Counting down to 2006 on cruise~~! - an escape for me perhaps

hm.. had a long chat with mark yesterday..
yea.. i shud realli stop reading it..
i have a week b4 sch starts...
b4 i face my greatest fear...
i have to stand up..
recover by then...
i have my CAP to up..
u r not gonna ruin my life again..

hm... suddenly the cruise seems to be helpful..
i always dread gg to cruise..
becoz i do nth but rot on cruise..
eat n sleep.. n play lousy arcade..
but this time it;s different..
it''s a chance for me to get away from everything..
to plan my sem ahead...
prioritise, so tt i will not make the same mistakes again..

u noe.. i wonder y..
i am rather confused..
this i must clear up..
i tot i''ve let go everything..
somehow.. i still care..
after all the pain u brought to me..
the very moment i learnt tt u r sick,
i felt the urge to be there for u,
to take care of u, be sure tt u r alright..
is it just as a fren?
or have i not let go everything?

wadever it is, it is now just a passing tot...
it will not happen..
i will not allow it to happen...
it never will...
there''s no "till then"..
becoz there isnt any story of us in the future..
not in my books...

all erased...
my tears washed them away...
my blood stained n buried with them..
the old heart u crushed with tt cold hands of urs died with them..

the new one reborn..
i can feel it..
i see hope..
but it is locked..
someone hold the key..
anyone else but u..

SuRpRiSe SuRpRiSe~!!

r guys fan qian or wad? he msged...
yea wad a surprise..
i felt almost nth...
just didnt expect him to do so..
coz he's always running away from his problems..
didnt expect him to have the courage to contact me at all..
after all tt he has done to me..

somehow i can still hack into his brain..
he posted..
no this is the last time i m gonna read tt blog of urs..
mark is right..
leave everyhting behind.. y shud i read?
it doesnt mean anything to me anymore..
perhaps it was never anyone's fault tt ur feelings diminished..
i've been thru tt myself..
it just happpened.. ya.. it just did..
still... i cant accept they way u reacted to it..
how u told me tt u were ready before i agreed to start sth with u..

good move there..
ur sms made me feel good..
becoz i am not much bothered by u anymore..
it feels good to be able to let go..
wad a pity.. realli..
i tot it was sth..

but nvm.. u r right..
so is mark.. so is edmund..
so is everyone who have been listening n consoling me..
i certainly deserve better..

life has never been so exciting..
i fell so badly this holiday..
probably caught so much attention,
pple started showing their care a bit more..
feeling pampered..
made a gd fren..
wahaha.. being driven here n there feels gd..
wahaha.. o no.. becoming a lil.. materialistic?
hehe.. i am just plain lazy la..
n tt siao kia mark has proven me right once again..
i shall not disclose all the crazy things u said n done..
haha.. shall not ruin ur reputation..

ooo.. someone baked a cake for me to test tml~!
so sweet eh?
am i lucky or wad?

thanks my angels...
for being there for me when i am weak...
whoever never there dun deserve my tears, care and concern right?
i;ve learnt tt... thanks once again..

off to curise tml~!
yipee.. shall win more money back from casino..
practice ktv..
n may be meet new pple?
hehehehe...

i think i m realli confused..

haha... frens been telling me not to post up my tots n feelings about him on my blog.. not to show him my weaknesses.. is tt a weakness i wonder? y would it be? it''s my blog.. it;s where i trash out everything.. it''s not meant for any of u to read in the first place.. it''s for me.. onli me.. to say wadvere i wan to say.. to complain.. so y do i have a counter? contradicting isnt it? becoz i found tt i have quite a few regulars... so.. y not? just to find out how mnay pple read my posts.. not like was u think about my posts matter much to me...

n no.. i see it as a strength.. to be able to be honest with myself n everyone else.. even towards him.. it''s natural.. it;s was i feel... if u knew me well enuff, i wouldnt have to say it out... u would noe tt i was having troubling getting over it... yes WAS... not tt i have succeeded in letting go everything... but.. i am almost there..

thanks to all my frens, my angels who have me there for me all these while.. keeping me busy... all so sweet n nice... ha... n may be the bees.. it''s not a bad time to have bees ard u at this time.. but i must be careful not to let anyone get too close to my heart... becoz i might make a wrong decision again..

once bitten twice shy.. stay away from me...

i''m happy with the angels ard me... enjoying my singlehood as much as i can.. life will onli get better... becoz i am me.. i am shirley~~! :)

moody day...

