confused... just dunno which way to go...

i am in a dilemma.. i dunno if i have answers.. or may be i already have? great! bravo! i got my 3As! but so wad?! i dunno wad i realli wanna do in future. i dun realli noe wad i wan. i hate being out of control of myself. i hate not having goals in life... my 4 mths seems pretty meaningless without softball, without mugging...

dear dear was there for me.. but NS took him away from me.. i get to see him onli on the weekends.. bloody gov say 5 day work week.. but he's still onli allowed to book out at 12pm on sat.. wad's the f**king diff? now he got field camp.. i wont get to see him for bloody 2 weeks~!

anyway, tt's not the point... i keep getting out of pt..writing during the medicine essay test was so tough.. havent written for so long... cant organise my tots well.. cant even form a bloody sentence properly. pple seem to be so keen about getting into med..seriously, i'm just trying my luck... see if i am gd enuff to be a doctor. i dun realli noe if i wan to be one. thanks to my good results.. i got into NTU's chem engin too.. where the intake each year is onli about 100+. i was kinda proud of myself.. but rite now, i dunno whether to go for chem engin or med.. med sounds prestigous, sounds glamourous.. but my med fren told me it isnt.. docs are under paid.. so should i? n i'm not confirmed a place yet.. NTU already gave me one. my mum told me dad seems a little upset that i might choose not to be a doc. just becoz it sounds great to have a doc daughter rite? sigh... and my mum.. she wans me to go NUS. becoz she's working there. transportation fees will be lower and i wouldnt have to stay in a hostel. but NTU's chem engin is definitely better than NUS's. NUS is so mug-gy... NTU has more hands on.. application stuff.. i had enuff of mugging seriously.... most belive tt NUS certs are more recognised globally.. even fuyee told me tt Times magazine quoted tt... so... wth... i dunno which way to go... and it freaks me out.. makes me so pissed with myself and frustrated when i am not working for sth tt i may wan.. i mean like getting into med... i am not realli putting in all the effort i can to gain admission... should i even try? sheesh.... somone tell me~!

Who are u inside????

You are a cat woman. You are independant and very
self-rigious. You have a mind of your own and
are not afraid to show it. You tend to hide
your true feelings and get frustrated (easy).

Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by

Wad kinda dancer are u?

You are a Hip hop Dancer. You are the witty chick
in the gang, you have a special life style and
that makes you different with your own unique
way, your friends love you because they know
they can trust you. Your ideal man is the guy
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feels, and life is never dull with him.

What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

hee.. i just came back from birthday celebration outing with liwei and meisiang.. havent met them for so so long... o ya.. btw, liwei is the birthday gal.. hee... HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! ya they r 2 of my 4 pri sch buddies... not tt we're not gd frens now... but i guess we were closer then.. we're like the 5 musketters who's always hanging out together, in sch n after sch...yeah.. liwei didnt change much... meisiang did... wa her hair... she got a new hairstlye.. i heard she cut it 2 mths ago.. yeah tt's how long i havent met them.. anyway, she looks cool... more like a trendy chic than tt guai guai innocent nerdy gal.. muahaha...

yeah... anyway can u believe it? we spent 7.5 hours in k box~! didnt even have dinner... oh my... but i'm not hungry... surprisingly... ya... n.. i sang... hehe.. i guess i didnt realli mind going out of tune, singing the lyrics wrongly with my 2 buddies.... hee... and i learnt a few songs from them... think i should go k box more often.. it's actually quite fun.... yeah.. we sang at least 60 songs~! my god... broke record seah~! never had such experience before.. lol... it's crazy.. time passed so fast.. felt like i was there barely for an hour.. hee...

o ya.. n there was this cute waiter who said bye to us.. haha.. so polite... :P anyway, we went to take neo print.. so nice seah! haha.. got 2 act cute one, one realli funny... erm... it's like wei lowered to camera so low tt we had to kneel down so tt we can fit into the picture.. n it's like so last min.. we looked so shocked in the pic... haha... but it's a great pic.. i like tt best~! there's another act dao one la.. a bit weird for me.. i think i look sulky mroe than dao... wei is realli fierce.. n siang reminds me of some teacher scolding her students... lol...

yeah.. had lots of fun today.. even though it cost me a bomb... trying to save up for dear's present.. not sure wad to get yet.. but it's 6mths... half a year.. so i wanna make it special... even if i were to make one for him, on the day itself, we'll still spent quite a lot.. n it's like dear's pocket is very tight.. coz ns pay is like peanuts onli... okie... tt's all for today.. chao~!

