Tuesday, December 26, 2006

My Japan Trip1

I think it'll be great if I could somehow record down how I felt throughout the whole trip to Japan with my family so I wrote about it in a book where ever I went. I know that it will be great if I could read this post some time later when I reflect about my good old times. Here's it:

Day 0 - Leaving Singapore from Changi Airport - 15/12/06
Mark came to fetch us to the airport and we had dinner at Crystal Jade before we entered the departure hall. It was quite unfortunate that our schedule was tight and I didnt have time to spend some time alone with him. It was a little difficult to part from him when I had so much that I wanted to say to him. I could not forget the sadness I saw in his eyes when we passed the customs. We couldnt bear to leave one another. I was fighting back my tears as I waved goodbye to him because I knew crying would be contagious.

I could no longer hold them back when the plane took off. I was overwhlemed with mixed emotions. At that very moment, I then realised that it was the start of an exciting holiday and also the start of the 7 days away from my dear.

Day 1 - Arrival at Kansai Airport, Traveling to Sasayama - 16/12/06
We had some trouble reading the railway map since everyhting was in Japanese. The map was also much more complicated that the MRT map we have in Singapore. Fortunately, a kind young man helped us got to the right train. I started comparing the phsical appearances of the locals with Singaporeans. It was expected of the Japanese to have more conscious of their appearance but I didnt expect to discover that most young men trim their eyebros like the ladies. Pardon me for oggling at the pretty babes and hunks in Japan.



It was terribly cold when we arrived at Osaka station. We were underground but could still feel the cold wind blowing in. We took almost another 1h plus before we reached Sasayama, where we were welcomed by Mom's Japanese friend, Keiko Aunty. She is a professor, teaching in the medical school in Osaka City University. A very generous and warm lady indeed. She drove us back to her new house where we met her husband. The old house we visisted 9 years ago was torn down and rebuilt. I fell in love with the new house immediately when saw it. It is largely made of pine wood without the use of any nails that made the construction of the house exceptionally expensive. It has this very traditional Japanese temple kinda feeling to it. The house was partitioned to many sections and we could see many contrasts of traditional customs and new technology applied to the construction of the house. Almost every room have a sensor that will detect movement and operate the lights accordingly. The toilet bowls have many features including automatic smell removal, heater to dry the user's bottom and more. lol.. We were told that some of the walls were partially made of soil which helps to control humidity during seasonal changes.


After settling down at Keiko Aunty's place, we went to climb a mountain where we tried to pick some special leaves for new year decoration. The area where the leaves were grown wasnt part of the climber's path. I felt like da chang jin, crawling and climbing down steep soil to reach the good ones. It was quite scary in the beginning when I slipped a few times. I cant imagine what will happen if we werent careful. Mom had a tough time climbing up. The steps were very steep and high. In contrast, the 94 year old granny who led us to the place was swift up and down the mountain. It almost looked like she had wings on her feet. I guess she probably climbs often. And that is why the elderlys here all look so healthy despite their old age.



At about 2.30pm, we went for the long waited bbq meal!!! It was splendid. The spread we had 9 years ago still lingered in our minds whenever we thought of Japan. Just like before, we were served fresh fish, fatty beef and chicken and some other vegetables. The meat was so juicy and the light sauce complements the taste of the meat. It was nothing like what we have in Singapore or anywhere else in Japan. You can really taste the freshness. I am sure Mark will love it. Hopefully, I will be able to bring him there one of these days.


O ya, I almost forgot about the shrine we visited. I really like the way they decorate it. You can see the Japanese traditions and cultures from it. It isnt all bright and glamorously decorated with gold or jade liek the Chinese temples but it gave me a heart-warming feeling. May be I was a Japanese in my last life. wahaha..

Before we return home for rest, Keiko Aunty drove us around an area where the houses were all decortaed with Christmas lights. It reminded me of the movie I just watched with my friends, Deck the Halls. Though it was just a 5 min ride past the area, I wished Mark was beside me so that we couls share all of these together.

Back at Keiko Aunty's house, we slept on tradtiional Japanese bed on Tatami for the first time. The temperature was about 11 deg. Therfore we needed the heating bed sheet. I had a very good sleep that night. Perhaps it would have been sweeter if dearie was by my side.

~to be continued~

Sunday, December 10, 2006

bUSY bUSY hOLiDay....

It has been 9 days through this sweet holiday..
I've been living these 9 days to the fullest..
been painting furniture, doing a lot of xmas shopping, catching up with frens and reminding frens and family tt they're not forgotten and making up for the times when I neglected them during the examination period...

sth hilarious happened a few days ago..
i am not sure if i shud be happy.. lol..
someone called me Mrs Lim when I went out with Mark..
wahaha.. O gosh.. Do I look that old?
Sounds like some auntie...
Or those typical stern old teacher tt u find in primary schools..
haha... I think I prefer to be called Mdm Chia if that day comes..
sounds more zai..
I must train to be Tai Tai Lim.. wahaha...
N my dearie Mark keeps teasing me with it..
u shud see his face... smiling so ever widely...
:P

I'll be leaving for japan in 5 days time..
wont be able to attend Hong bee's 21st birthday party.. so sorry..
early Happy birthday~!

That reminds me that I will be turning 21 in about 8 months time too..
gosh 21... time flies...
many people wish for more money...
I onli ask for more time..
time is probably the most precious thing at this stage of my life right now..
with more time, I will be able to manage the chem engine course better..
with more time, I will be able to spend more time and create more unforgetable memories with all my love ones..
I wish time could stop..
with wisdom and maturity comes complication in life...
I miss the times when I was young and innocent,
the times when all I saw in this world was the swing in my favourite playground...
how great it will be if life can be that simple..

bleah..

Friday, December 01, 2006

FreEEdOM IS so SwEeT & PrECIoUS

when u're in nus chem engine...
EXAMS are finally over..
this sem has been especially tough..
having screwed up the previous 2 sems, I am not expecting much..
just hope tt i did ok..

anyway, i went to have a lil celebration with my frens..
had a quick dinner and watch deck the hall..
it's quite a light hearted movie..
good for no brainers...
yimin's right... we shud watch such movies after exams.. after trying so hard to understand the abstract concepts and attempt the tough papers...

time to plan my schedule for this holiday...
realli just wanna slack...
alright...

Things to do:
1. Wash the toilet tt i skipped last sunday
2. Buy running shoes asap so i can start running
3. burn fats - proper dieting plus exercise regime
4. trip to japan! will be flying off on 15th night and be back by 23rd 2159
5. star cruise with granny?
6. malaysia trip with luna?
7. make jewelry box
8. dear's x mas present?
9. plan x mas celebration
10. experiment cooking
11. finish reading my book
12. make kyonoyaku jelly for dear?
13. tuition lil bro?
14. mahjong with pri sch frens
15. visit coach jo at tkgs
16. x mas givings...

to be continued...

Monday, November 13, 2006

final's is in less than 2 weeks away..
feeling the stress building up..
falling sick..
i almost used up a box of tissue today..
been sneezing all day while i was studying 21..
yeah.. thank goodness the first 3 topics for 21 will not be covered in finals...
nevertheless, i spent my entire day just studying 2 of the 5 topics..
it;s so scary.. feeling insecure coz i still cant too many of the tutorial questions though it was at least my 3rd time looking thru them..
thank god it;s open book.. i still have tut qns to refer to..
wad concepts are there realli?
just gotta learn how to apply the equations i guess..
having mixed feelings about 21 finals..
a part of me hopes tt the paper will be easy.. so tt i'll be able to do it well.. but then again, so will the rest... n i didnt do well for mid term.. so.. dunno if it'll be good or bad..
if it's difficult, yeah.. perhaps i;ll have a better chance to better my grades..
but.. will i be able to do the paper?
this feeling is bad...
may be it's time to take a look at the past year papers to have a feel..
at least it'll be more encouraging if i can do them...
tt's if i can...

just read can's blog..
pleasantly surprised by this video she made for coach..
oh gosh.. i miss tk softball days...
n yah it almost brought me to tears though most of the scenes are not taken from my batch..
i miss coach. i miss cheryl. i miss playing tough. i miss playing rough.
i miss diving for balls. i miss giving my all to the competitions.
at tough times like these, it;s great to recall these beautiful memories..

Sunday, November 12, 2006

happy birthday to manling~!!!

It's manling's birthday today~!!!
she's already 13 years old.. tt's 91 human age..
gosh...
right.. i went to garden's pet shop to buy her some presents..
did u noe tt there are chocolates specially made for gods?!
the one i bought has mint too~!!!
so pampered~!!
ohh n i got her some turkey thingy.. wrapped like those european ham...
took some videos of her.. but i dunno if you tube accepts the special file..
hahaha...















Friday, November 10, 2006

SIN: holiday planning

10 things to do this coming holiday:
1. 03s44 gathering
2. japan trip from 15th to 23rd dec
3. ktv with dear
4. holiday project - diy jewellery box & dear's present?
5. shopping for materials for holiday project
6. accompany dear for camera hunt
7. learn cooking
8. learn web skills
9. chalet???
10. sentosa adventure

Monday, November 06, 2006

Life is...