he's back.. or he will be today...
sigh.. cant help it...
perhaps i'm not to be blamed..
it's natural to still hold on to sth now right?
it'll take time to let go everything..
i noe i will..
i have to...

ponned meetings today..
quite drained from the chalet n my crazy outings...
slept all the way till 12 before siyong woke me up..
just dun feel like gg out...
may be i just wanna nua with someone...
suddenly, i feel weak..
thinking of u, makes me feel weak...
wan to be hugged tightly,
protected from all evils..
i need someone to pull me up..
confused i am...

serves me right...
i might not be thinking of all these things now
if i went for flv meeting.. n pru meeting after tt...
i'll be off to cruise soon...
would u wanna tok to me before i leave?
would i wan to tok to u?
would i allow myself to?

my eventful post christmas days

hee... dun remember if i talked about how i spent my christmas.. so here's it..

hm... went to ecp to blade with edmund.. haha... so scary... exciting n all... i mena the last time i blade was when i was like in pri 4 or 5? realli cant remember how to blade seah.. when i stood up, i tried moving, but i slided backwards... hahaha... but later, i figured it out.. we both had much fun i guess...

anyway, just realised tt ecp is quite a cool spot for frens and couples to hang out.. we didnt have the chance.. wad a pity.. but may be u wont like it either.. i nuaed with edmund on the beach, under this coconut tree for some time when we both got tired with all the (walking) blading.. ya.. it;s quite cool.. with the brezze blowing gently on ur face.. watch the tides come in n out... just nua n enjoy the scenery... tok cock with ur buddy...

edmund gave me a diary for a christmas present.. feel so bad.. coz i havent got time to get him one.. :P next time ok? hee... erm... yea.. o did i mention tt mark gave me this la bi xiao xin vcd? it's so... diao.. but funny.. hahaha... a cartoon version of himself...

26th dec... lao yeye n lao nainai came back from shanghai.. met up with them for lunch.. went to grassroot club.. still prefer the buffet we had for dinner last time.. with all the abalones, sharkfin, xue ha... :)~ hehe.. i told u i was tai tai material... training hard to be one.. wahhaaha...

then went for ks bdae chalet... blade with luna again.. quan was so funny... he couldnt blade at all.. at least kahsin could move... he looked like a robot.. serious.. hehehe... anyway... ya... think kahsin did a lot to make his chalet a success... not bad.. food marinated well... even though i would not like to know how he did it exactly after seeing how he prepares his salad.. wahaha...

hm.. half way thru, i'm so sorry kahsin, didnt come back on time to cut the cake with u.. mark called up n asked for a spin.. i knew wad was up.. so couldnt help it.. i'm a gd fren u noe... hehe... so i agreed.. for the very first time, i took a ride in his car.. he drives like mad~! make acute turns... pple slow down when they turn, he speeds up.. i think.. we went to changi airport.. to have ice cream~! hahha.... havign a car is realli convenient huh.. may be i shud include tt in my must-have list for my future bf.. wahahaha... then went back to ecp, to his pub to have a drink.. well.. i was gg for ktv.. n i am not gd at drinking, so i onli took a few sips from his... yea.. we talked a lot.. it was realli fun.. mark's a real nice crazy fren to hang out with.. he piggybacked me back to the car.. hahaha.... siao one...

byt the time i reached the chalet, luna left for k box.. thank goodness mark waited for me... so he drove me over to parkway.. too bad he has an appt.. if not, i could have invited him too... he's a gd singer.. hmm.. i waited realli long for luna... they actually walked over~!!! hm.. think this is one of the few times i realli sang... hehehe... not bad.. improving..

these few days are one of my craziest days of my life i guess.. after chalet, i actually took 31, all the way to toa pa yoh to shop.. alone... haha.. bought 2 basic tops n a black skirt... realised i have onli spags.. wahaha... hmm.. ya.. then makr called again.. jio me for movie.. but we were late la.. wth.. missed the movie.. n he confused perhaps love with the promise... so diao... alamak... so accompained him to eat.. then he took 22 min to drive to pasir ris.. haha.. lu chi like me... went to pet farms.. played with cute puppies n all.. fun day~!

ya... i'm thankful tt my frens are keeping me busy... so much so tt i seem to be leaving all my sorrows behind me effectively.. not thinking about it as much.. but i still read the smses u send me sometimes.. our photos... think i shud keep all our sweet memories.. leave the sad ones behind... haiz...

i'm a stronger person now.. no one can bring me down...

