what do i realli wan?

finally managed to talk to my mum... had a heart to heart chat with her for like 3 hours~! ha... it's always like tt... well, this time, i reminded myself throughout the chat, to listen to her opinions more insteadof defending my stands and my beliefs as usual... it worked.. it was an open n peaceful chat... not realli tt peaceful after all.. u'll know y later...

hm... she brought up many points which i totally agree.. in fact i've seen all tt even before she brought it up... it's true... when i go uni, i'll be very busy.. i'll have much lesser time with dear... not sure if he would mind.. not sure if any of us will have 2nd tots about our relationship and not be able to resist the temptations around us.. it is quite true to say tt we will be in different stages of our lives and experiencing diff things... our minds will mature and change...

would he still be the one i love?
would we differ so much that we can no longer compromise with one another? would he mind tt people ard me and myself r uni grads?
would he develop low self esteem?
(i certainly hope not.. his confidence is one of the positive qualities i like about him... )
would we have common goals in life?
(it'll be real tough if we dun)

so many doubts, so many questions, so many uncertainties.. i wished i knew how we would be like in future.. i do not wan to get hurt. if i have to, i rather feel it now then later. becoz love will grow with time. if there's no love, there's no hate. if i'm gonna feel the pain later, ít may become unbearable... it's a turning point of my life... i'm not sure which way to go...

talked to dear today... cried like shit on the bus to his house... i knew it was coming... i knew he wouldnt accept the idea of going for a degree... i understand how hard it would be.. academically, he hasnt done well enuff to go to a local uni... finacially, he cant afford thousands of dollars for a typical 3 or 4 year course... but i just hope tt he will upgrade so he can get a better job in future... it's not jus for me.. it's for himself.. n us.. our future... i dun wish to have any gap between us... sigh...

but wad he said was true... we're not facing the problem yet.. shouldnt get too panaroid about it.. i agree.. i jus wan both of us to be aware of it... so tt we can be prepared and will be able to overcome the obstacles better.... sigh.. keeping my fingers crossed....

It's tough to be the eldest child...

on bad terms with my mum again.. it's kinda sad.. i cant communicate with her. we dun understand each other... ya... i'm very envious of pple getting along so well with their mums as if they are friends.. u noe.. it's a pity... we have different opinions on everything even though the same blood runs in our veins... damn... i'm as tired and sick of this deteoriating relationship.. i never had any intentions to worsen it... if i ever did, blame it on my carelessness and insensitivity.. i know i am.. at times...

i've finally decided on NUS... the seniors and profs played a huge part in it... met them.. had seven to one sessions.. and it was very informative... yet casual... cool i've decided to go for chem engin camp too... since i'm going there all alone.. need to know more pple... she's definitely very happy tt i chose NUS.. sets her mind at ease.. my choice.. partly for her... she must be thinking, "for once, she's listening to me, hedding my advice"... *roll eyes.. come on, i always did... it just takes time to process thru my own set of values... and i noe.. i'm rebellious.. the trick is.. not to challenge me... u wont get wad u wan if u push it too hard...

anyway, back to the prob of my life... yes.. u didnt hear it wrongly.. PROB OF MY LIFE... it will probably be haunting me all my life.... u noe... i realise how little she understands me... all her claims.. she got no idea that i've thought of all the things she said way before all her complaints.... yes i have taught of working part time or giving tuition to earn more, or at least enuff for my pocket money.. but i have a responsibility, a commitment now... it's filial piety... i need to repay my coach... it's been 2 mths? but i cant let it go now.. becoz june will be intensive training mth for my dear hopeful juniors... i cant work part time.. becoz no job will allow me to choose when i wanna work... i wouldnt like my weekends to be taken away.. i had a taste of it.. not being able to visit granny n have dinner with the family on sat.. is quite sad.. n i will also lose time with dear chris.. and tuition... sounds easy huh? but i dun wanna start sth i cant commit for long.. it just aint fair for the kid if i just drop it when uni starts... i'm not sure if i can cope... but some seniors did.. so.. now.. i tot of giving it a try.. but where do i get the kids from? someone pls help me promote... pri to sec shouldnt be a prob... jc.. maybe chem n maths also can make it..

