confused... just dunno which way to go...

i am in a dilemma.. i dunno if i have answers.. or may be i already have? great! bravo! i got my 3As! but so wad?! i dunno wad i realli wanna do in future. i dun realli noe wad i wan. i hate being out of control of myself. i hate not having goals in life... my 4 mths seems pretty meaningless without softball, without mugging...

dear dear was there for me.. but NS took him away from me.. i get to see him onli on the weekends.. bloody gov say 5 day work week.. but he's still onli allowed to book out at 12pm on sat.. wad's the f**king diff? now he got field camp.. i wont get to see him for bloody 2 weeks~!

anyway, tt's not the point... i keep getting out of pt..writing during the medicine essay test was so tough.. havent written for so long... cant organise my tots well.. cant even form a bloody sentence properly. pple seem to be so keen about getting into med..seriously, i'm just trying my luck... see if i am gd enuff to be a doctor. i dun realli noe if i wan to be one. thanks to my good results.. i got into NTU's chem engin too.. where the intake each year is onli about 100+. i was kinda proud of myself.. but rite now, i dunno whether to go for chem engin or med.. med sounds prestigous, sounds glamourous.. but my med fren told me it isnt.. docs are under paid.. so should i? n i'm not confirmed a place yet.. NTU already gave me one. my mum told me dad seems a little upset that i might choose not to be a doc. just becoz it sounds great to have a doc daughter rite? sigh... and my mum.. she wans me to go NUS. becoz she's working there. transportation fees will be lower and i wouldnt have to stay in a hostel. but NTU's chem engin is definitely better than NUS's. NUS is so mug-gy... NTU has more hands on.. application stuff.. i had enuff of mugging seriously.... most belive tt NUS certs are more recognised globally.. even fuyee told me tt Times magazine quoted tt... so... wth... i dunno which way to go... and it freaks me out.. makes me so pissed with myself and frustrated when i am not working for sth tt i may wan.. i mean like getting into med... i am not realli putting in all the effort i can to gain admission... should i even try? sheesh.... somone tell me~!