here i pour out my tots

no more hiding...

sick n tired of being the one pulling us back when we stray off from each other..
dun understand y it is onli my responsibility..
wad can i do alone?

perhaps i shud realli keep myself busy...
tire myself out.. at least during the camp, i have my campers..
i have so many things to do..
time flew.. n i didnt have so much time to think about us..
to worry.. to be sad.. to cry like i did when we started talking about it..
like when pple ask me y i look so sad...

i'm realli drained..
i have no drive to do anything more..
n i cant do anything since u arent gg to put in any effort to do sth about it..
issit not worth it?
is everything else so impt?
u have responsibilities and commitments u cannot let go of..
so i am the sacrifice?

damn it.. i am so disappointed..
wad m i to u?
perhaps u r busy.. but so busy tt u cant even drop me a sms now n then?
not even one a day? issit too much to ask for?
i gave u all the space n time u need..
i never stick to u like wad ur ex did..
n u complain tt i compromise too much?
hello~!!!! wth do u wan from me?
u're not even talking to me..
u're not finding time to talk to me..
u dunno wad to say, u dunno wad to do,
u dun reply my sms, u dun call me..
u r just avoiding me..
u dun miss me at all..
u r just gonna leave it there right?
let us both stray away.. n we will have nth to announce to anyone..
ARGH~! so pissed..

if it's so.. let me noe.. i dun wan to be the last to noe..
i onli remember when u said u were ready...
when i took the risk...

have i made a silly mistake again?

or may be u dun love me anymore...
or is there someone better?
o shit i am getting panaroid..
fuck.. think i said too much nonsense..
whether i mean wad i say here or not.. it doesnt matter..
may be u wont get to read it.. u wont noe.. becoz may be u dun care...
may be i onli mean it now.. or then..
ah this is stupid..