breathless under the books

tiredz.. having headaches man..
just finished one pathetic maths webcast..
one down.. three more to go~!
o no.. victor tan finished chapter 3 already..
i just started webcasting onli.. sianz..
so demoralising...

dun feel like doing any work.. realli..
just wanna slack n have fun..
hm... may be i can work in events company..
i think i enjoy organising events more than wad i am studying..
ha..

anyone wanna come for shiseido beauty talk?
i need 50 pple to come.. again... lol...

physically and mentally tired...

flv has finally ended.. had my 5h of sleep finally yesterday...
feels so good.. miss sleeping so much..
but it was interrupted.. every 30min..
wa.. was getting damn irritated coz i was realli very tired..
realli need the rest n...
but then again, i guess i didnt realli mind..
coz dear needed me..
pardon me for my complaints.. hehehe..

sometimes i still think about him...
wonder how's he getting on..
sigh.. pple ard me reminds me of him..
val.. paulene.. zai hao (if i didnt get his name wrong).. and ziyi..
sometimes i wish tt he would just appear in front of me..
sometimes i wish tt we can still talk like before..
at least i would be able to face reality,
find out and learn how to face my ex...
at least i would noe if we can still be frens...

well then again, he doesnt seem to be willing..
so.. it;s just too bad..
it takes two hands to clap, doesnt it?
to mend those wounds...

sigh.. problems never stop coming...
life sucks... feeling so stressed and tired about everything..
i failed cs... pathetic marks..
then again, how much do i deserve for studying for just one day?
partially was flv's fault... learnt a new lesson..
not gg to take tt next year... too close to my mid terms..
n well, i have 7 careless mistakes.. need more practice.. need to be more careful..
ponned so many lectures and tutorials..
got so much to catch up this mid term break..
cannot pon anymore.. or else i'll become like him..
cant let my studies suffer anymore.. i need a 4.2 this sem...

then, i've family problems..
mom is emotionally unstable recently..
she blew up just on fri..
slammed the door, screamed at everyone, including dad..
did all sorts of childish and unrespectful things..
who am i to judge her..
but it was wrong.. isnt it?
over stress? no anger management?
a correct example for ur kids?
thankfully we've all grown up..
at least we noe tt;s wrong n will not repeat tt..
was damn stressed up.. coz my parents were quarreling, mom was crying like shit..
worried for them.. couldnt study at all..
may be i can blame them for flunking cs...
i cried.. freakin stressed up man..

n dear lost...
so sad about it..
had high hopes n fell hard i suppose..
havent been home the whole of last week..
i feel obliged to be home..
to show tt i am not treating my home as a hotel..
missed daph's bdae party.. will be missing wha's too..
i'm sorry.. just cant come out to accompany u n console u..
dun wan to upset my mum or start another fire...

feeling guilty over so many things..
studies is already in a hay-wire state...
no time for myself..
not driven..
not motivated to study at all after getting 3.13 cap last sem becoz of the infection..
who to blame? me? for making the wrong decisions right from the start?
may be i shud just quit sch..
fucked up...

Friendster knows me best:

The Bottom Line
You have an intuitive sense of potential problems, but don't act until you have to.

In Detail
You're fiery, passionate and always game for a new experience -- and that means that keeping secrets can be a bit of a challenge for you. Not the secrets of others, mind you (those are safe forever). It's your own that give you problems, possibly due to the fact that you do so love drama -- okay, and even melodrama. So when you say something that isn't in the Miss Manners book of etiquette, ignore their eyebrows. Or, better yet, wink and move on.

after almost 3 months...

here i am again..

Happy valentine's day to all...

it's been a great day for both giving and recieving...
made flowers for my luna pals and a few other frens...
even though some of the flowers were falling out, i hope you still like them..
did until 3am lor~!!! after coming home from flv meeting.. sigh..

and for my dear... so smart right? i got him wad he need just in time...
quicksilver belt... his pants were dropping.. lol...

o yesh.. even though we both didnt have time to realli make today a very romantic one,
think it was sweet enuff.. at least for me..
i dunno if i was touched.. moved to tears..
but ya.. i cried.. haha.. in the middle of suntec city...
finally gave him the answer he wanted after 1 mth?
ha.. if it's not for wad he said, if it;s not for the way he looked at me when he said those things..
i wouldn't have.. i would have waited a lil longer...

it was so comical and things werent going as well as planned..
firstly, the next casanoma movie slot was at 7pm when we were there at 3 plus, 4.
so we ended up watching fun with dick and jane instead..
2ndly, roses were sold at $120++. after all the flowers and gifts and treats tt he has been getting for me the past 2 weeks, he's officially dried like dried sotong.. and they werent even tt pretty..
by the end of the day, i got 2 from him - one white, one blue... thanks thanks.. muackz..
3rdly, suki sushi was freaking packed~!!!
went to kovan to eat thai express instead..

thanks for all ur prezzies dear.. especially the ee-hor tt looks like u..
hahaha.. n i wasnt angry then la.. not so petty.. :P

n thanks to the rest who gave me prezzies too..
ks.. keep up the good work.. nice chocolate strawberries u made..

will post up some pictures with my angel soon...
finally i found my angell..
i noe u'll be there whenever i need u..
i noe u'll be there to protect me...
n sorry to make u wait every nite for me to finish with my meeting..
thanks for sending me home so late..
if it's not for u, i wont have as much rest as i could for the past few days...
mauckz~!

finding some time for myself...

posting up some not-so old pics...

