! can u believe it?! lol... n so we did~! danced non stop for like an hour.. wa damn tiring.. may be tt's y pple who dance n club often all have gd bods.. shagged off all the excess fat.. hahahaha.... o guess wad.. the cute guy was there too.. so guai.. sitting on the couch with his grp of frens.. prob just chilling out.. or may be there were too many indians on the dance floor.. weijie will never go in if he was there.. hahaha...

hmm... returned just this afternoon... not tired.. since i slept so much.. hehe..

tot thru a lot when i was on board.... since it is a new year, wadever happened last year stays in the year.. let bygones by bygones i told myself.. i no longer hate u.. or anyone.. haiz.. well.. let's be brave n accept the fact tt i still love u very much... i still care for u.. n i do realli wanna stay as frens with u.. i dunno if i am ready yet.... but right now, i am sorry, u r definitely not just a fren to me.. for obvious reasons, the present n the past... since u have let go everything, it;s my turn to do so too.. if not, i'll just be digging my own grave.. for no reason.. perhaps i was too compromising.. too understanding.. gave u too much space when u needed them.. may be seth is right.. we didnt have enuff time to understand each other better.. i mistaken wad u meant by independent n being too sticky.. may be...may be it was my fault in thr first place to allow myself to give u all tt.. time will heal my wounds.. time will fade it all.. hopefully, we can be frens again.. just frens.. photos gone.. smses gone... everything empty... starting new afresh... let time fill up these empty spaces with sweet happy memories...

oops.. i have a stupid qn to ask suddenly.. so... r u still gonna pass me ur books? wahahaha :P

need a hug... need a smooch.. who's gonna give it to me? ok i am crazy.. nvm me...

Counting down to 2006 on cruise~~! - an escape for me perhaps

hm.. had a long chat with mark yesterday..
yea.. i shud realli stop reading it..
i have a week b4 sch starts...
b4 i face my greatest fear...
i have to stand up..
recover by then...
i have my CAP to up..
u r not gonna ruin my life again..

hm... suddenly the cruise seems to be helpful..
i always dread gg to cruise..
becoz i do nth but rot on cruise..
eat n sleep.. n play lousy arcade..
but this time it;s different..
it''s a chance for me to get away from everything..
to plan my sem ahead...
prioritise, so tt i will not make the same mistakes again..

u noe.. i wonder y..
i am rather confused..
this i must clear up..
i tot i''ve let go everything..
somehow.. i still care..
after all the pain u brought to me..
the very moment i learnt tt u r sick,
i felt the urge to be there for u,
to take care of u, be sure tt u r alright..
is it just as a fren?
or have i not let go everything?

wadever it is, it is now just a passing tot...
it will not happen..
i will not allow it to happen...
it never will...
there''s no "till then"..
becoz there isnt any story of us in the future..
not in my books...

all erased...
my tears washed them away...
my blood stained n buried with them..
the old heart u crushed with tt cold hands of urs died with them..

the new one reborn..
i can feel it..
i see hope..
but it is locked..
someone hold the key..
anyone else but u..

SuRpRiSe SuRpRiSe~!!

r guys fan qian or wad? he msged...
yea wad a surprise..
i felt almost nth...
just didnt expect him to do so..
coz he's always running away from his problems..
didnt expect him to have the courage to contact me at all..
after all tt he has done to me..

somehow i can still hack into his brain..
he posted..
no this is the last time i m gonna read tt blog of urs..
mark is right..
leave everyhting behind.. y shud i read?
it doesnt mean anything to me anymore..
perhaps it was never anyone's fault tt ur feelings diminished..
i've been thru tt myself..
it just happpened.. ya.. it just did..
still... i cant accept they way u reacted to it..
how u told me tt u were ready before i agreed to start sth with u..

good move there..
ur sms made me feel good..
becoz i am not much bothered by u anymore..
it feels good to be able to let go..
wad a pity.. realli..
i tot it was sth..

but nvm.. u r right..
so is mark.. so is edmund..
so is everyone who have been listening n consoling me..
i certainly deserve better..

life has never been so exciting..
i fell so badly this holiday..
probably caught so much attention,
pple started showing their care a bit more..
feeling pampered..
made a gd fren..
wahaha.. being driven here n there feels gd..
wahaha.. o no.. becoming a lil.. materialistic?
hehe.. i am just plain lazy la..
n tt siao kia mark has proven me right once again..
i shall not disclose all the crazy things u said n done..
haha.. shall not ruin ur reputation..

ooo.. someone baked a cake for me to test tml~!
so sweet eh?
am i lucky or wad?

thanks my angels...
for being there for me when i am weak...
whoever never there dun deserve my tears, care and concern right?
i;ve learnt tt... thanks once again..