she thinks i'm tt immature... i gotta live up to her expectations.. how her eldest child should be like.. wad kinda person she wanna me to be like.. sick of it man.... yes u noe u cant force me to do anything i dun wan.. i've always been much more independent than the other 2 boys.. i had no choice.. tt was how i was brought up.. since i have 2 younger bro... so dun blame me for believing in myself so much... it takes some time for me to process other's advises or opinion.. i'm not a sponge.. i dun accept and suck up everything tt comes along.. isnt tt gd? having a mind of my own? ah... ya... i'm very sure my mum's advises are for my own good.. no doubt about tt... but pple do make mistakes, don't they? i do, don't u? if i did not stick thru the rough times of handling both softball n my studies, i wouldnt be who i am today.. my positive attributes that softball has shaped me into... i'm proud of it.. and myself... i'm glad i didnt let u stop me..

i still cant tok to her.. sigh.. i dunno how... we're a distance apart... i got no prob toking to my dad if i wan to... my mum... she just shows tt black face all the time.. never cools down and listen to me... when i pour out my feelings, she always have her "definitely right, dun doubt me"arguments... arh... i dunno how to tok to her... i wan to... but i'm helpless...

pple.. read my testimonial... i am a gd listener... a team coordinator in my PW group.. not to get points... but its me.. from the bottom of my heart.. i saw it coming.. all the inetrnal disputes... it's for the benefit of my group... i am self centered.. but i am open and do accept others'opinions... so hello... dun tell me i dun listen to u~!

NUS or NTU?

I got a headache seah... yes... good... NUS offered me chem engin too... but no... unfortunately and fortunately, I'll have to choose between the two... obviously my mum wans me to go NUS.. why? becoz she works there... transportation wise is so much easier n cheaper... but u noe how mug nus is... n i hate tt... i believe in an all rounded education. i dun wanna just mug my entire 4 years thru like tt.. i wanna play halls games, wanna join clubs.. wanna forge life long frenships..n nus have this sickening bidding system for certain courses or lectures.. wa so sianz... wth... n ntu... it's more lively.. yes it seems... but it's so freaking far... yes it's still in singapore.. but i dun wanna spend 3h to n fro... wad a waste of time.. if i were to study in NTU, i would have to stay in the hostel... n man's fav comes along.. $$$$$$ .... sigh... i dunno.. tml there's NUS fac of engin open house... hope it's gd n realli informative.. so i can compare and finally decide.. my parents are anxious.. both asking me where i would choose right after i start reading the letters and booklets.. it's my future.. i realli gotta stop and think carefully...

hm.... o... did situational fielding with the sec1s today... at the same time, we taught the sec1s how to run bases too... hm.. running bases was much easier i guess.. for me, i focused more on the sec2s... i think tt their basics r good.. just tt they r not experienced enuff.. sometimes very blur... especially when there r more than 1 runners running.. poor thing.. a few of them cried... becoz they didnt do well today and they feel pressurized to win the championship title... it's like it's somehow becoming a tradition for TKGS to win C div champion... so.. ya.. i understand... but then again, i was surprised... coz i didnt expect these young gals to be so ambitous... to think so far... it's like nationals wont start in a mth time... they havent even played a national game... u noe.. dun think about the outcome... focus on the process and the outcome will take care of itself... hm.. it never realli got into me.. not such things... i aim to get the title... but i dun worry? hm... anyway shaz talked to them... n i hope they r ok... their next training is in june camp.. hope they cna gain more confidence in themselves.. another thing is... i do wish to talk to them... not tt i'm good with words.. but i feel tt they need to strengthen their mental skills... yes skills.. it is a skill... those were the day when we were lucky to have ms tng... who did so much.. organised mental training sessions for us.. i think they need it to... but we dun have it anymore... may be i can tok to them.. share a bit of wad i've learnt.. i wanna help them...

kate- bless u...

XL's fren, tYrAeL aka cHiN sOoN aka aNdY aka sOoNiE aka cHiNnY aka cHiNs aka sPaRdA... lol... into me a blog to read yesterday... it was an eye opener... astonishing~!!! let me quote some of the blogger's interesting writings... firstly, she calls herself "Teenage Callgirl" in her blog.