- 6G YZPS (pri sch) gathering -

- 4 out of the 5 musketeers -

- candid -

been so freaking busy.. no time to blog.. sigh... falling sick already.. had 3 meetings this week.. sigh.. no time to mug.. mid terms are in a week's time and i havent started.. next week, i'll be staying out late, mostly in sch almost every day.. except thu..

mon - flv meeting

tue - simple v day celebration since i am so busy

wed - flv prep, back goodie bags

thu - fest la vie, maths mid term

fri - clear up forum after flv..

gosh.. i wont be home for dinner everyday.. feel so guilty... may be i got no choice but to miss daph n wha's birthday celebration.. cant choose to go for either onli.. it's either both or neither.. i should spend time with them..so sorry...

so much to do, so lil time... 2 maths webcasts to watch.. tonnes of tutorial to do... sucks...

we will miss ya siang...

met my pri sch buddies yesterday night for siang's bdae gathering.. unfortunately tt blur siang forgot to tell suwen.. so she didnt come.. sigh.. hmm.. we met up at hougang.. lol.. wad a weird place to meet for gathering.. went to suki to have jap buffet~!!! yum yum~! not bad.. we're still as crappy as before.. laughed so much.. i think we were laffing at siang most of the time.. still so aunty.. haha..

we did so many things in tt short 5 h.. after dinner, we went to play pool.. just opp the restaurant.. not bad.. even though i havent played for ages.. my lousy skill is still there.. hee.. :p hmm.. played onli for an hour plus.. later, siang suggested to go over to the community centre to ktv.. wa so many aunty uncles there.. but it was surprisingly not bad.. they do have new songs... $22 for 2h for a room.. 4 of us shared.. so quite cheap ah.. haha.. i'm picking up slowly.. listening to more chi songs.. so now i can still sing a few in ktv.. getting addicted.. ahhhh...

hm.. siang mentioned tt she has gotten over the excitment phase.. now she's getting worried n afraid to leave singapore.. could realli feel it when she said, "i know that many things are going to change after i left." her voice was shaking... sigh.. i cant imagine myself alone in an alien country too... u gotta be so independent.. but then again, it's realli a gd experience.. let's just hope tt she dun come back with an angmo boyfren.. ahahaha...

we'll miss u siang...

so true, so very true..

new song my fren intro to me..
haha.. wad r u trying to hint seah?
i noe wad i shud do..
thanks anyway..
here's it.. dunno if it can be shown on my blog though..

多爱我一秒钟

不必再说些故事和眼泪的废话
反正你就是不再爱我了
好聚好散应该是我的回答
可是我就是不能那么潇洒
你尽管放心,我会原谅
你虽然我开始越来越恨你
过去点滴难道都不值得珍惜
该怎么爱你你才会满意
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实我一直都在等一直在等
等你爱我爱得多一些
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实根本就不必等等吧不必等
如果你轻易就会离开我
又何必忙得一场空
你尽管放心,我会原谅你
虽然我开始越来越恨你
过去点滴难道都不值得珍惜
该怎么爱你 你才会满意
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实我一直都在等一直在等
等你爱我爱得多一些
既然爱情已经到了尽头
天啊我该做些什么
才能让你多爱我一秒钟
其实根本就不必等等吧不必等
如果你轻易就会离开我
又何必忙得一场空

the end...

was there..
wanted to see how i would feel..
the fence blocked too much..
i onli saw the familiar jersey no...

the gals were gonna play first...
couldnt wait longer..
no pt..
perhaps a lil suprisingly, missing it didnt feel bad at all...
becoz i just wanted to prove myself...
not to see him..

may be it's like sth to wrap up everything..
when i got to noe tt he won champs,
my onli response was a sigh, followed by a smile..
thankful tt his hardwork paid off..
thankful tt all he sacrificed for was worth it..

now tt it's all over...
think it's sth off my shoulder...

headed for dinner with my angel later...
thanks angel.. for being so understanding..
u were always there for me..
it was a hot night...
so much said...
i'm blessed...
n i shud be happy and contented with wad i have..
i shud cherish wad i have..

the day will come...
it will...

it's been 43 days...

been talking to a few pple lately...
val woke me up..
been decieving myself..
been trying so hard to get over him..
been telling myself tt he's not worth it and i have to get over him by hook or by crook..
been telling myself so often tt i realli tot i havent gotten over it..
sadness i feel no more..
but when val asked me if i am confident tt i will definitely not patch up with him if he ever ask me to go back to him, i couldnt answer..
i wasnt sure...
i knew it is the right thing to do..
he isnt ready.. he will never be in the months to come..
y am i waiting?
y shud i be waiting?
he was so heartless.. he left u alone..
may be i was just a fling..
may be it wasnt as deep to him, as it was for me..
i commited, i closed all doors..
may be he didnt..
o no.. i am digressing again..
but ya.. i havent gotten over him..
i still like u just a lil bit..
nth wrong with admiting i hope..
wanna face it..
run away no more..
it's not going anywhere..
sth has to be done..
someone's waiting for me..
someone sweet n nice...
someone who has always been there for me..
when i'm so down..
when i fell so hard becoz u let go of me just like tt...
it's not for this special someone onli..
it's for me, just me...

he's not worth it shirley... move on~!!!

n to u.. my special someone..
so sorry tt i have to make u wait..
not gonna get into another r/s when i havent gotten over the past..
tt terrible heart ache...
wanna start everything right..
i hope u understand