NOt QUitTinG yEt..

yes... chem engine is making me a stronger person..
nothing is going to bring me down..
i;ve screwed up almost every test tt anyone cud..
but tt's not the end of the world...
let's hope tt i wont do too badly this sem..
though i did have high hopes initially...
now.. just hope for the best..
not expecting much...

i;ve been slacking the entire weekend away...
n i havent done much these few days..
becoz of the public holidays, we've had family gatherings, house painting and all..
spent like 1 entire day on each of the 2 22 tutorial that I tried to read and attempt myself..
it;s weird.. all the solution uses moody diagram..
tot in exam, we're supposed to use chen's equation?
how wud we know how to use it if we havent practiced it in tutorials?
*ding consulation needed...

the exams are just around the corner..
getting worried.. so near yet so far..
it'll be here in about 4 weeks time..
it's a good thing tt all except cm is open book...
but there's a whole lot of stuff to study for cm..
n lsm.. i'm just lost.. havent been listening in lectures..
n we're told tt the none of the questions comes from the text book or notes..
so shud i still study?
22 is screwed.. i just gotta try n pull it up and avoid a C+
21 below avg after studying so hard.. blame me.. i'm the idiot who didnt go thru the COE tutorials for mid term test... gotta aim high for finals..
23... seems to be drowning... i;ve been screwing up recent tests...not doing well... sigh.. wad to do?

work hard work hard..
tt's all i need for this sem..

sth funny to lighten up ur day..

SeEInG A LiL lighT Of HoPE

yeah... i broke the egg..
all thanks to the magnaminous ti..
right.. though it doesnt realli help..
sigh...
today we had our cm test 2..
finally it's over~!
it's been taking up so much of my time..
well partly becoz i dun go for lecture.. so i gotta read..
think it works anyway...
felt tt my hard work paid off..
i didnt do well again for this sem's mid term tests..
but i learnt some lessons which i believe will aid in my future somehow..
firstly, i gotta curb my carelessness somehow..
steven gave me some tips.. n i am trying to practise them..
havent shown results yet.. coz my 21 still suffered becoz of carelessness...
secondly, dun let ur results affect ur effort..
dun let ur peers affect u..
dun bother about how the smarties is gg to shift the curve..
just do ur thing. do ur best. give it all u have..
n everything will fall as they are meant to be..
perhaps i am not as smart as my peers...
but i have worked hard.. i've tried.. n tt's all tt's impt..
realli tired of the mugging..
think i need a break before i start my engines again..
so tired...

meaningless life...

havent been freeling good recently..
coming into chem engine seems like a wrong choice to me...
yes it's a challenge...
which was one of the reasons y i chose chem engine..
but is it too much for me to take, i wonder...
i havent been taking up any events..
been trying to study very hard for my exams..
n yet.. i am not doing well..
22 is totally screwed...
21 was realli disappointing... i might not have done fantastically well.. but it shud have been better..
i wonder wad went wrong...
is it becoz of careless mistakes again?
23 is getting more n more depressing...
aspiring to get close to a full mark for every test..
n i am failing myself yet again.. my marks.. r getting lower n lower..
is 8 the best i can do?
thank god we're onli using 7 out of 10 tests...
but i have already used up 2 of my life cards...
n i have 3 more test to go...
somebody tell me... issit just becoz i am not smart enuff?
wad do i need to do to be able to be up there with the rest?

WhY am i stuDyIng?

this week has been horrible...
after mugging hard for almost the entire study break, i cock up for 22 mid term..
n tt has probably sealed my fate with 22....
hey juniors, dun bother mugging..
coz even if u do, u probably wont do much better anyway...
*roll eyes
it's a tikam test... unless u're damn pro.. like some smarties..

21 was not bad.. just tt i didnt have enuff time to finish...
made some conversion mistake i think.. but i kinda got the right number though i used the wrong units.. hahaha.. talking about luck...

basically.. me n mr frens have been aksing ourseleves y we are in chem engine..
y r we giving ourseleves so much stress..
we dun even wanna be chem engineers in future...
so y did i end up here torturing myself?

my onli ambition was to be a vet..
coz i simply LUUURRVVE animals~!
erm.. not all animals actually..
i onli like dogs, hamsters, fluffy rabbit.. wahaha..
no cats, no birds please... :P
anyway... couldnt go overseas becoz it just costs too much...
cant get away with the guilt leaving my family in singapore cutting all costs they can just to send me overseas...
i needed 50k in my bank to be eligible for application ok.. wth...

so.. we had no choice but to stay in singapore...
n my 1st choice was... medicine..
wasnt sure wad else i wud wanna do besides being a vet...
n medicine was probably one of the closest...
n i had a stupud idea of wanting to try my luck n see if i wud be shortlisted...
n yes i was... but after mum told me about her discussion with her medicine prof fren.. n talking to a self-claimed top medicine student, i decided tt it's not sth tt i wud wanna do...
i cant imagine myself working in a hospital...
n dealing with all the gross n bloody wounds n all..

so i ended up in chem engine.. my 2nd choice..
the closest to wad i studied in jc..
tot sth familiar wud not be too bad..
n now.. i realli dun quite like it..
just trying very hard to do wad i can with wad i have now...
i guess the class of the degree doesnt realli matter much to me now..
as long as it's not 3rd class... tt will do..

may be i'll work in the zoo in future...
may be i'll be a teacher?
may be i'll just be a tai tai in future..

one thing i am certain about...
i will still wan to work around dogs n hamsters in future...
one day.. i'll own my own animal farm....