one full day of slacking~~!

o god... hahaha... less than 3 weeks to final exam.. n i did nth yestreday, went to z chen concert.. n den reached occ chalet at 9 plus, almost 10... slacked, watch tv... since my bros dun dare to play mahjong with me.. went for international breakfast.. n jumped into the pool for a 20 laps swim.. feel so fit.. haha... i miss the sun... got tan lines again~~! haha. i dun realli think they r nice.. but... it means i m getting darker~~! yippee~~!

n i just realise tt my breast stroke is wrong.. or rather in effective... saw how this previous sg swimmmer coach the kids... n tried it myself.. fwah.. much faster... n easier i guess... heee.. :P

hmmm... den headed to jalan kayu for prata lunch~~! muahaha.. i had one prata bom, banana prata n teh chino~~! goodness~~! feel so fat now.. but satisfying.. think it''s definitely better than fong seng's.. anyone wan me bring them there to eat?! eh the banana prata is huge~~! twice my face prob.. n i finished it all by myself~~! lol...

so i think now it's -20 laps again... muahaha...

hm... time to get some work done.. trying real hard.. cant seem to sit down n concentrate... swimming is one big distraction.. strating to luv swimming more... n... i get to tan~~! lol.. just realise.. hmm.. even though i grow fat le.. fats piling up on my obliques.. but heck~~! can still wear my bikini... not sexy.. but not tt bad as well.. lol... how to tan when u wear one piece seah?

okok.. chao~~! gotta d/l songs n do my fna project~~! last one to go~~! wee~~!

2nd post

Your Birthdate: August 13

Being born on the 13th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer, but it may also give you a tendency to dominate people a bit. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize. Sincere and honest, you are a serious, hard working individual. Your feeling are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. Your intolerance and insistence on complete accuracy can be irritating to some.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

i fried my diy ice cream~!

yea... jus got back from marina square, sukiyaki n teppankyaki buffet.. hehehe.. believe it or not.. i had 11 favours of ice cream~! muahaha... it's basically similar to seoul garden... meat no seasoned as well as seoul garden's but they had sushis n my fac baby octopus, etc~! ate a lot of tt.. hehehe :P hmmm... unfortunately, no sashimi, if not... wahahaha... but of coz, it wouldnt be so cheap then... i think dinner week end onli about 21? well +++ la..

ooo n it's realli interesting tt u can "fry" ur own ice cream... hm.. they had this flavoured liquid in little cups.. hmm.. n they'll clean up ur table, turn the hot plate to cold one where u can make ur own diy ice cream.. when it';s cold enuff,m the liquid changes to semi solid form realli quickly... they have like 16 flavours.. i had 11... wahahaha~! eat more n grow fat~! how to diet like tt? lol.. hmmm.. orange sherbet n fresh orange r refreshing n nice... champagne's cool.. haha.. next time i shall try the other 5 tt i missed, yam, banana, walnut, grape n one more.. i cant remember.. hee.. :P

sigh.. another wk gone... didnt do much.. tried to mug.. but with so much happening, projects, meetings, lectures, tutorials.. how to seah? sigh... worried worried...

my new blogskin~!

hee changed blog skin again.. lol...
hmm.. isnt it nice?
pink.. the colour my mum used to force me to dress in..
haha.. pple change, dun they?
i'm starting to like purple too..
the hot funky bright purple.. n pink of coz..
hmm.. this skin kinda speaks of where i am right now in my life..
but still dun feel very contented with it..
bcoz sth seems to be missing..
not attitude enuff.. not shirley enuff.. yea..

hmmm... new stage of life..
some old r/s breaks, some new ones are formed..
funny how pple change..
how much pple can change..
n hence how r/s suffers or get affected becoz of so..
but it is inevitable i guess...

if u wan it to last,
make it happen..
do sth..
compromise..
dun let it be the excuse for the failure of ur r/s
if it aint worth it,
den f**k it..
dun waste each others' time..
move on...

it isnt tt difficult to be alone..
single n avaliable has it's pros too..
u can bieo any yandao whenever u wan..
tok about them with ur frens like no one's biz...
get closer to opp sex w/o worrying..
n lots more freedom of coz..

but love is sweet..
hong keat asked me..
n ya.. i prefer to be loved if u let me choose..
i would rather marry someone who loves me more than i love him..
i'm selfish..
cant help it..
gals are more xinfu when they r being loved..
i wanna be one of them.. lol.. :P

read yimin's blog tt day..
it's a fact tt exams are in less than 4 weeks..
but look on the bright side..
it's also a fact tt holidays r in less than 5 weeks.. wahaha..
so looking for dec holidays...
i gg for slc, pru chalet, cruise, fwc prep..
wad's more in for me?!

time to start mugging.. i hope..

yea... went to watch movie today... hehe... happy happy~! i realli hate mugging la... sianz... so unfulfiling.. sigh.. 4 more weeks to final papers... must start mugging.. today shall be my last day for slacking..

o n must start doing sit ups n exercise more.. i m realli growing fat~! o ya.. i ate super lots today... hm.. banana chocolate cake at secret recipe.. n got to taste baked cheese too.. wahah.. hey it's dman cheap~! 1 for 1~! shall go eat more.. wahaha... oops.. no i m supposed to be on diet~! hm... den or fillet burger meal.. with cheese fries... den jumbo fish ball... wahaha... it must be the company...

n like half an hour later, when i met my family, i ate another banito... wahaha... realli growing fat.. n i just had red bean soup.. o no... i am having food therapy..

o well... seems like i dun realli have much to say...

i'm just a happy happy ger today... :)

o man.. exams r like in a mth time.. n just dun have the mood to mug.. sigh... i realli wanna go out chiong.. have some fun... becoz i wont get any for like the next 4, 5 weeks... sianz... sigh... y must we have exams?

been rotting at home the whole day.. did nth constructive.. n man d.e. is tough seah~! i need more practice.. hmmm...

yea.. tml going to watch flightplan.. hehe... at least sth...

shall try to mug hard from mon onwards.. :P

i dunno y i'm here... watching tv... haha cant seem to write anything here... :P

i love you

Yesterday you asked me something
I thought you knew
So i told you with a smile
Its all about you
Then you whispered in my ear
And you told me too
Said you make my life worthwhile
Its all about you

And i would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close
And say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Its all about you, yeah!

The Bottom Line
Your opinions will be challenged when you meet someone who's different.

In Detail
Make your reservations -- and make them without any reservations, if you'll pardon the pun. You're totally overdue for some fun, you're beginning to think that this 'all work and no play' thing isn't doing wonders for your disposition, and you're also wondering if your relationship might not benefit from a bit of time away together -- alone, that is. Sounds like a plan. Now choose your destination -- and please don't forget to ask for the input of your traveling companion.

My opinions of what? friendster knows me well... this is scary...

i'm already looking forward to dec holidays.. planning activities for dec holiday.. fwc planning, pru slc, pru chalet, catching up with softballers, pri sch buddies, jc classmates may be.. n i m hoping tt i can find time to go back coach my tk juniors.. miss softball.. miss them.. miss coach...

been considering if i wanna stay in hall next sem.. unfortunately, i dun have the time to go earn money so tt i can pay everything myself.. cant do it in year 2.. will prob be too busy by then.. n besides, there r so mnay events for pru next sem.. think it makes sense staying in hall since i'll have to go home late pretty often..

talked to weijie, paulene, serene my cousin... shears or kent ridge? the less happening or the more happening? frens' company or cousin's company? which block to stay in?

the main reason y i wanna stay in hall is to experience hall life... an opportuinity to learn how to take care of myself... will be useful if i wanna go for sep...

ahh too much sensoring done.. i am blogging for the sake of blogging.. so no pt.. chao..

what is frenster horoscope saying?

From friendster:

The Bottom Line
You know what you want -- so put your energy into getting it. Be enthusiastic.

In Detail
When it comes to relationships, what you're offering is like gold. What you insist upon is someone who can provide you with nothing that even remotely resembling 'the usual' -- in any department. This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll try to entice someone, who's currently attached, away from their current situation, but if you did -- well, let's hope it would be only because you were sure that you and they would have a long-term relationship that would be better for both of you. Right?

I dun understand seah.. my england too poor.. just got back my critique.. sigh.. didnt do well again.. a lil better than summary.. but it still sucks... sigh... when can i do as well as chong hua and all the smarties? sob.. :( feel unhappy.. n havent tok to anyone about it.. perhaps i should approach ms pang soon.. ask for help to improve my ctw... cant afford to do badly.. it will affect my cap..

ah exams is in wad.. 6 weeks time.. it's freaking everyone out... i shud be studying already.. but i just cant find the time.. 3 projects on hand.. nth much has been done for ctw since chonghua and melissa r both so busy.. i cant accomplish much, for the fact tt my england sucks.. shall look for more info n let them do the writing... argh... how can they expect us to finish mugging eveything in a week's time? o man... this sucks...

i've decided not to run for any project vd.. y? becoz i am pretty certain tt i will be involved in fwc.. n i realli wanna do sth for my juniors.. n hm.. sem 2 will be very xiong for me... so i am not confident of being able to commit so much time for pru events.. sob.. wad a pity... shall take on small roles in all events if possible.. hee... :P after all, i joined pru to enrich my uni life.. not to earn any cca points.. n besides, i had my fair share of 6 years of leadership... not keen to climb up to some impt pos like pres of pru anyway.. :P

sigh... sometimes i wonder if i have made the right choice.. do i think too much? shud i just do wad i want.. risk it all.. n not consider so much about whether i have the time for all tt i wanna do.. cant help it... i've learnt to prioritise in some sense.. my studies is ultimately the most impt thing now.. so.. i will not let it suffer under any circumstances.. well most circumstances.. :P think tt is sth someone needs to understand right now..

i mean ya.. of coz u have ur dreams, ur goals, things u want to accomplish in life.. but.. there r always limitations to wad u can do... life isnt perfect... u cant control time.. so... choose wisely how u wanna spend ur 24h everyday...

if i could, if i had the time, i wanna learn cooking now.. i wanna attenda make up courses now, i wanna learn jap.. i wanna vice head any projects i can get my hands onto.. i wanna play major role in fwc.. i wanna do well for all my exams n be in the dean's list for all sems.. i wanna hang out with my frens every week.. go watch movie.. play pool wadsoever... i wanna spend quality time with my mr right, feel loved n pampered n all.. i wanna make more frens.. i wanna lighten my parents' load by helping out with all the house chores.. i wanna help coach my juniors... n so much more..

