blogger cocks up

sigh.. i had so much to write this morning n blogger failed me.. i had problems getting into this page... where i post so tt u my dear readers can know a tiny bit of my life..

i'm kinda lost right now.. i am not sure where my heart belongs.. my problems with chris have always been there... we cant seem to understand each other.. cant put ourselves in each other's shoes.. n.. i simply get very irritated by lil' things he say.. it's not as bad compared to wad jimmy got from me.. but... i feel lousy... i feel bad being so harsh.. too straightfoward will be a nicer to way to put it.. aka too blunt.. but i cant help it.. i dun like to wear a mask.. especially not when i'm with my bf.. since he's supposed to be the love of my life? is he? i wonder.. i seem to be avoiding him nowadays.. all the tension in this relatipnship is breaking me down.. i'm not a saint.. i'm selfish in fact... i wan the best for myself.. i dunno if it;s best for him.. but somtimes i feel tt he may be better off without me.. i'm a meanie.. i'm a bad gal.. i'm a heartbreaker.. guys.. dun come near me.. dun come too close or ur heart will shatter..

if i were to get into another relationship, perhaps i should be more careful.. get to noe the person much better first.. convinced tt we realli have sth... sth ahead of us too.. before i make my first step into the coffin of love.. yea.. coffin of love.. n be stronger.. not melt too easily.. play hard to get? wahaha...

tutorials r gonna start soon... i;ve got lots to do.. but i cant seem to get myself settled down.. discipline myself to do wad i should do first.. o no.. i havent wash toilet yet... ahh.. see.. so much to do... i need motivation... cant seem to find it from anywhere, from anyone.. i'm not a mugger.. i just need to get things donw when i have to.. n i seem to be slacking too much.. half a day has passed n i havent done much... i cant study at home in the afternoon.. my bed is just too inviting.. my lappie is too tempting.. haha..

i'm not making sense again.. am i? i dunno wad i'm toking about.. just crapping.. ahh... sianz... i'm losing control of myself again.. n tt sux... i'm a bitch.. yes i am.. but i'm not a bitch in control of herself anymore.. i'm plain weak.. plain weak right now.. who's willing to carry me? where's my angel?