NOT all about mugging..
I've been slogging in my books for coming to 14 years..
throwing almost everything aside during examination periods..
yesterday afternoon, i saw my dear doggie n suddenly realise one of the things i haven been missing out..
my dearest pet dog, manling has been staying with us for almost 13 years..
yes, tt's 91 doggie years..
can u imagine how old she is already?
she was having some problems with closing her jaws..
it looked like she was shivering...
i stopped and tried to have a good look at her...
and was shocked to see how much she has aged...
still bubbly and almost as active as before, i never realised tt she was so old..
probably becoz of her jaw problems, the fur below her mouth were all wet and stained brown with saliva..
her black round eyes were beginning to coat with this extra layer..
which explains her recent occasional bumpings with the legs of the chairs..
her fur were still white but dull...
it saddens me to see her age so much..
the tot tt she might not be living for long struck me..
and i couldnt help but cry and hug her tightly in my arms..
n the reason y i love her so much is becoz she seems to understands us, humans quite well..
she seemed to understand y i was crying..
she started licking my hand when i was hugging her..
n when i looked at her, i saw these consoling eyes looking back at me..
she was also sniffing around my face and almost licked me there..
haha.. eww...
it just makes me feel worse seeing her response..
i decided to take a few videos of her with my camera..
may be i shud make an album of her this holiday..
cant imagine how life wud be without her bumping in n out of the house and waiting under the table for food during dinner..

i am guilty for neglecting my dog for wad i used to believe tt is more impt at my age..
she is more than a pet, she's like a part of my family..
it makes me wonder wad else i have missing out in my life...
have i not been filial to my granny, not giving her enough attention n all?
have i not been playing the eldest daughter role well by helping my lil bro with his studies and also to lighten the load and worries of my parents?
have i....
have i....
have i....?

Thursday, November 02, 2006

LOnG loNg NItE..

have u ever felt like u didn't wan the night to ever end?
well, besides at romantic dates with your love one..
were there any occasions when u didnt wan the night to end?

i experience this just a few days ago...
chem engine is such a high demanding course..
time has never past so fast in my life before..
i was lying on my bed, watching some chinese drama when the tot came..
some where in the corner of my mind, i knew that i have lots to do..
n yet.. the lazy me didnt wan to do any work..
it was 12 midnight...
i didnt want to do any work.
i wasnt really enjoying any shows on the tv..
and the silliest tot came across my mind..
i didnt want to sleep becoz i was afraid tt another day will end n pass by just like tt...
with nth much accomplished..
and i wud lose more time to complete all tt i had to do..
i stoned for almost an hour..
n finally realise the unfortunate fact that time will not stop for me..
time will not stop just becoz i stop all work..
it will just pass by as it always did..
whether u make use of it or not..
it was then, i decided to sleep.. n hopefully wake up early the next day to start my "self-torture" again..

this sem is tough in the way tt the modules make u feel unsure of where u stand, unsure of wad u can do to do well..
the fact tt it is difficult to do well makes it much more discouraging..
i;ve been trying to find all ways to spice up my boring, "slaverish"life as a student..
cooked lunch for lil bro n me yesterday..
may be i can upload the pic i took of my creation~!
so much said... it's time to go back to my books..
sigh... how can i do well?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

NOt QUitTinG yEt..

yes... chem engine is making me a stronger person..
nothing is going to bring me down..
i;ve screwed up almost every test tt anyone cud..
but tt's not the end of the world...
let's hope tt i wont do too badly this sem..
though i did have high hopes initially...
now.. just hope for the best..
not expecting much...

i;ve been slacking the entire weekend away...
n i havent done much these few days..
becoz of the public holidays, we've had family gatherings, house painting and all..
spent like 1 entire day on each of the 2 22 tutorial that I tried to read and attempt myself..
it;s weird.. all the solution uses moody diagram..
tot in exam, we're supposed to use chen's equation?
how wud we know how to use it if we havent practiced it in tutorials?
*ding consulation needed...

the exams are just around the corner..
getting worried.. so near yet so far..
it'll be here in about 4 weeks time..
it's a good thing tt all except cm is open book...
but there's a whole lot of stuff to study for cm..
n lsm.. i'm just lost.. havent been listening in lectures..
n we're told tt the none of the questions comes from the text book or notes..
so shud i still study?
22 is screwed.. i just gotta try n pull it up and avoid a C+
21 below avg after studying so hard.. blame me.. i'm the idiot who didnt go thru the COE tutorials for mid term test... gotta aim high for finals..
23... seems to be drowning... i;ve been screwing up recent tests...not doing well... sigh.. wad to do?

work hard work hard..
tt's all i need for this sem..

sth funny to lighten up ur day..


Thursday, October 19, 2006

SeEInG A LiL lighT Of HoPE

yeah... i broke the egg..
all thanks to the magnaminous ti..
right.. though it doesnt realli help..
sigh...
today we had our cm test 2..
finally it's over~!
it's been taking up so much of my time..
well partly becoz i dun go for lecture.. so i gotta read..
think it works anyway...
felt tt my hard work paid off..
i didnt do well again for this sem's mid term tests..
but i learnt some lessons which i believe will aid in my future somehow..
firstly, i gotta curb my carelessness somehow..
steven gave me some tips.. n i am trying to practise them..
havent shown results yet.. coz my 21 still suffered becoz of carelessness...
secondly, dun let ur results affect ur effort..
dun let ur peers affect u..
dun bother about how the smarties is gg to shift the curve..
just do ur thing. do ur best. give it all u have..
n everything will fall as they are meant to be..
perhaps i am not as smart as my peers...
but i have worked hard.. i've tried.. n tt's all tt's impt..
realli tired of the mugging..
think i need a break before i start my engines again..
so tired...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

meaningless life...

havent been freeling good recently..
coming into chem engine seems like a wrong choice to me...
yes it's a challenge...
which was one of the reasons y i chose chem engine..
but is it too much for me to take, i wonder...
i havent been taking up any events..
been trying to study very hard for my exams..
n yet.. i am not doing well..
22 is totally screwed...
21 was realli disappointing... i might not have done fantastically well.. but it shud have been better..
i wonder wad went wrong...
is it becoz of careless mistakes again?
23 is getting more n more depressing...
aspiring to get close to a full mark for every test..
n i am failing myself yet again.. my marks.. r getting lower n lower..
is 8 the best i can do?
thank god we're onli using 7 out of 10 tests...
but i have already used up 2 of my life cards...
n i have 3 more test to go...
somebody tell me... issit just becoz i am not smart enuff?
wad do i need to do to be able to be up there with the rest?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

WhY am i stuDyIng?

this week has been horrible...
after mugging hard for almost the entire study break, i cock up for 22 mid term..
n tt has probably sealed my fate with 22....
hey juniors, dun bother mugging..
coz even if u do, u probably wont do much better anyway...
*roll eyes
it's a tikam test... unless u're damn pro.. like some smarties..

21 was not bad.. just tt i didnt have enuff time to finish...
made some conversion mistake i think.. but i kinda got the right number though i used the wrong units.. hahaha.. talking about luck...

basically.. me n mr frens have been aksing ourseleves y we are in chem engine..
y r we giving ourseleves so much stress..
we dun even wanna be chem engineers in future...
so y did i end up here torturing myself?

my onli ambition was to be a vet..
coz i simply LUUURRVVE animals~!
erm.. not all animals actually..
i onli like dogs, hamsters, fluffy rabbit.. wahaha..
no cats, no birds please... :P
anyway... couldnt go overseas becoz it just costs too much...
cant get away with the guilt leaving my family in singapore cutting all costs they can just to send me overseas...
i needed 50k in my bank to be eligible for application ok.. wth...

so.. we had no choice but to stay in singapore...
n my 1st choice was... medicine..
wasnt sure wad else i wud wanna do besides being a vet...
n medicine was probably one of the closest...
n i had a stupud idea of wanting to try my luck n see if i wud be shortlisted...
n yes i was... but after mum told me about her discussion with her medicine prof fren.. n talking to a self-claimed top medicine student, i decided tt it's not sth tt i wud wanna do...
i cant imagine myself working in a hospital...
n dealing with all the gross n bloody wounds n all..

so i ended up in chem engine.. my 2nd choice..
the closest to wad i studied in jc..
tot sth familiar wud not be too bad..
n now.. i realli dun quite like it..
just trying very hard to do wad i can with wad i have now...
i guess the class of the degree doesnt realli matter much to me now..
as long as it's not 3rd class... tt will do..

may be i'll work in the zoo in future...
may be i'll be a teacher?
may be i'll just be a tai tai in future..

one thing i am certain about...
i will still wan to work around dogs n hamsters in future...
one day.. i'll own my own animal farm....

