my 2nd post for today..

friendster might be the source of motivation.. they always seem to noe wad's happening to me..

" Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile. In other words, your luck is about to take a spectacular turn for the better, and you can happily put away any lingering problems that have been on your mind for far too long. Before you pack everything in mental bubble wrap and put it away forever, make sure you examine each of these past conundrums and remember the lessons they taught you -- you don't want to have to learn them again! "

my physics sux...

o man... sigh... just found out my phy mid term results.. 8/15.. just pass.. how bad is tt? there were many 7s though.. n quite a lot of 10+s... sigh sigh.. so wad m i? above avg? below avg? or just avg onli? i dun wanna be avg.. this sucks.. need help in physics~!!!

hm... havent been doing much these 2 days .. ever since maths test... shag seah.. just wanna rest.. slack.. wadever... but i just got my phy marks n it sucks! needa spend more time in phy le.. havent been doing much for phy.. n all the work r piling up.. i feel so free.. n yet worried becoz i noe sth is wrong.. sth bad is coming.. i will soon be working like a bee... AGAIN~!! argh..

one sem realli fly past real fast... sigh... so looking forward to holidays.. i must play as much as i can.. haha.. havent take exams.. already thinking about holidays.. bad bad...

need some motivation to keep me going.. burning out.. or rather burnt out already... n i onli got 8 for phy.. sigh...

the cons of being "single n available"... where is the love? actually it's there.. so wad else do i need actually? cant seem to get my momentum.. sports? needa exercise more...

did i mention tt i hate travelling to n fro? y is nus so freaking far.. tml will be a long day.. wont have energy to do anything by the time i get home.. sigh... I WANNA STAY IN HALL.. may be residence will be better... sigh...

long distance relationships seldom last... if i get into one, will i survive it, i wonder? i m independent n yet dependent.. i wanna be strong.. i m strong.. n yet i m weak... very weak at times... sigh...

mom once ask me when i was with chris.. will chris affect ur decision if u have a chance to go overseas to study one day? my answer was a firm no... but then again, now when i think of it, if i do have someone, i might be affected.. i wouldnt bear to leave him alone for mths or years.. i'll miss him a lot.. but o well.. i am wad.. 19? so young.. shud go for it if i can.. it applies for him too i guess... cant bear to.. but cant help it.. no choice.. becoz it's the right thing to do..

ha y m i toking about this? o well...

ahhh i m too tired...

o man... 2 down!! 3 more to go!

had my mkt presentation n phy mid term today.. mkt presentation was quite a success.. it was engaging i feel... so interesting tt out q n a session lasted for half an hour.. haha.. n i got my first A~!!!! A- actually.. hehe... :P happy ger..

ah... for the whole of mid term i have been sleeping at 2, 3am.. waking up realli early ranging from 6-8am.. n going to sch to do projects for my 2 sartors... sigh.. burn out.. too tired.. so tired my brain felt swollen... had sore eye.. n i guess i was too tired to think properly.. brain not functioning well, n hence screwed up my phy test.. o well.. i did 10 qn.. ti-cam the other 5.. of which 4 i could have done if my brian was working... n i was basically clueless about qn 14.. ahhh so bu4 gan1 xin1~!!! sigh.. 1st test.. it's always like tt.. o sigh.. n after looking at it for another 30min to an hour, i realise there's onli 1 qn tt i cant do... ahhh~!!!! brian not working! i am so brain dead now anyway..

sigh.. there's maths on mon n i ahvent mug
think i needa destress.. tml ps invited us for his ktv bdae session.. may be i'll go.. if mum let me stay out a bit later than usual ba.. NEED A BREAK~!!!!

n my decision to sleept for like 1.5 h was correct... it wouldnt have made a diff if i used tt 1.5 to mug.. sigh...

luna gathering - shang yue hui last night

yea.. gathering again.. hee.. actually we didnt do much.. just met up, eat mooncakes, pomelo, tok cok... yub.. hmm some of us met up at munchie monkeys earlier to have dinner together.. n.. haha.. we're late again.. must always remember the one hour rule.. o well, everything's in sch anyway... yub.. o n there was this band performing.. hm... quite cool.. n the lead singer was pretty impressive.. would love to go munchi monkey again to chill out with a few frens, watch the band perform n all.. hee :)

hm.. yub.. we went to the park near arts... it was realli dark.. benches may have been dirty.. but too dark to realli see.. so i just heck care n sat down.. haha.. hmm.. den guideng n shanbing lited some lanterns n hung them on the bushes.. n loren, kah sin set up candles on the table tops... was not so bad after all... hong bee n yimin were like the main target of the suaning session.. lol... so funny.. heng shanbing n me never kana anything.. ahahaha.. i'm not very gd at verbal battles.. hee.. wols la...