MeRrY cHrIsTMaS~!!!

merry chirstmas to all...
sigh.. i am still bothered by him..
y so? sigh.. wondering how he is spending his christmas..
haiz... even though i do hate him... but.. sigh...

anyway... i pang seh mark today.. wahaha..
so paiseh,.. but i reached home so late on fri...
felt bad if i left hous early mroning again..
yes.. so i stayed at home..
guai guai.. quite a boring christmas eve..
had the usual fmaily dinner..
mahjong with the pros, my dad, granny n aunty..
lost.. but a gd game... coz i never throw any winning tiles at all..

n o~! happy birthday FELIX~!

hee.. decided to go out with edmund tml..
shall not spend my christmas rotting at home alone..
hee.. roller blading.. 2 noobs blading..
think i need some cushions for my butt...
we'll see how tml..
hope it'll be fun...

ya... i shud try n call mark now..
he's mia~!!

PiSsED wItH nUs~! NuS sUcKs~!

sigh.. it's realli bad... stupid nus ask me to either retake CTW of accept a D grade.. wtf~! have u got any idea how much time I wasted on the stupid module? yea.. even though I took my papers in the hospital, as expected I didnt do well, but I am sure I can get at least a B if they grade me according to my assignments like the assured me~! f**K~! wad is this?!!! not as if it's gonna improve my cap.. it's so low.. i onli passed... arghhhh... and physics was my best mod.. can u believe it?!!! I am sure I could have done a hell lot better if it's not for the infection. but nvm... I shall be a full time mugger next sem.. apart from my commitments to the 2 or 3 projects.. I am gonna screw NUS upside down.. they better grade me as promised.. Or I am going all the way to MOE~! I am already affected for all the other modules.. U R SO NOT GONNA BULLY A SICK PATIENT LIKE TT!!!

ah... and thanks felix... for the sunflower.. so sweet of him huh... haha.. never expected him to buy me flowers.. hahaha.. he looks so blur.. with such things... cool... u made my day...

i am not happy with my results of coz.. but it cant be helped.. i wasnt in my best condition.. not even in gd condition.. my brain was so fried.. i couldnt rmemeber anything.. i was so sick.. i couldnt study... so... haiz... who's to blame? the infection... one sem down... i better work hard next sem, need to pull up my cap..

n... about him... well.. i never teared for him anymore.. i guess i feel so numb about it.. i dunno wad to do anymore.. my heart still ache.. i can realli feel the pain, emotionally n physically.. but.. so wad.. not like it will matter to him.. not like it;s gonna chnage anything... selfish he is.. blinded i am... he's away overseas now.. prob having fun... y should I get upset about him, about us? I deserve a hell lot better.. trying hard to move on.. Í have recovered quite well these few days.. have alot of caring and supportive frens ard me.. like felix... have been talking to ruhua... haha... yea.. keeps me occupied at night.. when i think a lot.. influenced by tt jerk i guess.. n edmund... he's been realli sweet too...

y shud i wait for u and expose myself to such uncertainties when there are so many better guys, great guys out there waiting for me to choose? ha.. even till the very second when we break up, u;re still so selfish, still full of urself, still thinking onli about u urself... y do u deserve me care? y shud i remain as gd frens with u? y shud i try and talk to u like before? and exposed myself to the risk of breaking my heart even more if i fall deeper for u instead of letting it go with time, or if i find out tt u fell for someone else when i still have such strong feelings for u? y shud I even consider to remain as frens with u? y shud i? ya.. it's such a pity tt our frenship is flushed down the toilet bowl along with out shitty r/s and memories... but do u realli think u deserve this frenship.. after what u have done to me? y shud i let u off so easily? i dun hold grudges.. i dun usually do.. but it hurts too much... no i wont forgive u.. i dunno wad can be done.. i see no hope n no light to out r/s, to our frenship..

i screwed up my first sem.. it's time to wake up... jerks stay away from me... i am gonna concentrate on my studies and all my projects.. dean's list wannabe coming ur way... i am determined..

Why cant u just get OUT OF MY MIND?!!

i had enuff of this sick shit...
so frustrated with everything..
the more i think of it, the more i feel cheated...
how the heck did i get myself into such a mess?
y did i allow myself to give so much?
Y?!!!! y?!!!!!! Y?!!!!