off to curise tml~!
yipee.. shall win more money back from casino..
practice ktv..
n may be meet new pple?
hehehehe...

i think i m realli confused..

haha... frens been telling me not to post up my tots n feelings about him on my blog.. not to show him my weaknesses.. is tt a weakness i wonder? y would it be? it''s my blog.. it;s where i trash out everything.. it''s not meant for any of u to read in the first place.. it''s for me.. onli me.. to say wadvere i wan to say.. to complain.. so y do i have a counter? contradicting isnt it? becoz i found tt i have quite a few regulars... so.. y not? just to find out how mnay pple read my posts.. not like was u think about my posts matter much to me...

n no.. i see it as a strength.. to be able to be honest with myself n everyone else.. even towards him.. it''s natural.. it;s was i feel... if u knew me well enuff, i wouldnt have to say it out... u would noe tt i was having troubling getting over it... yes WAS... not tt i have succeeded in letting go everything... but.. i am almost there..

thanks to all my frens, my angels who have me there for me all these while.. keeping me busy... all so sweet n nice... ha... n may be the bees.. it''s not a bad time to have bees ard u at this time.. but i must be careful not to let anyone get too close to my heart... becoz i might make a wrong decision again..

once bitten twice shy.. stay away from me...

i''m happy with the angels ard me... enjoying my singlehood as much as i can.. life will onli get better... becoz i am me.. i am shirley~~! :)

moody day...

he's back.. or he will be today...
sigh.. cant help it...
perhaps i'm not to be blamed..
it's natural to still hold on to sth now right?
it'll take time to let go everything..
i noe i will..
i have to...

ponned meetings today..
quite drained from the chalet n my crazy outings...
slept all the way till 12 before siyong woke me up..
just dun feel like gg out...
may be i just wanna nua with someone...
suddenly, i feel weak..
thinking of u, makes me feel weak...
wan to be hugged tightly,
protected from all evils..
i need someone to pull me up..
confused i am...

serves me right...
i might not be thinking of all these things now
if i went for flv meeting.. n pru meeting after tt...
i'll be off to cruise soon...
would u wanna tok to me before i leave?
would i wan to tok to u?
would i allow myself to?

my eventful post christmas days

hee... dun remember if i talked about how i spent my christmas.. so here's it..

hm... went to ecp to blade with edmund.. haha... so scary... exciting n all... i mena the last time i blade was when i was like in pri 4 or 5? realli cant remember how to blade seah.. when i stood up, i tried moving, but i slided backwards... hahaha... but later, i figured it out.. we both had much fun i guess...

anyway, just realised tt ecp is quite a cool spot for frens and couples to hang out.. we didnt have the chance.. wad a pity.. but may be u wont like it either.. i nuaed with edmund on the beach, under this coconut tree for some time when we both got tired with all the (walking) blading.. ya.. it;s quite cool.. with the brezze blowing gently on ur face.. watch the tides come in n out... just nua n enjoy the scenery... tok cock with ur buddy...

edmund gave me a diary for a christmas present.. feel so bad.. coz i havent got time to get him one.. :P next time ok? hee... erm... yea.. o did i mention tt mark gave me this la bi xiao xin vcd? it's so... diao.. but funny.. hahaha... a cartoon version of himself...

26th dec... lao yeye n lao nainai came back from shanghai.. met up with them for lunch.. went to grassroot club.. still prefer the buffet we had for dinner last time.. with all the abalones, sharkfin, xue ha... :)~ hehe.. i told u i was tai tai material... training hard to be one.. wahhaaha...

then went for ks bdae chalet... blade with luna again.. quan was so funny... he couldnt blade at all.. at least kahsin could move... he looked like a robot.. serious.. hehehe... anyway... ya... think kahsin did a lot to make his chalet a success... not bad.. food marinated well... even though i would not like to know how he did it exactly after seeing how he prepares his salad.. wahaha...

hm.. half way thru, i'm so sorry kahsin, didnt come back on time to cut the cake with u.. mark called up n asked for a spin.. i knew wad was up.. so couldnt help it.. i'm a gd fren u noe... hehe... so i agreed.. for the very first time, i took a ride in his car.. he drives like mad~! make acute turns... pple slow down when they turn, he speeds up.. i think.. we went to changi airport.. to have ice cream~! hahha.... havign a car is realli convenient huh.. may be i shud include tt in my must-have list for my future bf.. wahahaha... then went back to ecp, to his pub to have a drink.. well.. i was gg for ktv.. n i am not gd at drinking, so i onli took a few sips from his... yea.. we talked a lot.. it was realli fun.. mark's a real nice crazy fren to hang out with.. he piggybacked me back to the car.. hahaha.... siao one...