hmm... ya.. n it was getting pretty late.. n we had so many mooncakes to settle.. so we started playing our fav game.. zhong ji mi ma.. alamak.. i kana once.. ate this quarter of double egg yolk mooncake.. think it's my regent hotel mooncake.. it's nice la.. but think it's a bit too heaty for me.. now dun feel very good.. yea.. luckily got seth n weijie beside me.. if not i would have kana once more.. haha felt pretty sick after tt quarter of mooncake.. o poor chee siang kana instead.. lol... hm.. was my no tt diff to guess? 22 is like my all time fav no.. my jersey no.. u would have known if u noe me well enuff..

yub.. n nice val sent us home.. hee... great.. even though we got caught in the traffic jam... n hey.. val's driving not bad wad... wad's wrong? at least i didnt get car sick.. coz i do.. when i take long bus rides or when my mum drives.. oops.. wahaha... :P

hm.. mid term starting.. i wanna have fun.. n i wanna mug hard too... mid term test will be an indicator of where i am...

frenster seems to have an answer for me..

The Bottom Line
If you want to truly understand your power, give up control from time to time.

In Detail
It's hard to let go of an old relationship, whether it's a friend you've known since kindergarten or someone you see on a daily basis. However, if the situation is getting more and more uncomfortable, and you two are getting less and less enjoyment from each other's company, it's time to evaluate what's going on with a clear and cool head. It's nobody's fault -- in fact, it's quite normal. You're just growing in different directions.

shud i heed it? wad exactly do i wan? i m weak.. i run away when i dunno wad to do.. i m fickle at times.. at times when i dunno wad to do.. o gosh i just agreed with weijin tt i m not fickle unlike most gals... wad is this?

my msn nick: %@ xUeLi @% - InCoMpLeTe- something is missing in my life

ya.. my msn nick always speaks of how i m feeling inside.. i m kinda happy with my life right now.. i mean it's alright.. but it just aint good enough.. it can be better? n it should be? feel tt sth is lacking..

perhaps one, my uni life isnt well balanced.. been mugging and mugging onli.. not used to not being active in a cca... may be so.. met sharon n szwha yesterday.. made me miss softball and my team mates so much.. they look so happy with each other.. where's my cheryl? sob sob...

hm.. besides tt, i guess i m still in the process of getting used to being alone.. "single n available".. haha.. i'm such an attention seeker i realise... it just feels weird tt there isnt anyone there throwing all his attention to me.. feel like i dun belong to anyone.. y do i need to feel so, seth one asked me.. n he's right.. i m insecure.. i m confident.. but no so after all? i need to be constantly reassured... tt's wad's missing.. ahh i m driving myself crazy.. but tt's how i feel.. tt's who i am...

decided to be more independent.. no more sticking shirley.. drew the line.. just not convinced.. no enuff to give my all.. just aint fair to me.. u gotta work harder if u realli wan it..

sth interesting from frenster again..

The Bottom Line
Let pride save you from a getting involved in a power struggle with a weak person.

In Detail
Straight answers may be hard to come by right now, especially if the questions themselves are as complicated and twisty as any maze. Clearly, the astrological lesson here is that you need to learn how to make up your own mind. Get a little clarity and focus on what you want the outcome of the situation to be, then make your decisions and stand behind them. Once your colleagues and friends see what a success you can be, they'll be coming to you for advice.

wasnt looking for answers when i read this.. after reading, i guess i can apply it to certain situations in my life right now.. went for slc comm interview just now.. it was very smooth.. just opened up n tok cock with the 2 heads.. hm.. not sure if i can get my ranked no 1 pos - public relations officer.. hope to do it with someone i noe.. may be felix.. will be fun.. will be able to achieve my aim of knowing more pple in nus.. make more frens.. hee... think the heads will be interested to tok to a chio bu n a yandao ya? lol.. anyway, yup... i was told tt we will have meetings n all starting from may be next week.. in the evenings.. hm.. well, tt's the way it is if i m gonna get myself involved.. yup.. no answers to wad i m getting myself into.. but it's wad i think i wanna do.. so.. we'll see how things come about..

oops m i making sense here? ahaha..