Shocking quotes from her blog:

1. If u wld like me to repeat myself, to quote those who have said, "U sleep around". So far, till this date I have had only engage in Sexual intercourse. The kind with ur dick in a vagina... With 2 guys. None for $. 1 rape. 2.willingly.
2. Haha.. you know you can't afford my lifestyle. U can't afford my pussy.
3. A 5figure bank a/c. I already have that so to say. But it isn't enough. Nothing is ever enough. Thats human nature. 5figure... i can scan a copy of my bank book n show u guys. @14yrs old my bank account have already hit 10k. Therefore, many sickening poor teenage guys wldn't pay for dates. Would they ?
4. 16plus. I'm barely legal. But yet, again I'm legal. Fresh meat.

u should roughly get the idea wad kinda gal she is? for those who r innocent or too "clean"in the head, let me spell it out to you.. she's a social escort.... if not, of some kind similar... she's realli young.. not tt i am much older.. but i am shocked by wad she's doing.. the way she thinks about the society, about love and worst, about sex... she doesnt believe in love. she thinks tt most conform. she thinks tt 150 for sex is too little and 500 is rejectable.... not tt i feel tt she should charge any more or less... i just dun think she should sell herself... she denies and give excuses that she isnt.. she calls it a transaction... perhaps it is so.. to her or her kind... but to me, it's just morally wrong.. wad has the media done to us? should we take a step back, stop, and look around and see wad has the world became? wad kinda impact the media has for our youth, the innocent naive minds who r not matured enough to distinguish the gd from the bad and make their own decisions? ok let's stop the GP thing... but seriously... it caught my attention becoz of her attitude towards sex n the way she thinks about selling herself...

even though i believe tt it is wrong, i still admire her to some extent for her straightforwardness, boldness and honesty... she seems like a rich and well- educated gal...if u read carefully and take notice of her choice of words... concise and wide vocab... shamefully or perhaps not, her english is probably stronger than mine... her writings provoke my mind and perhaps have infected or influenced the rest. if not, there will not be so many patriots. but of coz, the patriots includes the pervertic wolves who are interested to get into her pants... I do not think tt it's all her fault to become who she is today. the society plays apart. her family background plays a part. the rapist must have played a part too. whether her story is real or not, i bless kate and wish tt she would not be harmed further..

this blog of a young lady has shown us how human in the world has changed. have we become better man? has the world become a better place, for u and for me.. and the entire human race... lala... (there goes micheal jackson's song).. pardon me for being so corny... but.. realli... look at wad this young gal is thinking. i am very sure she's not the onli one. she's right. ur best fren might be one of her kind. the gal u have lunch with everyday might be one of her kind. or perhaps ur cousin? ur daughter? ur neice?

sigh.. i feel sad... hm.. enuff of blogging about this.. but her blog is sure interesting to read.... not tt i agree with some of her views...

long time no blog~!

ah... i dunno wad to blog about actually... lost touch with blogging... i've been keeping our dear love diary... so there isnt a point for me to blog realli... i've been writing all about my boring days in the pink lock book... it's cool.. it has 2 secret compartments in it... cool seah... anyway, i wrote all my MISSING Us and lovey dovey stuff inside... hee... proud of it... so dear can know wad's happening to me when he's not around with me...

anyway, i just read a few of my fren's blog... hm... christine's is forever nice... her england's like damn powderful.... she can realli express herself well.. hm.. i wonder... y not giver her the best blog award? i've read tt xiao xue's blog.. hm... i gotta admit.. it's realli funny... all the flash work tt she put up.. it's not very pro.. but comical indeed... i think tt's y pple like to read other's blog.. we're just born kpo... we feel tt our life's too boring.. like to poke our nose into others' business.. like to know wad's happening to pple around us... but christine's as good.. coz it's enlightening... she's a natural GP A1-ner... yup~! hm... o n bong's... quite interesting... so sianz.... y r so many interesting things happening to everyone? my life's so boring.. just stone at home all day... i'm wondering if i should go back to work... but then again, dear's gonna POP soon... he'll have a week break... and i realli wanna spend everyday with him if possible... we're thinking of going for a holiday together.. but will mum allow me to? sigh... tt's y i cant start work yet... even if i can find one, it wont be nice for me to take a week leave when i can onli work for a few months...

o... i check out the curriculumn and realised tt nus n ntu offers the same course. went for ntu tea party and almost got misleaded by them.. yes ntu is the onli sch in sg offering a degree in chem n biomolecular engineering.. but guess wad.. it's juts a difference in the name... they still study the same stuff... so... i dunno seah... looks like i got no excuse to choose ntu over nus... i'm torn apart... i've a better impression of ntu.. it seems like a more lively school.. of coz i'm going uni to mug and get my degree... but i wan an enriching 4 years... not just plain boring mugging.. i've always believe tt we should get a all-rounded education... nus's like so mugger... i dun like... n they have this bidding system for certain courses.. sianz... but on the other hand, my mum works there.. i can get free rides whenever possible... ntu seems nice.. but it's so far seah... so ulu.. prob have to stay in hostel.. if not i'll be spending close to 2 h just to get to ntu... sianz... how how?