It's so hard to pull everything back now...
if u onli liked me a lot.. if it;s not enuff to call it love,
y come so close to me?
y bother going through so much drama to win my heart?
y did u allow wad happen tt day to happen?
y did u even try kissing me the very first time?
i had so many flash backs..
from the first time we met..
the first time we had a heart to heart chat..
the first time we watched a movie together..
when u said tt u felt the urge to hold my hands..
u got no idea how touched i was.. i melted..
ok i am s softee.. perhaps tt's y i am so easily cheated..
fell into this miserable trap...
i am such an idiot.. to believe tt u r ready..
to believe tt u might be the one i am looking for..
to believe tt u loved me..

how is everything gonna return to before after all tt has happened?
it's impossible~!
i'm deeply hurt...
by u.. my onli love...
i hope everything will become hate..
i wanna let go of everything now.. badly~!
i wanan forget u..us...
every single word tt u said tt is registered in my stupid brain...
OUT~! OUT U GO..
LEAVE MY MIND..
LEAVE MY LIFE..
LEAVE MY WORLD..
dun appear in front of me..
i dun wan to be reminded of wad we been thru together..

we can never be frens..
dun think we can...
i said tt i dun blame u for losing feelings for me..
yes i dun..
but i cant help it..
i cant forgive u for bringing all these pain to me..
it hurts too much.. becoz i love u too much..
too soon.. too soon...seth's right..

pls stay away from me...
i have no mroe tears to cry for u...
val's right.. u dun deserve my tears...
time to move on..

so afraid of being alone now.. coz i'll keep thinking about us..
thanks edmund... for accompanying me today...
narnia was not bad...
i am glad n blessed with so many angels ard me...
cheong hua was first..

ghim was there..

felix was there..

mengyi was there..

so was arvind..

when i flooded aranda right after our closure on the fone..

thanks to all who asked.. n showed concern...

hongkeat, liang han... cheryl especially...

paulene...

i dunno if i missed out anyone..

but thnaks to all of u..

i'll be stronger..

i'll not cry anymore for tt jerk...

not like he cares.. not like he feels anything..

y would he?

he feels nth for me anyway...

stay away from me.. dun trick me into this dreadful trap again...

i dun wan to fall deeper..

my 2nd post of SORROWS..

i stopped crying.. finally... perhaps i have no more tears...
i dunno if i can talk to u like before..
i dunno how to face u...
becoz we feel differently for one another..
i wan to stay close to u..
as close as possible...
but no, i dun regret breaking off..
it's best for u.. and hence, may be me...
gd luck.. i hope u get ur championship title..
train hard... but do rest well...
pls do not go smoke or do anything to hurt urself..
it'll hurt me further...
i guess it's not ur fault..
feelings do fade... i;ve experienced it myself..
especially when u r so busy...
when i am not ur priority...
i'm not in the pic...
u wan to gain self confidence..
u wan personal glory..
u wan to be treasured n valued more by ur frens..
i guess i failed to make u feel special...
i understand ur goals for urself..
it hurts so badly when i read ur sms again..
when ur last words played back in my head again..
but i've accepted it..
i hope it's worth it..
i hope u'll get wad u wan..
i hope u will be happy..
i love u...

now i understand wad mengyi meant...
now i tt i felt it for myself..
when i think of u..
when my mum just asked about u over dinner..
the breathlessness..
the pain...
it felt almost like my heart was bleeding in pain..
i could almost feel it physically...

here, i present u my heart..
scarred. torn apart.
by my onli love..
any takers?
it cannot take anymore ill treatment..
pls handle it with tender love and care..
how do u mend a broken heart like tt...
a broken heart still beating for just you?

Destroyed Once Again..