hm... when some things cant be said.. it gets more complicated.. sigh... things happen at the wrong time.. the insecure me is driving me nuts again.. i actually teared over such a small thing.. wad happen to u shirley? u're supposed to be stronger than before~!

a lil bit of sparks in my life..

havent had the time to blog these few days becoz of stupid ctw assignment 2~! finally sort of finished it. yea.. hee :) hm... sch's getting boring.. mug , mug n more mugging... sigh... when are pru activities gonna start?

oo.. ya... lil sparks in my life.. i had my very first bike ride last fri... so cool~! hee.. weixian came to fetch me to sch on his motorbike.. i was realli scared in the beginning... felt so unprotected out on the road beside all the cars.. speeding n flying thru the road.. kinda held onto him pretty tightly in the beginning.. lol.. so pai seh.. but after while, i sorta got used to it.. onli realli felt the adrenaline rush when he went faster than 90km/h on my 2nd ride.. haha.. yea.. got default chauffer... lol... exploit or not? muahaha..

hm.. havent seen weixian for a long time.. since wad.. erm.. was it mid j2? yup... he still love wearing his singlets.. not bad.. he always look gd in them.. o n his new haircut.. kinda funky.. made him look like a boi boi.. lol.. n i almost forgot tt he's wad.. 4 years older than me.. haha.. feels great to catch up with old frens.. shud do it more often after my mid term.. or may be in dec...

a few strangers have been msging me in frenster ever since i changed my status.. y so? y r pple like tt? u're onli interested in a gal when u think u have the chance to get her? wont take initiative to make frens with someone who's attached?

let's see wad's frenster's forecast is like for today..

It's time to do a little cutting and pasting when it comes to your recent situation. Blazing a new trail isn't always easy, but the effort will be worth it in the end. Once this is over, people will know you're a force to be reckoned with.

wad does it mean?

some blog sites realli sux u noe.. u type a lot.. post.. n gone.. damn it.. wth~! waste my time..

i'm so PISSED~!

argh...~!

ah.. for short, i didnt imply anything.. i'm confident n yet insecure.. yup.. tt's all. some things come naturally. dun feel obligued to do anything.. i never meant it tt way.. i onli tot i could share it with a gd fren...

stress.. ya.. everyone's feeling it since mid term is coming up.. u have catching up to do.. so do i.. everyone is starting to mug too.. wad's new? even if i was unhappy about anything, i wouldnt have said anything.. becoz it would be selfish.. anyway i have to clarify.. no i am not unhappy despite the regrets.. i just wondered how things would be like if everything happened later.. tt's all.. i might not fully understand the stress u feel.. wad about mine?

u're sad becoz it is impt to u..

i m not complaining.. i m just sharing my tots.. perhaps u're wrong tt we can share everything with one another.. it doesnt seem so to me anymore.. u dun make me feel so.. well, tt's too bad.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. wad can i do alone?

ha... havent blog for some time already... i'm shagged.. tired.. but just cant sleep when i get home.. i dunno y...

went for PRU elections yesterday night.. sigh.. n again, i didnt run for any position.. i dunno.. i just dun like to take up sth tt i'm unsure of.. this sem is suppose to be a slack one.. but.. i'm not quite sure wad's happening for some like physics.. worried about my studies.. which is definitely my first priority... so.. running for events head or vice might be too xiong for me.. after all, u have to oversee all the 4 os issit 5 events, host overseas students and organise gatherings for the entire PRU.. alamak..i mean i like to doing such stuff.. but do i have the time? can i commit? i'm not quite sure wad i'll be getting myself into.. so.. ya tt's me.. if i decided to do it, i'll go all out for it.. if not, might as well dun touch.. so yea.. decided not to run in the end... tot competition was tough.. gim song is a very gd candidate.. seems steady n pro.. but ya.. after hearing their speeches, i felt some regrets.. felt tt i might have had a "pt of difference" (frm mkt text) to compete with the rest... not tt they arent gd.. but i have a lot more personal experiences tt i have been able to bring up in my speech to prove my capabilities.. well, then again, it all comes down to whether i can commit.. i'm not sure.. so o well..

just sms arvind to confirm with him tt i've decided to join fwc comm.. no recognition or wad so ever.. i dun realli care.. just wanna make fwc a special meaningful n unforgettable experience for the freshies next year, just like how the seniors have done it.. or may be even better.. since i havent got any pos in PRU, well, shall keep myself well balanced with preparations for fwc perhaps.. hm.. i am actually looking forward to PRU's SLC too.. been a vice cap for 4 years but never been to any SLCs unlike my bro... hm.. will be an interesting experience.. i hope to make SP night a romantic and unforgettable one.. ya.. it was a hit to me.. fwc wouldnt be the same without tt night.. tt night tt i bonded closer with a few pple.. ya..