there r so many things i wanna do.. but do i have the time? so unfortunately, i realised tt i am not some octopus... cant handle all at a time.. decided to pick out a few.. n leave the rest for the future.. when i have more time to accomplish them.. y hurry? i am onli 19.. always believed in completing wad's most impt first... well dun apply to all cases.. but... realli... there's a limit to wad one can do..

wad makes a gd leader? self motivation i feel is very impt.. it realli aint easy leading a grp, especially when they r all passive slackers waiting to be arrowed.. some pple prob dun like the idea of arrowing pple, like chong hua.. but after all, isnt tt part of the duty of a chairperson or leader? oversee everything, distribute duties n settle all the admin stuff.. leaders work. but wad differentiates them from the "workers" are their ability to distribute the work load... a successsful grp consist of a gd leader and gd followers... one cannot accomplish as much as an effective grp can...

ahh i dunno wad i am blabbering about already.. haha.. tt's all for my crap... i am lost for words again... time to sleep.. nitey~! o.. think paulene knows already...

i miss sat~!!

sigh... havent had so much for a long long time.. all the mugging.. not tt i am a mugger.. but it's peer pressure.. everyone's mugging so hard.. u cant stop n slack for too long.. or rather, i just feel tt i have to keep up with the pace.. nah.. cant blame it on peer pressure becoz i do work at my own pace...

took fna mid term test on sat afternoon.. rushed to nus in a cab from harbourfront.. lol.. ya was late again.. gosh cost me 7 plus bucks! can u believe it?! o well.. i like open book test... haha.. i would say tt fna test wasnt exactly tt tough.. it's more of tricky... a test of my ENGLAND.. ya england.. i find myself unable to interpret some of the qn sometimes.. i mean they just seem ambiguous... dnno if i interpret it correctly.. n hence doubtful of my answers... hope i do ok...

hmm.. n after all tt mugging, i decided to reward myself with an evening of slacking n fun!! haha... went to ps.. watch Into The Blue... tt gal.. issit jessica alba? she;s super hot! the guys in front of us were making so much noise.. prob nose bleeding over the kissing scenes and her boobs.. lol..

ahhh.. i am so envious of the couple.. ahaha... just reminds me of me.. lol... i'm touchy too! haha.. onli with my special one of coz.. well tt depends on the extent we're both comfortable with.. anyway, everything went well on sat... better than i expected in every area i suppose...

o had dinner at ichiban.. lol.. i love my ichiban set.. yum yum... but jap food is ex.. haha... still dun feel the pinch yet.. coz i didnt pay... wahaha...

n ya.. didnt do anything until sun morning..

n yes.. fourier series is terrifying!!! so many intergrations to do! yucks! i hate by parts!! spent the whole day doing it.. reading notes, wtahcing webcast tt didnt help... n attempting my tutorial.. thankfully.. i couldnt do onli qn 3... sigh.. not so bad after all..

ahh lots to do in the coming weeks... HELP~!!!

2nd post - from http://rep.astrology.com/free/9050/9559/1.html

Chapter 1: love's astrological profileSun in LeoWhen love was born, the Sun was in the Sign Leo, the Lion. love displays a great capacity for warmth, magnanimousness, generosity and playfulness. The ideal partner is an affectionate, demonstrative soul who helps her enjoy life to the fullest, encourages her inventive spirit, and isn't threatened by her charisma. If a relationship fails to provide sufficient shared joy and healthy mirroring, love may eventually feel undervalued and deprived. However, if the relationship is the sole source of her "strokes," she is courting trouble, because that's too much to ask from any one person. love would do well to have a creative outlet, and/or another source of personal affirmation and satisfaction besides the relationship

some tots about r/s discussed with weijin today..

ha... didnt bring notes to phy lecture today.. ended up reading my fna txt bk n talked about r/s with weijin.. he's so serious when we're on tt topic..

hmm... i guessed i gave it a lil more tot when weijin commented tt it was pretty fast for me to be able to get over chris in a mth plus time.. well.. perhaps so.. it sounds fast.. but i personally feel tt the reason y u broke up is an important factor here..

say if u broke up peacefully becoz u both feel tt u r not as compatible as u tot u were n decided to be frens onli.. the first few weeks or mths after breaking up, u may feel tt u have gained a bit more freedom, but nth much has changed.. u will most likely not have any problem staying as frens.. if u had, u would be patching up again..

but if u broke up becoz u were upset n disappointed with the other becoz of certain reasons, then, things wouldnt be so simple.. u may not be able to reamin as frens.. if u hated the other then, may be not forever.. but for tt period, u will not wan to keep in contact at all.. n perhaps it;s gd.. to give each other time to cool off.. to get over all of these.. n may be after several years.. i dunno.. u may be able to become frens again..

the latter applies to me.. shall not go into the details.. y so n so.. since it has all passed.. but well, i initiated the break up.. i didnt like and agree with quite ano of things about him n wad he did.. several complications were involved which resulted the hate for him building up in me.. n ya.. hence i feel tt it was much easier for me to get over tt r/s... it's like sth off ur shoulder... i'm free again.. i can finally be who i am inside..

i felt tt it was wrong.. the r/s wasnt right becoz i couldnt be who i am.. i couldnt find the comfort in him when i was down.. even when he was physically there for me.. he just wasnt the one.. diff frequency perhaps.. some may argue tt well, at leats he's there for u.. y complain? y not cherish? i appreaciate a lot as i've told him before.. but.. he isnt a soul mate to me.. n tt's wad i need.. it's no more about the lovey dovey things u do for each other.. u may be sweet.. but so wad?

i've gone past the stage where u're all concerned about the sweet little nths u say to each other.. the lovey dovey sweet stuff u do for one another.. things u read in romance comics... it is important of coz.. but perhaps i'm looking for more of the connection.. spiritual love? hmmm.. dunno how to explain it.. just feel tt i have matured a lil more.. understood a lil more about life.. seen a lil bit more.. n expecting a lil more.. amy be not more.. just sth diff... sth tt has never came into my mind.. or wasnt tt significant..

i tried to search for tt missing thing in him.. but i couldnt.. n he disappointed me much more in some other areas.. i wouldnt say tt it's all his fault.. it's mine too.. becoz i changed.. i admit tt.. i moved forward.. perhaps a lil too fast.. hmm.. i wouldnt say tt coming into uni have influenced my decision.. perhaps it did.. but it wasnt significant.. becoz.. i didnt fall for anyone i met in sch so often then.. even if i did, it wouldnt made such a big diff.. becoz we already had problems way before i came to uni.. way before fwc... perhaps even before i got my posting results.. dun quite remember when it all started...

weijin's right.. i would agree tt a lot will change when a couple who dated since sch time, go into the work force.. be it one of them or both.. u're introduced to a new environment, new pple.. n pple tend to get a lil stressed up if they have a hard time adapting to this new environment.. it's so overwhelming.. but if a couple wants to stick on together thru thick n thin, some changes will have to be made.. or rather compromisation.. nth will remain the same forever... it's up to us, it's up to the couple, the individual to change him/herself n adapt to this new environment if he/she cannot change the situation..

i never believed in finding a partner in ur class.. haha.. so my dear classmates, i'm so sorry.. lol.. it's like u see each other everyday.. as weijin has mentioned, it wouldnt matter much becoz u got used to one another.. ur other becomes ur company.. but if u were ever to be separated from each other for a period of time.. or if u cant meet one another as often as before becoz of certain things, then.. problems will arise.. haha sorry cheryl... but u r one gd example.. oops :P

hmm... sch mates r ok.. but the least.. diff class.. every individual needs their own space.. n time for ur own family n frens.. etc.. i'm sticky.. yes i am.. but i dun believe in meeting up everday.. sticking together every min, every sec if possible.. u can meet everyday.. for may be an hour? walk each other home, meet up for meals.. to study... i dunno.. but sticking together all the time is just too much...

haha think evereything may be no link after all, i typed wad my mind's saying.. tt's the way my tots flow.. :P are u lost, my dear reader? hee...

how true would this be i wonder?

Frenster has it all..

The Bottom Line
You two make a good combination. Everyone sees it. Don't take chemistry for granted.

In Detail
It's definitely time to relax, because romance is still very much on your personal agenda. Of course, you'll need to finish up your chores, balance the checkbook and shop -- but once that's over, you'll be free to fully commit yourself to the concept of nothing but recreation. You being the romantic, it won't be difficult to entice that certain companion to join you -- the one who'll be more than happy to pretend not to rush over the moment you call.

Tired of being alone.. the post getting over period is coming.. i can feel it.. especially when everyone;s so stressed up with sch work, tests n projects.. sigh.. 3 projects!! n phy is getting so compliacated by lecture... i feel stupid.. couldnt do a single qn in tutorial 3.. where's my angel? i wanna run in to his wings n hide...

blogger's cock up

i am typing my post here.. with a weird layout.. dunno wad's up with blogger... the icons are taking up such a big space in this page..

have been wanting to blog for the past few days.. was kinda free.. but i dunno y i wasnt able to find time to blog.. hmm.. havent been able to do anything constructive since mon.. after maths test.. omg.. been slacking a lot.. n thu n fri were busy days.. had nussu agm on thu nite .. wasted my 3h there.. n pru meeting on fri evening.. well wasnt tt bad..

wanna sign up to be slc facilitator since i didnt get into the comm.. man.. shall make my dec packed with lots of fun activities.. wondering if i should start giving tuition.... in dec or sth.. dunno if i can cope.. sigh...

hm... time to do some tutorials.. ah die.. i went out the whole day again.. afternoon to bishan.. hee lunch n shopping~!! o there's this new biz idea.. this interesting stall was selling hermit crabs as pets! so cool! n they r realli cute! in their colourful shells.. hahaha... hmm but super ex.. if not i will consider to keep one myself.. like wad.. 45 bucks for one?! goodness.. *hint hint~!!

ooo.. n i realised sth again.. hairstly makes a person look realli diff.. ever since i first rebonded my hair, i've been getting more attention.. ahh not bragging here.. just tt it was so obvious tt i couldnt have not noticed.. was leading ma to surf paradise... den these 2 guys in green were walking towards my direction.. they walked past me at first.. n i found out tt they reversed.. n came into the same shop.. surf paradise... yups.. think i overheard them saying, "norh.. this one looking at tt swimming costume lo"... n ya i was looking at one.. just in front of them.. i onli took noticed of them becoz they were wearing the same shirt.. wonder y.. so brother ah? hahaha...

well, it didnt realli bothered me.. then, i went to the hermit crab stall to take a look.. n they suddenly poped out beside me n started talking to the boss, asking how long they'll be there n all.. n their questions sounded pretty duh.. n i caught them looking at me twice! ahahaha... flattered.. coz one of them's quite cute.. hehehe... :P

o later found out tt they were working in fox.. just a few shops away from the hermit crab stall.. lol.. i think i saw one of them smiling at me when i walked past their shop.. hahaha... wad a day..

my hea'd getting bigger.. anyone wanna help me burst it? lol...

my 2nd post for today..

friendster might be the source of motivation.. they always seem to noe wad's happening to me..

" Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile. In other words, your luck is about to take a spectacular turn for the better, and you can happily put away any lingering problems that have been on your mind for far too long. Before you pack everything in mental bubble wrap and put it away forever, make sure you examine each of these past conundrums and remember the lessons they taught you -- you don't want to have to learn them again! "

my physics sux...

o man... sigh... just found out my phy mid term results.. 8/15.. just pass.. how bad is tt? there were many 7s though.. n quite a lot of 10+s... sigh sigh.. so wad m i? above avg? below avg? or just avg onli? i dun wanna be avg.. this sucks.. need help in physics~!!!

hm... havent been doing much these 2 days .. ever since maths test... shag seah.. just wanna rest.. slack.. wadever... but i just got my phy marks n it sucks! needa spend more time in phy le.. havent been doing much for phy.. n all the work r piling up.. i feel so free.. n yet worried becoz i noe sth is wrong.. sth bad is coming.. i will soon be working like a bee... AGAIN~!! argh..

one sem realli fly past real fast... sigh... so looking forward to holidays.. i must play as much as i can.. haha.. havent take exams.. already thinking about holidays.. bad bad...

need some motivation to keep me going.. burning out.. or rather burnt out already... n i onli got 8 for phy.. sigh...

the cons of being "single n available"... where is the love? actually it's there.. so wad else do i need actually? cant seem to get my momentum.. sports? needa exercise more...

did i mention tt i hate travelling to n fro? y is nus so freaking far.. tml will be a long day.. wont have energy to do anything by the time i get home.. sigh... I WANNA STAY IN HALL.. may be residence will be better... sigh...

long distance relationships seldom last... if i get into one, will i survive it, i wonder? i m independent n yet dependent.. i wanna be strong.. i m strong.. n yet i m weak... very weak at times... sigh...

mom once ask me when i was with chris.. will chris affect ur decision if u have a chance to go overseas to study one day? my answer was a firm no... but then again, now when i think of it, if i do have someone, i might be affected.. i wouldnt bear to leave him alone for mths or years.. i'll miss him a lot.. but o well.. i am wad.. 19? so young.. shud go for it if i can.. it applies for him too i guess... cant bear to.. but cant help it.. no choice.. becoz it's the right thing to do..

ha y m i toking about this? o well...

ahhh i m too tired...

o man... 2 down!! 3 more to go!

had my mkt presentation n phy mid term today.. mkt presentation was quite a success.. it was engaging i feel... so interesting tt out q n a session lasted for half an hour.. haha.. n i got my first A~!!!! A- actually.. hehe... :P happy ger..

ah... for the whole of mid term i have been sleeping at 2, 3am.. waking up realli early ranging from 6-8am.. n going to sch to do projects for my 2 sartors... sigh.. burn out.. too tired.. so tired my brain felt swollen... had sore eye.. n i guess i was too tired to think properly.. brain not functioning well, n hence screwed up my phy test.. o well.. i did 10 qn.. ti-cam the other 5.. of which 4 i could have done if my brian was working... n i was basically clueless about qn 14.. ahhh so bu4 gan1 xin1~!!! sigh.. 1st test.. it's always like tt.. o sigh.. n after looking at it for another 30min to an hour, i realise there's onli 1 qn tt i cant do... ahhh~!!!! brian not working! i am so brain dead now anyway..

sigh.. there's maths on mon n i ahvent mug
think i needa destress.. tml ps invited us for his ktv bdae session.. may be i'll go.. if mum let me stay out a bit later than usual ba.. NEED A BREAK~!!!!

n my decision to sleept for like 1.5 h was correct... it wouldnt have made a diff if i used tt 1.5 to mug.. sigh...

luna gathering - shang yue hui last night

yea.. gathering again.. hee.. actually we didnt do much.. just met up, eat mooncakes, pomelo, tok cok... yub.. hmm some of us met up at munchie monkeys earlier to have dinner together.. n.. haha.. we're late again.. must always remember the one hour rule.. o well, everything's in sch anyway... yub.. o n there was this band performing.. hm... quite cool.. n the lead singer was pretty impressive.. would love to go munchi monkey again to chill out with a few frens, watch the band perform n all.. hee :)

hm.. yub.. we went to the park near arts... it was realli dark.. benches may have been dirty.. but too dark to realli see.. so i just heck care n sat down.. haha.. hmm.. den guideng n shanbing lited some lanterns n hung them on the bushes.. n loren, kah sin set up candles on the table tops... was not so bad after all... hong bee n yimin were like the main target of the suaning session.. lol... so funny.. heng shanbing n me never kana anything.. ahahaha.. i'm not very gd at verbal battles.. hee.. wols la...

hmm... ya.. n it was getting pretty late.. n we had so many mooncakes to settle.. so we started playing our fav game.. zhong ji mi ma.. alamak.. i kana once.. ate this quarter of double egg yolk mooncake.. think it's my regent hotel mooncake.. it's nice la.. but think it's a bit too heaty for me.. now dun feel very good.. yea.. luckily got seth n weijie beside me.. if not i would have kana once more.. haha felt pretty sick after tt quarter of mooncake.. o poor chee siang kana instead.. lol... hm.. was my no tt diff to guess? 22 is like my all time fav no.. my jersey no.. u would have known if u noe me well enuff..

yub.. n nice val sent us home.. hee... great.. even though we got caught in the traffic jam... n hey.. val's driving not bad wad... wad's wrong? at least i didnt get car sick.. coz i do.. when i take long bus rides or when my mum drives.. oops.. wahaha... :P

hm.. mid term starting.. i wanna have fun.. n i wanna mug hard too... mid term test will be an indicator of where i am...

frenster seems to have an answer for me..

The Bottom Line
If you want to truly understand your power, give up control from time to time.

In Detail
It's hard to let go of an old relationship, whether it's a friend you've known since kindergarten or someone you see on a daily basis. However, if the situation is getting more and more uncomfortable, and you two are getting less and less enjoyment from each other's company, it's time to evaluate what's going on with a clear and cool head. It's nobody's fault -- in fact, it's quite normal. You're just growing in different directions.

shud i heed it? wad exactly do i wan? i m weak.. i run away when i dunno wad to do.. i m fickle at times.. at times when i dunno wad to do.. o gosh i just agreed with weijin tt i m not fickle unlike most gals... wad is this?

my msn nick: %@ xUeLi @% - InCoMpLeTe- something is missing in my life

ya.. my msn nick always speaks of how i m feeling inside.. i m kinda happy with my life right now.. i mean it's alright.. but it just aint good enough.. it can be better? n it should be? feel tt sth is lacking..

perhaps one, my uni life isnt well balanced.. been mugging and mugging onli.. not used to not being active in a cca... may be so.. met sharon n szwha yesterday.. made me miss softball and my team mates so much.. they look so happy with each other.. where's my cheryl? sob sob...

hm.. besides tt, i guess i m still in the process of getting used to being alone.. "single n available".. haha.. i'm such an attention seeker i realise... it just feels weird tt there isnt anyone there throwing all his attention to me.. feel like i dun belong to anyone.. y do i need to feel so, seth one asked me.. n he's right.. i m insecure.. i m confident.. but no so after all? i need to be constantly reassured... tt's wad's missing.. ahh i m driving myself crazy.. but tt's how i feel.. tt's who i am...

decided to be more independent.. no more sticking shirley.. drew the line.. just not convinced.. no enuff to give my all.. just aint fair to me.. u gotta work harder if u realli wan it..

sth interesting from frenster again..

The Bottom Line
Let pride save you from a getting involved in a power struggle with a weak person.

In Detail
Straight answers may be hard to come by right now, especially if the questions themselves are as complicated and twisty as any maze. Clearly, the astrological lesson here is that you need to learn how to make up your own mind. Get a little clarity and focus on what you want the outcome of the situation to be, then make your decisions and stand behind them. Once your colleagues and friends see what a success you can be, they'll be coming to you for advice.

wasnt looking for answers when i read this.. after reading, i guess i can apply it to certain situations in my life right now.. went for slc comm interview just now.. it was very smooth.. just opened up n tok cock with the 2 heads.. hm.. not sure if i can get my ranked no 1 pos - public relations officer.. hope to do it with someone i noe.. may be felix.. will be fun.. will be able to achieve my aim of knowing more pple in nus.. make more frens.. hee... think the heads will be interested to tok to a chio bu n a yandao ya? lol.. anyway, yup... i was told tt we will have meetings n all starting from may be next week.. in the evenings.. hm.. well, tt's the way it is if i m gonna get myself involved.. yup.. no answers to wad i m getting myself into.. but it's wad i think i wanna do.. so.. we'll see how things come about..

oops m i making sense here? ahaha..

hm... when some things cant be said.. it gets more complicated.. sigh... things happen at the wrong time.. the insecure me is driving me nuts again.. i actually teared over such a small thing.. wad happen to u shirley? u're supposed to be stronger than before~!

a lil bit of sparks in my life..

havent had the time to blog these few days becoz of stupid ctw assignment 2~! finally sort of finished it. yea.. hee :) hm... sch's getting boring.. mug , mug n more mugging... sigh... when are pru activities gonna start?

oo.. ya... lil sparks in my life.. i had my very first bike ride last fri... so cool~! hee.. weixian came to fetch me to sch on his motorbike.. i was realli scared in the beginning... felt so unprotected out on the road beside all the cars.. speeding n flying thru the road.. kinda held onto him pretty tightly in the beginning.. lol.. so pai seh.. but after while, i sorta got used to it.. onli realli felt the adrenaline rush when he went faster than 90km/h on my 2nd ride.. haha.. yea.. got default chauffer... lol... exploit or not? muahaha..

hm.. havent seen weixian for a long time.. since wad.. erm.. was it mid j2? yup... he still love wearing his singlets.. not bad.. he always look gd in them.. o n his new haircut.. kinda funky.. made him look like a boi boi.. lol.. n i almost forgot tt he's wad.. 4 years older than me.. haha.. feels great to catch up with old frens.. shud do it more often after my mid term.. or may be in dec...

a few strangers have been msging me in frenster ever since i changed my status.. y so? y r pple like tt? u're onli interested in a gal when u think u have the chance to get her? wont take initiative to make frens with someone who's attached?

let's see wad's frenster's forecast is like for today..