Mon seems like an exciting day~!

hee... firstly, i shall reflect about today... hee.. met up with dear dear again.. yesterday's meeting was too short... n his mum is forever back in malaysia when her dear son books out.. i realli dun understand y.. doesnt she miss him at all? i'm afraid tt dear dear would be sad tt no one is spending this precious time with him so i always try to meet him when i can. anyway, met up dear at lavender this morning.. he tot he would be late.. so he asked me to take my time. n i did.. but guess wad.. i was late! like 15 min... lol... dear looked pale.. even though he's already so tanned by the scorching merciless sun... he's sick.. having sore throat n cough.. it makes my heart ache when i see him cough.. he looks like he's gonna cough out his stomach... realli terrible.. i bought strepsils for him since he refuse to see a doc or take medicine. our first stop was tt market tt sells or the amry stuff tt he needs.. dun remember wad it's called though... had lunch.. realli light one for me.. i ordered "xi1 yang3 cai4 tang1".. actually it's more for him... coz the aunty say it's cooling... hee... yup.. think he likes the veg a lot.. yeah.. den we did the shopping again.. think he's preparing for field camp already.. hope he dun lose so much weight.. dao lost like at least 5kg from 10 days of field camp or sth like tt... man.. scary.. o ya dao must eat more ya? hee.. :P

hm.. then we walked to prince and watched the pacifier! ai yo.. feel so guilty spending his hard earned money... all the tough trainings he has to go thru during ns.. alamak... guilty seah! anyway, pacifier was not bad.. it's more like a family show... haha... cute cute... yup... if u;re looking for sth to smile and laugh about.. sth relaxing to watch with ur frens, tt's the show u should be going for... hm.. den we went back to dear's place to drop his stuff.. accompanied him to have dinner... den i went home lo... sad sad... i realli dun like the parting part...

o not forgetting the part we quarreled... i'm so pissed when he oggles at big boobs.. even fat woman's~! faint! felt not appreciated for all tt i have done for him.. felt like he dun realli like me for who i am.. who dun wan big boobs, nice skin n all tt... i realli mean OGGLE! he looked like some wolf ok! felt like slapping him! i was so pissed.. i just ignored him.. it's not realli like a big matter.. but i just cant stand it... the more u love someone, the more impt such things become.. at least tt is the case for me.. sigh... i cried like shit... n somehow he seem to knew wad i was thinking of.. guessed he realli tot about it.. so he answered all my doubts without me questioning or complaining... great.. i was so surprised tt he knew how i felt and happy tt he made me feel better.. so i stopped crying.. yea... it's great.. it's onli been 5 mths plus. coming to half a year... it seems so short.. but we're like a couple who has gone thru think n thin together for years.. we actually know wad each other r thinking of... last week, we bought those silver earings tt i like at the very same day separately. this week, he bought me a pretty sky blue wallet. i've been thinking of getting a new one for months! never realli mentioned to him b4... HE JUS KNEW~!
n whenever i do sth with him, i'll think of him.. for example, i wanna get a drink, i'll order bubble tea if there is. coz he loves to chew on those pearls which r each 30 calories btw... lunch was similar... arent u envious of us? lol... i feel so lucky... hee... muuuack!

ok about tml... well, i was suppose to go back TK to help coach coach the sec1s.. but jan told us tt rj n vj will be playing tml... so hee... meeting jan, pris anc heryl at 1pm for lunch at parkway tml.. hee... den we're gonna watch the guys match.. hope they play well.. at least a gd tough fite so tt rj wont be so arrogant anymore.. hm... as for the gals.. i realli wan them to perform.. believe tt they can... so jia you~!