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Engine day... random shoutouts..

it was the last day of 1st half of sem 3 yesterday..
n also ps birthday.. we've been planning to celebrate this special day 2 weeks ago if i am not wrong..
was quite a disappointment honestly..
we were quite indecisive about where to head for the celebration...
decided to go to sakura opp lt7a becoz chess has meeting till 1pm which our star of the day is involved in.. n shanbing has to go back for lecture at 4pm..
was a compromise actually...
well we entertained ourselves in student lounge with air hockey, pool n soccer table while waiting for yimin..
then headed to buy cake for ps..
reached sakura at almost 1pm but they were not done with their meeting yet..
unfortunately, we had our buffet w/o our star's presence...
went back to look for them again to cut the cake.. n guess wad.. they just ended..
well perhaps we shud be understanding.. tt these pple just joined the club and they r at high spirits, have commitments n responsibilities and their supporters to answer to..
though everyone said tt they didnt mind.. i am sure we are all disappointed..
disappointed with the elected leaders.. the way they handled this matter..
are leaders who r more concerned about their personal interest pple we can depend on?
surely sth will be done.. may be chess will be more well known..
but popular or notorious? wud they be able to touch our fellow mates' hearts?
i am doubtful of it.. perhaps it's too early to judge..
i wonder...
if work is more impt than frens on this special day who came to sch, stayed back n plan all these, wud ur fellow mates more impt to u or how great the club is under ur management when u make future decisions for the club?
is this about getting work done, making improvements or is ur key focus on ur fellow course mates?
who's to blame? who's the decision maker? wad is impt? it's so subjective..
i personally felt tt i wasted a day away yesterday...
we see n learn more about one in times like these...
the more i see, the more i learn, the more consoled i am to be out of all these matters..
it is not a comm i want to work in..
n i will be making a lot of noise n creating chaos in the comm if i am one of them now..
haha bless me n the rest... world peace...
my family is more impt..
my frens are more impt..
my studies is more impt..
n i have time for all of them now... i am more convinced tt i'll be happier this way..
cast away the "i cud have done a better job" idea...
becoz i havent done it.. i am not doing it.. i will not be doing it..
it;s easier said than done.. i am sure about tt..
so it isnt fair for me to judge or criticise..
pple involved knows best..

Sunday, September 17, 2006

woof~!

took my 2 dogs out for a walk yesterday evening..
think i shud do it more often..
even if i burn like onli 20 calories with the stroll..
hee.. well.. it kinda stops my brain from wondering n thinking about all the work i have on hand..
n the stuff tt my 2 cuties do is realli entertaining..
i just realised how obedient boyboy can be..
when u pull the chain backwards, he will understand tt he's going too fast..
n he'll sit right at the spot, turn his head back n look at u with those innocent eyes..
lol.. so cute.. n he'll wait for u to catch up, before he continues running and repeating the same routine again.. haha..
n manling.. she has always been my fav dog..
smelly her breath may be.. i still like to hug her...
she's 13 years old this year.. tt's 91 doggie years~!!
still bubbly n active as ever...
she understand us human pretty well...
n she can communicate with me..
wahaha.. she gave me the "i wanna pee more but i got no place to do it" look yesterday when i was closing the door... changed the newspaper n she pee-d like how many drops onli...
oops gettign too detailed.. but u noe.. it's so... when she looks at u after she finishes with her business... like she's so satisified.. hahaha..
think things will never be the same again if she leaves us one day...
i think i will cry..
i know tt she;s realli old already.. n i am giving the 2 of them lil treats every now n then..
it's probably the least i could do..
i am sure they enjoy it a lot..
well then again... i think i wont be able to do without a dog if i were to start a family of my own in future... they make me a better person.. :)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

empty & tired..

i've probably given too much to the cm test..
now i am kinda burnt out..
dun feel like doing work..
somehow i was attarcted to the challenge..
n i managed to finish webcasting 4h of 2122 lecture.. the one tt we all couldnt understand even if u went for the live one..
i wonder who came out with all those theories..
smart n abstract...
definitely not the norm.. if not we wudnt find it so difficult to understand..
i tried webcasting 2121.. stopped twice coz i am either too tired or too sian..
it's like cn1111 plus phy chem.. n i hate cn1111..
it makes no sense to me..
i watched it at 1.8 speed.. n finally stopped after enduring 1h plus of the webcast..
it's carnot again... wad a turn off..
we've gone thru tt for 2 modules.. physics n phy chem..
now 2121 too? o well it's thermodynamics isnt it?
how can we run away from it?
i think i need sth to motivate myself again.. sth other than books..
boring hence draining..

oh.. yesterday we went to shop...
we walked for the entire day..
but didnt buy anything..
combed bugis village, icon n the edge..
lol.. can u imagine all the walking we did?
poor ks has to carry his heavy bag around with us..
the meals were rather sinful yesterday..
had jap for lunch.. but crystal jade's wanton mee for dinner..
it's my fav~!! so q, so delicious~!
but it's yellow noodle... wonder if i put on another kg back after tt?
guilty~!!
but i havent been at my highest spirits...
food n retail therapy is my way of destressing..
since i got nth to buy... i;ve been allowing myself to eat junks...
m&m, yellow noodles, smoothies..
there goes my slimming programme..
may be tt's y i grow fat when the sem starts...

sigh.. wad shud i do to get my drive back?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

drained...

freak... i am so damn tired..
stupid cm test killed me..
i;ve been spending hours n days to study for it..
lost with lectures, havent webcasted for 2122 n 2121..
tutorials to be done n all..
it sucks...
it sucks especially when u make silly careless mistakes..
after all tt studying.. ahhh..
it;s just 1 or 2 marks to ur final result, shirley..
it doesnt matter~!!! get over it~!!

i;ve been so stressed up..
n very impatient with pple ard me..
i;m grateful to have my dearie... hehehe...
i wud have to spend 1h for a bus ride home or 12 bucks for cab ride home after the 5h study in sch yesterday if it wasnt for him..
n my snapping.. ah... i'm sorry...

feels weird when u hear news about sth tt u care..
n... u're not a part of it..
asked n rejected the offer...
guess i have to get used to it..
i dun wan it n i dun care..
all the best...

i saw the cockadoo today again...
too busy to blog about it...
it makes me wonder y i tot so in the past...
weird.. where in the world did the smoke came from?
did i started the fire myself?
simply weird...

hai.. so tired from mugging...
so much to catch up with now..
screwed up..
it makes me think twice sometimes if my effort is justified..
mug so much for a 10% test where u get to sit beside one another, where u can copy n discuss even if u dun realli know ur work..
issit dumb?
i've been trying to console myself..
tellgn myself tt i have studied so much now..
so i wont have to go back for final exams..
think i noe enuff? think it;s close to enuff...
need more practice though..
it better be so...
coz i have worked shit for it..
study smart? any dean;s lister wanna help?

Thursday, August 31, 2006

a " DOg bITe dOG" wOrLD...

shhhh... just leave me alone...
i've finished the show... i need no appalause...
just let it die down n be hidden away from pple who dunno..
for the sake of the everyone, for u, for me, for our fren..
let's make life easier for eveyone..

Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings – Samuel Jackson
a leader with no self confidence will not go far..
he will not be able to accomplish much.. as a leader..
he may be capable.. but he's onli just a capable worker..
i'm confident.. some say i am full of myself..
i'm a leo.. it's natural.. it becomes inborn after 4 years of leadership experience..
my frens say tt u can feel it even without working with me..
full of myself i may sound.. ya so wad?

Rank does not confer privilege or give power, It imposes responsibility – Peter Drucker
I chose to run for vp at the belief and confidence I have what it takes to deliver at this level and at the same time I am very much intrigued by the challenging role of handling matters at top level while at the same time opening an ear to the needs at ground level of all non-club students.

tt's wad i was prepared to say.. if someone were to shoot me..
service is unconditional, yes it is..
but we;re onli human.. is there realli nth tt u wan in return?
i wanted the experience.. onli as a vp..
not secretary, not anything else...
any other offer seems meaningless to me now..
especially after wad i;ve gone thru throughout this experience..
the opportunity to see more clearly the hearts of some pple..
the inevitable ugly side of such events..

no chance, no responsibility..
every member in a team has a common responsibility..
a common goal tt is.. a general one..
but each one has specific role to play..
just like games like diablo.. u dun send all ur men to attack one enemy..
it is the reason y there are distinction among the names of these members..
every name comes with a different duty..
small or big they may be the same..
different duties but all for efforts to achieve their ultimate common goal..

a commander who leaves his men in critical moments of war is no leader..
he is but onli someone who takes advantage of ur loyalty..
he is but onli someone someone who claims teamwork for his own benefit..
a fren in need is a fren indeed..
my fren?

wad do i have to say?
dun bother asking....

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

back to initial plan..

it's been some time since my last post..
it's week 3 already and i havent started my engines..
been busy with a lot of things...
thinking hard and planning...
this week is exceptionally hiong..
mon i had my 1st cm lab.. wasnt told my lab venue, wasnt told if there was prelab, didnt noe wad to do except for bringing lab coats n goggles..
tue which was yesterday, i had chess elections...
sad to say tt i failed to convince the exco tt i am a leader and I am the better choice...
given the opporunities to perform in fwc, i am sure i have done my best for my freshmen...
i am proud to say tt i;ve done my part for them...
n if there are any juniors who need my help, i promise i'll still be there...
glad to see tt ps finally has the courage to step up and run for vp..
though he was competing with me n he has won, i'm realli happy for him..
n also chess... he's capable n i am the one who nominated him..
let's hope the present comm will be a better one...
much much better... coz there are so much tt can be done..
so much said of no use...
i;m glad tt i tried and stuck on to my decision despite seeing wad has happened coming before the election itself...
as my fav quotes goes "i can accept failures, but i cannot accept no trying. ~ micheal jordan"
will be gg back to my intial plans..
i'm grateful for all the support i;ve gotten thru these times..
glad tp see my frens who came down to support me n believe tt i was up to it..
n especially dear... who realli helped me a lot with my speech n mental preparation..
yup... thu got tut presetation.. haha.. my grp mates like my answers..
dunno if i am gg to be the one presenting instead of the grp together..
o wadvere.. lol...
n fri lsm lab.. heard it's not too bad..
hai.. happening week...
may all my experience, good n bad.. be transformed to my strength n motivation tt will carry me thru the rest of my life.. or at least this important semester...