byt the time i reached the chalet, luna left for k box.. thank goodness mark waited for me... so he drove me over to parkway.. too bad he has an appt.. if not, i could have invited him too... he's a gd singer.. hmm.. i waited realli long for luna... they actually walked over~!!! hm.. think this is one of the few times i realli sang... hehehe... not bad.. improving..

these few days are one of my craziest days of my life i guess.. after chalet, i actually took 31, all the way to toa pa yoh to shop.. alone... haha.. bought 2 basic tops n a black skirt... realised i have onli spags.. wahaha... hmm.. ya.. then makr called again.. jio me for movie.. but we were late la.. wth.. missed the movie.. n he confused perhaps love with the promise... so diao... alamak... so accompained him to eat.. then he took 22 min to drive to pasir ris.. haha.. lu chi like me... went to pet farms.. played with cute puppies n all.. fun day~!

ya... i'm thankful tt my frens are keeping me busy... so much so tt i seem to be leaving all my sorrows behind me effectively.. not thinking about it as much.. but i still read the smses u send me sometimes.. our photos... think i shud keep all our sweet memories.. leave the sad ones behind... haiz...

i'm a stronger person now.. no one can bring me down...

MeRrY cHrIsTMaS~!!!

merry chirstmas to all...
sigh.. i am still bothered by him..
y so? sigh.. wondering how he is spending his christmas..
haiz... even though i do hate him... but.. sigh...

anyway... i pang seh mark today.. wahaha..
so paiseh,.. but i reached home so late on fri...
felt bad if i left hous early mroning again..
yes.. so i stayed at home..
guai guai.. quite a boring christmas eve..
had the usual fmaily dinner..
mahjong with the pros, my dad, granny n aunty..
lost.. but a gd game... coz i never throw any winning tiles at all..

n o~! happy birthday FELIX~!

hee.. decided to go out with edmund tml..
shall not spend my christmas rotting at home alone..
hee.. roller blading.. 2 noobs blading..
think i need some cushions for my butt...
we'll see how tml..
hope it'll be fun...

ya... i shud try n call mark now..
he's mia~!!

PiSsED wItH nUs~! NuS sUcKs~!

sigh.. it's realli bad... stupid nus ask me to either retake CTW of accept a D grade.. wtf~! have u got any idea how much time I wasted on the stupid module? yea.. even though I took my papers in the hospital, as expected I didnt do well, but I am sure I can get at least a B if they grade me according to my assignments like the assured me~! f**K~! wad is this?!!! not as if it's gonna improve my cap.. it's so low.. i onli passed... arghhhh... and physics was my best mod.. can u believe it?!!! I am sure I could have done a hell lot better if it's not for the infection. but nvm... I shall be a full time mugger next sem.. apart from my commitments to the 2 or 3 projects.. I am gonna screw NUS upside down.. they better grade me as promised.. Or I am going all the way to MOE~! I am already affected for all the other modules.. U R SO NOT GONNA BULLY A SICK PATIENT LIKE TT!!!

ah... and thanks felix... for the sunflower.. so sweet of him huh... haha.. never expected him to buy me flowers.. hahaha.. he looks so blur.. with such things... cool... u made my day...

i am not happy with my results of coz.. but it cant be helped.. i wasnt in my best condition.. not even in gd condition.. my brain was so fried.. i couldnt rmemeber anything.. i was so sick.. i couldnt study... so... haiz... who's to blame? the infection... one sem down... i better work hard next sem, need to pull up my cap..

n... about him... well.. i never teared for him anymore.. i guess i feel so numb about it.. i dunno wad to do anymore.. my heart still ache.. i can realli feel the pain, emotionally n physically.. but.. so wad.. not like it will matter to him.. not like it;s gonna chnage anything... selfish he is.. blinded i am... he's away overseas now.. prob having fun... y should I get upset about him, about us? I deserve a hell lot better.. trying hard to move on.. Í have recovered quite well these few days.. have alot of caring and supportive frens ard me.. like felix... have been talking to ruhua... haha... yea.. keeps me occupied at night.. when i think a lot.. influenced by tt jerk i guess.. n edmund... he's been realli sweet too...

y shud i wait for u and expose myself to such uncertainties when there are so many better guys, great guys out there waiting for me to choose? ha.. even till the very second when we break up, u;re still so selfish, still full of urself, still thinking onli about u urself... y do u deserve me care? y shud i remain as gd frens with u? y shud i try and talk to u like before? and exposed myself to the risk of breaking my heart even more if i fall deeper for u instead of letting it go with time, or if i find out tt u fell for someone else when i still have such strong feelings for u? y shud I even consider to remain as frens with u? y shud i? ya.. it's such a pity tt our frenship is flushed down the toilet bowl along with out shitty r/s and memories... but do u realli think u deserve this frenship.. after what u have done to me? y shud i let u off so easily? i dun hold grudges.. i dun usually do.. but it hurts too much... no i wont forgive u.. i dunno wad can be done.. i see no hope n no light to out r/s, to our frenship..

i screwed up my first sem.. it's time to wake up... jerks stay away from me... i am gonna concentrate on my studies and all my projects.. dean's list wannabe coming ur way... i am determined..