"Lonely"

Lonely I'm Mr Lonely,
I have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely,
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got that one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave
I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin

I'm so lonely (so lonely),
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)
I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll
Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely

3 CHEERS TO VJ SOFTBALL GALS~!

Wa La wA lA~! we are the CHAMPIONS~! hee... even though I am not in the team, I'm still so proud of them! we beat hcjc like 6-1 la~! tt's like trashing~! wahahaha~! I am up on cloud no. 9~! yeah yeah~!

okok relax shirley... let's reflect on how everything happened..i met cheryl at orchard today.. we were supposed to shop for her mom's mother's day present.. we didnt get anything in the end.. but it was kinda fun.. and time always pass fast when u r shopping, when u r having fun.. hehe... we went to Tangs.. there's this super big lingerie section where there's this realli COOL nice changing rooms side. One of the changing rooms is called Queen of Hearts~! It like so shiok la~! a bit bigger, u can make it a bedroom already. It might be the same size as some of the bedrooms in the new condos~! It has this super big mirror in front, place for hangers and this big round couch or wadevre u call it! so cool.. it realli deserves it's name... prob live like a real queen if u have tt as just ur changing room at home~! the rest are smaller but quite nice too.. and all the bras are like super cute n super sweet! i feel like buying all of them~! eeek~! I just have this thing for lingeries... sadly, no money... haha.. I was trying to stop myself from trying anything on so tt i wont have a chance to buy anything.. lol..

ok after all the shopping, we took a cab to hcjc since we forgot about time while having so much fun shopping. just when we board the taxi, it started to rain~! cheryl was like "WTH~!" we're both kinda angry la.. waste our cab fare... the guys started first and the game went on n off, on n off due to the rain. they onli managed to finish 1st top where hsien yao, 2nd batter made a nice hit to left field. for some reason, perhaps he was too desp, he didnt listen to coach albert and tried to go to 3. I thought that wad coach albert said was true. Even if u r the fastest runner, u will not get urself safe on 3.. the ball simply travel faster than the runner. It's guys playing after all~! fortunately for them i tot, the game was postponed by the good umpire who dislike to play in a rain. but it's kinda sianz... coz i was looking forward to this game too. i tot vj had a chance to beat hcjc.

o well, den it was the gal's turn. somehow or rather, I have great faith in my juniors. in my heart, i always believe tt they r the better team. so i had no doubts tt it will not go their way! yeah! 1st inning, hcjc managed to score a run. we fought back and got one run. if i am not wrong, most prob, it's candice's home run. wa she hit damn nice la.. it's a drive to between cf n rf... it was clear.. went all the way to the rock stairs of hcjc.. right at the end of tt flight of stairs... NICE~! BRAVO CAN CAN~! well, in the beggining they didnt make gd hits. it was better later. hcjc did hit pretty well in the beginning too. it was diane's ball la. not tt she's not gd. she is. alamak.. she's onli sec3 and she's striking out pple like ESTHER~! lol.. i wonder if hcjc knows... so no face la~! anyway, diane's pitch is not as heavy as putri's.. so easier to send out lo.. but i realli think she improved a lot.. i am sure she'll be a pro by year 1... ya... and i think they can realli trust their fielders.. outfield like how zai~! meiling's catch was superb~! jump n caught~! wa so nice~! PRO~! i think it was 4th or 5th inning tt vj started wacking and hcjc started fumbling... and there came 3 runs... making it 6-1... hehehe.... O ya.. since vj started batting, they had to finish all 5 innings.. the last caught by bong was the most unforgettable~! coach zhang like how smart! so experienced tt she could predict wad kinda ball the batter will hit by the way she holds her bat. i noticed too... the batter's bat was slanted down, brought lower so tt her cut down could be made faster to meet put's ball... not sure if it will be be a gd drive. but i also tot it 's going to bong... coach zahng shouted and told bong to mover forward... and guess wad.. it realli went to her.. and perhaps cheryl was right.. if she was standing where she was, it probabaly might be harder to catch due to the bounce. so we must realli thank coach zhang. she's so pro~! not forgetting coach jo who's been yelling n yelling most of the time.. haha.. she so kan chiong.. quite funny sometimes... but the team and us, will not be who we r if it's not for her. it's true about wad feli n daph say... our basics r definitely better... we dun slug. we dun anyhow throw... haha at least tt's how we r taught.. and wad we know is correct...

