o crap... got dc just now.. typed so much rubbish and it's all gone now... argh.. may be it's telling me tt i shouldnt be posting all tt up... ya.. cursed too much... any way.. pals... yes... my blog is very personal... i'm more like talking to myself when i write my blog... so pls dun be offended by wad i post k... they are probably tots that just cross my mind.. sometimes when i'm so overwhelmed.. i'll just write wadever tt comes to my mind.. i may not mean wad i have said... anyway.. wanna thank all my frens who goe to noe all that have happened, be it from this blog or thru pple... thanks for consoling me.. i'm glad that i have gd frens like u.... :)

ya.. so how bad can my life be huh? when i have frens like tt.... ya well, as expected... i'm still not back to myself yet... still get sad and all. but i'm trying hard to keep myself busy... revise my work... go out with frens... just never idle alone.. becoz i'll start to think of him.. tears will start to roll.... i'll soon flood the place.... sigh...

guess wad.. i went to watch Sky Captain after yesterday's chem paper... it's one of the worst movies i have ever watched... it's realli stupid... typical superhero movie... gosh... better not catch it pals! anyway, the surprising event was that i got 4 missed calls from him... wo.. realli... i never expected it... so i returned his call and guess wad... he started asking me about my whereabouts... who i was with and bla bla... i'm like WTF... we're not related anymore! why didnt u show more concern and love when we were together? now tt u have lost me, u're regreting? it's too late my pal... i'm so god damn pissed and hurt when ur words cut into my heart tt nite... " there's no point in commiting.." bla bla... shouldnt u let me noe about this earlier so that i wont have to go thru tt shit?! argh.. or r u too free? nth better to do so u call me for fun la? rite? as usual, when u're bored u'll ask for my company... when u're busy, u'll just throw me to a corner rite?! wad a bastard... i'm not gonna give u another chance to treat me like dirt... no no no way....

argh.. enuff of complaining.. sorry i cursed too much.... i just think tt i'm treated so unfairly... wad is this man...

fuck... i broke up again! had enuff of those crap from tt bastard... i dunno if i should be complaining in this blog... but it;s late and... there isnt realli anyone i can complain to.. well, except my dear didi la.. irvin.. proud to have a didi like him man... hm... and wei xian... :)

hm.. tell me.... if u cant commit urself into the relationship, y do u wanna keep me by ur side? isnt it fucking selfish?! fuck man.... i did so much for tt bastard.. and get nth out of it.. ya true.. tt's wad love is about... ah.... wadever la.... i dun care.... gonna mug.., put all my energy into revision.... funny.. i dun feel like complaing anymore... just repeating all those sad words from him.... all those words that tore my heart apart... i so need a shoulder to cry on now...

hi ya! i feel sooo guilty after two days of slacking! oh my... havent mug for two days! which means i'll be completing two lesser papers.... tml gotta start bucking up again....

ok.... well, let's start reflecting about yesterday... yesterday, 15th oct... it was our farewell day... had lots of funny and entertaining performances for the first one hour plus in school... it was great.. sort of healed my wound for a while... i was so upset becoz of the way keith's been neglecting me... den.. we went for our special CT session... guess wad... Ms Rajan actually wrote us each a card and bought the gals each a pendant from Perlinin Silver! it must have cost her a bomb! den we started tecaking lots of pictures.. o ya... i've uploaded them... just in case, some of u wants a copy of them or wanna see them, i've added the link in my blog.. check out the "Pics" section... o ya.. candice... our pic in open house is on the last 4 slides of the VJC softball album...
Hm... O! and i never expected the juniors to be so nice... must be the gals' idea.. muahaha... tehy bought lots of snacks and goodies for us to munch on.. o man.. thinking of it.. makes me feel so guilty.. should be on a diet... i ended up drink packets of soft drinks and ate a chocolate cone icecream! muahaha! yum yum... :P~

k.. den this morning... went to our school's open house... i was surprised to see the big crowd... much more crowded than last year.. and ya.. bong reminded me that VJ have started our integrated programme.. no wonder there were kiddies with their parents... time realli flew when i was stoning with my juniors..... haha... played a little softball today.. yeah...so happy.. i miss softball so much... threw a bit with bong.. my oh my.. i lost touch... when i start using a bit mroe strength, the ball went everywhere... sorry bong... made u catch lots of once bounce perhaps... and made ms lady bird jump a lot too.. hehe :P u noe wad.. i realli think i've gained much self- confidence over the years... talk to this guy in the softball booth today.. i like just talk to him like tt.... like out of no where.. haha... dun think i'll be able to do if it was a few years back... o and smiling realli helps... when i was just about to leave, accidentally stepped on this yandao's foot.. muahaha... so paiseh... didnt even dare to turn back.. just apologised... but i bet his younger than me.. so who cares.. muahaha... no his fren is more of my type... :P