Why cant u just get OUT OF MY MIND?!!

i had enuff of this sick shit...
so frustrated with everything..
the more i think of it, the more i feel cheated...
how the heck did i get myself into such a mess?
y did i allow myself to give so much?
Y?!!!! y?!!!!!! Y?!!!!

It's so hard to pull everything back now...
if u onli liked me a lot.. if it;s not enuff to call it love,
y come so close to me?
y bother going through so much drama to win my heart?
y did u allow wad happen tt day to happen?
y did u even try kissing me the very first time?
i had so many flash backs..
from the first time we met..
the first time we had a heart to heart chat..
the first time we watched a movie together..
when u said tt u felt the urge to hold my hands..
u got no idea how touched i was.. i melted..
ok i am s softee.. perhaps tt's y i am so easily cheated..
fell into this miserable trap...
i am such an idiot.. to believe tt u r ready..
to believe tt u might be the one i am looking for..
to believe tt u loved me..

how is everything gonna return to before after all tt has happened?
it's impossible~!
i'm deeply hurt...
by u.. my onli love...
i hope everything will become hate..
i wanna let go of everything now.. badly~!
i wanan forget u..us...
every single word tt u said tt is registered in my stupid brain...
OUT~! OUT U GO..
LEAVE MY MIND..
LEAVE MY LIFE..
LEAVE MY WORLD..
dun appear in front of me..
i dun wan to be reminded of wad we been thru together..

we can never be frens..
dun think we can...
i said tt i dun blame u for losing feelings for me..
yes i dun..
but i cant help it..
i cant forgive u for bringing all these pain to me..
it hurts too much.. becoz i love u too much..
too soon.. too soon...seth's right..

pls stay away from me...
i have no mroe tears to cry for u...
val's right.. u dun deserve my tears...
time to move on..

so afraid of being alone now.. coz i'll keep thinking about us..
thanks edmund... for accompanying me today...
narnia was not bad...
i am glad n blessed with so many angels ard me...
cheong hua was first..

ghim was there..

felix was there..

mengyi was there..

so was arvind..

when i flooded aranda right after our closure on the fone..

thanks to all who asked.. n showed concern...

hongkeat, liang han... cheryl especially...

paulene...

i dunno if i missed out anyone..

but thnaks to all of u..

i'll be stronger..

i'll not cry anymore for tt jerk...

not like he cares.. not like he feels anything..

y would he?

he feels nth for me anyway...

stay away from me.. dun trick me into this dreadful trap again...

i dun wan to fall deeper..

my 2nd post of SORROWS..

i stopped crying.. finally... perhaps i have no more tears...
i dunno if i can talk to u like before..
i dunno how to face u...
becoz we feel differently for one another..
i wan to stay close to u..
as close as possible...
but no, i dun regret breaking off..
it's best for u.. and hence, may be me...
gd luck.. i hope u get ur championship title..
train hard... but do rest well...
pls do not go smoke or do anything to hurt urself..
it'll hurt me further...
i guess it's not ur fault..
feelings do fade... i;ve experienced it myself..
especially when u r so busy...
when i am not ur priority...
i'm not in the pic...
u wan to gain self confidence..
u wan personal glory..
u wan to be treasured n valued more by ur frens..
i guess i failed to make u feel special...
i understand ur goals for urself..
it hurts so badly when i read ur sms again..
when ur last words played back in my head again..
but i've accepted it..
i hope it's worth it..
i hope u'll get wad u wan..
i hope u will be happy..
i love u...

now i understand wad mengyi meant...
now i tt i felt it for myself..
when i think of u..
when my mum just asked about u over dinner..
the breathlessness..
the pain...
it felt almost like my heart was bleeding in pain..
i could almost feel it physically...

here, i present u my heart..
scarred. torn apart.
by my onli love..
any takers?
it cannot take anymore ill treatment..
pls handle it with tender love and care..
how do u mend a broken heart like tt...
a broken heart still beating for just you?