3 cheers n 3 cheers n 3 cheers for VJ~! Hip hip hurray~! Hip hip hurray~!

Catching up...

3rd day without hearing dear's voice... without recieving his sms... sigh... life sux... o well, thank god time is passing realli fast... with softball and all the events happening..

i went to watch Sound of Music at The Esplanade on Sat.. quite cool.. they sang realli well.. so gd tt i wonder if they have it pre-recorded... ya.. tt was the highlight of my Saturday...

It's kinda nice to stay at home n slack.. lol... tt's wad i've been doing these 2 days... highlight of my Sunday - dinner with my maternal side of my family. It's weird.. How come the whole world is celebrating Mother's day a week in advance? The restaurant was so crowded... Perhaps it's becoz of the long weekened.. It was Labour day after all...

Hm... O well... and today... highlight of my day - I'll be meeting Efei~! Wonder if anyone who reads my blog remembers him.. yea... How exciting... Plus we'll be having sushi buffet~! yipee~! Luckily I didnt lose any money yesterday.. won a bit here and lose a bit there... so dumb... I won 4 bucks in total.. lol... hope we can win a bit more today... hope to win back the 100 tt dear lost... so sorry...

confused... just dunno which way to go...

i am in a dilemma.. i dunno if i have answers.. or may be i already have? great! bravo! i got my 3As! but so wad?! i dunno wad i realli wanna do in future. i dun realli noe wad i wan. i hate being out of control of myself. i hate not having goals in life... my 4 mths seems pretty meaningless without softball, without mugging...

dear dear was there for me.. but NS took him away from me.. i get to see him onli on the weekends.. bloody gov say 5 day work week.. but he's still onli allowed to book out at 12pm on sat.. wad's the f**king diff? now he got field camp.. i wont get to see him for bloody 2 weeks~!

anyway, tt's not the point... i keep getting out of pt..writing during the medicine essay test was so tough.. havent written for so long... cant organise my tots well.. cant even form a bloody sentence properly. pple seem to be so keen about getting into med..seriously, i'm just trying my luck... see if i am gd enuff to be a doctor. i dun realli noe if i wan to be one. thanks to my good results.. i got into NTU's chem engin too.. where the intake each year is onli about 100+. i was kinda proud of myself.. but rite now, i dunno whether to go for chem engin or med.. med sounds prestigous, sounds glamourous.. but my med fren told me it isnt.. docs are under paid.. so should i? n i'm not confirmed a place yet.. NTU already gave me one. my mum told me dad seems a little upset that i might choose not to be a doc. just becoz it sounds great to have a doc daughter rite? sigh... and my mum.. she wans me to go NUS. becoz she's working there. transportation fees will be lower and i wouldnt have to stay in a hostel. but NTU's chem engin is definitely better than NUS's. NUS is so mug-gy... NTU has more hands on.. application stuff.. i had enuff of mugging seriously.... most belive tt NUS certs are more recognised globally.. even fuyee told me tt Times magazine quoted tt... so... wth... i dunno which way to go... and it freaks me out.. makes me so pissed with myself and frustrated when i am not working for sth tt i may wan.. i mean like getting into med... i am not realli putting in all the effort i can to gain admission... should i even try? sheesh.... somone tell me~!

Who are u inside????

You are a cat woman. You are independant and very
self-rigious. You have a mind of your own and
are not afraid to show it. You tend to hide
your true feelings and get frustrated (easy).

Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by

Wad kinda dancer are u?

You are a Hip hop Dancer. You are the witty chick
in the gang, you have a special life style and
that makes you different with your own unique
way, your friends love you because they know
they can trust you. Your ideal man is the guy
with a free style not afraid of saying how he
feels, and life is never dull with him.