Sunday, August 20, 2006

a PEak AT RAG & flAg at PS & a lil reflections..

went down to help dear with exhibiton yesterday..
haha.. didnt seem like they realli need more manpower...
but i did help out quite a bit..
well.. i am glad tt i got to see a bit of rag n flag.
didnt regret gg down to help..
got to see a few dances..
n the almost full kr rag presentation...
they made a freakin cool train out of junk n scrap materials...
it has wings tt couldbe extended... n it flaps~!!!
alright.. i sound like a country pumpkin..
but it's realli cool...
may be i'll still go down to take a look next year.. hahaha..
if u havent watched one, u got no idea wad u r missing out...

who says singaporeans have no creativity....
go down to ps n take a look at wad ur future lawyers, doctors, engineers are made of...
we have sexy doctors who can realli shake their booty...
n lawyers who do cheer leading...
ha...

anyway... sch has started.. but i'm still in holiday mood..
guess i havent played enuff... so ya noe..
actually kinda sick of uni life..
i shud be out of pru already... had enuff fun with organising events...
thinking of doing sth else..
gg back to sports soon..
when my back have recovered n all...
n hopefully i can lose the 6kg tt has been adding onto areas tt i've unwillingly been taking up in the pictures tt i have taken for the past 1 year...ha..

i finally understood wad dear meant by the happiness he felt when he saw the result after making effort to improve himself and grow for our relationship.. coz i did it too.. :)
we dun always have to quarrel do we?
jus need a lil more understanding and communication... :)

missing the team bonding and team spirit, team work i used to have in sec sch n jc...
havent been seeing much of tt in uni..
well there are.. just not as strong n bonded as wad i had before..
issit different becoz mine was a sport?
no crying and laffing together..
no bleeding, no falling together..
no pats on shoulder, no massage...
no selflessness..
if there are, lil i wud say..

do pple get more selfish when the grow up?
afraid of ur partner stealing away ur attention?
afraid ur partner stealing away ur credits?
does this chi phrase "yi shan bu neng chang er hu" (direct translation: 1 mountain cant hide 2 tigers) applys all the time?
boy... i;m amazed by wad i am saying.. my england..lol..
anyway.. ya.. wad makes a gd leader? can there be no true partnership?
common vision is impt for leaders n hence the team..
trust is.. n a true understanding of wad team work is..
it;s such a sad thing tt i dun see it prominent in any parts of nus..

Monday, August 14, 2006

another 2 weeks of holiday?

whee.. i felt gd yesterday.. coz i bright my lil bro to wild wild wet..
short stay there.. with lil rides to try...
but my lil bro is quite happy.. so yup.. i'm happy too...

treat my fmaily to korean bbq with cost me 204 bucks~!!
there goes all my ang bao money.. lol..
but it;s sth new... everyone was so overwhlemed by the variety...
mummy didnt stare at dear... hahahha..
i didnt realli noe wad i ate..but i was very full...

den i went to pat-tor with my dear at esplanade...
hehehehe....

happy-sha la la-

Sunday, August 13, 2006

HapPy HapPy BIrthDay~!!

yippee~!!
celebrated with luna last night..
birthday celebrations for the august babies - shanbing & i..
we went cine to ktv for 5.5h..
hahaha sang quite a bit... i am glad tt everyone sang...
n hopefully everyone enjoyed themselves..
hmm before seth left, he played the birthday song with his guitar and sang along with the rest..
wad a plesant surprise.. hehehe :)
den we went to mahanttan for dinner..had cake n all..

hmm... this year's birthday is realli good..
enjoyed myself.. n got to share this happiness with my friends n family..
i find tt i realli mature after every year...
in the recent years, i always had memory flashbacks on this special day..
the times i laff, had fun n got to know so many great friends...
the times i cried... the times i learnt tt it is possible for one to be so upset tt she could not tear anymore..
the times i screwed up, at rock bottom of my life..
the times i became stronger, fought back and saw who my true frens are..
the time i met my dearest.. slc aka sdu camp for leaders..
who saw and help me thru my darkest time of my life and saw me fight back..
who became my best fren..
and now someone who has became me pillar of support and my motivation..
hahaha..
so much has happened last year..

i'm thankful to have so many frens ard me...
yimin for waiting for me at computer centre bus stop for 30min and paying taxi fare for me when i onli had $5 in my wallet~!!
ahh i havent pay her back~!!
ok.. i realise there's too many pple i wanna thank.. heee... thanks to all~!!

i'm thankful tt my mum gave birth to me 20 years ago on this day..
giving me a chance to see this beautiful world..
a chance to see the dark side so i learnt to appreciate the brighter side better..

i;m also thankful to have my family members ard me even when everyone else turn against me..

this year is special..
becoz i am trying to share a lil bit more..
gg to treat my family to traditional korean bbq later... ex lo~!!!
my pocket gg to have a huge hole later...
hahaha.. but it's worth it.. to thank everyone for being there for me for the last 21 years..

frens.. next year ok? 21st bdae~!!! hehehehe...

Friday, August 11, 2006

welcoming the new academic year...

it's my last day at work today.. FINALLY~!!
couldnt wait to get my ass out of the office..
hehehe...
held on onli becoz of my mum..
haiz....
bought curry puff for everyone...
but there were so few data entry staff tt most of them were given to the senior staff ard..
sigh...
i wonder if anyone's jealous..
coz i seem to have some kinda priviledge becoz of my mum...
ms moria, the media manager actually initiated to give me a lunch treat..
n she asked everyone else in the office including all the senior staff ard whom i didnt work with along..
hahaha.. like some big shot in office...
feel weird..
i appreciate it.. but dun realli feel good tt pple r treating me differently becoz my mum is " someone" in the department...

right.. i need to up my caps..
actually tot of quitting everything n just concentrate on my school work..
may be go swim or jog whenever i am free..
just go back to sch n sports kinda lifestyle..
hmm.. been approached to join the forces...
dunno if it's worth it...
it;s nice to be able to do sth, improve the system for ur course mates n all..
n organise events, lead the team n all..
i;ve had my share n i noe it's fun n like it...
but.. i guess we still have to balance a bit..
studies is still one of the most impt thing for a student...
especially for chem engineers...
sigh.. i am quite torn apart... shud i?

time to do some research perhaps...
time to plan my year ahead..
time to set targets for the new year..
it's quite a gd way to mark the end of my 1st year in uni..
hahaha 20 here i come...
to grow to a real woman~!

welcoming the new academic year...

it's my last day at work today.. FINALLY~!!
couldnt wait to get my ass out of the office..
hehehe...
held on onli becoz of my mum..
haiz....
bought curry puff for everyone...
but there were so few data entry staff tt most of them were given to the senior staff ard..
sigh...
i wonder if anyone's jealous..
coz i seem to have some kinda priviledge becoz of my mum...
ms moria, the media manager actually initiated to give me a lunch treat..
n she asked everyone else in the office including all the senior staff ard whom i didnt work with along..
hahaha.. like some big shot in office...
feel weird..
i appreciate it.. but dun realli feel good tt pple r treating me differently becoz my mum is " someone" in the department...

right.. i need to up my caps..
actually tot of quitting everything n just concentrate on my school work..
may be go swim or jog whenever i am free..
just go back to sch n sports kinda lifestyle..
hmm.. been approached to join the forces...
dunno if it's worth it...
it;s nice to be able to do sth, improve the system for ur course mates n all..
n organise events, lead the team n all..
i;ve had my share n i noe it's fun n like it...
but.. i guess we still have to balance a bit..
studies is still one of the most impt thing for a student...
especially for chem engineers...
sigh.. i am quite torn apart... shud i?

time to do some research perhaps...
time to plan my year ahead..
time to set targets for the new year..
it's quite a gd way to mark the end of my 1st year in uni..
hahaha 20 here i come...
to grow to a real woman~!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

when her man is busy...

it is likely tt a woman will feel unloved, ditched, unwanted, taken for granted when her man is busy and he cannot give her the attention she needs, the quality time she needs... full attention i mean...

here's some advices from my personal experiences and wad i've read so far:
1. stay strong
2. throw ur neagtive tots n feelings aside
3. try physco urself tt he's busy and stressed up
4. understand tt u r always in his mind n heart
5. he onli needs u to be there for him.. to listen to him complain, to give him the tightest n biggest hug u can give even if u cant wrap ur arms ard him.. :P
6. if u cant do the above very well, start keeping urself busy..
7. be patient n wait for ur man..

he'll be back.. at least tt's wad i experienced.. with even more than u expected.. he;ll appreciate it.. n he'll be sweeter than before... tt's my boy...