Destroyed Once Again..

happening strat of the week.. so much happened.. to much for me to take.. i feel so weak.. i lost another gd fren... i lost my support... i gave it up.. i hope it's best for u.. n may be us... i dun wan to be a burden to u.. a r/s shud never be tiring... y come so close to me if u onli like me? is there realli no love? tt's how shocking.. how disappointing.. yes u r right.. u r selfish, irresponsible and heartless... but i cant help it.. i love u... i still love u so much.. n it is y i decided to let u go... i told u before.. i'll do anything for the man i love.. as long as he is happy...i figured out tt u have too many commitments.. perhaps u cant handle them well yet.. it's time for u to learn.. n honestly, before u master tt, u r not ready for me.. not ready for any other gal.. not ready for any commitment to such r/s.. u broke yiyou's heart... now u broke mine.. dun break another... no i dun think i hate u... i love u more than wad i am blaming u for all the pain u brought to me.. it's short.. it's realli short.. but i never cried so much before.. perhaps in my life.. 2d1n in aranda... i prob cried half my time there... so AA... everyone prob saw me.. damn... i cant help it.. i tried to stop.. but it wouldnt.. perhaps it did... when my tears were all dried up... i teared.. invisible ones... i cried in my heart.. i am sure it bled... yes there's a wound.. i wonder who can heal it... no there's no gap.. becoz there isnt anyone who can replace u yet.. yes tt's how much i love u... i hate u for the way u mistreated me... but i still love u for u...i'm a stupid gal... blinded by love... no one to blame perhaps.. i brought this upon myself... i knew u well enuff to predict this.. i asked.. n believed tt u were ready... then again, i was wrong.. u were wrong... once is enough... i am sorry... we cant be frens... u can never be just a fren to me.. at least not now... i very much wan to stay close to u... but.. i dunno if i can... can i still hug u tight? i so wanted to do so when i saw u yesterday... even though i was so angry at u... for avoiding me, leaving me alone.. i knew tt it was coming.. when u didnt hold my hands... when u didnt kiss me... how can we be frens when i still love u so much?

i'm sick...

i'm sick .. down with flu
have fever... had sore throat.. lost my voice..
but do u noe? u never will... becoz u locked urself in ur own world..
where is "we"? where is "us"?

i'm sick of taking initiative everytime something goes wrong between us...
whether it's my fault or urs...
i;m sick of being left alone for days..
no sms, no calls, no msn chat.. no nths.. no form of contacts at all...
how can u be so selfish?
how can u leave someone so dear to ur heart alone like tt worrying?
getting panaroid.. thinking of all sorts of possibilities to y I am treated like tt?
perhaps it's my own wishing..
perhaps i was never so impt to u..
perhaps i was just somebody...
i cried so much.. u got no idea at all..
u ran away.. avoided me n the problem...

thanks for all the pain u brought to me...
i;ve seen another side of u.. and our relationship...
i am angry.. sick.. n frustrated with u.. for wad u have done...
pls do sth about it.. solve the problem.. or prevent me from such sufferings in future...if not.. it'll be too tiring for me to take...

a r/s shud not be tiring...

perhaps u were confused n upset with urself becoz u cant spend as much time with me as u wanted to... tt's very sweet of u..
but instead of brooding over it, shouldnt we try to make the best of wad we have?
instead u choose to avoid me, leave me alone..
wondering wth i did wrong tt i deserve such a cold shoulder from u...
i figured out tt i didnt do anything wrong..
so wad's the reason..
we havent talked about it..
i still dun understand wad is happening..
perhaps one day if u ever see this post, u will like to explain to me..

dun mind my hurtful words... becoz i am realli angry with u for treating me like tt...

i lost the battle.. i lost it all...

went to sentosa to recce today with my programms comm and the 2 fwc heads..
we got a lot of things done.. the rough programmes for the 4days.. all the games tot thru... yea... hehehehe... we practiclaly combed the entire sentosa... time flew.. spent like almost 7-8 hrs there... but i guess it's worth it when u see ur freshies enjoy the camp.. it';s gonna be pretty diff from the last camp we had.. more intense, more competitive, more packed...

n i am right.. u didnt reply my sms... no contact for 2 days already... i wonder when u will break the silence... i was getting mroe and more panaroid as i complained to my frens.. came up with all sorts os possibilities of y u r doing this to me... i'm not so much upset becoz we arent spending time together... i'm upset becoz u claimed to be so busy n tired.. so busy tt u dun even have time to drop me a single sms to say hi? ormay be u r relali not concerned.. may be i never crossed ur mind... dunno... but i am sure.. i;ve said things i dun realli mean... i'm just realli frustrated... y apologise to me? y not make things best as u can? waiting for me to pull us back together? me again? no.. sorry.. it doesnt work this way all the time... if u r sick of me, let me noe.. i didnt do anything wrong.. i dun deserve this...