It's time to do a little cutting and pasting when it comes to your recent situation. Blazing a new trail isn't always easy, but the effort will be worth it in the end. Once this is over, people will know you're a force to be reckoned with.

wad does it mean?

some blog sites realli sux u noe.. u type a lot.. post.. n gone.. damn it.. wth~! waste my time..

i'm so PISSED~!

argh...~!

ah.. for short, i didnt imply anything.. i'm confident n yet insecure.. yup.. tt's all. some things come naturally. dun feel obligued to do anything.. i never meant it tt way.. i onli tot i could share it with a gd fren...

stress.. ya.. everyone's feeling it since mid term is coming up.. u have catching up to do.. so do i.. everyone is starting to mug too.. wad's new? even if i was unhappy about anything, i wouldnt have said anything.. becoz it would be selfish.. anyway i have to clarify.. no i am not unhappy despite the regrets.. i just wondered how things would be like if everything happened later.. tt's all.. i might not fully understand the stress u feel.. wad about mine?

u're sad becoz it is impt to u..

i m not complaining.. i m just sharing my tots.. perhaps u're wrong tt we can share everything with one another.. it doesnt seem so to me anymore.. u dun make me feel so.. well, tt's too bad.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. wad can i do alone?

ha... havent blog for some time already... i'm shagged.. tired.. but just cant sleep when i get home.. i dunno y...

went for PRU elections yesterday night.. sigh.. n again, i didnt run for any position.. i dunno.. i just dun like to take up sth tt i'm unsure of.. this sem is suppose to be a slack one.. but.. i'm not quite sure wad's happening for some like physics.. worried about my studies.. which is definitely my first priority... so.. running for events head or vice might be too xiong for me.. after all, u have to oversee all the 4 os issit 5 events, host overseas students and organise gatherings for the entire PRU.. alamak..i mean i like to doing such stuff.. but do i have the time? can i commit? i'm not quite sure wad i'll be getting myself into.. so.. ya tt's me.. if i decided to do it, i'll go all out for it.. if not, might as well dun touch.. so yea.. decided not to run in the end... tot competition was tough.. gim song is a very gd candidate.. seems steady n pro.. but ya.. after hearing their speeches, i felt some regrets.. felt tt i might have had a "pt of difference" (frm mkt text) to compete with the rest... not tt they arent gd.. but i have a lot more personal experiences tt i have been able to bring up in my speech to prove my capabilities.. well, then again, it all comes down to whether i can commit.. i'm not sure.. so o well..

just sms arvind to confirm with him tt i've decided to join fwc comm.. no recognition or wad so ever.. i dun realli care.. just wanna make fwc a special meaningful n unforgettable experience for the freshies next year, just like how the seniors have done it.. or may be even better.. since i havent got any pos in PRU, well, shall keep myself well balanced with preparations for fwc perhaps.. hm.. i am actually looking forward to PRU's SLC too.. been a vice cap for 4 years but never been to any SLCs unlike my bro... hm.. will be an interesting experience.. i hope to make SP night a romantic and unforgettable one.. ya.. it was a hit to me.. fwc wouldnt be the same without tt night.. tt night tt i bonded closer with a few pple.. ya..

anyway, back to elections.. ended onli at about 1.25am.. goodness.. ya this morning... some cock up grp of frens were to lazy to write their own votes.. all handed in with the same handwritting n we have to revote again.. argh.. it was getting into my nerves.. felt like scolding them.. i felt bad.. becoz the rest were waiting for me in hall.. ya.. stayed in hall for the first time.. in paulene's.. hee.. quite fun.. but of coz.. i was too tired.. ran back to hall to wash up n then met the rest for supper at feng song.. oops.. is tt place call feng song? ah nvm.. ya..feel guilty.. needa go exercise one of these days.. it was wad.. 3am? n i had one cheese prata, one banana prata with honey.. n dinosaur... wahahaha... i'm such a pig!!

perhaps i ate too much... or may be i'm just not used to not sleeping on my own queen size bed with my dear boster.. haha.. didnt realli sleep well.. n argh.. thanks but.. u noe.. my parents came at 7.40am to pick me up.. it's like so early!! i had to drag myself out from the bed seah.. it was comfy.. n i felt too nua to move.. o well.. it's quite a gd experience.. looking forward to physco my mum to let me stay in hall in sem 3.. i wan play buaya week too.. i'm sure i m gd at it.. lol... anyone wanna try? lol..

ahh damn.. mid term coming.. so much to do.. so much to catch up with.. i have got no idea wad's happening for mid term seah.. sianz.. time to start some serious work... hee.. no choice must start to be mugger le.. i feel stupid ard all the chem engineers.. they're like how smart.. ahahaha... die.. i'm onli looking forward to all the fun part.. like next fri.. got shang yue hui with lunatics.. hee... fun fun~!!!

carefree shirley

yup.. free of worries.. but work has been piling up.. wasted too much time crying over tt stupid relationship.. ah.. heck.. free from it... pls dun appear in my life again.. i dun wanna hear a word from u..

i'm happy now.. free to do wad i wan.. time for reflections.. move on gal..

needa start mugging or sth... i dun understand a thing for phy.. n i m super lagigng behind for mkt.. ahhh.. diee...

was with him.. n things turn real sour... i promised him tt i will try to lose my hate for him.. and treat him as a fren at least.. i tried.. i realli tried..

but he kept talking about our past.. reminding me of all those moments.. well, i had more unhappy ones in my mind.. so i got realli sick of it.. he doesnt understand.. so i started being a little harsh...

when we were on our way back, we quarreled... he was so frustrated tt he actually threw the newspaper he was holding onto, at me.. whack.. hard at my back... i m so angry.. so disapointed.. no one has ever done tt to me.. it shows how much respect he has for me..

realli cant tolerate him anymore.. i ran.. i tried to run away from him.. i cant face him anymore.. everything about him pisses me off.. well with my fna txt bk in my bag, how fast could i run.. ?

he caught up and stopped me.. pestered me all the way back for another chance.. how mnay chances have i gave him? tt's it.. nth more to say about him.. i told him off.. i told him to get out of my life.. y do i have to take all this shit? i'm selfish.. i wanna be happy.. tt's y i left him.. i m never comfortable ard him.. argh.. f***

-this is a repeat post -

ya nvm.. brief one.. i just hate him to the core... out of my life.. i dun wan to shed another tear for u... STOP PESTERING ME!!!

the carefree shirley has relived~!!

see.. friendster never knows me so well... it never disappoints me..

Today's Forecast
Roll up your sleeves and concentrate on clearing away the clutter. There's nothing so satisfying as getting all those deadlines and paperwork out of the way, so tackle them before those stacks in your in tray topple over.

ya.. as u can see... i got lots to do.. had 5 tutorials to complete.. just finished maths so far.. 1 down, 4 more to go... ahh!! i'm going crazy.. i'm to blame.. slacked too much last week.. didnt touch any work for 3 days!!! wahaha

no more big problems for me.. i'm free! i'm finally free from all these tiring n frustrating problems~! ahh.. i can finally be me n live life the way i wan.. it's about me here... it's about shirley... u, u, u and u who wans to make my life difficult.. shoo~! i'll kick ur ass if u dare come near me..

mum's asking.. even granny is.. how shud i tell them? they will noe.. soon enuff.. when i return the hp.. o gosh.. i gotta settle with the stupid ericsson until my bro get his new one.. n poor me gotta settle with his old fone.. sob sob.. who ask tt jack ass to steal my fone~! ah.. tt's an old story anyway..

sigh.. will be meeting him tml.. i asked him not to tag along but he insist.. he said tt he may never get to see me rebond my hair again.. wad crap.. sigh.. feel so pressurized with him ard.. cant be myself.. tt's y i say we're not meant to be.. i dun feel comfortable ard him.. but it's gd i guess.. i can return the fone to him.. n let him see the new me.. the happy me without him.. hm.. or may be not exactly happy.. hm.. carefree? but he's still hopeful... wad must i do to convince him tt we're over? ah o well.. i'm supposed to try not to hate him as before.. shirley try be nice tml..

need some time to recover... it wouldnt be fair to whoever who's gonna come into my life again if i cnt recover in time.. i'm scared u noe.. tt it will turn out to be the same.. this is the 2nd time my heart died.. w/o any 3rd party... not at all.. i think i changed... may be tt's y... n i didnt have the chance to noe them well enuff before i stepped in.. i shud hold back a bit next time.. a step at a time... before i give my all...

okie... going back to do my tutorials.. sigh...

i m happy yet sad...

i got alot to write.. typed n erased.. again n again... dunno wad to write about.. it's complicated... the end of sth.. n begin of sth.. suddenly i m afraid of stepping in again... i think i realli need time off.. i dun like to hate anyone.. it's a pain to hate someone.. so ya.. gimme some time..

n i think i lost a fren again... sigh... m i too selfish? i dunno... just couldnt take it anymore.. pushed to the edge... breaking down... sorry my buddy.. i never meant to make things so difficult for u.. i dunno who's selfish here.. but sorry... just couldnt take it any longer...

i just wanna slack..

it's a slacking week.. with no maths, phy n mkt tutorial.. haha... i tried catching up with my readings.. my 2 sartors.. read a lot..

surprise surprise.. i wonder if i chose a wrong course.. i always like sci.. i enjoy doing maths whether i flunk it or ace it.. but i've been enjoying taking my 2 sartors even though i have quite a lot to do for them.. or shud i say it's realli up to u...

fna is very academic.. many many theorys n steps to remember.. i think they'll be tested even thiugh final exam is open book.. but i doubt it helps la..

mkt on the other hand is like so duh.. too gd to be true.. but it's realli interesting.. lectures r never boring.. even though i havent been to one so far.. haha.. power of webcast...

ya.. i think i like biz.. i didnt becoz i felt tt u dun have to study it in order to be in biz industry.. it's like so vague.. wad's there to study.. then again, i think i'm wrong..

am i mugging too much? uni life is becoming a routine.. no excitement at all.. so diff from sec sch n jc when i devoted myself to sch n softball.. everyday after sch is softball training.. 3 days a week field training, 1 day gym, 1 day track... i was so fit.. power gal... so hyper then, so healthy then.. tt i dun tire easily.. i could still do my hw when i come back from training.. but now is like.. sigh... finish sch at 4, come back.. nap.. wahaha... dunno y it's so tiring.. becoz of the long journey back?