den met up with xinglong in Taka.. and yes... i ate a lot again.. Seoul Garden! wad do u think?! and it's freaking expensive! for some reason, i'm realli very comfortable around my this buddy... and he smiled a lot today.... i caught him smiling quite a lot of times today... weird... tot he onli know how to niao me all the time.. gotta admit that he has a cute smile.... haha... it's constagious... hm.. it's probably his super highly skilled "niaoing" skills which made us bond so well... and also y i never feel bored with him around.... it's interesting.. becoz i always have to think of some ways to fight back.. but i always lose out in our verbal battle of coz... ya tt's wad keeps us going...

and yes, lastly, Keith... this jack ass... i realli dunno wad to say... just love and hate him so much... i realli felt like giving up hope on this relationship... it's like i have someone by name.. but he's never there for me... he always tells me that he'll call me back.. but he never fulfills his promises... NEVER.... he's so bo chup... how can u not call someone u love and therfore will miss for 5 bloody days?! he says he's tired... he's always tired.. every sat he'll get "sick" dne at noon or nite, he'll be healthy enough to go out with his frens for some reasons... ahh.. i dunno wad to say... perhaps he's realli tired when i'm looking for him... tt's wad i've been telling myself... to make myself feel better.... i'm a leo u see.... when i lose trust, i withdraw my feelings from the relationship.... i dun jump into something i'm not sure of.... it's sad... when u have to retreat like this... hopefully, after this week, when he's not as busy as last week, he'll start to realise tt he have neglected me a lot... and willing to take intiative to spend some quality time with me... i told myself not to give in so much anymore... told myself to be less dependent on him.. told myself that it's alright to be alone.... and if he doesnt look for u, den fine... dun have to look for him... if he doesnt care, he doesnt miss u... why should u?

my oh my... havent blog for so long... sigh... 2 more weeks to alevels... getting pretty scared... and ya.. stress... pimples INFESTING on my poor cheeks... ARGH... i'm freaking ugly now.... if onli i can change my skin like a snake or sth.... just wanna get rid of those read scars... yuck yuck!
just had GP remedial with ms rajan.. hm.. i hope it's good.. better improve my gp a bit more... dun wanna fail in As.... i gotta do two intros.. it better help... well, at least she's willing to spend that few minutes with us...
sigh i'm so bored.... wanna ctahc a movie with keith... but he's so busy... didnt call me for the past 2 days again... but it seems like he's been reaching home very late for the past 2 days... so i guess he has his excuses.. i'm just worried.. wondering y he has to stay out so late.... why are they so mean to my poor Keith...? and me... all becoz of the stupid camp.. whoever who's in charge... i havent been able to see him often.... it sux missing and waiting for someone like tt... but i guess i'm getting used to it.. so it's not that bad.. and i have revision for As to occupy me... in fact, it's chocking me!
i'm realli bored and down these days.. mugging all the time.... but of coz, i always find time to slack whenever i can.... let me see....

ways of destressing which i have tried:
1. one free hair styling for my dog by none other than me!
2. my own hair cut in Fingerworks
3. swimming.. too bad that i was alone.. :(
4. locking myself up and dancing along with the hot music 98.7fm is playing in my bed room
5. doing sit ups oli when i feel like it
6. going online, checking mails and frenster

any better ideas? i dunno wad to do...

hm... i'm slacking again.. feel guilty.. but haiz.. not in the mood... and... hm.. i bought 15 bucks worth of prelims papers just now! crap.. so freaking broke! it better help me get my 3As...

it's hard not to be able to meet him often... but i guess it aint tt bad.. considering tt he still makes an effort to call me evey nite.. even thoguh somtimes it's just for a few minutes... haiz... o well, i've got my As too... so it wont be tt bad... i'm so overwhlemed by all those work already...

alamak.. we dun have a nice photo together... well, we id take some on my birthday.. just realised that i look so ugly in all of them... for him... well, he's cute no matter wad... :P after as, i wanna tke lots of pics with him... flood my imagestation albums with them.. muhaha...