sigh.. perhaps u need time off.. perhaps u needa think thru how to face me again.. perhaps u r disappointed with urself too becoz u cant give me wad u wanted to... so r u making this any easier for the both of us by doing wad u r doing now? r u making me any happier like tt? i dunno wad u r thinking... u r driving me crazy...

i decided to stop guessing.. to make my life easier... i'll let others take over.. let everything else take control... i need more distraction... from this problem tt is causing me all these pain... n at the same time, i am falling sick.. so sick.. i dun feel like moving anymore... so weak... someone save me... i'll cry in ur arms now if u r here...

here i pour out my tots

no more hiding...

sick n tired of being the one pulling us back when we stray off from each other..
dun understand y it is onli my responsibility..
wad can i do alone?

perhaps i shud realli keep myself busy...
tire myself out.. at least during the camp, i have my campers..
i have so many things to do..
time flew.. n i didnt have so much time to think about us..
to worry.. to be sad.. to cry like i did when we started talking about it..
like when pple ask me y i look so sad...

i'm realli drained..
i have no drive to do anything more..
n i cant do anything since u arent gg to put in any effort to do sth about it..
issit not worth it?
is everything else so impt?
u have responsibilities and commitments u cannot let go of..
so i am the sacrifice?

damn it.. i am so disappointed..
wad m i to u?
perhaps u r busy.. but so busy tt u cant even drop me a sms now n then?
not even one a day? issit too much to ask for?
i gave u all the space n time u need..
i never stick to u like wad ur ex did..
n u complain tt i compromise too much?
hello~!!!! wth do u wan from me?
u're not even talking to me..
u're not finding time to talk to me..
u dunno wad to say, u dunno wad to do,
u dun reply my sms, u dun call me..
u r just avoiding me..
u dun miss me at all..
u r just gonna leave it there right?
let us both stray away.. n we will have nth to announce to anyone..
ARGH~! so pissed..

if it's so.. let me noe.. i dun wan to be the last to noe..
i onli remember when u said u were ready...
when i took the risk...

have i made a silly mistake again?

or may be u dun love me anymore...
or is there someone better?
o shit i am getting panaroid..
fuck.. think i said too much nonsense..
whether i mean wad i say here or not.. it doesnt matter..
may be u wont get to read it.. u wont noe.. becoz may be u dun care...
may be i onli mean it now.. or then..
ah this is stupid..

MaRs MaRs MaRs~!!!

yeap.. just came back from slc.. slept less than 6h in tt 2 days.. shagged man... but it is worth it.. realli fun.. n got to noe a bunch of realli fun n cool pple.. i guess student leaders do they more initiative. they made work so much easier for me.. i felt more like a camper becoz there were pathetically few gals.. so few tt i had to play most of the games.. well, the onli diff is tt i had to go for brefings n ensure tt they r punctual, well n all having fun.. i guess we kinda clique well as a group.. everyone prob thinks tt we r crazy. on the very first night, after all our activities, we took cab to marine parade n k boxed~!!! patrick, ru hua, joann n wei cheng had their combined singing competiiton.. lol.. until 3 am la.. back at H4, 4 of us, wei cheng, joann and benjamin played mahjong till 5.30am~!!! slept about 3h and started day 2..

day 2 is beach games.. n we showed off the power of the MARTIANS~!! hahahaha... we won 5 straight games out of 6.. how cool is tt... well, unfortunately we didnt win best group.. spent too much eating gd food during food link.. wahahaha..

hmm...realli looking forward to meet them again...
uploaded some pics i took with my camera... gonna kop from the rest..

moody moody... :(

sigh... i'm not happy today... anticipation isnt always gd.. when it doesnt happen, u'll be disappointed.. sigh.. cant complain.. not in the position to...

spent my whole day making name tags for my slc campers... i hope they like it.. becoz it took us a lot of time and effort... i hope they r enthu n fun pple.. if not.. sigh.... it'll be so depressing... not realli looking forward to it anymore...

the right things arent happening.. the wrong things keep coming... argh... tt's my life...

new skin.. i dun realli love it... becoz the grey part is so small.. so small tt u cant realli see my pictures.. cant find any better ones anyway... the last one was too pink.. n no.. i dun feel like a princess anymore..

o man.. i;m a leo.. such an attention seeker.. wth...i shud be more independent... let me get used to this loneliness.. or in a more positive light, independence...

packed my bags for slc... hmm.. now to think of it, it'll be quite silly to wear red everyday.. shall repack it again later.. look for some other clothes to wear.. ha.. i threw in my black vj shorts.. if it gets too dirty, i can just wear n throw... :ppp

hai...bad bad mood...