anyway, tt brings me back to softball.. i miss softball so so much.. sometimes i wonder how it will be like if i m studying in ntu.. i'll be in hall.. freedom! independence! n my dear softballers tt i miss so much.. they're all there... daph, junjia, ching, jan, cheryl!! omg.. i am so jealous.. uni life will not be so boring with them.. i mean i made gd fun frens in nus.. but it's diff.. the bond tt we have after wad.. 6 years? n i miss coach.. i miss my juniors tt i helped to coach.. i miss training.. giving signals and doing all the shouting during training n game... i miss going thru all the shit with my team mates... the whole process.. the 6 years... sigh...

joined pru... hope things will turn out better if i can get into comm... i hate mugging alone.. tt's not the kinda education i wan... i needa have fun.. tok to pple... i noe it will be tiring organising those events.. but it's a gd experience... it's about team work too.. i dun like to be alone... unless of coz when i have to..

o elections is on 9 sept.. sigh.. granny's bdae.. how how? i wanna spend it with her.. but i wanna run for comm too..ahh better ask the president.. see wad i can do... it's compulsory lor.. and an overnite event.. sianz.. ooo.. did i mention tt i might be staying over at paulene's hall room.. wahaha... so fun! looking forward to it... it's a fri anyway.. i think we can just taun overnite.. wahahaha

one down, one more to go..

yea problem finally solved.. things arent tt bad actually.. it's just the matter of whether u wan it to be solved.. like wad val said.. hm.. i'm glad tt so many of my frens cared.. yong quan, val, sipei, weng hong, peisheng are the few seniors who have talked to me.. showed their concern... thanks pple... well, it takes two hands to clap.. i wanted to solve it.. n i got pple involved to settle it together with me.. yup.. great.. feel so much better now..

but there's still one.. the one tt has been dragging on for months... i dun have to take this shit... i realli dun have to.. y am i still holding on? becoz i m too soft? becoz i feel responsible for certain things? wtf seah... i badly wan to be free from this shit.. seriously.. i deserve much better.. y shud i give u anymore chances? ahhh fuck... fuck off... u piss me off.. u spoil my day.. u ruin my life..

i feel better but i still dunno wad i shud do

i'm alright i guess.. i m much better..
i commented as he asked.. i dunno if it's right to do so..
i hope it's for the better..
i couldnt realli express myself properly..
some things close to ur heart cannot be clearly explained..
it's there to be felt..
do u noe? can u feel it?
perhaps he didnt understand me well enuff as i tot he did..
sigh.. o well...
i've said my piece..
i hope he realise tt it's all up to wad he wan now..
i always felt the same way..
he's the one being fickle n unsure of wad he wan..
wad we will become, wad we r... it all lies in his hands..
i'm willing to be at ur side.. do u wan me to?
i'll support u.. i always did.. but wad do u wan me to support u in?
i gave u ur space.. let me noe if u need anything else..
there's phy lecture tml.. time to worry again..
i have to run.. i have to try to avoid appearing in front of him..
i dun wan to ruin his day.. i dun wan to make him sad..
but sch's so big.. i think i can hide..

helpless & useless

i read it. i wanted to comment.. but i tot i shouldnt.. u onli want me to read it... i dun have the right to say anything.. i dun wan to say anything wrong.. tt will make u feel worse.. i post n i deleted..

i'm sad becoz i cant be there to remove all the pain.. i feel useless.. i wan to do so so badly.. but i shouldnt.. i may make things worse.. STOP SHIRLEY. u need ur space.. i gotta shut myself up for this one time..

wait... wait... if he needs u, he will come to u when he's ready.. i'm as confused as u r...

positive way of looking at it..

i teared a little when i realise i have lost sth special in my life.. it's getting worse.. i dunno if i am being over sensitive.. but it seems so.. i dunno y it has to come to this stage... i regret being so honest... perhaps i never shud have been so straightforward... it's my bad... tot so much.. so much tt i wasnt able to sleep well.. i was kinda moody n sleepy the whole day... paulene was tired too.. so we pon half way thru fna lecture.. haha feeling guilty now.. n there's no webcast.. -.-"
i came back early to take nap.. nua for a while n tot if tt's how i wanna live my life until i can let go of everything.. then i realise no.. y not be happy n be proud tt i m sad becoz i lost someone impt to me? at least i realise how impt he is.. i hope nth drastic has changed.. but it seems a little too late now. sigh... i decided not to bury all tt has happened.. i'll frame it up.. lock it in a corner of my heart... n i simplay cant help it.. but to wish tt someone will one day find the key to open it.. perhaps it's just my wishful thinking.. i m dreaming again.. hoping for sth tt will not happen...

anyway.. i went to jog.. yea.. i managed to drag myself to the stadium n ran 2.4km.. haha.. think it's gd.. a way to destress myself.. sweat out all my sorrows.. o sad sad.. tml will be a boring day... biaoshu went for lazer... cant go rebond my hair tml.. sigh... nth to do.. i shall come for maths lecture.. n may be go swim? hehe... shall start to exercise more... keep myself busy.. so tt i cant stop myself from thinking about pple n things tt i shouldnt be thinking of so much...
i cant help it.. y do tt face keep appearing in my head?

i'm a bad bad gal..

i'm such a bitch.. i said the wrong things i think.. i made someone sad.. tt someone is down.. n i dare not tok to him.. i'm afriad tt i will make things worse.. he's down all becoz of me.. sigh... i'm a heartbreaker.. bad bad gal..

pls guys.. stay away from me.. i dun wanan hurt anyone.. i never wanted to.. let me be ice queen.. i realli wan to... i dun wan to noe.. i dun wan to feel.. nth as bad as this would have happened then.. let it go boi.. give it up..

i'm too selfish for u... all u see is my good.. i shall break away...

jus another day..

stayed up real late yesterday... chiong my ctw, discuss about ctw.. discuss about this n tt on the fone... n ended up weeping to sleep again... it wasnt tt bad somehow.. becoz i saw it coming... it's sad to face the reality... the sad truth... how nice it will be if everything happened at the right time..

it's too bad.. i dun feel enuff to risk anything.. convince me.. i need to noe how it will be like.. if u wan it to happen they way we all wish it to be.. tt's me... tt's leo... i wont allow myself to step into it until i believe tt it is worth it...

i dunno if it'd gd or bad to say out all these.. i dunno how pple will take it.. i wan it badly but i just cant have it... regrets... ya.. lots...

wad m toking about here? i'm not making any sense.. i'm just toking to myself again... i hope things change for the better... i just wan to be happy.. n i wan u to be happy too... wad do i base my decisions on? i try to find the best way out so tt u can be happy n i'll be alright with it... so tell me... wad makes u happy?

i'm a heartbreaker. i'm a bad gal. i'm as imperfect as u r.. if letting it all go, makes life better for u, n may be hence for me, i'll do it.. or perhaps we shud.. i cant commit anyway... not in sth i'm still so unsure of... it's unfair to ask u to stay... i shud leave.. i think i shud.... fine.. i will...

wad do i exactly wan?

tt's the qn ringing in my head... i wan sth i shouldnt have right now.. at least for now... i'm not sure if anything will change in future... i wished everything happened my way.. i wished i was irresponsible. i wished i was selfish.. selfish to make me myself happy... heck wad pple might say.. heck how pple will look at me.. heck the consequences... i wished i didnt noe wad i m supposed to do..

i left msn at 12 midnite... onli to find myself stoning in front of my lappie.. thinking.. or more like stoning.. becoz i m reluctant to face the fact.. reluctant to face the truth.. reluctant to accept n physco myself to do the right thing.. i chose not to think when the saddening reality appears in front of me.. y? y must it be like tt? is this how my life should be like? full of dramas... unhappy dramas..

havent been able to sleep well.. i noe wad i have to do. but i dunno wad i should do. i dunno wad i will do. i dunno if i can... have been thinking over n over again.. not my first time.. but.. wad exactly do u wan BITCH?

it's so addictive. felt so gd.. i dunno wanna let it go.. i cant bear to.. but it's happening all at the wrong time.. blame it on fate... heaven's fooling me... weijin told me to cry it out if i have to.. will i? shirley... r u tt weak? i dunno... should i just let it all out? let go.. dun appear to be so strong all the time.. cry it out.. cry it all out... perhaps i'll feel better after all tt crying..

but y? i find no tears from these cold eyes of mine.. have i cried too much? have i given up hope? i begin to lose faith on wad we all call LOVE... i dunno wad's love. i dun understand wad's love.. all i noe is wad i feel inside.. i noe when my heart is stolen.. i noe when my heart is broken.. tt's all i noe.. tt's all i m sure of.. for the right reasons or not? i'm not very sure of tt myself..

it''s so hard to be me.. it's so hard to be happy...

2 songs tt speaks off wad's in my mind..

Over
by Lindsay Lohan
album: Speak (2004)

I watched the walls around me crumble
But it's not like I won't build them up again
So here's your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts, cause it will end
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I'm dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it's over
Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you
But at the same time
You're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time I've wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I’m dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it’s over
Cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I’ll be the first to go, yeah, I’ll be the first to go
Don’t want to be the last to know (over, over, over)

My tears are turning into time I’ve wasted
Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I’m dreamin' bout you
Honestly, tell me that it’s over
Cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won't be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it's over
Tell me that it's over, over
Honestly tell me, honestly tell me
Don't tell me that it's over
Don't tell me that it's over

____________________________________________

Jojo
Get out

Verse 1.

I've been waitin' all day here for ya babe,
So won't ya come and sit and talk to me,
and tell me how we're gonna be together always,
hope ya know that when it's late at night,
i hold on to my pillow tight,
and think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone)
mmmm
Could make me feel this way
(Now that your here boy all I want)
Is just a chance to say

Chorus

Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies, you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)

Verse 2.

Tell me why your lookin' so confused,
When i'm the one who didn't know the truth,
How could you ever be so cold
To go behind my back and call my friend,
Boy you must have gone and bumped your head,
Because you left her number on your phone,
(So now after all that's said and done)
Maybe i'm the one to blame buuut
(To think that you could be the one)
Well it didn't work out that way

(Chorus)

Get out (Leave), right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
(You to be gone)
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies,(All the lies that you)
you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)

Verse 3.

I wanted you right here with me,
But I have no choice you've gotta leave,
Because my heart is breakin', with every word im sayin',
I gave up everything I had,
On somethin' that just wouldn't last,
But I refuse to cry,
No tears will fall from these,
Eyeee-eyeee-eyeees
Ohhhh ohhhhh

GEEEEEEEEET OUT!!!!

