hihi bloggie...computer is crazy again.. now gotta use my bro's lap top again... o well..it sux... hm.. spents hours toking to jasper on the fone... searching for help... didnt mug much today again.. just two siple topics..thermo and AC... feel quite guilty....
but actually it was kidna a nice day... sweet in a way... met keith in the morning... ever since then...he seems to be very attached to me... i feel needed...and tt's realli cool...... muahaha... tt's me la..cant help it... he whines like a gal... complains about y i never reply his sms like wad i always do.... haha.... and he's so excited when he sees me... like a whiny little puppy.... :P not sure how things will turn out between us in future.. but rite now..it's cool... :)
back to my studies... realli gotta do a lot of mugging tml...if not i'm realli dead.... haha.... supposed to be a "chao mugger" now..

hi blog.. i'm sad... damn it... why r guys like tt? they give u so much hope for a min.. and the nest min, they drop it all down like from a tall building.. all shattered by the time it reaches the floor... this sux man... i'm "reaching the floor".. have enuff stress.. cant handle this.. i need to run away... all sickening guys BUG OFF! why make things so complex? why play hard to get? ARGHHhhh... saty away if u wanna play such silly games.. i can take up the challenge but i dun have enuff strength and time to do tt now... so BUG OFF! ysys.. the same song is playing in my head....

I've been waiting all day here for you babe
so won't you come sit and talk to me
and tell me how we're gonna be together always
i hope you know that when it's late at night
I hold on to my pillow tight
and think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone) could make me feel this way
(now that you're here boy all I want) is just a chance to say
get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

A human being is only interesting if he's in contact with himself. I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.
Barbra Streisand (1942 - )

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.
Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945), radio address, October 26, 1939

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
Alan Watts

All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, O Magazine, February 2004

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.
Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

havent come online at such a "early time" for pretty long time... man... i hate mugging... but well, i'm kinda on the rite track now... at least i am improving..can sit and mug for 2 hours now...
sianz.. i'm kinda sick of my blog skin already... but it's still SOOO CUTE!!! hehe :P wen to blogskin.com to look at new skins... but nah... there were a few pretty nice ones.. but not impressive enuff..not "me" enuff... perhpas i shall learn how to make my own after Alevels..

read efei's blog again just now... somehow i still think of him sometimes... it's like.. he still holds a place in my heart.. afterall, he's the first guy whom i have mutual feelings for at the same time... i dun like to run away from my problems... dun like to let time "dissolve" them.. it;s still there isnt it? u noe it... when efei told me tt he prefers to stay as frens and isnt sure of his feelings for me anymore, i forgot to ask him why tt happened so suddenly... WHY? it's kinda unfair isnt it? the qn still bothers me now and then.. whenever i think of him... i guess tt's probably the main reason why i still think of him when i already knew it's close to impossible for us to be together....

got a message from jimmy in frenster too... are we still frens? i dunno... actually i'm afriad of seeing him again... i wan to keep a distance... and i realli mean a distance... he's like realli changed... and i onli noe of the bad part...so ya... look at his frens list.. it's like soft porn... my oh my... but i guess he's becoming more concerned of his studies now... asked me how i deal with my studies and stress from it... ya..i gave him some tips..hope it'll help him.. anyway diff study methods work for diff pple..so i'm not sure if it works for him anyway...

hm.. and keith... didnt hear from him tonite... surprisingly realli sad... i could scream and shout into his ears... punch him like a punching bag if he's here now... but well.. he's sad... tt's wad he claims... i wonder y he's sad? screwed up driving test again? try again den... life is full of failures.. we just have to learn from them, learn from our mistakes and come back stronger to fite back even harder... wad's wrong with failing? and sometimes i wonder, if he knows about my blog, do he read it? i hope my previous blog didnt make him sad... well, tt's if he read it... but it's realli wad i feel sometimes... all tt stress... cant handle it soemtimes... i am strong willed, stubborn by nature... softball made me a more determined gal... but ya... soemtimes i still feel weak... feel like i need someone or sth to pull me up and share some of my problems... ya tt's proabably when i feel like i need love... the need to be protected and pampered... o well, keith... if u do read my blog... i meant wad i've been telling u... and there's more to why i havent said yes.... so many doubts... i'm scared...