ToO mAnY beEs ArD...

yea.. tt was up on my nick... havent realli gotten over the cold shoulder i got from dao.. now comes another.. well no.. it's not realli a problem.. but i wonder.. perhaps i am too... nice? am i?

i'm not ms world.. i'm not even tt pretty... i'm just any a gal.. i'm just me, shirley... i wonder y... i wonder y pple will.. u noe.. like me? i shud be glad right? tt pple like me? like i dun have to worry tt i will not be able to get married in future.. ha.. but still.. i rejected one this holiday already.. wad's up man? i feel realli bad doing it.. i never fail to break pple's heart.. may be i shud be a lil bit low profile.. keep things to myself.. damn...

wad's worse? i am so busy.. so is everyone else.. so much to do.. no time to meet up.. it's so sad.. i tot we'll ne able to spend more time n bond n get closer this holiday.. unfortunately, tt's not gonna happen.. i dunno how to make it happen.. i shud add tt to my xmas wishlist...

suddenly i am not so excited about slc.. onli tt i will be hanging out late at night with my new frens.. n siyong shud be treating flv comm to some drinks.. wahaha... 2 weeks to dateline for fwc proframmes draft.. n we havent done anything since last meeting.. great...

i'm falling again...

Ms Rajan's wedding

14 of us went to attend Ms Rajan's wedding.. well there were so many people, she didnt realli have the chance to talk to us.. she was wearing this white sari prob of normal wedding gowns material.. gd combi... here are some pics i took.. ha... ms rajan is MRS now.. time flies man..






ok.. the pics are not in order... lol... well the pic we took with the couple is with the main photographer.. boo hoo.. when can i have it?

after tt, most of us went to bugis.. had a lunch cum dinner at sketchers.. i designed my pasta.. well, i guess it;s better than wad my frens had.. coz they still feel pasta mania is better... haha...
perhaps it;s becoz i havent seen them for so long.. n the fact tt i am a roamer.. i chat with everyone, except for the same 2.. dao n bang... i said bye to bang... tt's all.. i wonder y u noe...

when j1 1st started, i tot i was quite close to bang.. when he called me to ask about work.. suddenly he stopped n we drifted apart.. well of coz.. there's yq.. n all the other chiobus.. i was realli a low profiler unlike them.. ever since then, we never realli talked.. in class, outside sch, during gatherings.. somehow.. i dunno y... we just never talk..

n dao... we were in the pool gang.. i was the onli gal in the gang.. quite extra sometimes... but they're nice people.. dunno when it realli started.. in j2, dao suddenly developed feelings for me.. he was super sweet.. did i tell u all tt? even though i am a real softee.. but ya.. no one has ever been so sweet to me before.. as in the wooing period.. he realli touched my heart.. perhaps we were not fated to be together.. becoz he was onli a gd fren to me... no chemistry...i realli treasured our frenship.. but ever since i rejected him, n made a stupid decision to choose tt idiot.. nth was ever same again...

we drifted apart.. WORLDS APART.. tt is so sad.. becoz i realli like him a lot.. just not enuff to be more than frens.. sigh.. sometimes i wondered how it would be like if we had the chemistry then.. if i felt sth then.. then may be.. we'll still be as close.. or even closer... he's still as cute as ever.. or may be even cuter.. ahh i told eugene tt i missed him some time ago.. i realli do... when can we talk like before?

i wouldnt say tt i regreted.. becoz.. i realli dun feel the same way towards him... i just couldnt say yes.. sigh sigh.. how many frens must i lose becoz of wad we all call LOVE?

had enuff.. pls.. someone save me~!!! sigh.. where r all my angels? someone help me~!!

Happy birthday Daddy~!!

here's my second challenge for this holiday.. the first cake i made.. oreo cheesecake~!! n it's a success~!! wahaha... made it for dad as his birthday present.. n of coz shared with a few close frens..

look at the way he eats~!! wahahaha....

hmm..anyway time realli flies.. had a lot of fun yesterday... so much tt i was so tired.. i kinda slept n nua thru the entire day... hee...

o~! i'm o gonna grow fat.. went for chinese buffet dinner just now.. sharkfin, abalones, both big n small.. my family of 6 ordered and finished 19 different dishes.. serving of 6 each.. fwah~! can u believe it?!!

ah lots to do... slc stuff.. flv meeting... busy busy~!!!

Haha.. this is the pic we took in k box.. y am i in the shadow?!! cant see my face~!!! ahha class gathering.. of 5.. well.. junhao onli contacted 9... so.. not bad..