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

lalalalala....

hello.. i am back~!!

back from my lil getaway with dearie... hehehe..
well, we didnt realli do much..
everything else the same..
but i guess we realli have time to slack together since we got a chalet...
dun have to worry so much about time n all..
heheheh..

n i got a lil birthday surprise celebration from dear..
hehehe.. simple yet difficult to plan i guess...
he made sparkles to compensate for the fireworks we didnt get to see on the first day..
so sweet.... haha didnt get to see the words "happy birthday" but it's realli pretty..
realli appreciate it coz he was so busy..
wasnt easy for him to go for this chalet already..

i guess wad we do isnt realli impt..
wad matters is the quality..
quality time is impt...
even lazing ard n not doing anything constructive feels gd... :P

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Counting down to the day i turn 20~!!!

11 days to 20!!

pple say tt when u turn 20, time will start to pass by realli fast...
ha.. i wonder...
ever since i stepped in uni..
time have already sped up..
dun have to wait till 20..
or... o gosh.. will it speed up even faster?

coz i have so many things tt i wanna do unaccomplished...
no time for everything..
hai...
i noe wad to wish for this year.. hehehe..

Saturday, July 29, 2006

BoYs ArE StUPiD, thROW rOCKs AT tHEM~!!!

this is the picture efei sent me last time when i was down becoz of someone who wasnt worth my tears.. ha.. it's so cute... n so true... my guy frens tell me tt it's very provocative.. well.. so wad? i believe many gals wud agree withi this picture..

i've been relating with a lot of things tt happened in my life to the book i am reading.. n i have identified so many common problems everyone face... it says tt when men are stressed up, when they have problems to solve, they go to their caves.. tt's Martians.. n well of coz when they go to their cave, they are untouchable. they get so focused in solving tt big problem of theirs tt they become oblivious of their surrounding... probably tt's y sometimes women regard them as the most insensitive creatures in the planet.. n the books says tt men n women shud understand their differences so tt they wud not take these "difference in expectations" personally. for example, when a man goes to his cave, he is powerless to give his partner quality attention she deserves. The man tend to forget tt his friends and other pple have their problems too. In this case, the book suggests tt a women shud understand tt his action does not show he loves her any less or she is unimportant to him... ha.. true.. it helps.. but was happens if the gal also have problems n she needs him? is it a good excuse for the man for not being able to be there for his gal? is it a good excuse for the gal for failing to be understanding and supportive instead? who shud be the one making the sacrifice, to throw away his/her problem aside for a while to be there for the partner? how do we know whu's problem is bigger? everyone values it differently.. the book does not say how.. n i wonder wad shud be done..

perhaps we shud all be more independent..
sometimes i wonder...
men claim tt it is very difficult to understand women..
so wad about men? r they any better?
men likes to feel needed.. it is the way to motivate men..
men ask women to feel free to show her weaknesses to him..
if not he feels unworthy of her love..
so women becomes more dependent on men..

n when u r needed, but u have ur own "bigger"problems, u hide in ur cave n leave ur poor gal outside crying n doing lots of nonsense to get ur attention..
she may claim tt u r not giving her enuff attention
she may say things like u dun love her enuff..
she may say tt she can find better guys outside, y is she still sticking with u..
she may pick on everything tt u do...
she'll just do all sorts of nonsense... unreasonable or not...
she probably wudn't make any sense at all..

so u have a good excuse for not being able to be there for her..
helplessly, she decides tt she has to understand wad u r gg thru.. n assumes some reason to console herself.. so wad's the onli way out? i feel it's still best tt women can be independent as far as possible.. in times like these, u r the onli one who can help urself.. u cant expect others to be there for u.. becoz they may also be gg thru some rough time.. may be if u r lucky, some gd fren of urs who's free n cheerful for the day will pop by n pull u up from the quick sand.. moral of the stroy is.. when u feel helpless.. u tried to crawl out of tt shit but u fail.. when u did all sorts of nonsense n call for help but to no avail.. stop struggling.. becoz u will just fall in faster.. just wait... i like to be in control.. but perhaps hk is right... no one can be in total control of their lives... just do wad u can.. when u cant, may be losing control is the way to the problem..

am i making sense? coz it seems like i am just typing wadever tt comes to my mind..
~ but i am onli human... ~ or rather woman...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

i wish....

feeling very irritable today..
so here's my 2nd post of the day...
i have a new batch to key in.. but i am so sick of doing this nonsense...
i just keep falling alseep when i see the same stuff over n over again..
i realli dun like this holiday...
my mum said tt i onli tot of having fun.. keep playing all day...
like since when?
for fwc, i was one of the organisers.. when did i realli have time to slacken, relax n play?
i tried.. but the comm was so small.. n pple were starting to get sick of preparing for the activities... once they feel tt they r done with their prog, they start to bug off.. have to plead them to help.. keep calling n calling.. until we all started to get a lil pissed off..
i am happy tt we did a relatively gd job.. n it ended successfully.. but where is the real fun?
the playing kinda fun? when did i ever get tt?
my entire holiday is about studying, planning, working n nth else..
i occasionally find time to spice up my life with dear.. but they r so lil as compared to wad i have done with the bulk of my time... tt's the onli lil fun i had this holiday n it's not enuff...
i am seriously deprived of the fun factor here...
n i am so afriad tt i have not slacked enuff to prepare to mug all the way next sem..

i wish...
to go on a reali holiday.. overseas... away from home.. away from singapore..
to have time to wake up late n hit the pool or go for a jog everyday...
to nua on my bed for the entire day..
tt i dun have to be responsible for anyone else.. it's impossible to allow myself to be so selfish in real life though.. it's just a dream.. n i am just rattling...
to get out of this job immediately...
to have time to experiment some cooking with dear..
i wish tt i can have a happy and fulfiling holiday...

holiday?

it's been more than 2 mths?
i havent realli enjoyed my holidays..
first was special sem..
then i started working in the last 2 weeks of my special sem..
after exams, i was busy with chess fwc..
now tt everything is over, i still cant enjoy it fully..
becoz of this stupid job...
cant blame anyone can i?
my mum helped me to find this job..
so i have to be responsible for her..
i cant quit early or anytime just like everyone else..
even if the employment law allows me to terminate the contract without any reasons with notice, i still cant do it..
ahhhh.. it's such a dread..
n the job is boring... i face the comp and the same survey forms 9.5h a day...
tt's if i have things to do..
if not i rot..
i started to bring the book dear introduced to me to read..
at least sth..
hai.. so irritating....
this pain will onli go off on 11th...
n sch will start on 14th~!!!
3 days~!!! 3 days is not enuff~!! i had 3 months~!!!
no more working next holiday.. tt's it...
AAaaaAAAaAaaaaaarrRrRrRrRgGgGgGgHhHhHhHhH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

new trial on colorgenics.. how true...

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.

Monday, July 24, 2006

a Fair WeaTher FreN i AM...

feeling remorseful onli after reading the introduction of "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus". I have identified myself in the introduction story provided by the author of the book. Not going to expose too much about us..
but i have to apologise to my dear for all the pain i have brought to him.. tt's all for now..

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The eND of MY 1ST yEAR uNI

fwc has finally ended....

we have all been busy since last year...
working our ass out for our dear juniors..
starting almost from scratch...
meeting so many obstacles n cockups..
finally.. it has ended successfully..

ha... though i didnt get to interact much with the freshies because I was so involved in the programs n helping my frens with their stuff..., but i still enjoyed myself..
iam so glad..
so proud of the fwc organising committee...
we were all busy with our own duties in the different comms..
it felt like we were rather scattered before fwc..
but our bonding showed during fwc..
it;s so easy to get help from everyone...
ah... perhaps it's because this comm are made up of mostly pple who has the passion, who wishes to make this happen... n create great memories for them...
yeah~!!! hip hip hurray~!!!

the end of fwc marks the end of my 1st year in uni..
it has been a great year even though I havent cried as much as I had before ever in my life this year...
I am leaving behind my past and only holding onto the good memories with my friends, family and my dear..
06/07 shall be a great year i promise myself..
dun let anyone hold you back..
dun let yourself down again...
my caps will climb up high~!!

Monday, June 26, 2006

personality test from colourgenics

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophesy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

no where to go..

i decided not to continue my last post.. it's kinda dumb..
and i cant remember wad i wanted to write...

i've finally finished the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle for my dad..
happy belated father's day..
haha.. we're supposed to have completed it on the very day until half of it fell out when we flip the puzzle to glue it on the back of the frame...
sigh.. a test of patience it is...
it's quite addictive actually..
i find myself being able to fix it for 5 straight hours...
now tt it's done, i can get back to my preparations for fwc...

havent been realli happy lately..
getting gross out by my chubby face and fats whenever i look at the mirror...
n things arent gg too well in my life..
i dun quite understand y pple like to quarrel when u already have so lil time to interact..
it's draining...
it's so tiring getting panaroid and picking on every lil things in life..
i wonder y pple like to indulge in so..
n when u choose to indulge, u start to let ur mind wonder...
wonder into the darkest side of man..
even white snow turns to charcoal....
den u get so unhappy with these lil things..
u bring the darkness to the pple ard u...

issit necessary?
was it wrong to be honest?
perhaps it's better to tell a lil white lie when necessary...
wad was the key topic of the conversation?
y choose to eye these insignificant words?

sliding down the rainbow..
i onli see the ground...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

sick & tired...

bye bye ssb...
it's finally over... hopefully i'll do well...

i'm back at work.. using johhny's comp since he sneaked away to orientation camp..
just finished my 2nd batch..
n slackign away.. waiting for 6pm to come..
it's probably the time when i post this up.. wahaha...

been feeling very lethargic lately...
issit becoz tt i grew much fatter?
or issit becoz of my low carbo intake due to efforts to slim down?

kind of fell sick yesterday...
so tired tt my eye lids felt so heavy while i was typing...
i think i fell asleep twice... once for 1/2h..
wonder if my boss noes..
oops..

slept all the way home...