What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

hee.. i just came back from birthday celebration outing with liwei and meisiang.. havent met them for so so long... o ya.. btw, liwei is the birthday gal.. hee... HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! ya they r 2 of my 4 pri sch buddies... not tt we're not gd frens now... but i guess we were closer then.. we're like the 5 musketters who's always hanging out together, in sch n after sch...yeah.. liwei didnt change much... meisiang did... wa her hair... she got a new hairstlye.. i heard she cut it 2 mths ago.. yeah tt's how long i havent met them.. anyway, she looks cool... more like a trendy chic than tt guai guai innocent nerdy gal.. muahaha...

yeah... anyway can u believe it? we spent 7.5 hours in k box~! didnt even have dinner... oh my... but i'm not hungry... surprisingly... ya... n.. i sang... hehe.. i guess i didnt realli mind going out of tune, singing the lyrics wrongly with my 2 buddies.... hee... and i learnt a few songs from them... think i should go k box more often.. it's actually quite fun.... yeah.. we sang at least 60 songs~! my god... broke record seah~! never had such experience before.. lol... it's crazy.. time passed so fast.. felt like i was there barely for an hour.. hee...

o ya.. n there was this cute waiter who said bye to us.. haha.. so polite... :P anyway, we went to take neo print.. so nice seah! haha.. got 2 act cute one, one realli funny... erm... it's like wei lowered to camera so low tt we had to kneel down so tt we can fit into the picture.. n it's like so last min.. we looked so shocked in the pic... haha... but it's a great pic.. i like tt best~! there's another act dao one la.. a bit weird for me.. i think i look sulky mroe than dao... wei is realli fierce.. n siang reminds me of some teacher scolding her students... lol...

yeah.. had lots of fun today.. even though it cost me a bomb... trying to save up for dear's present.. not sure wad to get yet.. but it's 6mths... half a year.. so i wanna make it special... even if i were to make one for him, on the day itself, we'll still spent quite a lot.. n it's like dear's pocket is very tight.. coz ns pay is like peanuts onli... okie... tt's all for today.. chao~!

Mon seems like an exciting day~!

hee... firstly, i shall reflect about today... hee.. met up with dear dear again.. yesterday's meeting was too short... n his mum is forever back in malaysia when her dear son books out.. i realli dun understand y.. doesnt she miss him at all? i'm afraid tt dear dear would be sad tt no one is spending this precious time with him so i always try to meet him when i can. anyway, met up dear at lavender this morning.. he tot he would be late.. so he asked me to take my time. n i did.. but guess wad.. i was late! like 15 min... lol... dear looked pale.. even though he's already so tanned by the scorching merciless sun... he's sick.. having sore throat n cough.. it makes my heart ache when i see him cough.. he looks like he's gonna cough out his stomach... realli terrible.. i bought strepsils for him since he refuse to see a doc or take medicine. our first stop was tt market tt sells or the amry stuff tt he needs.. dun remember wad it's called though... had lunch.. realli light one for me.. i ordered "xi1 yang3 cai4 tang1".. actually it's more for him... coz the aunty say it's cooling... hee... yup.. think he likes the veg a lot.. yeah.. den we did the shopping again.. think he's preparing for field camp already.. hope he dun lose so much weight.. dao lost like at least 5kg from 10 days of field camp or sth like tt... man.. scary.. o ya dao must eat more ya? hee.. :P

hm.. then we walked to prince and watched the pacifier! ai yo.. feel so guilty spending his hard earned money... all the tough trainings he has to go thru during ns.. alamak... guilty seah! anyway, pacifier was not bad.. it's more like a family show... haha... cute cute... yup... if u;re looking for sth to smile and laugh about.. sth relaxing to watch with ur frens, tt's the show u should be going for... hm.. den we went back to dear's place to drop his stuff.. accompanied him to have dinner... den i went home lo... sad sad... i realli dun like the parting part...

o not forgetting the part we quarreled... i'm so pissed when he oggles at big boobs.. even fat woman's~! faint! felt not appreciated for all tt i have done for him.. felt like he dun realli like me for who i am.. who dun wan big boobs, nice skin n all tt... i realli mean OGGLE! he looked like some wolf ok! felt like slapping him! i was so pissed.. i just ignored him.. it's not realli like a big matter.. but i just cant stand it... the more u love someone, the more impt such things become.. at least tt is the case for me.. sigh... i cried like shit... n somehow he seem to knew wad i was thinking of.. guessed he realli tot about it.. so he answered all my doubts without me questioning or complaining... great.. i was so surprised tt he knew how i felt and happy tt he made me feel better.. so i stopped crying.. yea... it's great.. it's onli been 5 mths plus. coming to half a year... it seems so short.. but we're like a couple who has gone thru think n thin together for years.. we actually know wad each other r thinking of... last week, we bought those silver earings tt i like at the very same day separately. this week, he bought me a pretty sky blue wallet. i've been thinking of getting a new one for months! never realli mentioned to him b4... HE JUS KNEW~!
n whenever i do sth with him, i'll think of him.. for example, i wanna get a drink, i'll order bubble tea if there is. coz he loves to chew on those pearls which r each 30 calories btw... lunch was similar... arent u envious of us? lol... i feel so lucky... hee... muuuack!

ok about tml... well, i was suppose to go back TK to help coach coach the sec1s.. but jan told us tt rj n vj will be playing tml... so hee... meeting jan, pris anc heryl at 1pm for lunch at parkway tml.. hee... den we're gonna watch the guys match.. hope they play well.. at least a gd tough fite so tt rj wont be so arrogant anymore.. hm... as for the gals.. i realli wan them to perform.. believe tt they can... so jia you~!