happening strat of the week.. so much happened.. to much for me to take.. i feel so weak.. i lost another gd fren... i lost my support... i gave it up.. i hope it's best for u.. n may be us... i dun wan to be a burden to u.. a r/s shud never be tiring... y come so close to me if u onli like me? is there realli no love? tt's how shocking.. how disappointing.. yes u r right.. u r selfish, irresponsible and heartless... but i cant help it.. i love u... i still love u so much.. n it is y i decided to let u go... i told u before.. i'll do anything for the man i love.. as long as he is happy...i figured out tt u have too many commitments.. perhaps u cant handle them well yet.. it's time for u to learn.. n honestly, before u master tt, u r not ready for me.. not ready for any other gal.. not ready for any commitment to such r/s.. u broke yiyou's heart... now u broke mine.. dun break another... no i dun think i hate u... i love u more than wad i am blaming u for all the pain u brought to me.. it's short.. it's realli short.. but i never cried so much before.. perhaps in my life.. 2d1n in aranda... i prob cried half my time there... so AA... everyone prob saw me.. damn... i cant help it.. i tried to stop.. but it wouldnt.. perhaps it did... when my tears were all dried up... i teared.. invisible ones... i cried in my heart.. i am sure it bled... yes there's a wound.. i wonder who can heal it... no there's no gap.. becoz there isnt anyone who can replace u yet.. yes tt's how much i love u... i hate u for the way u mistreated me... but i still love u for u...i'm a stupid gal... blinded by love... no one to blame perhaps.. i brought this upon myself... i knew u well enuff to predict this.. i asked.. n believed tt u were ready... then again, i was wrong.. u were wrong... once is enough... i am sorry... we cant be frens... u can never be just a fren to me.. at least not now... i very much wan to stay close to u... but.. i dunno if i can... can i still hug u tight? i so wanted to do so when i saw u yesterday... even though i was so angry at u... for avoiding me, leaving me alone.. i knew tt it was coming.. when u didnt hold my hands... when u didnt kiss me... how can we be frens when i still love u so much?

i'm sick...

i'm sick .. down with flu
have fever... had sore throat.. lost my voice..
but do u noe? u never will... becoz u locked urself in ur own world..
where is "we"? where is "us"?

i'm sick of taking initiative everytime something goes wrong between us...
whether it's my fault or urs...
i;m sick of being left alone for days..
no sms, no calls, no msn chat.. no nths.. no form of contacts at all...
how can u be so selfish?
how can u leave someone so dear to ur heart alone like tt worrying?
getting panaroid.. thinking of all sorts of possibilities to y I am treated like tt?
perhaps it's my own wishing..
perhaps i was never so impt to u..
perhaps i was just somebody...
i cried so much.. u got no idea at all..
u ran away.. avoided me n the problem...

thanks for all the pain u brought to me...
i;ve seen another side of u.. and our relationship...
i am angry.. sick.. n frustrated with u.. for wad u have done...
pls do sth about it.. solve the problem.. or prevent me from such sufferings in future...if not.. it'll be too tiring for me to take...

a r/s shud not be tiring...

perhaps u were confused n upset with urself becoz u cant spend as much time with me as u wanted to... tt's very sweet of u..
but instead of brooding over it, shouldnt we try to make the best of wad we have?
instead u choose to avoid me, leave me alone..
wondering wth i did wrong tt i deserve such a cold shoulder from u...
i figured out tt i didnt do anything wrong..
so wad's the reason..
we havent talked about it..
i still dun understand wad is happening..
perhaps one day if u ever see this post, u will like to explain to me..

dun mind my hurtful words... becoz i am realli angry with u for treating me like tt...

i lost the battle.. i lost it all...

went to sentosa to recce today with my programms comm and the 2 fwc heads..
we got a lot of things done.. the rough programmes for the 4days.. all the games tot thru... yea... hehehehe... we practiclaly combed the entire sentosa... time flew.. spent like almost 7-8 hrs there... but i guess it's worth it when u see ur freshies enjoy the camp.. it';s gonna be pretty diff from the last camp we had.. more intense, more competitive, more packed...

n i am right.. u didnt reply my sms... no contact for 2 days already... i wonder when u will break the silence... i was getting mroe and more panaroid as i complained to my frens.. came up with all sorts os possibilities of y u r doing this to me... i'm not so much upset becoz we arent spending time together... i'm upset becoz u claimed to be so busy n tired.. so busy tt u dun even have time to drop me a single sms to say hi? ormay be u r relali not concerned.. may be i never crossed ur mind... dunno... but i am sure.. i;ve said things i dun realli mean... i'm just realli frustrated... y apologise to me? y not make things best as u can? waiting for me to pull us back together? me again? no.. sorry.. it doesnt work this way all the time... if u r sick of me, let me noe.. i didnt do anything wrong.. i dun deserve this...

sigh.. perhaps u need time off.. perhaps u needa think thru how to face me again.. perhaps u r disappointed with urself too becoz u cant give me wad u wanted to... so r u making this any easier for the both of us by doing wad u r doing now? r u making me any happier like tt? i dunno wad u r thinking... u r driving me crazy...

i decided to stop guessing.. to make my life easier... i'll let others take over.. let everything else take control... i need more distraction... from this problem tt is causing me all these pain... n at the same time, i am falling sick.. so sick.. i dun feel like moving anymore... so weak... someone save me... i'll cry in ur arms now if u r here...

here i pour out my tots

no more hiding...