(Chorus)
Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies (How did I bought all those lies) , you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)

(Chorus)
Get out (leave), right now
It's the end of you and me (Hey yeah)
It's too late (Now), and I can't wait for you to be gone,
Cuz I know, about her (Who), and I wonder (Why),
How I bought all the lies, you said that you would treat me right (treat me right) but you was just a waste of time
(Waste of time)
Get Out (Leave)
You and me
It's Too Late (too late)
You
bout her (who, why)
You said that you would treat me right buy you was just a waste of time

it's a sad day...

sigh... when do i mind toking about personal stuff here? right now i do.. so... let me tok about it generally... i think i made a choice.. i gotta do the right thing so for the benefit of everyone.. no doubt.. it's the right thing to do.. but can i? i realli dunno.. can i bear to? definitely not.. i m so depressed right now.. like i've lost sth very impt in my life? was it ever tt impt? was it tt deep? i'm not sure too.. sigh..

knowing wad to do n doing the right thing is completely diff case.. y issit so hard? come on shirley... u can do it.. u just gotta get over urself... physco urself! put it to a test! it will give u the answer u wan.. but how long will it take? issit worth it? can i take it? or m i too weak to go thru all tt? next week isnt gd.. i have too much time for myself.. may be i should go rebond my hair on tue.. keep myself busy.. life will be better... it will be... yes it will..

here's my new skin

have been wanting to tok about this skin for a long time.. yup.. it;s simple.. the way i wan my life to be right now.. there's been to many dramas.. too much for me to take tt i m gonna break down soon.. thankfully there r nice frens ard me to pull me up, brighten my day when i m falling.. ya.. it's white.. i have a thing for the colour lately.. anything tt's white is nice.. lol.. n the shattered glass.. very impt.. tt feels like my life.. all the pieces of me.. broken... n red.. tt red ink.. reminds me of blood.. wounds... yup...

n surprise surprise.. i dunno y suddenly so many pple r leaving comments.. n they r not even my frens.. most of them... weird weird...

i've been wearing a mask recently.. tt sucks.. i have no choice.. n i hate it.. it's realli tough.. becoz tt;s not me.. sigh...

i've been thinking quite a lot.. but i always let my heart rule over my mind.. i dunno if wad i m doing is right.. may be the pace is too quick for me.. things should slow down... let me do more research before i decide... think gal think!

blogger cocks up

sigh.. i had so much to write this morning n blogger failed me.. i had problems getting into this page... where i post so tt u my dear readers can know a tiny bit of my life..

i'm kinda lost right now.. i am not sure where my heart belongs.. my problems with chris have always been there... we cant seem to understand each other.. cant put ourselves in each other's shoes.. n.. i simply get very irritated by lil' things he say.. it's not as bad compared to wad jimmy got from me.. but... i feel lousy... i feel bad being so harsh.. too straightfoward will be a nicer to way to put it.. aka too blunt.. but i cant help it.. i dun like to wear a mask.. especially not when i'm with my bf.. since he's supposed to be the love of my life? is he? i wonder.. i seem to be avoiding him nowadays.. all the tension in this relatipnship is breaking me down.. i'm not a saint.. i'm selfish in fact... i wan the best for myself.. i dunno if it;s best for him.. but somtimes i feel tt he may be better off without me.. i'm a meanie.. i'm a bad gal.. i'm a heartbreaker.. guys.. dun come near me.. dun come too close or ur heart will shatter..

if i were to get into another relationship, perhaps i should be more careful.. get to noe the person much better first.. convinced tt we realli have sth... sth ahead of us too.. before i make my first step into the coffin of love.. yea.. coffin of love.. n be stronger.. not melt too easily.. play hard to get? wahaha...

tutorials r gonna start soon... i;ve got lots to do.. but i cant seem to get myself settled down.. discipline myself to do wad i should do first.. o no.. i havent wash toilet yet... ahh.. see.. so much to do... i need motivation... cant seem to find it from anywhere, from anyone.. i'm not a mugger.. i just need to get things donw when i have to.. n i seem to be slacking too much.. half a day has passed n i havent done much... i cant study at home in the afternoon.. my bed is just too inviting.. my lappie is too tempting.. haha..

i'm not making sense again.. am i? i dunno wad i'm toking about.. just crapping.. ahh... sianz... i'm losing control of myself again.. n tt sux... i'm a bitch.. yes i am.. but i'm not a bitch in control of herself anymore.. i'm plain weak.. plain weak right now.. who's willing to carry me? where's my angel?

it has sth to do with wad i am feeling now..

Black Eyed Peas - Don't Phunk With My Heart

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart (Yeah)
No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

Girl, you know you got me, got me
With your pistol shot me, shot me
And I'm here helplessly
In love and nothing can stop me
You can't stop me cause once I start it
Can't return me cause once you bought it
I'm coming baby, don’t got it (don’t make me wait)
So let’s be about it

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Baby, have some trustin', trustin'
When I come in lustin', lustin'
Cause I bring you that comfort
I ain’t only here cause I want ya body
I want your mind too
Interestin’s what I find you
And I'm interested in the long haul
Come on girl (yee-haw)

(come on)

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Girl, you had me, once you kissed me
My love for you is not iffy
I always want you with me
I'll play Bobby and you’ll play Whitney
If you smoke, I'll smoke too
That’s how much I'm in love with you
Crazy is what crazy do
Crazy in love, I'm a crazy fool

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Why are you so insecure
When you got passion and love her
You always claimin’ I'm a cheater
Think I'd up and go leave ya
For another señorita
You forgot that I need ya
You must’ve caught amnesia
That’s why you don’t believe

(uh, yeah, check it out)

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Baby girl, you make me feel
You know you make me feel so real
I love you more than sex appeal
(Cause you’re)
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [6x]

No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart [2x]
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [2x]

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby) [4x]

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Cai Yi Lin ( Jolin Tsai )
Album: Kan Wo 72 Bian
shuo ai ni

wo de shi jie bian de qi miao geng nan yi yan yu
huan yi wei shi cong tian er jiang de meng jing
zhi dao que ding shou de wen du lai zi ni xin li
zhe yi ke wo zhong yu yong gan shuo ai ni

yi kai shi wo zhi gu zhao kan ni
zhuang zuo bu jing yi xin que piao guo qu
huan qie xi ni mei fa xian wo duo zai jiao luo
mang zhao kuai le mang zhao gan dong
cong bi ci mo sheng dao shou hui shi wo men cong mei xiang guo
zhen ai dao xian zai bu gan qi dai

yao zheng ming zi ji
ceng bei ni xiang qi Really
wo hu si luan xiang jiu cong jin tian qi I wish
xiang yi ge xian jing
que cong wei you yu xiang xin
ni zhen de yuan yi jiu qing gei wo jing xi
guan yu ai qing guo qu mei you yi xiang de jie ju
na tian qi que dian fu le zi ji luo ji
wo de huai yi suo you da an yin ni er ming bai
zhuan a zhuan jiu zhen de yu jian Mr.right

wo de shi jie bian de qi miao geng nan yi yan yu
huan yi wei shi cong tian er jiang de meng jing
zhi dao que ding shou de wen du lai zi ni xin li
zhe yi ke ye zhong yu yong gan shuo ai ni

Liang Jing Ru ( Fish Leong )
Album: Yan Wei Die (Xia Ding Ai De Jue Xin)
Jie Shou
fang fu shang yi fen zhong
ni hai pei zai wo zuo you
hai yi wei wo men hui kai hua jie guo
wo hai ji de mei kui se tian kong
que mo hu le wo men de lian kong
hn guo de ge dao di you shen me nei rong

* fang fu yi jing zi you
xia yi ke wo bian cheng feng
chui guo ni de ling kong
cha dian shi kong
hui yi de ye li nao de hen xiong
wo xiang wo ke yi ming bai ni suo you de tong
xiang rang ni zhi dao wo dong
que dan xin yan bu you zhong

# wo men dou jie shou
yi ding shi bi ci bu gao cheng shou
zai ai qing yi fen bu liao qing zhong
cheng shi de guo le tou
bu neng tui hou
ye wu fa xiang qian zou
ai shi yi ge zi si de nian tou
ba ji mo xiao chu de li you
sheng xia de na xie gan dong
neng ji de duo jiu

Repeat * #

Wang Guang Liang ( Michael Wong )
Album: Tong Hua
Tong Hua Mandrin lyrics
wang le you duo jiu
zai mei ting dao ni
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi
wo xiang le hen jiuwo kai shi huang le
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me

#ni ku zhao dui wo shuo
tong hua li du shi pian ren de
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi
ye xu ni bu hui dong
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le

*wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Repeat # and *

wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

wo hui bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju

hee.. i just watched my mkt webcast.. 2h of crap... intro n all.. n covered like 2 pages of the notes onli.. lol.. how pathetic.. loren say tt she didnt cover much anyway.. so.. haha.. n ya.. y did i pon? paulene came back to hall realli "early".. 8 or 9am? so she was realli tired.. n i didnt bring my notes.. so ya.. gd excuses to pon..

ya i nua at shears most of the time.. after all, it;s near biz... where i am supposed to have my mkt lecture.. and wait for dear paulene to go lecture with me.. haha.. eh... the room is surprisingly small.. it's onli like half the size of my bedroom or may be smaller? ya.. but they have a real big table n sheleves.. paulene's one is super big.. weijie's one smaller since he has a window at the side.. ya.. actually i was wondering how i would decor my room if i was staying in hall.. haha.. all the weird ideas.. i'll make it real nice n comfy.. shirley's style.. if i so stay one of these days.. hehe...

serene stays in kr.. i shall go bug her one of these days.. haha.. anyway 4h of nuaing was kinda fast in shears.. all the reading n napping i had.. lol...o n chatting.. paulene says tt shears is a slacker hall.. so yup... i might wanna stay there if i ca convince my mum..