I'M SO BORED~!

man.. i've been stoning all day again.. or i think i'm just purely lazy? i'm like so sianz.. dun feel like stepping out of the house.. dun feel like realli doing anything.. borrowed books but didnt want to read.. borrowed excel notes from mum, but too lazy to study it... sigh... i'm just plain lazy i guess... no excuses to complain of my boredom becoz i brought it to myself... sigh...

nth else to blogged about... coz nth happen..

wa this is my third post for today.. anyway it's kinda screwed up today coz i was so excited to watch my junior's 1st match today and it had to rain.. alamak.. *faint... so sianz... but anyway i threw with daph n stacy.. so not bad la.. hm.. my throw not tt gd today.... alamak.. i must try to master it when i go tk n train sec1s.. more like getting myself warmed up... hm... i havent bat... i wonder if i still can.. o ya.. i caught for diana~! o crap.. she's so scary.. ahvent pitch for sooo damn long.. and her pitching still hurts like mad... can u imagine if she realli trains for it? it's fast and accurate... hm.. i realli hope cheryl can do it too.. she can la.. she just needs more self confidence.. mroe encouragement.. if not y did coach choose her to be a pitcher n not me? i like being a ctacher.. love it actually.. but i wanna learn pitching too... ok a lot of typos i think.. coz i'm like typing so fast~1 lol... hope u get it... ok tata~!

sth to share with all of u...

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~ Charles Gordy

What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.
~ Saint Augustine

BORING~!

man... i've got nth to do today.. except lto ook forward for vj's game later.. which happens to start onli at 4.30pm~! argh~! since when do the gals start later than the guys? anyway... i can still go down earlier to throw some balls with daphne... and watch the guys match coz they seemed to be a better team than the previous batches... man.. can they hit... hm... they r more frenly and less arrogant i guess... heard that the gals n guys team are quite supportive of each other.. so i'm happy for them... the previous batches never got to achieve tt unfortunately.. we were like 2 different CCAs... sigh... o well... hope they play well with RJC later...

gals, it's time to do ur thing~! show PE dept wad u're made off~! just play well and SHUT their stupid mouth UP! i realli feel like scolding them... WTF... how can they even think of replacing my gals with those juniors who have never played a real game before? u realli think tt's possible? i'm not arrogant.. but it's a fact that our tk gals are not replacable.. not unless u can find any experienced softballer... well, i havent heard of any in vjc so far.. so BUZZ OFF~! if u have no faith in them, y take in so many in the first place? have u realli played in the game urself? do u realised tt the top 2 teams for both guys n gals are always those with most experienced players?! DO U EVEN NOE TT? if there r no tk softballers here to play for u, U'RE NTH~! Other teams especially HCJC can just walk over u~! Jerry will think nth of u... u're not even worth his single breath of screamings! o man.. i'm so angry again... haha... i'll stare at them if they ever say tt today...!

%@ WiThOuT U, wHeRe dO I bElOnG? @%

sigh... i miss my dear dear so much... spent like 5 h with him today.. didnt do much.. just slacked... it's just gd enuff that we have each other in our arms... i dun like sun.. he booked in again... gotta wait another 5 or 6 days before i can see him again... haiz.. he was stoning, sitting down at the bus stop when i board the bus.. he was surprisingly quiet.. i could feel sth wrong going on.. later when i was on the bus, i just smsed him.. n he told me he was trying to adjust his feelings coz he hate it when i have to leave.. or rather when we have to part.. knowing the fact tt we wont be able to see each other for the next 5 or 6 days made both of us sad.. i tried not to think about it.. but when i read tt msg, my tears just filled my eyes.. i knew he wanted to cry.. but as a man, he always wanted to appear strong in front of me.. (o crap.. recalling all these is enuff to bring me to tears...) i jus hope tt these 2 years will fly past fast... real fast~!