sick n tired of being the one pulling us back when we stray off from each other..
dun understand y it is onli my responsibility..
wad can i do alone?

perhaps i shud realli keep myself busy...
tire myself out.. at least during the camp, i have my campers..
i have so many things to do..
time flew.. n i didnt have so much time to think about us..
to worry.. to be sad.. to cry like i did when we started talking about it..
like when pple ask me y i look so sad...

i'm realli drained..
i have no drive to do anything more..
n i cant do anything since u arent gg to put in any effort to do sth about it..
issit not worth it?
is everything else so impt?
u have responsibilities and commitments u cannot let go of..
so i am the sacrifice?

damn it.. i am so disappointed..
wad m i to u?
perhaps u r busy.. but so busy tt u cant even drop me a sms now n then?
not even one a day? issit too much to ask for?
i gave u all the space n time u need..
i never stick to u like wad ur ex did..
n u complain tt i compromise too much?
hello~!!!! wth do u wan from me?
u're not even talking to me..
u're not finding time to talk to me..
u dunno wad to say, u dunno wad to do,
u dun reply my sms, u dun call me..
u r just avoiding me..
u dun miss me at all..
u r just gonna leave it there right?
let us both stray away.. n we will have nth to announce to anyone..
ARGH~! so pissed..

if it's so.. let me noe.. i dun wan to be the last to noe..
i onli remember when u said u were ready...
when i took the risk...

have i made a silly mistake again?

or may be u dun love me anymore...
or is there someone better?
o shit i am getting panaroid..
fuck.. think i said too much nonsense..
whether i mean wad i say here or not.. it doesnt matter..
may be u wont get to read it.. u wont noe.. becoz may be u dun care...
may be i onli mean it now.. or then..
ah this is stupid..

MaRs MaRs MaRs~!!!

yeap.. just came back from slc.. slept less than 6h in tt 2 days.. shagged man... but it is worth it.. realli fun.. n got to noe a bunch of realli fun n cool pple.. i guess student leaders do they more initiative. they made work so much easier for me.. i felt more like a camper becoz there were pathetically few gals.. so few tt i had to play most of the games.. well, the onli diff is tt i had to go for brefings n ensure tt they r punctual, well n all having fun.. i guess we kinda clique well as a group.. everyone prob thinks tt we r crazy. on the very first night, after all our activities, we took cab to marine parade n k boxed~!!! patrick, ru hua, joann n wei cheng had their combined singing competiiton.. lol.. until 3 am la.. back at H4, 4 of us, wei cheng, joann and benjamin played mahjong till 5.30am~!!! slept about 3h and started day 2..

day 2 is beach games.. n we showed off the power of the MARTIANS~!! hahahaha... we won 5 straight games out of 6.. how cool is tt... well, unfortunately we didnt win best group.. spent too much eating gd food during food link.. wahahaha..

hmm...realli looking forward to meet them again...
uploaded some pics i took with my camera... gonna kop from the rest..

moody moody... :(

sigh... i'm not happy today... anticipation isnt always gd.. when it doesnt happen, u'll be disappointed.. sigh.. cant complain.. not in the position to...

spent my whole day making name tags for my slc campers... i hope they like it.. becoz it took us a lot of time and effort... i hope they r enthu n fun pple.. if not.. sigh.... it'll be so depressing... not realli looking forward to it anymore...

the right things arent happening.. the wrong things keep coming... argh... tt's my life...

new skin.. i dun realli love it... becoz the grey part is so small.. so small tt u cant realli see my pictures.. cant find any better ones anyway... the last one was too pink.. n no.. i dun feel like a princess anymore..

o man.. i;m a leo.. such an attention seeker.. wth...i shud be more independent... let me get used to this loneliness.. or in a more positive light, independence...

packed my bags for slc... hmm.. now to think of it, it'll be quite silly to wear red everyday.. shall repack it again later.. look for some other clothes to wear.. ha.. i threw in my black vj shorts.. if it gets too dirty, i can just wear n throw... :ppp

hai...bad bad mood...