13th aug 2005 - my worst birthday ever

main activity of the day? crying.. lots n lots of crying... before i left my hse, she flared up... perhaps i was too insensitive.. i should have seen it coming. she's probably stressed up with work.. she is.. according to dad.. her complaints for the past few weeks... should have seen it coming...

have i not done enuff for the family? i'm 19 and i have to be told wad to do.. should i be ashame of it? ya perhaps so.. i admit tt i havent contributed much.. perhaps... i mug, i sleep, i eat at home.. besides being toilet manager every sunday... it seems like tt's all i've been doing... issit not enuff? may be so.. at least to mum.. i know she's tired... but i can never fully understand it until i go to work myself.. alright.. i'll do more.. i always wanted to.. just never knew where to start.. i check them out.. i'm concern.. just never been able to open my stupid gold mouth to ask wad i could help out with... tt's my fault.. perhaps i have to realli show it.. cant assume tt pple will noe.. especially not her since she dun seem to understand me at all.. we dun understand each other at all..right.. we'll start tml.. default dish washer.. sth to begin with..

wad's wrong with going out on weekends? everyone is doing it? i keep one of the days free for the family.. stay at home and be the guai guai ger.. i've never been out late.. not after 10.15pm before.. onli once when i went to catch finals of champions league.. got screwed upside down by her again.. reached home at 12 plus.. got realli screwed.. tt very one time i assumed tt she knew the match will end tt late... it's my fault.. i shouldn't have assumed.. she never watched soccer.. wad can i say? n sat was my birthday.. my special day.. she couldnt excuse me.. not even for tt day..

i tot we agreed tt i'll be back by 10 to cut the cake wthbthe family.. she didnt object at all on fri nite when i told her.. ahh.. i'm angry. i'm disappointed.. may be she didnt mean it.. but i'm still realli upset... realli wished she didnt scold me like tt before i leave the house.. my whole day was ruined... i wept on the mrt.. i was all dressed up.. pretty and happy like how a birthday gal should be.. but i cried my eyes out... they were so swollen.. my nose was so red... i was so ugly.. chris said tt thrice on tt day. how hurting...

i wasnt in the mood.. but i had to try since chris was there to celebrate it with me.. we watched wedding crasher.. n guess wad.. i think it's supposed to be a comedy? n i cried like 3 times? n perhaps i was so carried away by all tt has happened, i was insensitive to him.. i said pretty harsh things to him.. he couldnt take it.. and he walked off, left me alone crying in the middle of PS.. i dunno.. perhaps i expected too much.. i tot he will understand.. i tot he will be there to console me instead of telling me tt i have too many commitments, this n tt... he even started blabbering about our problems.. thanks man.. i am sure tt made me feel much better.. -.-" it made things so much more complicated for me.. i was wrecked.. i was realli sad.. i realise how weak i am.. i was so confused.. felt so frustrated. so terrible tt i had the idea of jumping down some building and end it all just like tt... i m serious..

well, thankfully or may be not.. chris was there for me to cry on.. at least there's someone to hold me.. if not who knows wad will happen.. went to kino to find my organiser.. didnt buy one in the end coz it's super ex! i bought the refill papers.. n yea.. guess wad.. i made one myself.. haha...

i wanted to share it badly with someone, someone mature, a gd listener.. i opened my fone.. n saw dad's msg.. so sweet.. n my instincts told me he was the one.. i probably complained too much.. got carried away.. and again, expressed myself wrongly.. chose the wrong words.. was too straightforward tt i sounded blunt.. never expected mum to read the msgs, especially not before dad did.. n ya.. she got even angrier.. left the house, didnt came back for dinner, didnt came back till 10 plus, 11.. wad's worse? i'm home becoz of her.. n she didnt wan to cut the cake with me coz she was still so angry.. sigh... how much worse can my birthday get?

shirley shirley.. u're strong.. n pls do try to cheer urself up.. i'm relieved, happy tt all my frens r so concerned.. many of them have heard about my bad day.. n sent sweet msgs to console me.. thanks dearies... u guys made me feel much better.. i know u guys care.. tt's y i love luna so much.. they're so sweet... n thanks to all my other frens who showed care n conern... love ya lots..

i love luna~!

yup yup... today's a great day... we had our outing.. n guess wad... it will not be the last this sem... hee... sob sob most of them had lectures, so they came onli later.. yimin, peisheng, weng hong, weijie n moi went to holland v first.. i had my late lunch in bk while the rest watched me.. haha.. so pai seh... den we went to essential brews.. it's a cool place... the drinks are nice.. shall bring chris n other frens there one of these days... hm... food there looks pretty expensive... but the chill out place on the 2nd floor was neat.. we crapped n played cards there... hm kinda fun... it's quite a gd place to relax after school.. or may be mug during exam period? i had scarlet er.. issit scarlet strawberry? it's like ice blended jasmine tea with my fav fruit - STRAWBERRIES!!! the red, romantic, kinky fruit... haha... has this nice strong unique taste of jasmine tt i like a lot, enhanced with the sour of the strawberries... yea-ness.. yum yum...

yimin's realli cute.. she's using her fone to pass secret msgs to everyone except me the whole entire day.. kinda obvious right, gal? haha.. or was i too sensitive? lol... ya when the rest came, weijie came back with a chocolate cake.. it's pretty nice.. has this distinct taste.. issit peanut butter or sth? ah i dunno.. but i like it.. it tastes realli sinful... muahaha... all the cream.. wahaha.. i think i am gonna grow fat! we celebrated for the august babies... me, shan bin, weng hong n weixiang even though his has passed.. yup... hee thanks luna... love ya lots!!

unfortunately, i had to leave early.. since i'll be out the whole day tml.. must be guai guai.. n i was hoping i can have my 2nd celebration with my family tonite so tt nth will clash tml.. mum couldnt fetch me since lil bro had to buy sch u... stanley wasnt ard... so i guess tt's y we didnt go to suki.. settled dinner in serangoon gardens instead... hm... wasnt expecting much i guess.. feel tt as i grow older, the celebration itself becomes less impt... wad's most impt, is tt my love ones are there with me.. i'm just happy n contented tt luna, chris, my family and other frens are there for me.. yea...

looking forward to tml... it's gonna be a busy busy day!!!

maths day even though i ponned sch..

sigh.. no choice.. gotta discipline myself.. sit down n watch web cast... to my horror, n i must have scared seth with my sms, the web cast was on chapter 2! differentiation... which means.. everything from complex roots to er... i dunno wad's part 3 of lecture 1, are all self taught?!!! $#@@#$$#%

there isnt webcast for lecture 1 part 2 n 3 tt i noe of.. so i gotta go thru tt chunk by myself.. sigh... spent my day scaring myself with maths... the pile of notes... n funny numbers n phrases tt failed to register into my brain.. it's just too rusty... even if it goes in, it comes out when the next formula comes in.. ahhhh... stress~! why must they make life so difficult for us? self learning n its advantages... bla bla... for goodness sake~! gimme my webcast n i'll shut up.. i can stay at home n pon all lectures.... which will probably make ur life easier... ya.. n y do i choose to go to sch? to socialise n see my dear frens.. whom i hope our bond to strengthen or else i'll have nth to look forward to... sch will be very sad.. like in pri 3...

ya.. i am weak at this time of the month.. felt my brain swelling up.. so i stopped n went to relax myself.. spot the Love Actually VCD on my bro's table.. so i decided to watch it.. sob sob.. no unhealthy tibits at home at all.. opened the fridge n there were onli breakfast bars, corn flakes, biscuits... n... OATS!! lol... ah... i found TIME OUT! yippee.. dunno whose.. just "stole it".. muahaha... indulge in my chocolate n watched the movie.. shiok!

n i was so tired.. i couldnt bring myself to the stadium for a jog.. n yes.. i failed again... took a nap instead... haha.. i am realli pigging~!

perhaps it;s the lack of exercise.. i'm so weak nowadays... suffered from a terrible headache when i woke up... sigh...

tml's fri! luna outing... so sad.. schs starting.. everyone's so busy... so looking forward to it... i wanan relax n have fun the next few days... coz sat is my special day!!! 13TH AUGUST!!! yea-ness... sat fully booked seah... n mon lunch time.. hehe.. fri.. should i go home early tml? dun feel like it lei... how? how?

my 2nd post for today

suddenly, i just felt like looking for some meaningful quotations.. for myself n u guys who read to enjoy.. n yes, they r pretty close to my heart..

Love is giving someone a chance to destroy you and trusting them not to.

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." - comte debussy-rabutin

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

All love that has not friendship for its base,is like a mansion built upon the sand. ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again.

Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too.

Within you I lose myself...

Without you I find myself

Wanting to be lost again.

title-less

yes titleless... i dunno wad to name it.. it has become quite a chore to do so.. another boring day... i agree with loren... spent at least 2h of traveling time to and fro nus just for 2h of phy lecture... n the lecturer realli crapped... he sorta started teaching onli in the last say 15min? ahh waste my time.. o i met mesiang today! wahaha... miss her so much... o n the rest of the 5 MUSKETEERS.. hehe.. we've known each other for like so long... all the way since pri 5... my o my... siang was so formally dressed tt i couldnt recognised her.. tot she was like one of nus's staff.. lol.. haha... n weijin and me were late for phy lecture... couldnt squeeze up the buses.. lol.. so we decided to take A1 instead of C in the end. n we had to walk to the other end of engin fac.. lol.. tiring.. i think i'll slim down soon... may be by end of this sem.. haha.. so much walking to do... nus is full of stairs.. haha.. gd work out.. can keep fit.. hee..

i like to talk about yesterday nite.. i chat with 3 diff guys... hm.. somehow i dunno y it happened n how it happened... was so busy.. haha... first was chris... n yes we quarreled again... i dunno wad to say... he just cant accept me, my opinion n my principles... sigh... is he not the one? chat with weijin during lecture today... n ya... we both agree tt it's mental torment having to go thru all tt quarrels all day long.. when u're so busy, so occupied, all these are downgraded to a waste of time.. xinglong told me to give n take... but how much to give? how much to take? wad's too much? wad's not enuff? it's vague. it;s hard to judge. n it's objective.. one impt thing: when u give, the person may not catch it... sigh... tt's love.. tt's life.. all so complicated... y? y? tell me y?

wad's with skirts? y do gals have to wear skirts? so wad if u think i look better in skirts? must i wear it with u when i meet up with ya just becoz u ask me to? tt's not me? i'm shirley, bitch in total control of herself.. haha.. i dun like n try my very best not to let anyone run my life. i decide wad's best for myself. i like to listen to pple.. diff opinion, suggestions, advices... etc.. but i filter them.. i heed when i agree with ya.. when my beliefs agree with urs... i dun function like a photocopying machine... n i hate pple ordering me to do this n tt, especially when it concerns my life.. ya be concern.. be caring... but dun dictate my life..

did i lose track? ah nvm.. i'm not making sense again..

den it was weijie.. ya poor guy.. locked out of his room... bad day he had.. n so was mine ruined... somehow i didnt talk about myself this time... even though i was sad n frustrated.. i didnt realli pretend.. i just kept it to myself.. becoz he already has enuff to think thru.. i think i managed to be a gd listener... tt's wad guy frens need.. yea... tried to keep him company until dad came down to make noise... i hope he felt better after talking it out..

den i went online n xinglong asked for a chat on the fone coz he was bored? ya... my buddy... coming to 5 years of frenship... made use of my free incoming call line... muahaha... i complained to him.. not as much as before.. not as detailed as before... he's right.. i didnt.. i restrained myself from going into the details becoz they knew each other.. just dun feel right... he told me tt i have changed... he claimed tt i'm not as carefree as before... not so sa3 tuo1... i'm too draggy? am i? perhaps he's right. i've grown older. i;ve experienced more, seen more, heard more.. matured... n things just gets more complicated.. life becomes uglier when u get a better picture of it.. sometimes i just wished tt i am tt inoocent lil' gal.. who's too innocent to understand all tt.. may be then, i will have less worries...

weird weird.. no one called tonite...

