fear?

i wonder if fate is fooling with us...
wad is it supposed to mean?
time for us to come back to reality and face our fears?
i was there.. kinda freaked out when i see tt familiar back..
wasnt prepared... never tot tt would happen..
ya.. i was hoping tt we could look at each other face to face, eye to eye...
it would have ended everything nicely..

but we didnt have the chance to..
or rather i didnt have the chance to..

so went to the lib with dear..
and there he was..
sitting just opp..
anything more coincident?
they have a common fren..
ha...
i was wondering y those big eyes were staring at me when we came in..
now i noe..
i tried not to run away..
aint a coward...

my heart did race when i first saw tt face opp...
i was like "what the..."
perhaps it's all fated..
so ya..
i tried to look him in the eye..
but he didnt dare to look back..
dear said they were exhanging stares..
even jason was involved..

ha.. so weird..
thankfully dear was understanding enuff...
thanks sweetie for being there for me..

i noe y there's a diff in our responses...
i havent done wrong..
he did..
guilt stole away his courage to look at the gal he hurt so badly..
did it?
or has he always been trying to escape from all his problems?
somehow it was expected...

may be i did do wrong..
dear tot me...
he said this.. which hit me right at the head...
"a couple shud grow together and solve all problems together. if the r/s is worthy and u try hard enuff and work together, nth is impossible to solve. if u do treasure the r/s so much, you wouldnt let go of it so easily."
sth like tt...
ya... i made an impulsive decision then..
not tt it's wrong..
it's probably the right one considering wad's happening now...
but if i did loved him so much then, how could i have initiated a break up so easily?
the onli excuses i can find for myself is tt i was shaken, utterly dissapointed becoz it meant so much to me.. impulsive....
bad excuse huh?

this is for me.. wad about him?
may be it was just an excuse to get himself out of the r/s..
aries likes adventure and try new things..
may be i was just too boring..
was i?
too sweet? too understanding? too forgiving for you?

sigh... no pt brooding over wad has happened..
but ya.. lesson learnt..
ha.. n it came from dear..
who supposedly... ahahaha.. shall not disclose...

o well.. at least i tried.. n i wasnt afraid..
thank god dear was there...
muackz~!!!
love u...