I'M SO BORED~!

man.. i've been stoning all day again.. or i think i'm just purely lazy? i'm like so sianz.. dun feel like stepping out of the house.. dun feel like realli doing anything.. borrowed books but didnt want to read.. borrowed excel notes from mum, but too lazy to study it... sigh... i'm just plain lazy i guess... no excuses to complain of my boredom becoz i brought it to myself... sigh...

nth else to blogged about... coz nth happen..

wa this is my third post for today.. anyway it's kinda screwed up today coz i was so excited to watch my junior's 1st match today and it had to rain.. alamak.. *faint... so sianz... but anyway i threw with daph n stacy.. so not bad la.. hm.. my throw not tt gd today.... alamak.. i must try to master it when i go tk n train sec1s.. more like getting myself warmed up... hm... i havent bat... i wonder if i still can.. o ya.. i caught for diana~! o crap.. she's so scary.. ahvent pitch for sooo damn long.. and her pitching still hurts like mad... can u imagine if she realli trains for it? it's fast and accurate... hm.. i realli hope cheryl can do it too.. she can la.. she just needs more self confidence.. mroe encouragement.. if not y did coach choose her to be a pitcher n not me? i like being a ctacher.. love it actually.. but i wanna learn pitching too... ok a lot of typos i think.. coz i'm like typing so fast~1 lol... hope u get it... ok tata~!

sth to share with all of u...

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~ Charles Gordy

What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.
~ Saint Augustine

BORING~!

man... i've got nth to do today.. except lto ook forward for vj's game later.. which happens to start onli at 4.30pm~! argh~! since when do the gals start later than the guys? anyway... i can still go down earlier to throw some balls with daphne... and watch the guys match coz they seemed to be a better team than the previous batches... man.. can they hit... hm... they r more frenly and less arrogant i guess... heard that the gals n guys team are quite supportive of each other.. so i'm happy for them... the previous batches never got to achieve tt unfortunately.. we were like 2 different CCAs... sigh... o well... hope they play well with RJC later...

gals, it's time to do ur thing~! show PE dept wad u're made off~! just play well and SHUT their stupid mouth UP! i realli feel like scolding them... WTF... how can they even think of replacing my gals with those juniors who have never played a real game before? u realli think tt's possible? i'm not arrogant.. but it's a fact that our tk gals are not replacable.. not unless u can find any experienced softballer... well, i havent heard of any in vjc so far.. so BUZZ OFF~! if u have no faith in them, y take in so many in the first place? have u realli played in the game urself? do u realised tt the top 2 teams for both guys n gals are always those with most experienced players?! DO U EVEN NOE TT? if there r no tk softballers here to play for u, U'RE NTH~! Other teams especially HCJC can just walk over u~! Jerry will think nth of u... u're not even worth his single breath of screamings! o man.. i'm so angry again... haha... i'll stare at them if they ever say tt today...!

%@ WiThOuT U, wHeRe dO I bElOnG? @%

sigh... i miss my dear dear so much... spent like 5 h with him today.. didnt do much.. just slacked... it's just gd enuff that we have each other in our arms... i dun like sun.. he booked in again... gotta wait another 5 or 6 days before i can see him again... haiz.. he was stoning, sitting down at the bus stop when i board the bus.. he was surprisingly quiet.. i could feel sth wrong going on.. later when i was on the bus, i just smsed him.. n he told me he was trying to adjust his feelings coz he hate it when i have to leave.. or rather when we have to part.. knowing the fact tt we wont be able to see each other for the next 5 or 6 days made both of us sad.. i tried not to think about it.. but when i read tt msg, my tears just filled my eyes.. i knew he wanted to cry.. but as a man, he always wanted to appear strong in front of me.. (o crap.. recalling all these is enuff to bring me to tears...) i jus hope tt these 2 years will fly past fast... real fast~!

he just called me just now.. for like less than a min.. becoz he had to pack up for tml's road march and it was already time for lights out.. o man... i wonder who scheduled tt... they just had road march on fri before they booked out. den the very next day after they book in, they gotta get it again?! it's hell u noe? hurts my dear dear's shoulders so much... he always says, "actually it's ok la".. but i noe tt isnt the truth.. crap crap.. i wanna box the idiotic sergeants~! well, then again, it's part of a singaporean man's life... he or rather we have to get thru it by hook or by crook... poor dear dear...