1st day of sch = sad + bore

sigh... 1st day of sch wasnt too good for me... sigh... i had at least a fren with me most of the time.. but somehow i felt lonely.. it's not as enjoyable as in jc.. where u have cliques of ur own who can go everywhere with ya.. uni is so much more individual... n i dun like it.. i'm a leo... i like pple..

or may be it's becoz of the lack of sleep.. i havent been able to focus well.. felt letargic all day.. sad.. sianz... bored to death... 5h of nuaing... frst of all, ctw was a waste of my time.. i shoudlnt have come for the lecture.. gosh.. i dun think i learnt anything from it at all.. n becoz of tt, i gotta nua for 5h... n wait for 2pm to come so tt i can attend my fna lecture...

well, i spent 1h in students lounge over at yih with yimin, seth n pengsiang.. haha.. oengsiang have lecture at 6pm! lucky him.. he stays near by so he can go back home.. o how i wiashed i could stay in hall.. den i can go back to get some sleep... o n yimin.. wa her hair's reali short.. but cool~! haha... no more xiao mei mei... lol... anyway ya.. i didnt do anythign there.. i stoned..

wanted to go swim... but it rained... so i tot of using internet.. went to central lib with pengsiang... n guess wad.. all comps taken up.. my god.. i think they r just gonna camp there.. so we went to tt red discussion room to nua again.. i tried to read the godfather.. but i think i feel asleep? peng siang too since he has nth else to do... how boring eh? i was counting down... hoping tt paulene will come asap.. company.. sth else to do... coz i am gonna meet her for lunch..

went to sch of business at 12.. waited for paulene n her seniors to come for 30min.. sigh... had laksa yong tau fu.. god.. the laksa is a little like curry.. haha... i dunno wad la.. n later, we walked ard... found out LT.. n there were quite a lot of happening pple outside... not like engin... i mean their dressing n hair... engin's like t shirt n jeans... FULL STOP... yup...

o i met someone new.. paulene's hall mate? david.. yup... haha he's quite a funny guy... not bad.. mreo company for fna lecture.. n i dunno how paulene started introducing herself.. she was chatting away with this pretty cute guy when i noticed... haha... was his name games or james? ah nvm... but ya.. guess wad.. he's from engin~! how come chem engin dont have guys like him? he look more like a biz or fass student.. ya..

tt's about all for my 1st day in school... dunno wad to say.. it's just plain boring... sigh...

tml's 1st day of school!

hm.. i think i am excited.. but then again, i got 5h of free time!! wad am i gonna do man? sigh... boring.. asked suwen, n she's not free tml.. paulene has driving..n weijie.. er... he's a guy after all.. n he has lecture at 12? too paiseh to ask him to accompany me again.. so i am all alone tml.. nua for 5h.. somewhere.. somewhere in nus.. sleep, internet, read, do tutorials.. ah i dunno...

let's hope tt paulene comes back early n i can bug her to accompany me.. may be i can go to shears hall n take a look at her room.. hee.. *keep my fingers crossed*

n ya.. i went out with chris today.. it's not tt bad.. we didnt quarrel.. n i'm glad.. even though he did make me angry for a while.. sigh... sch's gonna start... dun think we can meet tt often.. anyway, i just hope tt things can stay the way they r.. peacefully like right now... i dun wan another quarrel.. headache headache...

sigh...

lonely...
i'm mr lonely...
i have nobody...
for my own...

seems to be getting better after all..

came back from o week at about 10pm just now.. boring man... i mena my class is not bad.. there's arwind, the fwc pageant king, my dance partner seth.. n the rest were pretty enthu i guess.. it;s just the way the whole thing was ran.. i mean compared to fwc, this is definitely like a pea.. not fun at all.. n bbq on the 1st night? not tt we dun appreaciate.. but wth? wad makes u think tt we will hang out with our new classmates than our og mates whom we know so much better? haha i love luna.. obviously i clique with luna.. but i did try to tok to a few of them.. so not bad la..

ok main part of this post comes.. just yesterday, i talked to weijie... n he was telling me tt chris n i looked ok at the bus stop.. yea we sure did.. after all, we agreed to give the relationship another chance and i am trying my best to show chris tt i am also doing my part.. who wans to let go of a 10 mths relationship just like tt? it's tough.. realli... i am definitely not a hearltess gal.. i dun wanan break anyone's heart... call me selfish.. but i cant and i wont let anything affect my studies.. NO NO~! especially when sch starts, such problems n ever going quarrels thru fone are just redundant to me.. if we have to quarrel during every fone chat, den i rather not tok at all.. it's such a waste of time~! especially when both of us love to argue our way out... it's just never ending..

i still love him.. may be not as much.. after all tt has happened.. i even tot tt i hate him more than i loved him sometimes.. he threathened to commit suicide.. wad can i say? wad kinda guy would do tt seriously? gal, will u marry or wanna be with such a guy? ya.. it's in fairytales.. o so touching.. he loves her more than his own life.. but hello? we're in the real world here... tt act or tt idea simply tells me tt u r weak. n if u r so, how can i depend on u? not tt i will do so all the time.. i am independent.. but after all, i';m still a gal ya noe.. strong n cold outside, but a lil gal inside just like weijie described, btw, did i mention how pro weijie is? he seem to noe me inside out.. he sees the other side of me tt most pple cant or take ages to see... tt's y we clique i guess..

ok side track liao.. anyway ya... y did we look ok? becoz we r both trying.. i am trying very very hard...tried to show tt i realli care, realli concern.. bla bla.. just made it a bit more bovious now.. partially it;s fake becoz i dun normally say out such stuff.. but o well.. he's just like most guys.. not sensitive enuff.. i;ve got too much to settle on my own.. n boi.. i wished i could stay in hall.. the feeling of waiting for the bus to harbour front alone just now, late at night, wasnt realli good... hall will be great... so much nearer.. so many frens... ahh i hate to be alone most of the time.. mummy... I WANNA STAY IN HALL~!

o well... guess wad.. everyone;s bidding for the SS i wanted suddenly.. few pple did in round 2a.. i was too indecisive.. perhpas i shall try my luck.. we'll see how tml.. if i cant get it, den too bad,, i still have 2 sartors anyway...

another new one

wahaha..i guess this looks better... gothic.. but not so bloody? oo gonna go for movie.. bye~!

new blog skin

o man... i am so fickle nowadays... now i feel tt my blog skin is a bit too red n bloody? bloody.. haha.. tt's how wei xiang described it... lol... but i cant find one tt fits my mood yet... so.. mai hiam bei pai la..

o.. i just added links to a few photo albums.. hm kayaking tt we went yesterday, chalet... fwc one coming up soon.. too mnay pics.. too mnay captions to change.. o ya.. yesterday's kayaking was kinda pathetic.. i mena the no of pple who came.. there was seth, yimin, peng siang, guideng, weijie n me... onli~! seth n peng siang joined us onli later.. after our buffet at suki~! yum yum~!

i think i ate a lot of sashimi man... o n oysters~! hehehe.. :)~ u noe.. i still think we should eat the raw one first before the cooked ones? if not will get stomach ache lei.. raw ones r like salads? eat them with warm japanese green tea.. wa... shiok.. i'm in heaven~! o suki chef was so kiam siap.. the 3 slices of tako was soooo thin~! hm.. guideng liked it too.. haha chewy~! ok so it was our first time eating jap buffet together.. not much muo qi huh.. weijie ordered so much tepanyaki.. the table was so full with sushis, sashimi, oysters etc.. n yimin tot tt salmon skin was soft shell crab.. wahaha.. so blur... o ya she;s realli the blur queen yesterday.. she's well known for her lame cold jokes.. but somehow she couldnt catch ours yesterday... damn wols... haha.. we had a gd stomach work out becoz of her while eating... dun need to worry about getting fat already.. n somehow her coordination of her mouth n hands werent very gd.. she kept dropping food.. once on weijie's foot~! lol.. n she used up all the serveits (how do u spell man?) ha..

we met a lot of nus students doing flag yesterday... they were everywhere in bright yellow.. n we spot paulene~! wa i havent seen her since sec sch.. onli chatted online.. my gosh.. i couldnt recognise her.. neither could she recognise me.. hahaha... she had dyed hair.. blonde streaks.. n wearing this cute brown hat.. lol.. sorry but i think she puffed up a little since sec sch.. lol.. ooo she's gonna be my sartors lecture mate~! yea.. finally found company~!

yup.. later we went to ecp, leaving weijie n his uni frens.. i was tired.. not in the mood to kayak.. so i volunteered to take care of their belongings while they carried on with their wet fun.. took a few photos for them.. haha.. they seemed to enjoy a lot.. ooo weijie was realli sweet.. or may be he was bored like me? haha.. he came to look for me after a while.. yea.. guess he was realli tired.. he actually slept on the stone chair. n i was reading my "the godfather".. o man.. i still cant finish it... o did i mention tt there were many mosquitoes? i got 6 bites all over... weijie got 6 onli on his.. erm.. was it arms or legs? lol.. mine grew realli big becoz i was busy scratching.. haha.. cant help it... so disgusting~!

hm... think i'll try kayaking again next time.. when i am fit n well..

a few of my frens have been asking me about my msn nick.. hm.. ya i have to agree with weijie.. the nick says it all.. y do we put up suck nicks? becoz we want attention. we wan others to probe even though we may not wanna tell it all.. we want to know tt there r pple who care for us.. it's a subconcious thing for me.. just like blogging... my blog is a channel for me to tok about anything i wan, to pour out my feelings, my inner thoughts.. knowing tt others may be reading, i might have said things i wan them to noe but wouldnt say it out face to face? or i may not be bothered about wad others might say.. i just whack~! it;s my blog after all... am i side tracking? i am toking nonsense.. making any sense at all? i dunno.. haha... waiting for time to come.. den i can go watch charlie n the chocolate factory~! yeaness~!