-to be continued-

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

dull & boring...

ha.. i didnt realise tt i havent blog for sooo long...
i m working in biopolis now.. while taking special sem..
busy gal i am..
but it's realli boring... as in work wise..
i've been working since 1st june and i havent got my personal computer.
how am i suppose to do data entry w/o one????
so.. i've been hopping ard.. using pple's comp when they r away..
n i have onli completed 1 batch so far...
sigh... well according to wad i learn from labour law, employers have no obligations to provide work for employees. Even though I am not sure if I am an employee since I havent recieved my appointment letter until now, i guess i shoudnt be companing when they arent giving me anything to do... haha..
they are tt ineffective...
n i dun think they realli give a damn on wad i am doing...
i basically slack, online, and enjoy life...
been doing saigang... so monotonous.. tt i actually fell asleep just now..
thank god boss wasnt ard...
i have been looking through950 survey forms to find photocopied forms..
and i've onli found 2 so far~!!!!
-.-"
another interesting thing about this workplace..
they dun mind their employees chatting on msn during working hours..
u noe y? coz the supervisors (bosses) themselves, are guilty of it too..
ha... wad nonsense...
is this wad u call working life?

Sunday, May 28, 2006

hardwork doesnt equate to gd results

somehow... after all the work i;ve done...
i still didnt reach my aim...
no more excuses to give myself this sem..
it wasnt tt bad...
just dun understand y i didnt do as well as i tot i would have for maths..
kana killed by cs n cn as expected...
how can i do better?
4.35 for next 4 sems...
man.... how am i gonna achieve tt...

perhaps i am a sore loser...
realli doubt the accuracy of the results...
i deserve better...
we shall see...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

my lil get away

yeah.. i'm back~!!!
even though i have been fahtima for 4 days, i still enjoyed my time over at the chalet...
hehehe....
it was quite happening even though we didnt follow the original plan closely because of a pig...
quenched my thirst for ktv on the first day..
dear took some videos.. but i dun think they shud be disclosed.. haha...
u dun wan to spoil ur ear drums..
i shall train harder so tt i can sing the duet with dear...
my voice is just too low.. n he refuses to swap roles with me.. :P
then we played pool.. think dear fang shui one.. let me win so many times..
n on 3rd day, he won everything back... diao diao.. -.-"
o 2nd day was the best.. coz we couldnt wake up in time for lecture, we decided to go for food hunt before we head for the 2nd lecture..
went ard singapore with me, the navigator and dear the driver...
now i noe how to use the map... hehe...
o the best place of all.. tong shi restaurant in zion road..
gonna bring my family there on mother's day...
after resting back at the chalet, we head out looking for cool clubs...
unfortunately being noob-clubbers we didnt noe that most of them are closed..
then, we decided to head for makasutra food bay beside esplanade for supper..
had a romatic walk along singapore river...
had some emotional moments...
jus wish i could be there for dear whenever he needs me..
fulfilling but a tiring day..
the 3rd day was jus a slacking day...
went to watch vj vs rj gals...
yeah vj won again after a tough fight...
so proud of them...
yes my love for softball is still burning...
kinda glad tt rj was able to put on a close fight.. no wonder they won hc..
the standards of singapore softball is rising..
hopefully we'll be able to compete internationally soon...
looking forward for hc vs vj match... watch out, hc...
we spent the rest of the night slacking away...
the activities dun matter as long as u're with ur love one...

Thursday, May 04, 2006

yippee~!!! exams are finally over.. phew...
hm.. it;s kinda weird... coz i dun realli feel the difference..
probably been too slack for the past few days..
after maths, i was already in holiday mood.. jus like seth.. ahaha..

didnt go out and celebrate as planned today..
just slacked with dear..
but it was still alright..

my mum's colleague's daughter called me to ask for advices..
yes here we have, a potential junior coming for fwc...
how can i miss the opportunity to publicise it.. hehehe... :P
she seems as excited and worried as me when i first entered NUS..
ha... fwc will be fun...
looking forward to it..

oo.. i shud start planning for my lil getaway with dear.. chao~!!

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Some random tots i wrote this morning at 2am..

I am writing this with mircosoft words becoz the internet is off and I cant blog online...
Just need to pen down some tots after having a heart to heart chat with dear...

Wad is love?
Do I really understand wad love is?
Many people think they do.
I am no exception.

I still believe in one of my fav quotes:
"Love is giving someone a chance to destroy you and trusting them not to."
This I picked up during one of the moral education sessions in my secondary school days.

Love is... sweet. Love is also bitter.
Love can bring new life. Love can also bring death.
Love made me smile. Love made me cry.
Love once gave me the confidence I never had before.
Love once took away my soul, my everything.

"Love is not just about two people enjoying each others’ company, go out and have fun. Some people say that love is simple. But there are actually so many complications that come along with love. Love is in fact complicated."

When you feel good, when you feel that that special someone completes your life, when you feel so blissful, you think it's love.

But when you lose that person, everything around you crumbles. You may feel lousy. You may feel cheated. You may feel that all you efforts are wasted. You may lose faith in love and yourself. You doubt if the feeling you once felt then is really love. Have you lost love?

Then again, have you found love again when you find "someone better"? Is that really love? Are you sure this is love? So what was the feeling you felt then?

Am I contradicting myself? Or may be love is just too complicated for me to really understand?

I've said this to a few of my friends before, "No one till this day can tell me why he loves me. Hence my Mr Right will be the one can give me the answer."

But perhaps there isn't an answer in the first place.
Because you just do.
And he/she is special because you do.
He/she is perfect because you love him/her.

You may be a better person because you love him/her.

"Love is such a strong word." How can I use love when I’m not sure what love is?
Perhaps you will only know what love is when you've found "each other".

Friday, April 07, 2006

interesting past events i wanted to blog about..

have been so busy lately..
catching up with work...
havent realli got the chance to find time to mug for finals..
n guess wad.. it's in onli 2 weeks time...
will be putting up photos soon..
when i have the time.. sigh...

1. birthday celebration for yimin and quan:
we went to orchard's sakura for buffet..
this restaurant isnt new to me..
but tust me... this is the best of all their branches...
i was so impressed by the size of the fresh oysters, drunken
prawn soup, herbal duck soup and black chicken soup..
yes i tried all except the duck soup..
shiok~!!!!
took a few videos of us singing the bdae song for the 2 bdae boy n gal..
caught hb scolding weijin~!! ahahaa.. i got proof~!
weijin, if u ever need it, u noe who to look for...
also, i shall present a pize to ym...
smallest lungs award...
she couldnt blow off her candles after 2 tries...
quan had to cover her share...
lol...
it was a fun gathering...
realli hope we get to go for outings again soon..
WITH FULL ATTENDANCE..

2. Dinner treat by dear at a TRADITIONAL KOREAN BBQ restaurant:
hehehe... u got no idea how happy i was tt day...
i've always wanted to try korean bbq again..
just in case, u may not noe...
it's very very diff from Seoul Garden...
i tot i have to go back to Korea to have the chance again...
the restaurant is located just opp Har Par Villa.. so near to NUS...
o.. but remember to bring more money along...
u will need it... a serving of pork is $20... a big serving size though..
we had pork belly, marinated pork and ginseng chicken soup...
cool~!!!!
i was so overwhelmed with all the different side dishes provided...
think there were ard 10, including diff kinds of my fav, kimchi~!!!
yeah... blessed to have dear...
glad tt u're here to share tt moment with me..

hahha... just realised this entry is all about great food i had... which is probably the reason y i am growing sideways at expotential rate~!!! o well... i dun care coz dear dun mind.. wahahaha~!!!!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

SiCk & tIrEd OF UnI lIfE...

it's been 11 days since i last posted..
been so busy trying to catch up with work after the last 2 mid term papers..
n final exams are in less than a mth's time..
everyone's busy mugging...
no time for fun..
no time for bonding..
no time for nth...
if onli we have 48 h a day..
2 brains, 4 hands and teleport technology..
so we have more time to complete our daily tasks..
so that we can think faster, work faster..
n i wouldnt have to travel an hour to sch n take another hour to return..
a typical engineer's sch day is dreadfully long..
it's such a pain to travel so far..
i still wish to stay in hall sometimes..
at least i could save an hour for extra sleep n hence extra time for work..
ya but then again, hall commitments come along...
selfish i am.. i dun give a damn..
one year is the max i would stay if i were gg to...
my maths is lagging like crazy..
prog pract is coming soon...
so many tutorials to complete every week..
cant seem to find time to mug for final paper..
freakin stressed up...
my caps was washed into the drain becoz of some unfortunate events and complications..
they dun look like they're gonna climb any higher this sem..
considering the condition i;m in right now...
sigh... a high price i have to pay for all the wrong paths i've taken last sem..
to lose a first class degree..
i failed to reach my goal right from the beginning..
how encouraging..