hm... tml will be my slacking day.. gonna wake up late.. start reading up mumm's excel notes.. gonna realli learn it by this month.. by myself u noe? i wonder if i can... haha.. well, tt will keep me busy... hm.. den may be i'll learn to cook some dishes from granny while she prepare for dinner.. so next time i can cook for dear dear too.. hee... :P

o in the mean time, peeps who read my blog if there r any, got lobang for part time jobs, pls let me know.. i cant do full time coz i'm going back to tk to help coach coach the sec1s.. lotsa shouting and screaming to do.. o.. i've started exercising again.. actually i planned to do jogging on alt days n swimming on the other alt days.. but i've failed twice already... haha... went for a swim on fri.. n sat n sun i was so occupied with dear dear, tt i just tot little of it.. just hope tt i dun grow any fatter~!

mY FiRsT dAy Of sLaCkInG

hee.. i'm a free gal now.. slept all the way until 10 plus am... lol... ya.. wad a pig i am... hm... didnt have breakfast bcoz it was the yucky GREY yam cake! GREY! can u believe it? yucks.. spoiled my appetite... i went online... n not many of my pals r online tt early.. so i was so bored... n hey it seemed like roger knew.. he smsed me at the right time... greeted me.. then i asked him out for lunch...

we met outside meridien hotel.. went to the food court there to have delicious fish n chips! wahaha~! o he has the fisherman's choice aka seafood platter in fish n co.. it's like so cheap compared to fish n co's. onli a humble 5 bucks! n it's comparible to fish n co's ok! have it warm from the kitchen... yummy~! :)~ after tt, roger couldnt find his fren whom he's supposed to pass him a present.. so he accompanied me to orchard lib... hee.. it's cool... borrowed 3 story books.. hopefully i can finish all 3 in 3 weeks.. haha... yea.. later, i accompanied roger to find his cd case. we were both tired.. yawning constantly... ya.. didnt do much.. after tt, we just went home separately...

ha... i was determined to make my day an eventful one... so the min i reached home, i packed my stuff n went off for a swim in serangoon swimming complex. yea.. feels gd in the water... o... i think i got slimmer compared to the last time i swam... but i lost my butt~! sad sad! it's so small now... :P hm... somehow the swim suit seems to be smaller.. no mroe like shorter.. after swimming like obli 8 laps, i was so tired... haha havent exercise for a long long time.. dun mind me.. when i came up from the pool, i felt like i almost zao geng... my boobs were like half exposed already... i mena just the top.. felt uneasy... tried not to make it so obvious when i tried to pull it up higher... *blush.. thank god no guys were around... didnt get any unwanted stares.. heng~! ya.. i just dried myself n went home for a bath...

well, actually i just came home from dinner with my family. becoz of work, i havent been able to have a gd meal with them for pretty long time... it was great tonite.. went to suki.. mum didnt wan us to have buffet.. so 3 of us ordered teriyaki chicken don n ma ordered saba set. wa! they gave sooo much rice.. eat until i almost puke.. n i still cant finish the rice... but it was nice u noe.. realli... hm.. ya den i went to cheng san lib.. ya lib again -.- borrowed a book on dream weaver.. hopefully i can master tt in this holiday too.. hee.. quite fun.. i wanna make my own blog skin too...

well, right now.. i'm waiting for everyone to go sleep so tt i can meet dear soon... but yawnz.. i'm tired.. from shopping at orchard today n the swimming... i gotta go rest now.. *tata*

hee... i'm a free man.. no woman.. o wadever

lalalala~! i'ma free gal.. muahaha... free from tt bloody shop... officially from today onwards.. wahaha~! hm... wad's my plan? go lib tml.. borrow some interesting story books to read... den... hit off to either swimming pool or the stadium for a jog... need to burn some fats... o! o! not forgetting sit ups~! hm.. tot of learning sth new.. may be excel.. dream weaver... o cooking~! hm.. wad else? hai ya... i dunno wad to blog.. i'll live life when it comes la~!