ToO mAnY beEs ArD...

yea.. tt was up on my nick... havent realli gotten over the cold shoulder i got from dao.. now comes another.. well no.. it's not realli a problem.. but i wonder.. perhaps i am too... nice? am i?

i'm not ms world.. i'm not even tt pretty... i'm just any a gal.. i'm just me, shirley... i wonder y... i wonder y pple will.. u noe.. like me? i shud be glad right? tt pple like me? like i dun have to worry tt i will not be able to get married in future.. ha.. but still.. i rejected one this holiday already.. wad's up man? i feel realli bad doing it.. i never fail to break pple's heart.. may be i shud be a lil bit low profile.. keep things to myself.. damn...

wad's worse? i am so busy.. so is everyone else.. so much to do.. no time to meet up.. it's so sad.. i tot we'll ne able to spend more time n bond n get closer this holiday.. unfortunately, tt's not gonna happen.. i dunno how to make it happen.. i shud add tt to my xmas wishlist...

suddenly i am not so excited about slc.. onli tt i will be hanging out late at night with my new frens.. n siyong shud be treating flv comm to some drinks.. wahaha... 2 weeks to dateline for fwc proframmes draft.. n we havent done anything since last meeting.. great...

i'm falling again...

Ms Rajan's wedding

14 of us went to attend Ms Rajan's wedding.. well there were so many people, she didnt realli have the chance to talk to us.. she was wearing this white sari prob of normal wedding gowns material.. gd combi... here are some pics i took.. ha... ms rajan is MRS now.. time flies man..






ok.. the pics are not in order... lol... well the pic we took with the couple is with the main photographer.. boo hoo.. when can i have it?

after tt, most of us went to bugis.. had a lunch cum dinner at sketchers.. i designed my pasta.. well, i guess it;s better than wad my frens had.. coz they still feel pasta mania is better... haha...
perhaps it;s becoz i havent seen them for so long.. n the fact tt i am a roamer.. i chat with everyone, except for the same 2.. dao n bang... i said bye to bang... tt's all.. i wonder y u noe...

when j1 1st started, i tot i was quite close to bang.. when he called me to ask about work.. suddenly he stopped n we drifted apart.. well of coz.. there's yq.. n all the other chiobus.. i was realli a low profiler unlike them.. ever since then, we never realli talked.. in class, outside sch, during gatherings.. somehow.. i dunno y... we just never talk..

n dao... we were in the pool gang.. i was the onli gal in the gang.. quite extra sometimes... but they're nice people.. dunno when it realli started.. in j2, dao suddenly developed feelings for me.. he was super sweet.. did i tell u all tt? even though i am a real softee.. but ya.. no one has ever been so sweet to me before.. as in the wooing period.. he realli touched my heart.. perhaps we were not fated to be together.. becoz he was onli a gd fren to me... no chemistry...i realli treasured our frenship.. but ever since i rejected him, n made a stupid decision to choose tt idiot.. nth was ever same again...

we drifted apart.. WORLDS APART.. tt is so sad.. becoz i realli like him a lot.. just not enuff to be more than frens.. sigh.. sometimes i wondered how it would be like if we had the chemistry then.. if i felt sth then.. then may be.. we'll still be as close.. or even closer... he's still as cute as ever.. or may be even cuter.. ahh i told eugene tt i missed him some time ago.. i realli do... when can we talk like before?

i wouldnt say tt i regreted.. becoz.. i realli dun feel the same way towards him... i just couldnt say yes.. sigh sigh.. how many frens must i lose becoz of wad we all call LOVE?

had enuff.. pls.. someone save me~!!! sigh.. where r all my angels? someone help me~!!

Happy birthday Daddy~!!

here's my second challenge for this holiday.. the first cake i made.. oreo cheesecake~!! n it's a success~!! wahaha... made it for dad as his birthday present.. n of coz shared with a few close frens..

look at the way he eats~!! wahahaha....

hmm..anyway time realli flies.. had a lot of fun yesterday... so much tt i was so tired.. i kinda slept n nua thru the entire day... hee...

o~! i'm o gonna grow fat.. went for chinese buffet dinner just now.. sharkfin, abalones, both big n small.. my family of 6 ordered and finished 19 different dishes.. serving of 6 each.. fwah~! can u believe it?!!

ah lots to do... slc stuff.. flv meeting... busy busy~!!!

Haha.. this is the pic we took in k box.. y am i in the shadow?!! cant see my face~!!! ahha class gathering.. of 5.. well.. junhao onli contacted 9... so.. not bad..