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Celebrating a Decade of TK softball..

wow time flies.. coach have been coaching for about 12 years in TK..
back from the time when the seniors have no field to train in..
they had to train in the basketball court..
even till sz wha's batch, they had to roll newspapers to make "bullets" to practice their batting because they dun have enought balls..
n my batch.. the first youngest gals to go to China for training..
it was the turning point of TK softball history..
according to Candice, we were 2nd last in SBSA, the annual softball carnival..
after we came back from Beijing, we improved so much..
n who would expect such a team to become the champions..
i personally never did realised we came so far..
until half way thru the finals..
along with Candice's batch, we became the first batch of TK gals who won the championship title for C gals..
in sec4, we were also the first batch to win B gals champs..
those were days... the speical moments i treasure most..
gg thru the worst shit n seeing ur hardwork pay off...
i love my toughest times more than the glorious moments when we win games..
becoz those were the times, we stick thru tog as a team...
i miss teamwork, miss the bonding, miss the times when we were burning with fire when we playing against some of our toughest opponents..
the juniors did not let us down ever since then..
we were always one of the top schools...
i am so proud of TKGS softball..
i truly believe, like wad Candice said last night..
Softball is the best CCA in TKGS..
but we owe all of our achievements to one person..
Coach Jo..
i havent met anyone who has so much passion and love for the sport..
her life is devoted to softball..
i was so touched and so inspired when i saw how she fought against cancer..
she continued to coach us when she was sick..
when she has to go thru chemoteraphy..
she held on and always put on an indifferent image in front of us, despite all the pain she has endured thru the treatment..
she's the strongest woman i have met.. both physically and mentally..
despite all her naggings, some of her ridiculous punishments like "eating grass", she is actually a very motherly and caring coach in my heart..
i thank her for all the values and skills she has imparted to me..
i hope i can help to introduce this sport to more people in future, if i get the chance to..

we celebrated last evening in TK.. check out the link on the side bar of the online album i have created.. here are some of the pics we took:

~Our cake

~Our coaches


~ The gals i helped to coach...

Thursday, March 09, 2006

taking it no more..

when was my last post?
alright.. new beginning for me..
may we all live happily ever after...
"discard it, shirley"
new blog add?
it's quite a hassel eh?
shall give it a pass..

down the drain it goes...

"the end..."
tt's the phrase to describe our frenship...
sigh.. wad a pity..
i did believe we would go on 4ever.. but it didnt..
i tried to believe tt we could still be gd frens.. but we couldnt..

was i wrong?
think it's quite debatable..
wrong to express my personal opinions in my blog?
no right to interpret, no right to think?

ya the fact is tt i was wrong about him..
he wasnt looking at us.
he never looked away.
he couldnt be bothered to look at us.

it;s my own wishful thinking..
i am full of myself? may be i am?
were we never guilty of tt?

*shakes head
sigh.. i dunno y this is happening..
it;s sad.. it;s just realli realli sad..

someone who used to be so close to me,
is like a stranger now...
or may be he even sees me as a foe..

so many things i wished tt i have never done...
if onli i could change back time..
everything and everyone will be better off...

Monday, March 06, 2006

fear?

i wonder if fate is fooling with us...
wad is it supposed to mean?
time for us to come back to reality and face our fears?
i was there.. kinda freaked out when i see tt familiar back..
wasnt prepared... never tot tt would happen..
ya.. i was hoping tt we could look at each other face to face, eye to eye...
it would have ended everything nicely..

but we didnt have the chance to..
or rather i didnt have the chance to..

so went to the lib with dear..
and there he was..
sitting just opp..
anything more coincident?
they have a common fren..
ha...
i was wondering y those big eyes were staring at me when we came in..
now i noe..
i tried not to run away..
aint a coward...

my heart did race when i first saw tt face opp...
i was like "what the..."
perhaps it's all fated..
so ya..
i tried to look him in the eye..
but he didnt dare to look back..
dear said they were exhanging stares..
even jason was involved..

ha.. so weird..
thankfully dear was understanding enuff...
thanks sweetie for being there for me..

i noe y there's a diff in our responses...
i havent done wrong..
he did..
guilt stole away his courage to look at the gal he hurt so badly..
did it?
or has he always been trying to escape from all his problems?
somehow it was expected...

may be i did do wrong..
dear tot me...
he said this.. which hit me right at the head...
"a couple shud grow together and solve all problems together. if the r/s is worthy and u try hard enuff and work together, nth is impossible to solve. if u do treasure the r/s so much, you wouldnt let go of it so easily."
sth like tt...
ya... i made an impulsive decision then..
not tt it's wrong..
it's probably the right one considering wad's happening now...
but if i did loved him so much then, how could i have initiated a break up so easily?
the onli excuses i can find for myself is tt i was shaken, utterly dissapointed becoz it meant so much to me.. impulsive....
bad excuse huh?

this is for me.. wad about him?
may be it was just an excuse to get himself out of the r/s..
aries likes adventure and try new things..
may be i was just too boring..
was i?
too sweet? too understanding? too forgiving for you?

sigh... no pt brooding over wad has happened..
but ya.. lesson learnt..
ha.. n it came from dear..
who supposedly... ahahaha.. shall not disclose...

o well.. at least i tried.. n i wasnt afraid..
thank god dear was there...
muackz~!!!
love u...

stressed and yet happy?

sigh.. been having a hard time catching up..
dun even have time to blog..
i'm almost there.. almost...
still hanging there..

went to watch final destination 3 with dear on saturday..
it's not for the weak heart..
totally gross..
ha.. we were like covering our mouth most of the time..
dear was even covering my face when the 2 naked babes were burning in the tanning machines..
lol...

ooo.. then the best destressing way of the year..
indulge in jap buffet in sukisushi.. hehehe :P
not very satisfied coz i didnt get to eat the lil red octopus.. :P
but it's still damn shiok...
our next spot shall be kushinbo after my mid terms or after final papers..

haiz.. so much happened..
cried again..
cant wait for exams to be over..
i need my holidays..
unwind..
and leave everything bad behind..

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

breathless under the books

tiredz.. having headaches man..
just finished one pathetic maths webcast..
one down.. three more to go~!
o no.. victor tan finished chapter 3 already..
i just started webcasting onli.. sianz..
so demoralising...

dun feel like doing any work.. realli..
just wanna slack n have fun..
hm... may be i can work in events company..
i think i enjoy organising events more than wad i am studying..
ha..

anyone wanna come for shiseido beauty talk?
i need 50 pple to come.. again... lol...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

physically and mentally tired...

flv has finally ended.. had my 5h of sleep finally yesterday...
feels so good.. miss sleeping so much..
but it was interrupted.. every 30min..
wa.. was getting damn irritated coz i was realli very tired..
realli need the rest n...
but then again, i guess i didnt realli mind..
coz dear needed me..
pardon me for my complaints.. hehehe..

sometimes i still think about him...
wonder how's he getting on..
sigh.. pple ard me reminds me of him..
val.. paulene.. zai hao (if i didnt get his name wrong).. and ziyi..
sometimes i wish tt he would just appear in front of me..
sometimes i wish tt we can still talk like before..
at least i would be able to face reality,
find out and learn how to face my ex...
at least i would noe if we can still be frens...

well then again, he doesnt seem to be willing..
so.. it;s just too bad..
it takes two hands to clap, doesnt it?
to mend those wounds...

sigh.. problems never stop coming...
life sucks... feeling so stressed and tired about everything..
i failed cs... pathetic marks..
then again, how much do i deserve for studying for just one day?
partially was flv's fault... learnt a new lesson..
not gg to take tt next year... too close to my mid terms..
n well, i have 7 careless mistakes.. need more practice.. need to be more careful..
ponned so many lectures and tutorials..
got so much to catch up this mid term break..
cannot pon anymore.. or else i'll become like him..
cant let my studies suffer anymore.. i need a 4.2 this sem...

then, i've family problems..
mom is emotionally unstable recently..
she blew up just on fri..
slammed the door, screamed at everyone, including dad..
did all sorts of childish and unrespectful things..
who am i to judge her..
but it was wrong.. isnt it?
over stress? no anger management?
a correct example for ur kids?
thankfully we've all grown up..
at least we noe tt;s wrong n will not repeat tt..
was damn stressed up.. coz my parents were quarreling, mom was crying like shit..
worried for them.. couldnt study at all..
may be i can blame them for flunking cs...
i cried.. freakin stressed up man..

n dear lost...
so sad about it..
had high hopes n fell hard i suppose..
havent been home the whole of last week..
i feel obliged to be home..
to show tt i am not treating my home as a hotel..
missed daph's bdae party.. will be missing wha's too..
i'm sorry.. just cant come out to accompany u n console u..
dun wan to upset my mum or start another fire...

feeling guilty over so many things..
studies is already in a hay-wire state...
no time for myself..
not driven..
not motivated to study at all after getting 3.13 cap last sem becoz of the infection..
who to blame? me? for making the wrong decisions right from the start?
may be i shud just quit sch..
fucked up...

Friendster knows me best:

The Bottom Line
You have an intuitive sense of potential problems, but don't act until you have to.