Oh my.. i just looked at my own blog... jus realised how long i havent blogged! haha.. taking a break from mugging chem now... i'm trying to get up my "mugging mountain"... moutain..coz it's gonna be a high peak , higher than Mt Everest when i take my Alevels... haha... hope so...

hm... cleared my GP Prelims yesterday... i wa so scared.. coz i havent been doing well ever since i step into VJC.. i'm not a language person u see... such stuff doesnt come naturally to me... i spent my whole sunday trying to read about sci & tech... well, i guess it's worth it... i may not score well for laguage.. but i'm pretty sure i have lots of examples to support my arguments.. well, provided the arguments are rite of coz... :P It was a tough paper1 like wad ms rajan said..but i guessed it was "difficult" in a good way.. coz i have onli 1 question that i'm very sure i could write on.. haha...didnt spend much time trying to figure out which to write on... coz i dunno how to write for the other 11... not a single bit on them... muahaha... and the compre? oh my... i'm so dead... i didnt even realli understand some of the questions.. cham cham!!

o... just read yufee's blog too.. my god... he's in his 3rd phase for revision?!!! i just started!! *faint
stress man... i just wish to clear prelims with at least a B for 2 of them and a A for probably maths or physics... must mug hard for physics and chem after prelims... they're still not as stable as maths... especially my chem... alamak... like quadratic curve... up and down.. have max and min.... hm.. probably becoz i just started studying, i still feel like i'm lost... not sure if i can finish everything before prelims itself starts...

ya.. den comes stuff tt shouldnt be bothering me now... tt's love... cant help it.. i'm a drama queen, an attention seeker.... cant live without all the attention i need.. and ya.. love... sigh... things get more complex when u grow older... now i understand why my mum wanted me to go to a gal sch and hopefully be free from all the love prob i may get... and may be tt's y... i cant handle this prob now... i've never experienced such a thing before... all my ex or pple who had feelings for me, are not from my sch... they're my outside sch frens.... it's like u dun get to see the person day in day out... some things are simpler that way... and now... i feel like i've lost a good fren... we cant talk like before... he's so cold to me when we chat in msn... or at least i tried... it feels weird when we go out like for lunch in a group... we tok to everyone else in the group except each other... WHY? this sux man... it sux to lose a fren... i hate tt... i should have kept a distance in the first place... to avoid such stuff from happening if i knew it would turn out this way... i would rather keep a life long fren den to lose one this way...

CC told me yesterday about their little chat... Have he ever popped the question? NOT tt i noe of... How do a guy jio a gal? i'm sorry to say this.. but it's a very normal thing for me to go for a movie with a guy fren alone... it can be "no strings attached"... cant' it? Is it realli fair to blame me for not giving u a chance? Is it fair to blame Keith for swaying my heart towards him? How much do u noe about me? about keith? about wad and how much keith has done for me and to win my heart? It's probably becoz it's ur first time... probably becoz u havent gone out with a ger fren alone.... probably becoz u dun understand enough wad a gal needs from her guy and hence how to win her heart... i dun bame u.. but dun blame me for wadever stuff u r disapointed or angry with.. neither should u be blaming Keith... he noes bout u too.. but all he's doing or more like trying to do is to have faith in himself, to do his stuff, do his best to win my heart.. and ya.. i admire tt... and u? sigh... becoz of the way this is going, i'm glad that sch has ended... study break has started... at least we wont see each other so often.. can avoid those weird embarassing moments...

and keith... ya.. he's doing his thing.. getting sweeter day by day... besides all his sweet talking, he's trying to prove himself with actions too... making little scarifices... bla bla... hm.. i like tt... but then again... not onli towards him... ever since i broke up with jimmy... ever since efei wanted to be frens onli after giving me so much hope... i've lost trust in love... plus the upcoming prelims and Alevels, i'm afraid of giving up my heart again, with the risk tt it may be crushed some day... if tt happens, i'll be a goner... i'll lose faith in love again.. lose my self esteem tt took lots of effort and years to build up... lose my confidence... lose my trust for guys out there.. and to worst is to do badly for my A levels... nono.. i wont let tt happen.... sigh... may be i'm better off alone... but... argh...

