what do i realli wan?

finally managed to talk to my mum... had a heart to heart chat with her for like 3 hours~! ha... it's always like tt... well, this time, i reminded myself throughout the chat, to listen to her opinions more insteadof defending my stands and my beliefs as usual... it worked.. it was an open n peaceful chat... not realli tt peaceful after all.. u'll know y later...

hm... she brought up many points which i totally agree.. in fact i've seen all tt even before she brought it up... it's true... when i go uni, i'll be very busy.. i'll have much lesser time with dear... not sure if he would mind.. not sure if any of us will have 2nd tots about our relationship and not be able to resist the temptations around us.. it is quite true to say tt we will be in different stages of our lives and experiencing diff things... our minds will mature and change...

would he still be the one i love?
would we differ so much that we can no longer compromise with one another? would he mind tt people ard me and myself r uni grads?
would he develop low self esteem?
(i certainly hope not.. his confidence is one of the positive qualities i like about him... )
would we have common goals in life?
(it'll be real tough if we dun)

so many doubts, so many questions, so many uncertainties.. i wished i knew how we would be like in future.. i do not wan to get hurt. if i have to, i rather feel it now then later. becoz love will grow with time. if there's no love, there's no hate. if i'm gonna feel the pain later, ít may become unbearable... it's a turning point of my life... i'm not sure which way to go...

talked to dear today... cried like shit on the bus to his house... i knew it was coming... i knew he wouldnt accept the idea of going for a degree... i understand how hard it would be.. academically, he hasnt done well enuff to go to a local uni... finacially, he cant afford thousands of dollars for a typical 3 or 4 year course... but i just hope tt he will upgrade so he can get a better job in future... it's not jus for me.. it's for himself.. n us.. our future... i dun wish to have any gap between us... sigh...

but wad he said was true... we're not facing the problem yet.. shouldnt get too panaroid about it.. i agree.. i jus wan both of us to be aware of it... so tt we can be prepared and will be able to overcome the obstacles better.... sigh.. keeping my fingers crossed....