wad do i exactly wan?

tt's the qn ringing in my head... i wan sth i shouldnt have right now.. at least for now... i'm not sure if anything will change in future... i wished everything happened my way.. i wished i was irresponsible. i wished i was selfish.. selfish to make me myself happy... heck wad pple might say.. heck how pple will look at me.. heck the consequences... i wished i didnt noe wad i m supposed to do..

i left msn at 12 midnite... onli to find myself stoning in front of my lappie.. thinking.. or more like stoning.. becoz i m reluctant to face the fact.. reluctant to face the truth.. reluctant to accept n physco myself to do the right thing.. i chose not to think when the saddening reality appears in front of me.. y? y must it be like tt? is this how my life should be like? full of dramas... unhappy dramas..

havent been able to sleep well.. i noe wad i have to do. but i dunno wad i should do. i dunno wad i will do. i dunno if i can... have been thinking over n over again.. not my first time.. but.. wad exactly do u wan BITCH?

it's so addictive. felt so gd.. i dunno wanna let it go.. i cant bear to.. but it's happening all at the wrong time.. blame it on fate... heaven's fooling me... weijin told me to cry it out if i have to.. will i? shirley... r u tt weak? i dunno... should i just let it all out? let go.. dun appear to be so strong all the time.. cry it out.. cry it all out... perhaps i'll feel better after all tt crying..

but y? i find no tears from these cold eyes of mine.. have i cried too much? have i given up hope? i begin to lose faith on wad we all call LOVE... i dunno wad's love. i dun understand wad's love.. all i noe is wad i feel inside.. i noe when my heart is stolen.. i noe when my heart is broken.. tt's all i noe.. tt's all i m sure of.. for the right reasons or not? i'm not very sure of tt myself..

it''s so hard to be me.. it's so hard to be happy...