he just called me just now.. for like less than a min.. becoz he had to pack up for tml's road march and it was already time for lights out.. o man... i wonder who scheduled tt... they just had road march on fri before they booked out. den the very next day after they book in, they gotta get it again?! it's hell u noe? hurts my dear dear's shoulders so much... he always says, "actually it's ok la".. but i noe tt isnt the truth.. crap crap.. i wanna box the idiotic sergeants~! well, then again, it's part of a singaporean man's life... he or rather we have to get thru it by hook or by crook... poor dear dear...

hm... tml will be my slacking day.. gonna wake up late.. start reading up mumm's excel notes.. gonna realli learn it by this month.. by myself u noe? i wonder if i can... haha.. well, tt will keep me busy... hm.. den may be i'll learn to cook some dishes from granny while she prepare for dinner.. so next time i can cook for dear dear too.. hee... :P

o in the mean time, peeps who read my blog if there r any, got lobang for part time jobs, pls let me know.. i cant do full time coz i'm going back to tk to help coach coach the sec1s.. lotsa shouting and screaming to do.. o.. i've started exercising again.. actually i planned to do jogging on alt days n swimming on the other alt days.. but i've failed twice already... haha... went for a swim on fri.. n sat n sun i was so occupied with dear dear, tt i just tot little of it.. just hope tt i dun grow any fatter~!

mY FiRsT dAy Of sLaCkInG

hee.. i'm a free gal now.. slept all the way until 10 plus am... lol... ya.. wad a pig i am... hm... didnt have breakfast bcoz it was the yucky GREY yam cake! GREY! can u believe it? yucks.. spoiled my appetite... i went online... n not many of my pals r online tt early.. so i was so bored... n hey it seemed like roger knew.. he smsed me at the right time... greeted me.. then i asked him out for lunch...

we met outside meridien hotel.. went to the food court there to have delicious fish n chips! wahaha~! o he has the fisherman's choice aka seafood platter in fish n co.. it's like so cheap compared to fish n co's. onli a humble 5 bucks! n it's comparible to fish n co's ok! have it warm from the kitchen... yummy~! :)~ after tt, roger couldnt find his fren whom he's supposed to pass him a present.. so he accompanied me to orchard lib... hee.. it's cool... borrowed 3 story books.. hopefully i can finish all 3 in 3 weeks.. haha... yea.. later, i accompanied roger to find his cd case. we were both tired.. yawning constantly... ya.. didnt do much.. after tt, we just went home separately...

ha... i was determined to make my day an eventful one... so the min i reached home, i packed my stuff n went off for a swim in serangoon swimming complex. yea.. feels gd in the water... o... i think i got slimmer compared to the last time i swam... but i lost my butt~! sad sad! it's so small now... :P hm... somehow the swim suit seems to be smaller.. no mroe like shorter.. after swimming like obli 8 laps, i was so tired... haha havent exercise for a long long time.. dun mind me.. when i came up from the pool, i felt like i almost zao geng... my boobs were like half exposed already... i mena just the top.. felt uneasy... tried not to make it so obvious when i tried to pull it up higher... *blush.. thank god no guys were around... didnt get any unwanted stares.. heng~! ya.. i just dried myself n went home for a bath...

well, actually i just came home from dinner with my family. becoz of work, i havent been able to have a gd meal with them for pretty long time... it was great tonite.. went to suki.. mum didnt wan us to have buffet.. so 3 of us ordered teriyaki chicken don n ma ordered saba set. wa! they gave sooo much rice.. eat until i almost puke.. n i still cant finish the rice... but it was nice u noe.. realli... hm.. ya den i went to cheng san lib.. ya lib again -.- borrowed a book on dream weaver.. hopefully i can master tt in this holiday too.. hee.. quite fun.. i wanna make my own blog skin too...

well, right now.. i'm waiting for everyone to go sleep so tt i can meet dear soon... but yawnz.. i'm tired.. from shopping at orchard today n the swimming... i gotta go rest now.. *tata*

hee... i'm a free man.. no woman.. o wadever

lalalala~! i'ma free gal.. muahaha... free from tt bloody shop... officially from today onwards.. wahaha~! hm... wad's my plan? go lib tml.. borrow some interesting story books to read... den... hit off to either swimming pool or the stadium for a jog... need to burn some fats... o! o! not forgetting sit ups~! hm.. tot of learning sth new.. may be excel.. dream weaver... o cooking~! hm.. wad else? hai ya... i dunno wad to blog.. i'll live life when it comes la~!