5h of ktv.. shagged...

yOyOYo.. the start of my busy week.. ha damn shagged today... slept realli late this morning n woke up at 9am.. nua until 10 plus when daph called me up for job lobang.. unfortunately, i have a meeting and class gathering.. so ya.. cant take it up...

hmm.. we're flooded with info for events.. date line is 21st.. i wonder how we're gonna draft out everything by then... ha.. busy busy busy~!!! let's make fwc 2006 a smashing gd one~!!! ok i am super excited.. over sth tt will onli happen half a year later.. lol..

n.. 5 of us met up at suntec k box to sing.. well.. junhao had his personal concert most of the time.. n i decided to open my golden mouth.. hahaha... sang quite a lot actually.. n the funny thing is tt junhao was singing the female songs n i was singing the male ones.. wahaha.. i cant reach the high notes man.. lol..not bad.. i got no more ktv phobia.. shall train up more.. hee..

after tt arvind met us for dinner.. went to kenny rogers.. ate a lot~! growing fat man~! n i am super broke.. spent like more than 40 bucks today.. anyone wanan date me? haha treat me.. muahaha~!!! i'm so happy to be a gal.. haha..

hahaha.. it's been a busy day for me.. went to watch Saw 2.. not bad.. but a short one 1.5h onli.. gd twist.. but it's damn gruesome~!! i was covering my mouth half the time..after tt, went to carrefour to buy stuff for dinner..

guess wad.. i prepared dinner for my whole family~! how fun~! lol.. made pasta, fruit salad, soup, cheese sausage and garlic bread~!! o i bought apple pie back for dessert..

ha.. tt's my lil bro helping me out..










my fruit salad.. well after mixing..







ha... it's quite fun cooking.. i shud do this more often this holiday.. shall try sth new soon.. enuff of pasta~!!!

fully packed week ahead~!

yea!~i'm going out later.. heck.. sneaking out to watch Saw2.. buy stuff to prepare dinner for the family tonite.. haha.. so fun~!

i just relaised how busy I will be from next week onwards.. holiday's gonna pass with a blink of an eye... so peeps, now U have to BOOK ME earlier if u wanna ask me out.. lol.. here's my schedule for next week:

5th Mon - FWC comm meeting, 3A class outing
6th Tue - SLC briefing, dental appointment, hospital follow-up check up
7th Wed - Movie~!
8th Thu - Dad's birthday
9th Fri - FLV comm meeting
10th Sat - Ms Rajan's church wedding, 03s44 class gathering
11th Sun - family day???

busy busy bumble bee eh?? hehe.. i rather be busy than slacking n rotting away..

ok times up~! time to go have early lunch~!! bye~!!!

i'm bored.. i'm so bored.. sigh... woke up at 11.30am today.. lol.. started my role as FLV secretary.. did the minutes for the last meeting.. ha.. relaised i didnt take down certain stuff.. hee.. i smoke a bit.. wont matter tt much right pd? hehe...

spent the rest of the day having my personal ktv session with my lappie.. ibm's pretty gd.. looked for lyrics n started singing along.. ha.. must start to learn some chi songs if i wanna go ktv again.. if not always cant sing.. time flew.. think i sang for like 3h.. haha..

nuaing at home isnt tt bad.. but.. i think i cant take it anymore.. ha.. needa get out~! edmund asked me out again.. cant turn down no more.. hehe.. me gg out tml~!!! yippee.. needa get dad's birthday prezzie reali soon.. it's in a week's time.. ha.. wad to get?

ha.. i seem to be blogging everyday.. ok it's past 12.. so it's 1st dec already... oops.. hee...

nth much realli happened today.. went shopping in town.. walked from one end to the other.. ha... i am such a direction idiot.. if it wasnt for my fren, i would be lost in orchard.. muahaha... bought this pair of bronze shoes.. quite cool... shall take a pic n put it up one of these days.. i just realised i have a lot to buy... dad's prezzie, hong bee n cheryl's prezzie.. n may be some xmas shopping? shud i get felix sth? haha.. my dear sp..

hmm.. met up with les today.. short hair n yet still super cute.. muahaha.. like my lil bro..went to eat bake rice at NYDC.. shiok~!!! i'm so xin fu.. satisfied man... posh spice is gd.. realli... well i was so full i couldnt take my mud pie.. sob sob.. some other time.. hehe... finally found a gd jie mei to shop with.. les's pretty diff... dresses up n dun mind wearing hats out.. tt's cool.. have 2.. n i havent worn them out in singapore before.. would it be weird? sometimes i wished tt i am stuyding in japan or sth.. it would be fun.. engine;s realli boring.. everyone's in t shirt n jeans.. sianz.. i didnt want to be AA.. so i never realli dress up often.. everytime i do, pple stare...

n hey.. i just put up my counter.. wonder how many ppl read my blog.. lol...