I've been waiting all day here for you babe
so won't you come sit and talk to me
and tell me how we're gonna be together always
i hope you know that when it's late at night
I hold on to my pillow tight
and think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone) could make me feel this way
(now that you're here boy all I want) is just a chance to say

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

tell me why you're looking so confused
when I'm the one who didn't know the truth
how could you ever be so cold?
to go behind my back and call my friend
boy you must've gone and bumped your head
because you left her number on your phone
(so now after all is said and done)
maybe I'm the one to blame but
(to think that you could be the one)
well it didn't work out that way

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies (all the lies)
you said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time) I

wanted you right here with me
but I have no choice, you've gotta leave
because my heart is breaking with every word I'm saying,
boy I gave up everything I had
on something that just wouldn't last
but I refuse to cry no tears will fall from these eyes (ohh, ohh)
get out!

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me (you and me)
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies (how did buy all your lies?)
you said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)

get out (leave) right now
it's the end of you and me (hey yeah)
it's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know, about her (move)
and I wonder (why)
how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right (treat me right)
but you was just a waste of time (ooh)

get out (leave)
(you and me) it's too late (now)(too late) (you)
about her (move)(why)
you said that you would treat me right
but you was just a waste of time(waste of time) (ohh)
Leave!

yeah.. my comp has finally recovered.. all thanx to my mummy... so smart! hm... i think i better not d/l any more stuff from the net.. if not my comp will kana virus again... hm... it's week 8! 4 more weeks to the main papers of prelim..and i havent realli started studying yet... i'm so dead! i hope everything turn out well...
hm... so.. havent blogged for soem time again... o well.... let's reflect back..
o ya..on my bdae... hm.. it wasn't exactly a good day... firstly, i had a bloody physics test early in the mroning which i couldnt finish! i guessed even if i could, it wouldnt make much a difference, considering tt i didnt know how to do so much stuff...
hm... hm met Keith... and ya.. as usual late again! but it wasnt so bad since i was in shopping mood... but too bad didnt get to buy anything... hm... o and he treated me to Kenny Rogers... i was kinda blur coz it was my first time eating at Kenny Rogers.. too paiseh... didnt wanted to admit or show my "sua-kuness" so i asked him to help me make my orders.. and Xinglong called just in time to wish me happy bdae.. haha... he saved my day.... hm... i was so shocked when i saw tt tiny small piece of black pepper chicken on my plate! the side orders like coleslaw and mashed potatoes filled more than half of the 3/5 of the plate! 0_o i tot it was kinda pathetic.. but well, i still cant finish all tt food... i was like half filled when i finsihed half the coleslaw..
hm.. den we watched collateral.... hm...not bad..bout not a "wow"... o ya.. we managed to sneak up tto the couch seats which cost twice of tt of a normal seat... hehe.. was realli comfy....
after tt, we went to sky garden.. took some photos there... haha... funny photos and of the beautiful scenery there... O! den we to the singapore Pools branch near my house to buy 4-D! hehe... wa so sad..i almost strike 4-D ... the winning no is mine jumbled up! anyway, it was a good start... hehe.. means i'm kinda lucky heh? shall buy more :P
hm... den at nite.. went to chomp chomp to have my fav prawn mee!!!! :p~ haha.. o ya... and as usual the sugar cane drink uncle gave us free drinks... :P
and on sat..well, couldnt meet xinglogn as planned coz my mum wanted to bring us to queensway to buy shoes... ya.. i'm wearing them now... a lto cheapr than other places.. good buy... haha..sorry xinglong..... but at least i know tt u remembered.. it's the tot tt counts... :)
o and i met his frens in queensway instead.. ian and josh.. so surprised... yup yup...
eh...ok.. time to do maths tutorial..byeeeee!!!

yea yea.... it's wednesday... actually it's gonna be quite a stressful week... have two bloody lecture assesment this week! AH! i'm gonna faint! i still have four topics... 2 to complete on each of the next two days... alamak.... HOW? HOW? i'm still struggling.. but i guess i shant be too bothered if i can finish them..after all, prelims and alevels are all tt realli matters.... i'm studying for them not just tt two bloody test!
hm... just had quite a long chat with Ms Rajan about my testimonial... it was pretty cool... havent tok to a teacher for tt long before.... hm... i belive wad i wrote should be pretty useful to her.. despite all my crappings which made it three pages long! haha.... i like to tell pple about myself! :P
o ya.. yesterday xinglong sms me... haha wad a surprise.. and he wants to bring me out for dinner! hehe... realli looking forward to fri coz it's my birthday! i'm glad that my frens remember... fri celebrate with keith in the afternoon, nite with family... and sat with xinglong! haha...sounds like a great weekend... anymore presents that i should be expecting from anyone?! :P bleah.. i'm excited huh? :P i'm happy! not becoz i'm gonna get treated.. it's becoz i know that i have true frens... good frens who still remember me after not contacting frequently for so long...
ciao blog! miss u... and will visit u more often when my STUPID comp has recovered!

