To Be A supErwoMAN

hi bloggie... havent posted anything for so many days... hm.. my comp crashed AGAIN! WTH! it's stupid... lousy comp tt get infected by god noes wad so easily...  i'm never ever gonna d/l anything the next time i use that comp...
just read efei's blog... ya... agree with him... agree with jieli... wonder why am i so curious about other pple's life... wad about mine? how often do i reflect on my own? actually i like reading other's blog... i like to read my own and laff at the silly things i wrote in the past few mths... hm... i wonder how many pple read my blog..bugt i'm sure there are a few regulars.... i guess i read my fren's blog becoz i care... because i wan to noe how they are doing.. becoz i miss some of them... becoz i dun wan to ask them personally how they're doing... may be becoz i just wan to support them, to be there for them without them knowing... things seem to be much simpler this way...
 
just read the forwarded email efei posted... ya it struck me too... my love life is realli in a mess now... somehow it's just so weird.. things which u long for them to happen dun happen they way u wan it to be... things which u least expect and not wan them to happen just happens so... ok..yes this is confusing... well... my love life is so too... i didnt want to get close to any other guys...as in, just to prevent myself from falling in love or the guy from developing feelings for me... i have my As... i need to concentrate...i noe tt very well and i have constantly reminded myself... den the wrong stuff start to happen... first i met a guy, E who was so perfect..."was"... yes was... unbelievably, i fell in love with him onli after meeting him for the second time... and yes.. it was mutual... the first time such miracle happen on me... but this dream was so short... too bad...i realli like him a lot... but it was just a crush to him... and yes... just as his frens have commented... not sure if he also feels so for other gals..but ya... his feelings for me died just after tt few weeks... crap.. it was so disappointing.... the story from the forwarded email reminded me.... tt perhaps i still have feelings him.. it's like on and off... just realised it was never gone... should i tell him tt i still have feelings for him? or should i just keep quiet... hide in the dark adn be there for him if he ever calls for my help? it's unfair...his heart is still with her... no one can take her place... j j j forever... i'm so jealous... but it no longer matter tt much... becoz i wan him to be happy.... it's ok tt i am jealous.. it's ok tt i'm sad.... jus as long as he's happy...

ok..well, den comes another one, L... whom i had no intention to get close to... it's so stupid? i dunno how to describe it... jus unwanted attention.... just didnt wan anyone to like me..to woo me... just felt tt i rather be alone...ya..i rejected him... he's definitely not the guy i'm looking for...so ya... incidentally there's another D whose birthday falls on the same day as the previous... ya...he likes me too..for some reason.. i dunno y... it realli makes me wonder... am i tt pretty? am i tt attractive? am i tt good? why? why are these guys falling for me? are they realli serious when they say they like me? or issit a crush like the first? wad a pity... i'm not perfect... i'm nice..but i'm not tt nice... have u all seen the ugly side of me? would u still like me if u have seen tt side of me?

hm well... I didnt reject D..neither did i accept him.. well, he didnt ask...so... hm... tt's gd in a way.. becoz i have no answers... i dunno y... it's so complicated... he's a good fren... and becoz of how we're related, i guess i would rather to keep things the way they are... like in the past... may be becoz we see each other so often... i'm afraid of facing things if we ever have any problems if we do get together.. things may turn out to be very ugly... well, at least for me.. i noe myself pretty well... i'll turn things reali sour...so ya... better not.. at least not now... and yes, i feel guilty... somehow sth tells me tt i should let D noe about ther other guys in my life... like a sense or responsibility... but another advises me not to... coz it';ll make him sad.. and i hate to do tt...i've made guys sad...too many... i had enuff....

hm... den... comes K.... somehow for some reasons, he's also "fond" of me... i quote from wad he said... i'm realli puzzled.... y me? wad's so good about me? i dunno K well...so i always avoid him from poping the question... so ya.... and yes... he pissed me off a few times... my patience and EQ are developing well.. haha...

ai ya.. crap... wad is this... all these happens in such a short period! why? why? why? am i too nice to guys? do i open myself too much? but i'm like tt... i'm straight forward.. tt's the way i am... i say wad i feel... i care for my frens... and yes... i show it... cant realli put it to words.. but i show it with my actions... hm.. may be i should not be so nice to guys huh? den perhaps such stuff wont happen.. at least not so many!

Listening to : Leave (Get out) by jojo
Mood: Fucking confused...lost...
Why this colour? suits my mood...