In Detail
You're fiery, passionate and always game for a new experience -- and that means that keeping secrets can be a bit of a challenge for you. Not the secrets of others, mind you (those are safe forever). It's your own that give you problems, possibly due to the fact that you do so love drama -- okay, and even melodrama. So when you say something that isn't in the Miss Manners book of etiquette, ignore their eyebrows. Or, better yet, wink and move on.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

after almost 3 months...

here i am again..

Happy valentine's day to all...

it's been a great day for both giving and recieving...
made flowers for my luna pals and a few other frens...
even though some of the flowers were falling out, i hope you still like them..
did until 3am lor~!!! after coming home from flv meeting.. sigh..

and for my dear... so smart right? i got him wad he need just in time...
quicksilver belt... his pants were dropping.. lol...

o yesh.. even though we both didnt have time to realli make today a very romantic one,
think it was sweet enuff.. at least for me..
i dunno if i was touched.. moved to tears..
but ya.. i cried.. haha.. in the middle of suntec city...
finally gave him the answer he wanted after 1 mth?
ha.. if it's not for wad he said, if it;s not for the way he looked at me when he said those things..
i wouldn't have.. i would have waited a lil longer...

it was so comical and things werent going as well as planned..
firstly, the next casanoma movie slot was at 7pm when we were there at 3 plus, 4.
so we ended up watching fun with dick and jane instead..
2ndly, roses were sold at $120++. after all the flowers and gifts and treats tt he has been getting for me the past 2 weeks, he's officially dried like dried sotong.. and they werent even tt pretty..
by the end of the day, i got 2 from him - one white, one blue... thanks thanks.. muackz..
3rdly, suki sushi was freaking packed~!!!
went to kovan to eat thai express instead..

thanks for all ur prezzies dear.. especially the ee-hor tt looks like u..
hahaha.. n i wasnt angry then la.. not so petty.. :P

n thanks to the rest who gave me prezzies too..
ks.. keep up the good work.. nice chocolate strawberries u made..

will post up some pictures with my angel soon...
finally i found my angell..
i noe u'll be there whenever i need u..
i noe u'll be there to protect me...
n sorry to make u wait every nite for me to finish with my meeting..
thanks for sending me home so late..
if it's not for u, i wont have as much rest as i could for the past few days...
mauckz~!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

finding some time for myself...

posting up some not-so old pics...

- 6G YZPS (pri sch) gathering -
- 4 out of the 5 musketeers -

- candid -

been so freaking busy.. no time to blog.. sigh... falling sick already.. had 3 meetings this week.. sigh.. no time to mug.. mid terms are in a week's time and i havent started.. next week, i'll be staying out late, mostly in sch almost every day.. except thu..
mon - flv meeting
tue - simple v day celebration since i am so busy
wed - flv prep, back goodie bags
thu - fest la vie, maths mid term
fri - clear up forum after flv..
gosh.. i wont be home for dinner everyday.. feel so guilty... may be i got no choice but to miss daph n wha's birthday celebration.. cant choose to go for either onli.. it's either both or neither.. i should spend time with them..so sorry...
so much to do, so lil time... 2 maths webcasts to watch.. tonnes of tutorial to do... sucks...

Monday, February 06, 2006

we will miss ya siang...

met my pri sch buddies yesterday night for siang's bdae gathering.. unfortunately tt blur siang forgot to tell suwen.. so she didnt come.. sigh.. hmm.. we met up at hougang.. lol.. wad a weird place to meet for gathering.. went to suki to have jap buffet~!!! yum yum~! not bad.. we're still as crappy as before.. laughed so much.. i think we were laffing at siang most of the time.. still so aunty.. haha..

we did so many things in tt short 5 h.. after dinner, we went to play pool.. just opp the restaurant.. not bad.. even though i havent played for ages.. my lousy skill is still there.. hee.. :p hmm.. played onli for an hour plus.. later, siang suggested to go over to the community centre to ktv.. wa so many aunty uncles there.. but it was surprisingly not bad.. they do have new songs... $22 for 2h for a room.. 4 of us shared.. so quite cheap ah.. haha.. i'm picking up slowly.. listening to more chi songs.. so now i can still sing a few in ktv.. getting addicted.. ahhhh...

hm.. siang mentioned tt she has gotten over the excitment phase.. now she's getting worried n afraid to leave singapore.. could realli feel it when she said, "i know that many things are going to change after i left." her voice was shaking... sigh.. i cant imagine myself alone in an alien country too... u gotta be so independent.. but then again, it's realli a gd experience.. let's just hope tt she dun come back with an angmo boyfren.. ahahaha...

we'll miss u siang...

Sunday, February 05, 2006

so true, so very true..

new song my fren intro to me..
haha.. wad r u trying to hint seah?
i noe wad i shud do..
thanks anyway..
here's it.. dunno if it can be shown on my blog though..

多爱我一秒钟

不必再说些故事和眼泪的废话
反正你就是不再爱我了
好聚好散应该是我的回答
可是我就是不能那么潇洒
你尽管放心,我会原谅
你虽然我开始越来越恨你
过去点滴难道都不值得珍惜
该怎么爱你你才会满意
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实我一直都在等一直在等
等你爱我爱得多一些
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实根本就不必等等吧不必等
如果你轻易就会离开我
又何必忙得一场空
你尽管放心,我会原谅你
虽然我开始越来越恨你
过去点滴难道都不值得珍惜
该怎么爱你 你才会满意
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实我一直都在等一直在等
等你爱我爱得多一些
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实根本就不必等等吧不必等
如果你轻易就会离开我
又何必忙得一场空

Saturday, February 04, 2006

the end...

was there..
wanted to see how i would feel..
the fence blocked too much..
i onli saw the familiar jersey no...

the gals were gonna play first...
couldnt wait longer..
no pt..
perhaps a lil suprisingly, missing it didnt feel bad at all...
becoz i just wanted to prove myself...
not to see him..

may be it's like sth to wrap up everything..
when i got to noe tt he won champs,
my onli response was a sigh, followed by a smile..
thankful tt his hardwork paid off..
thankful tt all he sacrificed for was worth it..

now tt it's all over...
think it's sth off my shoulder...

headed for dinner with my angel later...
thanks angel.. for being so understanding..
u were always there for me..
it was a hot night...
so much said...
i'm blessed...
n i shud be happy and contented with wad i have..
i shud cherish wad i have..

the day will come...
it will...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

it's been 43 days...

been talking to a few pple lately...
val woke me up..
been decieving myself..
been trying so hard to get over him..
been telling myself tt he's not worth it and i have to get over him by hook or by crook..
been telling myself so often tt i realli tot i havent gotten over it..
sadness i feel no more..
but when val asked me if i am confident tt i will definitely not patch up with him if he ever ask me to go back to him, i couldnt answer..
i wasnt sure...
i knew it is the right thing to do..
he isnt ready.. he will never be in the months to come..
y am i waiting?
y shud i be waiting?
he was so heartless.. he left u alone..
may be i was just a fling..
may be it wasnt as deep to him, as it was for me..
i commited, i closed all doors..
may be he didnt..
o no.. i am digressing again..
but ya.. i havent gotten over him..
i still like u just a lil bit..
nth wrong with admiting i hope..
wanna face it..
run away no more..
it's not going anywhere..
sth has to be done..
someone's waiting for me..
someone sweet n nice...
someone who has always been there for me..
when i'm so down..
when i fell so hard becoz u let go of me just like tt...
it's not for this special someone onli..
it's for me, just me...

he's not worth it shirley... move on~!!!

n to u.. my special someone..
so sorry tt i have to make u wait..
not gonna get into another r/s when i havent gotten over the past..
tt terrible heart ache...
wanna start everything right..
i hope u understand

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

from colorgenics.com.. it realli changes..

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Most people are conditioned by their environment and you are no exception. You are an extremely emotional person - so much so that 'the wrong word' can lead you to tears. You feel other people's pain. You feel the need of sympathetic relationships and a pleasant work environment in order to develop and grow. You are an impulsive, loving individual with a great deal of inherent feeling.You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

ahh crap.. i have to chnage blog skin.. keep getting this error message with the last one... realli liked the last one.. it's like some kinda journal.. haha.. n lately, i have a thing for hot pink n purple... lol...

ha.. did a lot today... like some kinda maid.. washed the toilet, wash dishes for both meals, mopped the floor.. gosh.. any lucky guy wan me? hahaha...

it'sbeen 39 days.. how long more do i need? come on, shirley... was it realli tt deep? so difficult to let go and recover from?

waiting waiting.. i noe tt sucks... i noe how it feels.. so sorry... but it is the right thing to do.. the right way to start everything..

ah.. haven't been doing any serious work except for replying to the flv outside vendors... i love to slack.. hahaha.. feel guilty.. but so wad? hehehe...

moody moody... waititng for everyone to get ready to start mahjong.. sianz.. i am itching.. anyone wanna play?

joke of the day:
lobster poot poot...

haha it's a family joke.. i almost made my lil bro merlion.. everyone laughed.. haha i think i was kinda high.... said a lot of silly and lame stuff.. joked and played with my food.. hehe.. o ya.. my reunion dinner was realli... wad's the word.. i had sharkfin with lots of crab meat.. i had abalone.. i had lobster.. i had scallops.. but i dun realli noe hoe to appreciate all these expensive food... is there realli a need for such stuff? but i am still thankful and contented with wad i have..

looking forward for v day... hehehe... ;p