anyway, back to elections.. ended onli at about 1.25am.. goodness.. ya this morning... some cock up grp of frens were to lazy to write their own votes.. all handed in with the same handwritting n we have to revote again.. argh.. it was getting into my nerves.. felt like scolding them.. i felt bad.. becoz the rest were waiting for me in hall.. ya.. stayed in hall for the first time.. in paulene's.. hee.. quite fun.. but of coz.. i was too tired.. ran back to hall to wash up n then met the rest for supper at feng song.. oops.. is tt place call feng song? ah nvm.. ya..feel guilty.. needa go exercise one of these days.. it was wad.. 3am? n i had one cheese prata, one banana prata with honey.. n dinosaur... wahahaha... i'm such a pig!!

perhaps i ate too much... or may be i'm just not used to not sleeping on my own queen size bed with my dear boster.. haha.. didnt realli sleep well.. n argh.. thanks but.. u noe.. my parents came at 7.40am to pick me up.. it's like so early!! i had to drag myself out from the bed seah.. it was comfy.. n i felt too nua to move.. o well.. it's quite a gd experience.. looking forward to physco my mum to let me stay in hall in sem 3.. i wan play buaya week too.. i'm sure i m gd at it.. lol... anyone wanna try? lol..

ahh damn.. mid term coming.. so much to do.. so much to catch up with.. i have got no idea wad's happening for mid term seah.. sianz.. time to start some serious work... hee.. no choice must start to be mugger le.. i feel stupid ard all the chem engineers.. they're like how smart.. ahahaha... die.. i'm onli looking forward to all the fun part.. like next fri.. got shang yue hui with lunatics.. hee... fun fun~!!!

carefree shirley

yup.. free of worries.. but work has been piling up.. wasted too much time crying over tt stupid relationship.. ah.. heck.. free from it... pls dun appear in my life again.. i dun wanna hear a word from u..

i'm happy now.. free to do wad i wan.. time for reflections.. move on gal..

needa start mugging or sth... i dun understand a thing for phy.. n i m super lagigng behind for mkt.. ahhh.. diee...

was with him.. n things turn real sour... i promised him tt i will try to lose my hate for him.. and treat him as a fren at least.. i tried.. i realli tried..

but he kept talking about our past.. reminding me of all those moments.. well, i had more unhappy ones in my mind.. so i got realli sick of it.. he doesnt understand.. so i started being a little harsh...

when we were on our way back, we quarreled... he was so frustrated tt he actually threw the newspaper he was holding onto, at me.. whack.. hard at my back... i m so angry.. so disapointed.. no one has ever done tt to me.. it shows how much respect he has for me..

realli cant tolerate him anymore.. i ran.. i tried to run away from him.. i cant face him anymore.. everything about him pisses me off.. well with my fna txt bk in my bag, how fast could i run.. ?

he caught up and stopped me.. pestered me all the way back for another chance.. how mnay chances have i gave him? tt's it.. nth more to say about him.. i told him off.. i told him to get out of my life.. y do i have to take all this shit? i'm selfish.. i wanna be happy.. tt's y i left him.. i m never comfortable ard him.. argh.. f***

-this is a repeat post -

ya nvm.. brief one.. i just hate him to the core... out of my life.. i dun wan to shed another tear for u... STOP PESTERING ME!!!

the carefree shirley has relived~!!

see.. friendster never knows me so well... it never disappoints me..

Today's Forecast
Roll up your sleeves and concentrate on clearing away the clutter. There's nothing so satisfying as getting all those deadlines and paperwork out of the way, so tackle them before those stacks in your in tray topple over.

ya.. as u can see... i got lots to do.. had 5 tutorials to complete.. just finished maths so far.. 1 down, 4 more to go... ahh!! i'm going crazy.. i'm to blame.. slacked too much last week.. didnt touch any work for 3 days!!! wahaha

no more big problems for me.. i'm free! i'm finally free from all these tiring n frustrating problems~! ahh.. i can finally be me n live life the way i wan.. it's about me here... it's about shirley... u, u, u and u who wans to make my life difficult.. shoo~! i'll kick ur ass if u dare come near me..