O fuck! i'm stuck at home.. wanted to go play pool this afternoon... damn it.. my mum didnt allow me and my bro to go out... and she was god damn angry!? angry for wad seah! i cant believe it..
i cant stya at home and mug all the time! ok.. ya... perhaps i didnt exactly study a lot...but i did! and it's a holiday!!!! argh..... and she probabaly think that i didnt study for god noes how many days becoz she didnt see me study! argh!!!!! so irritating!!!!
and becoz she was so angry... i dun dare to ask her if i can go to the pasar malam.... there's this skirt i wanted to buy last nite... but i gave myself a day to consider again... so tt i wont regret buying it after tt.... and guess wad! i'm stuck at home!!!! argh!!! sux to the power of sux.. and ya.. my parents and grannies are having so much fun! playing mahjong! crap! den why keep me at home when i've got nth to do! i'm so going nuts... i need a punching bag!!!!
fuck fuck fuck! i hate staying at home! i hope she's not going to take leave on tue... it's realli going to be the worst 4 days this year! it's a torture! it's hell!

dao says my blog is very sad and moody... issit realli tt bad? i guess it's sth that gives me space to reflect on my day... complain about stuff...and bla bla... and most of the time, wad i write here are wad i felt at that moment... it may not be so at other times... i dun realli bother whther pple read my blog.. i'm sure there are a few regulars.... but well, y should i hide anyhthing?
hm... anyway, i went swimming yesterday.. for the first tiem in my life alone in the pool! it wasnt tt bad... it was so damn bloody crowded... i had to walk along the sides of the pool so that i could find some space away from the crowd... and ya.. now i understand why soem guys like to go swimming... not onli for exercise... the bonus is that u get to see babes in bikinis... well, there were onli 2... with not so wow figures... but hehe... i bet the guys were nose bleeding.. :P and ya.. there were so many guys sun tanning.... the healthy tanned sporty type tt i like.. my kind... :)~ ok..just kidding... perhaps i shall go sun tanning like those guys one of these days... and i think my face is a little more tanned after tt swim... 10 laps!! never realli swam so much before... becoz ost of the time, i hit the pool with either my frens or fmaily.. never alone.... and ya.. we ende up chatting and playing around... hm.. i hope it helps... i still think tt i'm growing a little fatter... :P my face is rounder... and my waist? ah..tt's the worst part.... i hate it... like a big bucket!
the last time i went to watsons, this salesgal introduce me to some kind of slimming gel... she showed me some newspaper reports of how effective the product is... i wonder if it's reliable... it's 90 bucks! so ex.. wonder if i should get it...

hohoho... i havent blogged for like so long... too bad comp crashed...so shitty.... ya so i'm using the school's one now.... anyway, went to hcjc fun fair on saturday.... it was ok... except that the food was...erm... not very edible... ahnd the nacho cheese..alamak... the cheese was like water.... almost tasteless! luckily i had meisiang with me.... ya.. realli appreciated her company... and i sae jieli and his crush... hehe.... :P actually they make quite a gd pair... but too bad.. i herad his date was pretty short.... o ya... but of coz... i saw quite a few of our rival team.... especiallt the guys... so act seh... must wear jersey somemore.... but haha... ya la.. like me la.. proud of their achievements, their school and themselves... even though they didnt win the title.. :P .... o ya.. i was hoping to find out and see who's they guy who wanted my no.. but too bad huh.. i didnt even noe wad's his name... well, i have no intentions to apprach him or wadever... just wan to noe how the 2nd guys who ever asked for my contacts in my life, looks like.. :P
o crap... i havent even catch brotherhood... and it's already august... shitty.... gotta start to mug!