5h of ktv.. shagged...

yOyOYo.. the start of my busy week.. ha damn shagged today... slept realli late this morning n woke up at 9am.. nua until 10 plus when daph called me up for job lobang.. unfortunately, i have a meeting and class gathering.. so ya.. cant take it up...

hmm.. we're flooded with info for events.. date line is 21st.. i wonder how we're gonna draft out everything by then... ha.. busy busy busy~!!! let's make fwc 2006 a smashing gd one~!!! ok i am super excited.. over sth tt will onli happen half a year later.. lol..

n.. 5 of us met up at suntec k box to sing.. well.. junhao had his personal concert most of the time.. n i decided to open my golden mouth.. hahaha... sang quite a lot actually.. n the funny thing is tt junhao was singing the female songs n i was singing the male ones.. wahaha.. i cant reach the high notes man.. lol..not bad.. i got no more ktv phobia.. shall train up more.. hee..

after tt arvind met us for dinner.. went to kenny rogers.. ate a lot~! growing fat man~! n i am super broke.. spent like more than 40 bucks today.. anyone wanan date me? haha treat me.. muahaha~!!! i'm so happy to be a gal.. haha..

hahaha.. it's been a busy day for me.. went to watch Saw 2.. not bad.. but a short one 1.5h onli.. gd twist.. but it's damn gruesome~!! i was covering my mouth half the time..after tt, went to carrefour to buy stuff for dinner..

guess wad.. i prepared dinner for my whole family~! how fun~! lol.. made pasta, fruit salad, soup, cheese sausage and garlic bread~!! o i bought apple pie back for dessert..

ha.. tt's my lil bro helping me out..










my fruit salad.. well after mixing..







ha... it's quite fun cooking.. i shud do this more often this holiday.. shall try sth new soon.. enuff of pasta~!!!

fully packed week ahead~!

yea!~i'm going out later.. heck.. sneaking out to watch Saw2.. buy stuff to prepare dinner for the family tonite.. haha.. so fun~!

i just relaised how busy I will be from next week onwards.. holiday's gonna pass with a blink of an eye... so peeps, now U have to BOOK ME earlier if u wanna ask me out.. lol.. here's my schedule for next week:

5th Mon - FWC comm meeting, 3A class outing
6th Tue - SLC briefing, dental appointment, hospital follow-up check up
7th Wed - Movie~!
8th Thu - Dad's birthday
9th Fri - FLV comm meeting
10th Sat - Ms Rajan's church wedding, 03s44 class gathering
11th Sun - family day???

busy busy bumble bee eh?? hehe.. i rather be busy than slacking n rotting away..

ok times up~! time to go have early lunch~!! bye~!!!

i'm bored.. i'm so bored.. sigh... woke up at 11.30am today.. lol.. started my role as FLV secretary.. did the minutes for the last meeting.. ha.. relaised i didnt take down certain stuff.. hee.. i smoke a bit.. wont matter tt much right pd? hehe...

spent the rest of the day having my personal ktv session with my lappie.. ibm's pretty gd.. looked for lyrics n started singing along.. ha.. must start to learn some chi songs if i wanna go ktv again.. if not always cant sing.. time flew.. think i sang for like 3h.. haha..

nuaing at home isnt tt bad.. but.. i think i cant take it anymore.. ha.. needa get out~! edmund asked me out again.. cant turn down no more.. hehe.. me gg out tml~!!! yippee.. needa get dad's birthday prezzie reali soon.. it's in a week's time.. ha.. wad to get?

ha.. i seem to be blogging everyday.. ok it's past 12.. so it's 1st dec already... oops.. hee...

nth much realli happened today.. went shopping in town.. walked from one end to the other.. ha... i am such a direction idiot.. if it wasnt for my fren, i would be lost in orchard.. muahaha... bought this pair of bronze shoes.. quite cool... shall take a pic n put it up one of these days.. i just realised i have a lot to buy... dad's prezzie, hong bee n cheryl's prezzie.. n may be some xmas shopping? shud i get felix sth? haha.. my dear sp..

hmm.. met up with les today.. short hair n yet still super cute.. muahaha.. like my lil bro..went to eat bake rice at NYDC.. shiok~!!! i'm so xin fu.. satisfied man... posh spice is gd.. realli... well i was so full i couldnt take my mud pie.. sob sob.. some other time.. hehe... finally found a gd jie mei to shop with.. les's pretty diff... dresses up n dun mind wearing hats out.. tt's cool.. have 2.. n i havent worn them out in singapore before.. would it be weird? sometimes i wished tt i am stuyding in japan or sth.. it would be fun.. engine;s realli boring.. everyone's in t shirt n jeans.. sianz.. i didnt want to be AA.. so i never realli dress up often.. everytime i do, pple stare...

n hey.. i just put up my counter.. wonder how many ppl read my blog.. lol...