mum's asking.. even granny is.. how shud i tell them? they will noe.. soon enuff.. when i return the hp.. o gosh.. i gotta settle with the stupid ericsson until my bro get his new one.. n poor me gotta settle with his old fone.. sob sob.. who ask tt jack ass to steal my fone~! ah.. tt's an old story anyway..

sigh.. will be meeting him tml.. i asked him not to tag along but he insist.. he said tt he may never get to see me rebond my hair again.. wad crap.. sigh.. feel so pressurized with him ard.. cant be myself.. tt's y i say we're not meant to be.. i dun feel comfortable ard him.. but it's gd i guess.. i can return the fone to him.. n let him see the new me.. the happy me without him.. hm.. or may be not exactly happy.. hm.. carefree? but he's still hopeful... wad must i do to convince him tt we're over? ah o well.. i'm supposed to try not to hate him as before.. shirley try be nice tml..

need some time to recover... it wouldnt be fair to whoever who's gonna come into my life again if i cnt recover in time.. i'm scared u noe.. tt it will turn out to be the same.. this is the 2nd time my heart died.. w/o any 3rd party... not at all.. i think i changed... may be tt's y... n i didnt have the chance to noe them well enuff before i stepped in.. i shud hold back a bit next time.. a step at a time... before i give my all...

okie... going back to do my tutorials.. sigh...

i m happy yet sad...

i got alot to write.. typed n erased.. again n again... dunno wad to write about.. it's complicated... the end of sth.. n begin of sth.. suddenly i m afraid of stepping in again... i think i realli need time off.. i dun like to hate anyone.. it's a pain to hate someone.. so ya.. gimme some time..

n i think i lost a fren again... sigh... m i too selfish? i dunno... just couldnt take it anymore.. pushed to the edge... breaking down... sorry my buddy.. i never meant to make things so difficult for u.. i dunno who's selfish here.. but sorry... just couldnt take it any longer...

i just wanna slack..

it's a slacking week.. with no maths, phy n mkt tutorial.. haha... i tried catching up with my readings.. my 2 sartors.. read a lot..

surprise surprise.. i wonder if i chose a wrong course.. i always like sci.. i enjoy doing maths whether i flunk it or ace it.. but i've been enjoying taking my 2 sartors even though i have quite a lot to do for them.. or shud i say it's realli up to u...

fna is very academic.. many many theorys n steps to remember.. i think they'll be tested even thiugh final exam is open book.. but i doubt it helps la..

mkt on the other hand is like so duh.. too gd to be true.. but it's realli interesting.. lectures r never boring.. even though i havent been to one so far.. haha.. power of webcast...

ya.. i think i like biz.. i didnt becoz i felt tt u dun have to study it in order to be in biz industry.. it's like so vague.. wad's there to study.. then again, i think i'm wrong..

am i mugging too much? uni life is becoming a routine.. no excitement at all.. so diff from sec sch n jc when i devoted myself to sch n softball.. everyday after sch is softball training.. 3 days a week field training, 1 day gym, 1 day track... i was so fit.. power gal... so hyper then, so healthy then.. tt i dun tire easily.. i could still do my hw when i come back from training.. but now is like.. sigh... finish sch at 4, come back.. nap.. wahaha... dunno y it's so tiring.. becoz of the long journey back?

anyway, tt brings me back to softball.. i miss softball so so much.. sometimes i wonder how it will be like if i m studying in ntu.. i'll be in hall.. freedom! independence! n my dear softballers tt i miss so much.. they're all there... daph, junjia, ching, jan, cheryl!! omg.. i am so jealous.. uni life will not be so boring with them.. i mean i made gd fun frens in nus.. but it's diff.. the bond tt we have after wad.. 6 years? n i miss coach.. i miss my juniors tt i helped to coach.. i miss training.. giving signals and doing all the shouting during training n game... i miss going thru all the shit with my team mates... the whole process.. the 6 years... sigh...

joined pru... hope things will turn out better if i can get into comm... i hate mugging alone.. tt's not the kinda education i wan... i needa have fun.. tok to pple... i noe it will be tiring organising those events.. but it's a gd experience... it's about team work too.. i dun like to be alone... unless of coz when i have to..

o elections is on 9 sept.. sigh.. granny's bdae.. how how? i wanna spend it with her.. but i wanna run for comm too..ahh better ask the president.. see wad i can do... it's compulsory lor.. and an overnite event.. sianz.. ooo.. did i mention tt i might be staying over at paulene's hall room.. wahaha... so fun! looking forward to it... it's a fri anyway.. i think we can just taun overnite.. wahahaha