o guess wad... i dun think i'll ba having much fun even after As... i'll be finishing it on 25th nov... but i'll have to go extract 2 teeth on the next morning.. crap! bo guey for one week! no... actualy it's two.. coz i'll have to extract another 2 on the consecutive week... den the following well will be bonding... not sure wad it is yet... but i heard it's like getting my braces on or sth... yucks! it's just pain and mroe pain... wont be having much fun this way... and hopefully i'll feel alright by 13th dec... got softball chalet in sentosa!! yippee!!! tt reminds me... i better have had slimmed down by then.. i'm stagnant!! how?! not losing weight... seems like i'm gaining weight... and my waist.. and thighs are still as fat!! argh!! gross!!! am i fated to look this way forever? well, i feel ok with my present look.. bu i guess everyone is vain huh... i'm sure i'll feel more confident and stuff if i succeed... anyone got good tips? and pls... money saving ones too... hehe :P

I am 28% evil.

I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

alright... time to blog.... got back all my papers... well, it's pretty sad... didnt reach my target... onli got BBC... and guess wad.... my weakest subject, chem is my best this time. WTH! think i just screwed up the other two.... i noe i could have done a whole lot better... anyway... i think tan was rite... dun think i can handle 4 subjects well... it's like scarificing a bit more time for chem = deproving for maths and physics. i was proud of myself for getting gd results for chem. believe me, i tot i screwed that up too... well, i did here and there.. but it's still a lot better than wad i have expected... better chiong maths and physics too.. especially maths man... how the hell can it be my worst subject?! i screwed up the entire paper.. REALLI... if u're me, u'll understand y.. when u see my paper, u'll faint like how how i felt when i saw those silly careless mistakes i've made... hopefully, A's will be like wad everyone have been saying.. easy enough for u to have time to check thru them... in this way, hopefully i'll onli lose marks becoz i dunno the answers, not becoz of some stupid careless mistakes! it realli sux... especially when u already knew that u have reached a particular standard.. may be not the highest, may be not ur best... but this time round, i've definitely done a lot worse than i could have... TIME TO MUG!!! but screw it... still not in the mood man... i still wanna have fun.. slacked thru today.. it's bad... i need to do something...

hm... next.... settled things between the two of us finally... haiz... just minutes before he called to meet, i tot it was all over.... now i understand.... found out sth new about him... never ever tok to him about anything serious when he's half alseep... he realli ahve no idea wad he said just now... hehe... and he's probabaly very touched to recieve tt book.. muahaha... he said he was speechless... hehe.... i'm glad everything is alright now... just hopes that he can open himself up more... communicate more.... so i can understand him better.... so that things will go smoother from now on....

hm... went out just now... i think i'm beginning to become some kind of a "uncle killer" haha.. realli... those uncles.... they keep looking at me... i dun understand why.... i tot my hair was in a mess.. or may be there's sth wrong with my clothes.. but NO.... everything seems normal when i look into the mirror... weird.... but i dun like the feeling... after all, they are UNCLES... probabaly giving me dirty looks.... yucks!!! walked past a coffee shop just now... u got no idea how much unwanted attention i got! they were looking at me from the time i walk past them till i reached the park opp. even keith noticed it.... den when we went to the coffee shop later for some drinks, those uncles were staring at me again.... WTH! not as if i was wearing anything revealing... not even a spag.. just a hang ten tee and a denim skirt? and it's not short ok! like knee length onli.. if they were my age, i probably wont feel that uncomfortable... better still, if they were good looking.. bleah :P

taht reminds me... i'm happy to be growing up... seems like pple are giving more good comments about me... especially on looks... i used to feel like some ugly duckling... if u noe me since pri sch u would no... those "exploded" curly frizzy hair... dull eyes circled with nerdy spectacles.... totally uncool, quiet and shy type.... almost felt like an outcast.... ya... cant imagine huh? i've changed so much... now to a party animal.... someone who will voice my opinions on almost everything... so straightforward that i'm trying to hold back a little so that i wont be disliked for saying nasty stuff... i've never been son confident about myself... i'm not some pretty gal with an angels's face and a guy-to-die-for body... but i'm certain that i've found somthing unique in me.. my own identity... something that people can see, can feel and like me for... and that makes me unique...

cant wait to club... cant wait to get rid of those fats so i can get a hot bikini and show off in sentosa... muahaha! cant wait to go for my softball chalet in sentosa! cant wait to meet my pri sch frens again... cant wait to get a job... experience and learn new stuff.... cant wait to go overseas.... have fun and have a change of environment... and most of all, cant wait to escape from exams... i like school... except for the examinations...